SHEESH!! Is nothing serious to you?

How can a man use a banana to prove the existence of a heterosexual god?

SHEESH!! Is nothing serious to you?

Nope.

SHEESH!! Is nothing serious to you?

Yeah, it’s “Gabba Gabba.” Do I have to sic Roy Edroso on your ass?

Wow. Just … wow.

Do not, I repeat, do not look at the wingers when you’ve had a few too many. whew!

“BEHOLD THE ATHEIST’S NIGHTMARE!”

And lo, their eyes were made yellow, and their minds did slip on the waxy peel. And the chimps did REJOICE!

How can a man use a banana to prove the existence of a heterosexual god?

You apparently aren’t familiar with the old visual joke that uses a banana to demonstrate how a man teaches his wife to give head.

If you knew this joke it would all make perfect sense.

sw

I actually went and watched that part.

I have seen my fair share of gay porn before in my life (okay, considering that I’m a girl, I’ve seen MORE than my share)and I have to say….

That is without a doubt the most raging closet case I have ever seen. You can just tell how desperately he wanted to slide that “perfectly shaped for entrance” banana as far into his waiting throat as he possibly could.

‘scuse me….there’s a few guys I have to go email that link to.

Oh sweet JESUS I am saved!

Amazing fruit
How sweet the taste
That saved an ath’ist like me
I once walked fast
But now I’ve slipped
Was blind
But now I peel.

Is Wingnuttery All One Big Practical Joke?

Go watch this video at Crooks & Liars of Ray Comfort using a banana to prove God’s existence. Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists. The line between faux…

Is Wingnuttery All One Big Practical Joke?

Go watch this video at Crooks & Liars of Ray Comfort using a banana to prove God’s existence. Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists. The line between faux…

Technically, it’s “Gooble gobble gooble gobble we accept you, we accept you. Gooble gobble gooble gobble, one of us, one of us.”

Tod Browning, Freaks

The Athiest’s Nightmare doesn’t squirt in your face when you pull the tab and it fits perfectly in your mouth!

Wow! Porn stars regularly employ the Atheist’s Nightmare! They must be considered for sainthood forthwith!

Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists.

Not to make you feel worse, but Gavin already saw this back in August — it was M-to-the-arie, J-to-the-apostrophe who helped him see the orgasmically calming light (no, no they didn’t).

Now if you’ll excuse me, a couple of parallel universes are about to go perpendicular in the cosmic bed, and you just don’t get to see that on Pay-Per-View.

New Realities are TEH FUN!!

Is Ray Comfort a real name?

Let’s try a link that works. I blame the mysoginist ho-masters.

I’m sorry…I want to discuss mussels…the most vulgar of God’s creations. I remember my brother being incensed…INCENSED…at how wanton and disgusting the mussel was. He said…”Look at this…labia!…majora and minora…and for God’s sakes…a clitoris…a clitoris even!”

Mussels. Nature’s pornography.

Hey. Wait a fucking minute.

My spouse and I had mussels for our wedding dinner. Mussels and asparagus.

Mmmmm.

From J. Winterson, Sexing the Cherry.

‘It is a banana, madam,’ said the rogue.

A banana? What on God’s good earth was a banana? ‘Such a thing never grew in Paradise,’ I said.

‘Indeed it did, madam,’ says he, all puffed up like a poison adder. ‘This fruit is from the Island of Bermuda, which is closer to Paradise than you will ever be.’

He lifted it up above his head, and the crowd, seeing it for the first time, roared and nudged each other and demanded to know what poor fool had been so reduced as to sell his vitality.

‘It’s either painted or infected,’ said I, ‘for there’s none such a colour that I know.’

Johnson shouted above the din as best he could…

‘THIS IS NOT SOME UNFORTUNATE’S RAKE. IT IS THE FRUIT OF A TREE. IT IS TO BE PEELED AND EATEN.’
At this there was unanimous retching. There was no good woman could put that to her mouth, and for a man it was the practice of cannibals. We had not gone to church all these years and been washed in the blood of Jesus only to eat ourselves up the way the Heathen do.

