Sadly, No!

I think we know what’s coming here, don’t we?

A retired CIA official has accused the Bush administration of ignoring intelligence indicating that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction and no active nuclear program before the United States-led coalition invaded it, CBS News said Sunday.

Tyler Drumheller, the former highest-ranking CIA officer in Europe, told “60 Minutes” that the administration “chose to ignore” good intelligence, the network said in a posting on its Web site.

Add Drumheller to the list that already includes such commie traitors as Richard Clarke, Paul O’Neill, John DiIulio, General Anthony Zinni, General Charles Swannack, Major General John Batiste, Marine Corps Lieutenant General Gregory Newbold and Army Major General Paul Eaton. I hope he’s ready to get thoroughly slimed.

Here’s a question: when was the last time so many former high-ranking government officials so relentlessly attacked the administration that they previously served? And why do we keep appointing so many traitorous anti-Bush hacks to positions of high power?

Gavin adds: Rush Limbaugh just answered that question. It’s a conspiracy masterminded by the Clintons and conducted by their loyal network of liberal operatives in the CIA. You really have to admire the guy: He sets a standard.

UPDATE: I agree with TBogg and Doghouse Riley. All generals currently serving in the military should be fired and replaced by Dafydd ab Hugh, who has long served as Powerline’s military historian.

Adam Yoshida continues to blur the lines between parody and reality:

Consider, for a moment, the most likely outcome of an effort by Iran to launch a massive offensive in Iraq. If Iran were to launch an all-out Shiite uprising against American and Iraqi government forces, we would likely see a modern-day reenactment of the Tet Offensive – a battle which would result in the annihilation of the attacking forces but which, thanks to a hostile global and traitorous domestic media would be presented to the public as a massive defeat for Allied arms. Iran can likely launch such an attack at any moment. Wouldn’t it be far better if it were launched while the media was distracted by images of Mushroom Clouds over the western deserts of Iran? This is especially true when one considers the fact that the combination of a distracted media and a chaotic military situation is likely to allow Allied forces to take more… liberties… with regard to their human rights policies than might otherwise be allowable.

The problem of Iran’s hardened nuclear facilities is easily solved if we choose to use nuclear weapons. Simply put, we can drop nuclear bombs on anything that even looks like a nuclear facility and, afterwards, no one will really be able to conclusively establish what was there to begin with. This will be extremely useful in the off-chance that, like Saddam’s Iraq, Iran proves to actually have a far-less advanced WMD program than we believed: no one will be able to prove the truth one way or another and, given the gravity of our own actions, a majority of people will generally accept our word for it.

In case you’re confused, Adam just advocated nuking everything in Iran that could conceivably be a nuclear weapons facility, which would likely include hospitals, orphanages and ice cream parlors. His underlying logic is that if we destroy the entire country, no one will ever be able to debunk our claims about Iran’s nuclear programs. And for good measure, he suggested that nuking Iran would be a good idea because it would distract the media and thus allow our military to torture people without any meddling.

I don’t know where this journey is taking me, friends, but if I end up orbiting Jupiter as a floating space fetus, you’ll know who to blame.

When we last checked in on Patrick Bateman (a.k.a. Stephen Green, a.k.a. Vodkapundit — a.k.a. the Colorado Bowtie), we discovered that his envy was in full bloom. Jealous of Glenn Reynolds’s spiffy pro-genocide argument, Vodkapundit got one like it, but bigger and better.

Well, that was then and this is now! Dr. Kraphammer has a new, even spiffier wingnut toy, and he’s been showing off:

Meanwhile, in recent weeks a lot of generals have put forward the idea that America’s current military policies are serving the country poorly. Uber-hawk columnist Charles Krauthammer accuses them of laying the groundwork for a coup d’état and/or opening the United States to foreign subversion in the course of comparing George W. Bush to Abraham Lincoln.

Vodkapundit as Tommy Udo: “I’m askin’ ya, Krauthammer,
where’d’ja get that toy?” [weird laugh]

Vodkapundit, so conforming yet so competitive, just had to go out and get one like it — but, naturally, bigger and better.

…Bigger and better in the sense that it’s just as rancid and dishonest as Krauthammer’s, but unencumbered by irony and subtlety. Wingnuts worship force: Whatever their feelings on interventionism (and their feelings react to the prevailing political breeze like a jongling Wal-Mart wind chime), they’ve been “blood & guts” folks since their emergence in the Truman era. And Krauthammer knows this, hence his relative playfulness in hinting that it’s the Left that wants a coup d’etat. Patrick Bateman also worships force, but irony confounds him such that he’s unable to see himself, or his actions, in a larger context. For Bateman, as with Vodkapundit, the recruiting station would be a decidedly louche option — yet calls of “chickenhawk” would take an unacceptable psychological toll, so:

First, the Left used the “chickenhawk” argument to claim that only active-duty soldiers could venture any opinions on war. Now the Left is filled with glee because we have a clique of generals dissing their elected civilian commander-in-chief.

It’s enough to make you ask if the Left is preparing this country for a military dictatorship.

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Go watch this video at Crooks & Liars of Ray Comfort using a banana to prove God’s existence.

Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists. The line between faux parody wingnuttery and genuine wingnuttery is very thin indeed, and trying to discern between the two is like being trapped in a deadly technicolor funhouse filled with poison-tusked tie-dyed wooly mammoths and fanged kaleidoscope vampire zebras. I fear the only way I’ll ever be able to escape is by going down to City Hall on Monday and registering as a Republican.

“Gobble-gobble Gabba-gabba*, we accept you, we accept you, one of us, one of us!”

Pray for Bradrocket.

*Changed at the behest of Mr. “I’m-Too-Smart-For-You-Bradrocket, I-Could-Be-Reading-Alicublog-Instead-of-Wasting-Time-on-Your-Sorry-Ass” in the comments.

