Sadly, No!

Hardly a day goes buy without community college Assistant Associate Professor Donalde Douglas dribbling Snicker-tainted drool on his tent-size t-shirt:

So the hyper-literate community college assistant associate professor wants to call us commies who hate and winds up calling us people who hate commies. Awesome. Because we do in fact hate commies, at least real commies, not the imaginary commies that community college Assistant Associate Professor Douglas sees lurking behind every potted plant.

And what exactly is up with the community college assistant associate professor’s faux urban hip-hop dude speak?

So, yeah, you know it’s hard out there in the ‘hood sometimes. But when you be hangin’ low you toughen up, mofo! You take the blows and move on. Basically, if you can’t put up then shut up. Know what I’m saying, yo!?

It’s probably just another effort by the community college assistant associate professor, like his outdated photo, to make people believe that he’s a young and hip dude and not just an angry and dumpy old fart whining about how the nasty liberals have been mean to him. Does anyone else relish the irony of a well-fed white assistant associate professor at a community college playing the victim card?

(We will return to our regularly scheduled programming once I finish a post I’m writing right now on teapartyites and masturbation.)

ABOVE: Toby Harnden

Shorter Toby Harnden, The Torygraph
John Boehner: the second of 12 kids from Ohio who is Barack Obama’s elitist target

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: A more recent photo¹ of Donald Douglas, Assistant Professor of Demonology, LBCC

Shorter Asst. Prof. Don Douglas, American Cialis-Fueled Power Blog
Sadly No! Tailpipe Porn

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

The Hill has the current whip count of Democrats who don’t want to let the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest of the wealthy expire.

If, in the middle of the worst economy in a lifetime, with unemployment and poverty at toxic levels, you can’t bring yourself to tell the most privileged amongst us that they ought to resume chipping in a couple of percentage points more at the top marginal rate, why even call yourself a Democrat?

This country really is going to the dogs. And it’s being pushed in that direction by wealth disparity that is third-worldish in its propensity for beating down the psyches of the have-nots — only our national mythology of studiously denying that the vast majority of have-nots (including you!) are in fact never-wills prevents the whole thing from crumbling. That and the insidious creep throughout society over the past 40 years of the Randian philosophy of selfishness, rich people worship and the attendant calculated purging of empathy from the citizenry.

But the recession has exposed the wealth disparity wound a bit, at least. A recent CBS poll finds that 53 percent of respondents now favor having the nation’s top earners contribute a little bit more to the country that made them so fabulously wealthy.

Everybody’s talking about this oktrends survey on stuff people of different ethnicities and genders ‘like’.

Above: An example of one OkCupid user’s tag cloud of ‘likes’.

The oktrends team took the most popular profile words from 526,000 users of the dating site OkCupid. Then they broke those out based on the users’ stated race and gender to come up with basic tag clouds that purport to show what sorts of things, say, a female Pacific-Islander digs the most.

It’s actually kind of fascinating. Especially when you dig into the various tag clouds and discover some really interesting stuff. F’rexample:

– As mentioned in the headline, Middle Eastern guys like Nickelback. They are the only group that does — even white dudes don’t. Pam Geller should look into this.

– Male Pacific-Islanders randomly like ‘500 Days of Summer’. And it’s pretty high in their cloud. They also like ‘the hulk’, ‘sharks’ and ‘beer pong’, all of which are pretty cool. For some reason they like ‘my abs’ — but I don’t think they’ve seen my belly recently.

– Female Pacific-Islanders love them some Alicia Keys. It’s No. 1 on their list of likes … pretty much every other group of women except white chicks also likes Ms. Keys, just not so much.

– Where da white wimmin at? Probably 4 Yawkey Way — if not physically then in spirit. ‘The Red Sox’ is their shared top ‘like’, along with ‘jodi picoult’, whatever that is (Google is apparently not on my personal list of likes). One suspects this is because the Red Sox are a lovable, scrappy bunch that gets little media exposure and has no appreciable number of fake bandwagon fans who infect the sporting body politic like enormous drunk bedbugs with stupid hats. White females also like ‘my toes’, and I will admit they are rather shapely.

– Black women score a high 7 on the Anchoress Scale of God-Bothering, where a 10 means you are currently at the Vatican mooning over statues of loathed imperialist popes.

– Latinas like ‘sixteen candles’. Oddly, Asian men do not.

– Indian men are the only group that has ‘ayn rand’ amongst their likes. Maybe they see an aspect of Kali in her hate-filled face and necklace of severed heads.

– Do not let white men DJ your next party.