Is Wingnuttery All One Big Practical Joke?

Go watch this video at Crooks & Liars of Ray Comfort using a banana to prove God’s existence. Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists. The line between faux…

Is Wingnuttery All One Big Practical Joke?

Go watch this video at Crooks & Liars of Ray Comfort using a banana to prove God’s existence. Stuff like this makes me realize that what we lowly mortals used to call “reality” no longer exists. The line between faux…

My spouse and I had mussels for our wedding dinner. Mussels and asparagus.

Were there any giggly, 13 year-old Catholic school boys at the head table? And were they asked to “stop embarrassing me, or by the Jesus, you’ll regret it” by their mother when they started making loud and lewd comments about the mussels and the asparagus?

Dammit, Mal, you made me spit water all over my pants- My mother used that line more than a few times, and I expect one day (God willing…) my spouse will use it on my (again, God willing) kids. And the circle will go ’round.

My mother’s Irish, Guinness. (An Irish French-Canadian, to be precise) so I suspect we’ve got that in common.

Yep- Mom’s Irish, dad’s Austro-Bavarian with some Irish and Norwiegen sprinkled it. My grandparents fairly embodied the usual cultural stereotypes.

Oh, Austro-Bavarians…aren’t they the worst?

Although, truth be told, the Austro-Bavarians never thought the banana was God’s first attempt at pornography.

…aaand we’ve segued nicely back on topic!

Hurrah- back to fruit related prudishness!

Hell I thought he was going to deep throught that banana!

Anyone care to do a spoof with other non human fruits and vegetables?

Like cucumbers, zuchini, carrots, just think of how we could teach abstinence (hope that spelled wrong), God designed other objects, so you don’t really need the real thing.

Fuck maybe that’s what wrong with these people. There playing with fruits, instead of dealing with humans!

Those two boobs have the ugliest pasties.

alternatively, why do those swirling boobs have boobs for nipples?

Jillian, I love you. No,
I mean it this time, I really love you.
And, I have a banana.

Jillian, I love you. No,
I mean it this time, I really love you.
And, I have a banana.

Bite me, you double posting bastard. You don’t deserve julian’s love.

“Gooble gobble gooble gobble we accept you

“Bawk! Bawk!”

I’m still can’t get the photo of the crazed Easter Bunny from last week out of my head!

Christ on a crutch, that is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a looooooooooong time.

OK, not to get all scientific on you, but MONKEYS originally ate bananas. I suspect hominids observed it and copied. So, ergo, DOES THIS NOT SUPPORT EVOLUTION? Or maybe even, REVERSE evolution?

Made to fit the hand, shaped perfectly to go into the mouth. That’s what he tells all the boys about his banana!

As the great Sigmund Freud said on SNL: ‘Sometimes a banana is just a banana, Anna.’

And Jesus spake to the multitudes, saying:

“Eat shit! Ten thousand flies can’t be wrong!”

So what about Pineapples? Why was God so accomidating with bananas, but made pineapples such a bitch to eat?

When I saw this, I thought he was saying it tongue in cheek.

Kinda makes you wonder why god didn’t shape water like a banana. Good thing for us he made disposable plastic cups. You know, the kind with ridges around them.

Boy, that was so intellectually stimulating I need to give my brain a cold shower.

Whew, now that I’ve calmed down I note that he ignores the fact that the banana as it now appears is the product of millenia of deliberate cultivation and hybridization. Bananas at stores are sterile triploid hybrids, very unlike the original cultivars. They are certainly useful for proving intelligent design, as long as one recognizes that the designer is the same one as for the Coke can.

The really wonderful thing about God is that when he was done crafting the banana (and here I thought Chiquita was just fucking with me when they said it was the world’s most perfect fruit) he dispersed it equally across the globe so that all humans could enjoy it. Otherwise, what the hell would people eat? Life would have been chaos, starving chaos. Indians would have been forced to eat corn and Inuit would have been forced to hunt whales, which is of course crazy because you can’t fit a whale in your hand or peel it. God knows what the Europeans would have done. Cannibalism, maybe.