Gavin adds: It’s actually ‘gooble-gobble,’ unless you hold the Ramones to be more canonical than Tod Browning.

The jig is up: we now have definitive proof that our friend AnnieAngel is an ingenious and brilliant satire. Here are some highlights from her latest tract on how to raise good Christian boys. Just read it and try telling yourself it isn’t a parody (thanks to Tim for the tip):

As we can never catch all the bad, nasty things a young boy will do, it’s best to beat him pre-emptively on a daily basis. […]

YES YOU CAN CHOOSE HIS FRIENDS! And not only can you, you SHOULD! Nothing will influence a teenage boy more than the company he keeps. Any boy with long hair, ripped jeans or a leather jacket is an obvious bad choice for your son to have as a friend. But be aware that some “clean cut” children are not Christian and have not been raised in a Christian home. Who knows what kind of depraved morals lurk beneath their boy-next-door exterior. […]

Video games should be kept to a minimum and should never contain any kind of violence unless it is a game put out by the U.S. Armed Forces. […]

Too many young men these days ruin their lives by impregnating the town slut. […]

Rap is a definite no-no. Children are impressionable and the rap industry is geared toward turning your sons into women-hating, mysoginist ho-masters. If you hear your son using terms like, “word to your mother”, or “chill”, it’s a good indication he has been listening to rap music. […]

Cellphones should be limited to the walkie-talkie type with preset numbers programmed by you, otherwise he may begin dealing drugs.

Annie, you are the bestest in the world. Don’t ever change.
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I’m happy to report that the Keyboard Kommandoes have returned for a new season.

The Council of Foreign Bilderberger Illuminati are after poor Joseph Farah again. This time, they’re trying to discredit him by accurately quoting him on their websites:

Well, they’re after me, again.

Who?

How about the group that wins the award for having the most deceptive name, People for the American Way?

Not only is PAW monitoring my dangerous writings right here, as I have previously pointed out in this space, the group is also eavesdropping on my radio interviews.

Yes, those devious bastards at PFAW are spying on Joe by listening to the secret conversations he broadcasts on the radio. I expect this sort of invasive crap from Castro’s Soviet China, but from America!
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Ol’ Michelle has clearly learned a lesson from the recent posting-people’s-phone-numbers contretemps, although it seems not to be the lesson that one would hope for. Because what’s this? She’s done it again today.

This time it’s two numbers and an email address for one Lisa Cole, the Hilton company’s director of communications. (The post that Malkin is supposedly reproducing in fact gives only the email address [however, please see update here].) The issue is Hilton’s plan to take over the lease of Fran O’Brien’s, the restaurant that hosts weekly steak dinners for wounded vets. The consequence, of course, will be hordes of crazy people jamming Lisa Cole’s phone lines, probably with the usual scattered threats of violence — for which Malkin, of course, takes no responsibility.

It’s time to make a brief statement on this whole business, because some strange stuff has been going on. Auguste at Malkinwatch noticed that ‘wingnut plants’ were posting the Malkins’ home address in his comments, which he took the unprecedented step of weeding out and closing. Here’s the gist of his brief statement:

Welp, we know it too, and we’re not going to publish it either. Not because we’re better than anyone, but because there’s a clear moral distinction between laughing when a bad person trips and falls on their ass (which is always good and proper), and tripping them (which is a more complex thing all around).

But it’s worth noting (again) that we also had a visit from an unknown, anonymous person leaving the Malkins’ phone number. There’s a subtle hint of the not-quite-right about that, in the sense that something seems not quite right about it. A few days ago, Malkin shrieked about the left-bloggers who “plastered [her] family’s private home address, phone numbers, and photos and maps of [her] neighborhood all over the Internet to further [their] manufactured outrage and pathetic coddling of a [bla bla yoink ah-oogah],” but if you do a Technorati search for the Malkins’ house number, you find exactly two results, both at blogs of what you’d have to call less than major prominence — and both dated yesterday. Jesus’s General posted an unlabeled map of an unspecified neighborhood yesterday. But Malkin’s shriekback was the day before, at the same time the anonymous comments were turning up in everybody’s threads.

Make of that what you will, but if the Malkins cooked up this plastering-all-over-the-Internet as a fake controversy, it wouldn’t be the first time they carefully positioned themselves as victims in order to justify doing nasty things to other people. In fact, that’s the skill that’s gotten them to where they are today. Which is, honestly, one of those faceless, overdeveloped communities full of middle-market McMansion tracts that nobody decent would choose to live in. Just saying.

Unemployed Iranian youths, as pictured in the Washington Post:

“Dude… they have nuclear weapons now too? Duu-huu-huu-huude. That is fuckin’ awesome.”

Unemployed American youths, as pictured in the classic film Half-Baked:

Clearly, we have much to learn from one another.

(Consider this your open day-after-4/20 thread.)

After a two-month hiatus, Adam Yoshida has returned with an eloquent and well-reasoned essay simply called “Nuke Iran.” Let’s check it out:

Nuke Iran

We are now rapidly approaching the moment that many of us have long feared.

Notice how he said that many of us feared it, not all of us. It’s an important distinction, ’cause for some people, the thought of nuking Iran is like popping a whole bottle of radioactive viagra:

Either we accept the acquisition of nuclear weapons by a maniac state which will almost certainly use them against Israel (and probably the United States as well), setting off a nuclear exchange which will kill millions of people or we launch a pre-emptive strike of our own – for which we will face certain retaliation and probable economic losses – and do so using all the means at our disposal, including nuclear arms.

I also hear the Iranians have an army of level-5 rock trolls and level-7 pyrolisks, which are immune to nuclear weapons. Either way, they’re gonna be tough to beat.
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