ABOVE: Don Douglas Hearts Juses

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The crew at Sadly, No! has always had a particular soft spot in their hearts for Donald Douglas, a professor of some sort at some community college somewhere, ever since he referred to us as the slow-witted cattle of the leftosphere. So forgive me a moment if I spit out the grass that I was eating and help my self to a large and tasty helping of schadenfreude:

Then turning around, I saw this kid yacking it up for the crowd, obviously having a blast with this ugly Jew-hating sign. And what does that mean, “SASQUATCH ISRAEL”? This is a play on the “legitimacy myth” of Israel’s existence. As there’s of course a “Sasquatch myth,” it’s worth noting the implied comparison: that Israel is also an ape-like beast existing only in historical folklore. Absent legitimacy, Israel has “no right to exist.” This kid’s sign is but one more example of eliminationist anti-Semitism. And look at how overjoyed he is in boasting this hatred. Creepy

That is, of course, Donald talking about someone, allegedly a counter-protestor, whom he saw during the day of hating mosques recently held in lower Manhattan. SASQUATCH ISRAEL is, indeed, a rather cryptic insult to Israel and I’m not for a moment convinced by the community college professor’s over-heated exegesis of the phrase. But fortunately, Douglas posts a picture of said leftist and said sign so that perhaps we can figure out what on earth is meant by “SASQUATCH ISRAEL.”

Click here to see the picture.

It turns out, of course, that the sign had nothing to do with Israel, much less with any desire to do bad things to Israel, but instead was, in fact, a travel warning advising people of the dangers of traveling alone in the backwoods of America, not only because of the danger of being made to squeal like a pig by a single-toothed teatard, but also because of the very real danger of encountering the dangerous forest creature known as Sasquatch who, in case you weren’t certain, IS REAL!

You know if Sadlynauts are slow-witted cattle, I think that means our illiterate community college professor must be relegated to an even lower rung in the zoosphere, such as, say, brain-damaged poultry or, better yet, windshield-splattered insects.

UPDATE: Hilarious. Thin-skinned Don Douglas responds:

So “SASQUATCH ISRAEL” is really truly “SASQUATCH IS REAL.” And there’s even a website for that, on Facebook.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’m dumb.

I stand by what I wrote, either way.

…

Leftists hate moral clarity. And they hate Israel. We don’t need a Sasquatch myth to figure that out. So, a hearty F*** You to the lot of you, assholes.

In other words: “I was wrong but that is central to my point.”

Don also didn’t like the hat we put on him in the picture either, not fully understanding that the joke wasn’t that he loved Jesus, but that he probably couldn’t spell the name any better than he could spell Israel. For him this is all proof that all Leftists hate Jesus, hate Israel, love Satan and Beelzebub, love Iran and Cuba, hate America, hate Oreo cookies with milk, love catfood canapés and human blood smoothies, love Charles Manson, hate our grandparents, etc., etc., etc. Just because I said he was stupid.

SECOND UPDATE: More from Professor Douglas who, frankly, seems a little deranged and, well, un-professorial.

[h/t bjkeefe]

ABOVE: Nancy Pearcey (left), The Church Lady (right)

Shorter Nancy “People Used To Ride on Dinosaurs”¹ Pearcey, Human Events
Secular Values No Defense

Bonus Shorter Nancy “People Used To Ride on Dinosaurs” Pearcey, Wingnut News Daily
Who respects the human body? Not homosexuals

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: Marquis B. Daniel Blatteau de Sebranler-sur-Seine

Somewhat Shorter B. Daniel Blatt, The Gay Putzriot
Is this the way for a Republican to win the gay vote?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Frank Maguire: Black people need to forget that they are black. White people, however, are allowed to remember that black people are black.

A.J. DiCintio: You know how I know that Reid and Pelosi hate most Americans? Because of nasty things said by commenters at a website, that’s how!

Michael Bresciani: The Bible says that it’s okay to burn the Koran so the media should just STFU about Pastor Jones.

Stella Lohman: September 11 is really an occasion to remember Bernard Kerik, who is now in jail.

Gabriel Garnica: Where are the cries of liberal tree-huggers when New York City cuts down some trees at Lincoln Center? Busy burning bibles, that’s where!

Ken Connor: Oh, for the good old days of the Crusades!

Alan Caruba: First the Muslims destroyed my favorite restaurant; now they want to build a victory mosque there.

Dan Popp: You can’t create jobs by trying to create jobs, unless you’re trying to create jobs by cutting taxes on CEOs.

Judie Brown: Pro-choice liberals are the reason why there are back-alley abortion clinics run by unlicensed practitioners.

ABOVE: Why there are no little Surbers running around Poca, W. Va.

Don Jim Bob Surber, Don Jim Bob Surber’s Blog
Global Cooling To Continue

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™