“he ignores the fact that the banana as it now appears is the product of millenia of deliberate cultivation and hybridization.”

Very good point.

Although, to be fair I think our current curved yellow boomerang-sized bananas are probably the product of even a shorter time, perhaps only a century or two of deliberate cultivation and hybridization, by American corporations such as Dole and Chiquita.

You can often find small, sweet bananas at farmers’ markets; they’re only a few inches long, and kind of stubby-shaped, kind of like a hand full of thumbs.

Hey, now, the short stubby ones are just as deserving of love as are the long, graceful ones that tickle the back of your throat as they slide effortlessly between your lips.

Don’t be a hater, man!

In another episode Kirk and Ray proved that evolution was a false theory because they couldn’t get an orangutan to eat with silverware, and they couldn’t get it an airline ticket.

Seriously.

Well, that’s because they didn’t use my travel agent. My orangutan has enough air miles to get a first-class upgrade.

I think there are some “yikes” to be handed out in this thread. I think the delightful perpetrators know who they are.

The Cavendish specifically probably is a more recent developent, having been “discovered” in the 1800s(that is, found by westerners already being cultivated in the east!), but it’s still the end product of a long process. Most modern food crops are the same way, some bearing little resemblance to their progenitors in taste or appearance. It just struck me as hilarious that they would use a plant so removed from its roots, so to speak, for proving “God’s perfect design” without even realizing the ridiculousness of their position. Next they’ll be crowing that the Dachshund proves design, being the perfect shape for badger hunting and all.

Tigris, they might as well use the Red Delicious Apple as an example of the fruit in Eden.

Kyso K,
You’re missing the point. It doesn’t much matter what the Inuit or the Amindians were eating. The fact is that Mike Seaver gets to eat bananas, and in the most convenient way possible. That’s really all God was planning for.

Shhh, don’t give them any ideas! Though maybe they wouldn’t use that one, an apple might squirt in his eye when he sunk his teeth into it, and it’s not quite as hand- or mouth-friendly. Those things seem to be quite important to him, so he’ll probably stick to swallowing gently curving cylinders.

Everyday, I thank God for plastic cups.

So what about Pineapples? Why was God so accomidating with bananas, but made pineapples such a bitch to eat?

I was thinking the same thing, but about coconuts. Or hell, the watermelon.

mangos are a real bitch.

I totally told Dad to make the skins on kiwifruit come off easier. I mean, if thou doth not posesseth a blade of keenest edge one doth verily have to pay the penance of a mouthful of fuzz for the hedonism of the flesh contained therein.

Old man just won’t listen to an immature 2000 year old like Me! Parents, huh?

In my college days, I worked a little with an AIDS awareness group giving safer sex lectures.

It was all about how to use the standard tools of proper worship in the Temple of Love – lubes, condoms, dental dams, the usual.

But the highlight of the lectures was always when we would pull people from the audience and get them to try out the techniques we’d demonstrated – on fruit.

Some poor schmuck got to put a condom on a banana with her (or his) mouth, while a different schmuck got shown the right way to hold a dental dam over a canteloupe sliced in half.

Ah, college was SUCH an educational experience for me….

I’m going to disprove the existence of God right now, using logic that Kirk Cameron would be proud of.

HEY GOD, FUCK YOU, PUNK BITCH!!!! YOU’RE SO BADASS, WHY DON’T YOU COME KILL ME, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Well, I’m still alive. And I’m not scared one bit. Now, I would NOT say the same thing to Suge Knight. I know Suge Knight is real. Thus, it proves that God is not real.

At first I thought Kirk Cameron was saying, “Who do you know who is insane?” (instead of “isn’t saved”). Frankly their “we’ll save you from yourselves” schtick made a lot more sense if they were preying on the mentally incompetent…

Pineapples are verily the fruit of Satan, which he doth use to sodomize Hitler in the deepest Abyss.

The pineapple is evil, I grant you, but it’s got nothing on the fruity abomination known as the durian. Maybe Satan puts those up Hitler’s urethra.

