Posted on April 19th, 2006 by Travis G.
Ready. Set. Go.
Shorter Carey Roberts: When I take off my glasses, Katie Couric looks just like Hillary Clinton.
Shorter Walter Williams: Is there a federal deficit? Let’s see here … two plus four … minus five … carry the three … divide by nine … Nope, I guess not.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Muslims? Genocide’s too good for ’em.
Shorter Tony Blankley: Disloyal retired generals who criticized the Secretary of Defense should be brought up on charges of insubordination, if only to ensure that future Secretaries of Defense don’t require oaths of loyalty.
Shorter John Stossel: Taxes? But I thought this lunch was free!
Shorter Larry Kudlow: Hillary Clinton’s expensive, big-government proposals stand in stark contrast to the president’s lean budgets, and are also very boring.
Shorter Linda Chavez: Perhaps if I debunk a manufactured media crisis about minorities and public schools you won’t lob tomatoes at me for expressing sympathy for illegal immigrants. Whaddya say, guys? Guys?
Shorter Thomas Sowell: Amnesty would soon make illegal immigrants eligible for affirmative action, relegating whites to second-class status. See, as a black man, I can say things like that.
Shorter Herman Cain: Liberal entitlement programs embolden our Mexican enemy.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: The Duke rape case illustrates virtually nothing at all about race, class or gender issues in our society.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: The difference between a whistleblower and a leaker depends on how effectively folks like me are able to caricature their personality and motives.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: When they ask me what I did in the war, I can point with pride to this column.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: I have some concerns about the alternative minimum tax.
[Ed. note: Have you ever noticed how much Terrence Jeffrey looks like Martin Prince?]
Shorter Brent Bozell: Heh. If the media love illegal immigrants so much, why don’t they marry them?
Shorter Daniel Son: Here’s a book review I slapped together at the last minute.
