ABOVE: Bryan Fischer (left), Not Bryan Fischer (right)
Shorter Bryan Fischer, Rightly Concerned
The Feminization of the Medal of Honor
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Somebody, we’re not saying who, seems to have had a few too many drinkie-poos on the NRO booze cruise. (It’s not like this hasn’t happened before.)
ABOVE: Fernando Botero: A Lawyer (John Yoo) (torture
victim’s blood on white flooring panel, 1995)
Shorter John “Mr. Waterboard” Yoo, America’s Shittiest Website™
The Smart, The Dumb, and the Election
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
ABOVE: Pat Caddell (left right) and Doug Schoen (further right)
Doug Schoen and Pat Caddell, two purported Democrats who haven’t voted for a Democrat since James Buchanan ran for President and who are mostly engaged these days as Fox News’s resident concern trolls (at least when Jane Hamsher isn’t available), have penned a WaPo op-ed calling for Obama to announce that he will not run again. The reason is because the Republicans in the House of Representative have vowed to work with Obama but only if he does exactly what they say and that therefore the only way to avoid this partisan gridlock is for Obama to declare himself a one-term President.
One earlier draft of the op-ed piece by these two schmoos called for Obama to commit ritual seppuku in the Oval Office. Another draft urged Obama to appoint Dick Cheney to replace Joe Biden as Vice-President and then immediately resign the presidency. Fred Hiatt said another good idea for the op-ed would be to urge Obama to call up Darrell Issa and agree to an impeachment resolution and, if necessary, provide whatever grounds the Republicans might think sufficient for impeachment, such as exposing himself to Megyn [sic] Kelly in the White House Rose Garden or inviting Khalid Sheihk Mohammed to spend a night in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Strangely, an Internet search to see if the duo urged George Bush to resign when the Democrats captured control of the 110th Congress yields no results.
ABOVE: Mullah Al-Bozell
Shorter Mullah Ba-Rent Al-Bozell; Clown Hall
The Vast Child-Fattening Conspiracy
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
In my last post, I mocked Dan Foster for threatening to resume smoking to annoy nanny-state liberals who wanted to put graphic warnings on cigarette packages. Not liking to talk behind anyone’s back, I tweeted Dan to let him know what I was up to and, well …
Citoyens, aux tweets!
[link]
Because I didn’t mention Danno’s minty green shirt or his physique, this retort is a bit odd until you realize that Dan is employing the double-reverse fake-out strawman defense. “Since I’m wearing an ugly shirt, you must be mocking me for that even if you don’t say so, which means that your are a shallow liberal who has no other argument to make and that I am, by default, right.” This may well explain why the staff at NRO is so oddly dressed, particularly Jonah in his undersized, sweaty, food-stained shirts. Whatever you say, they have the instant retort: “You’re making fun of my silly clothes, because you don’t have anything else to say,” even if you aren’t and you do.
It probably would have been more fun to tweet back that I hadn’t previously noticed his butt ugly shirt but now that he mentioned the shirt, it seemed likely that the Palin family would ask for it back sooner or later and that he might want to revisit, in any event, the traditional wisdom about vertical stripes. But I decided to take the high road instead.
[link]
This prompts Dan the Lepre-con to deliver what can only be be called a coup de gras.*
Hopefully while K-Lo is begging for more money and higher wages during the latest semi-monthly begathon at America’s Shittiest Website™, they’ll keep Danno locked in a closet somewhere because it really is hard to justify giving any money to NRO if they pay Dan much more than bus fare too and from the NRO offices and, frankly, even that seems like overly lavish compensation given his limited talents.
*Since I expect Dan’s French literacy to be limited, this footnote is for him and explains that my use of “gras” above is a pun and not a misspelling of grĂ¢ce.
ABOVE: Dan “Baby J-Dough Loadberg” Foster
Shorter Dan Foster, America’s Shittiest Website™
Cigarette Warning Labels, Now With More Pictures of Corpses
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Bob “Goober Pyle” Owens, The Confederate Wanker
Criminals are the Reason to Buy Handguns To Protect Your Family. Totalitarian Liberals are the Reason You Buy Battle Rifles
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter K-Lo, America’s Shittiest Website™
Yes We Can — Use Your Help
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
UPDATE: K-Lo announces gleefully that someone who only makes $11.33 per hour has sent them a $50 contribution. These people are indeed so craven that they will take a pork chop from the plate of a hungry child if it might help keep their unprofitable enterprise afloat. A commenter to that post wonders why NRO adopts a begathon, a socialist innovation of NPR, rather than a market solution such as a paywall. *Snicker*
The biggest difference between Pigpen and J-Dough Loadberg is that J-Dough drinks like
a fish and Pigpen doesn’t drink at all.
Shorter J-Dough Loadberg, America’s Shittiest Website™
Race and C-Span Callers
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