I guess I’m the only one wasying my life watching more of these huh?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2596807326351382919&q=the+way+of+the+master&pl=true

The interview at the end is great.

“he ignores the fact that the banana as it now appears is the product of millenia of deliberate cultivation and hybridization.”
Yes, and he ignores the fact that his Bible, supposedly the “Word of God” is also the product of centuries of cultivation and hybridization in the sense that it is quite different from the original writings and of the scriptures, of which none survive. The actual divinely inspired words don’t exist in their original form.
Everything these guys say and do is based on circular reasoning, and it induces in them what they think are mystical experiences, but most sane people recognize them as migraines.

I lerved it when Ray Comfortable tried to tear apart evolution by reciting the silly Pepsi can evolution story. “Hey, that story is teh stoopid, so evolution must be, too!” I dunno. Has anybody here heard someone seriously contending that soda cans just sorta formed on their own after millions of years of incremental changes? Anyone? Bueller? That wasn’t a strawman–it was a fucking wickerman, baybee!!!

They make even stupider arguments than that, I’m afraid…..

There’s always the classic “believing in evolution is like believing a tornado passing through a junkyard could make a Boeing 747”.

And it sort of goes downhill from there.

And the “Look–teh b4n4n4 fits in my han; it fits in my mouth! Clearly, objectively, there must be an intelligent designer!” bullhockey is little better. It’s like saying, “Look! My erect cock fits so snugly up my 17-year-old boy’s asshole! Clearly, it is a sign from gawd that I am meant to assfuck him on a daily basis! Thanx, gawd!!1!”
*sigh*
Funnymentalists. Sometimes, they ain’t so funny, but they’re always mental.

Well, the banana clinches it. Take that, atheists!

My husband recently related another Christian banana story to me; apparently when he was a kid, his minister did the old trick of taking a thread and needle to a banana to slice it while it was still inside the peel, promoting the magic trick as a little miracle.

The real miracle is watching a beautiful woman eat a banana and deriving sick, secret pleasure. Mmmm!

Just as long as you’re aware that women know you like watching, and so do stuff like this on purpose.

Ice cream cones, too.

It’s not really a “secret”. 😉

You know, he had me going until he peeled the banana the wrong way. How can I believe a word that guy says now? I am beside myself with doubt and confusion.

I now have a new outlook on life and all creation. I mean, surely a pineapple or Coconut fits this theory too since it fits comfortably in my hand, is easy to eat, is easy to peel open and fits perfectly into my mouth.

Oh wait.

These ID guys are idiots for one reason and one reason only. Becuase they are agruing against a straw man. NOBODY…not even evolutionists deny the existance of god. Hell, when Kirk Cameran quoted Darwin I almost fell out of my chair because he has no problem quoting Darwin as being right while claiming Darwin is wrong about evolution and everything else.

I believe in evolution and I also believe there is a chance of a God. The idea that these two ideas contradtict each other is the REAL lie and that is what is being sold by these ID freaks. They start with evolution then next thing you know they are telling you earth is only a few million years old and carbon dating is the devil’s work.

And how does that banana example prove anything other than the guy giving it is an ass. Maybe there were tonds of bananas at one point, but due to natural selection, only the bananas that were easy to pic and eat survived?

And what does that say about all the things that are really easy to eat, look pretty and easily accessible but are highly poisonous. Is that Gods way of saying we should all just die? Oh…they only accept things that already fit into their narrow theory and ignore everything that doesn’t. Go figure. And they wonder why ID isn’t taught in science class.

While I might qualify certain sections of your commentary with “necessarily” deny… etc. (because goodness knows more than a few do), I’m in general accord with your comments, Rosencrantz.

Have ya’ll seen the new left behind series RTS game? http://www.leftbehindgames.com/the_games.htm
LOL

Sweet mother of crap! That’s kickass. Someone here needs to bite the bullet and try that sumbitch; I want a review!

http://beam.to/youngteenboy/ young teen boy/

How crude of all yall who think its funny! I am very ashamed!!!!!!! All you christians i am really upset with yall

How can you all think its funny? it is totally unexcable……………….