ABOVE: Hinderaker wonders where all the nurses have gone
Shorter John Hinderaker, Powerlie Blog:
Where Are People Stoned to Death?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Bill Bennett, The Erick Erickson Network
We ignore rise in drug abuse among kids
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter Don Jim Bob Surber
Why California Is Out of Toilet Paper
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
ABOVE: Warner and Friends
Warner Todd Huston, Guest Post at Gateway Dumbshit
Mentally Retarded Now Have “Intellectual Disability”
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter Victorophon Davidoros Hyanseninthosocles, National Review
A Nation of Peasants
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
It should come as no surprise that Dan Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ would fall in line behind GOP’s New “Pledge to America” regardless of what it said about Teh Gays. Even if it called for mass execution of homosexuals, our buddy Dan would be endorsing it saying that some gays probably really did need to go and that he was himself ready to make the personal sacrifice of putting his own head on the chopping block as long as it would result in tax cuts for the rich.
Well, somewhat surprisingly, the GOP “Pledge” stopped short of gay genocide but, not surprisingly, dog-whistled the bible-thumping base that the GOP stood firm against homonuptials. So let’s watch Dan twist himself up into a pretzel as he tries to say that what the GOP said in this regard was, in fact, good for the gays and was, according to his alliterative title, a “particularly pleasant pledge.”
I also took note of one interesting juxtaposition:
We pledge to advance policies that promote greater liberty, wider opportunity, a robust defense, and national economic prosperity.
We pledge to honor families, traditional marriage, life, and the private and faith-based organizations that form the core of our American values.
I like the first line, love it, in fact. Love the focus on liberty. And while I wish Republican leaders had left marriage out of their “pledge”*, the language of the second line is particularly anodyne, as if they had spent hours hashing over it so they could throw a bone to social conservatives and say something which most people agree with.
Note, the operative verb here is “honor.” And who doesn’t want to honor traditional marriages? (A gay marriage advocate, if he really valued the institution he seeks to promote, would honor traditional marriages. Note what the document doesn’t say, it doesn’t say let’s dishonor nontraditional ones nor (unless I missed it) nor does it say anything about same-sex marriage, though that will be implied to said social conservatives …
This is not far from a pig defending a recipe for a club sandwich by arguing that there is nothing that said the bacon couldn’t be omitted or replaced by turkey bacon or, even, by a few tasty salted corrugated cardboard strips. Or a cow looking at an abattoir and thinking that there is no reason it might not be a day spa for cattle. Only someone who has been buried beneath the surface of Mars for the past 20 years doesn’t understand that the GOP honors “traditional” marriage by fighting gay marriage.
I’m beginning to think that calling Dan America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ may be too kind.
ABOVE: Megan “Do I Look Like A Bonobo? McArdle
Megan McArgleBargle, The Once-Respected Atlantic
How to Survive a Layoff
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
[h/t Roy]
ABOVE: Jen Shroder, from her early porn career
Jen Shroder, (It’s Too Late To) Renew America
Mosques, Muslims and Minivans
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
[h/t s.z. at World O’Crap, even though I wrote this before I saw her even funnier take on the scorpion in Jen’s van]
Jim Hoft, the Gateway Dumbshit (a/k/a the “Shame of St. Louis”) is yet again hurling his trademarked brand of fact-free calumny at Obama, this time for, gasp, going to church. And it seemed it was only yesterday that Hoft was decrying Obama for not going to church. What a difference a day ten minutes makes.
The latest in this never-ending parade of damned if Obama does, damned if he doesn’t wingnuttery is Obama’s trip yesterday morning to St. John’s Lafayette Square, the Episcopal Church near the White House. According to Hoft, Obama went there not for the purpose of worship but apparently for the express purpose of violating the Church’s rules by taking communion, thereby condemning himself (and the congregation who was there at the same time) to the burning fiery flames of the lakes of Hell. Obama, Hoft thinks, violated church rules by taking communion even though he wasn’t confirmed. Hoft’s deep knowledge of the intricacies of Episcopal canon law derives from an email that someone sent Hoft stating that confirmation was required in the Episcopal Church before one was allowed to receive communion.
A normal person might have been inclined to disregard the email, there being no other evidence of any rule violation. The stories of Obama’s trip to St. John’s are bereft of any claims that Obama charged out of the pews, grabbed a handful of hosts from the priest without his consent, and scarfed them down while shouting Allahu Akbar. Instead it appears the priest voluntarily handed the host over the rail to the President.
You may wonder why someone who, like me, is French, gay or both and who lives in Brussels would wind up an Episcopalian, but it’s true. I am a smells-and-bells Episcopalian, so I know more than a little bit about Episcopal canon law. And according to Canon 17, Section 7, the only requirement to receive communion is that the communicant has been baptized.
So, Jim, have a nice big fat helping of Sadly, No!
Again.
Normal people reacted to Christine O’Donnell’s views on masturbation by saying a short prayer thanking their deity of choice that they were not the children of this nutjob. Wingnuts, predictably, had quite different reactions
1. The Double Down Approach
Robert Stacy McCain leads off the pack with a straightforward approach of someone who is so unattractive that the thought of having sex with himself elicits only a wave of self-loathing and a limp wiener. He, of course, heartily endorses the idea that masturbation is wrong and accuses that lesbo-Maddow of having an unhealthy obsession with the practice:
Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions? Perhaps you believe that we should not discuss sexuality “from a moral point of view.” Perhaps you think that masturbation without lust is possible. Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough?
Well, Mr. McCain, we all probably think that you don’t masturbate enough, since any time that you would spend engaged in that activity, if you could bring yourself to it, might at least partially limit the time that you engage in the substitute wanking you call blogging.
2. The “Female Liberals Are The Real Misogynists” Approach.
Pseudo-professor Bill “Colonel Mustard” Jacobson takes the tired-and-true turn-the-tables approach that he uses in his frequent posts on how liberals are the real racists and the teapartyites are the real civil rights champions.
Christine O’Donnell won the Delaware primary last night, and within minutes (literally) über liberal Rachel Maddow started running video and commentary on MSNBC about O’Donnell’s views on masturbation.
The pretext for sexualizing O’Donnell was a 1996 video in which O’Donnell was interviewed about her conservative Christian views on sex. …
An almost 15-year old video was all the excuse Maddow needed to take the story national. Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates. …
The liberal feminist death march has continued through the sexualized attacks on Sarah Palin and other conservative women in more recent times.
From reading Col. Mustard’s post you’d think that the video being circulated was secretly captured footage that showed a supine O’Donnell in the midst of pleasuring herself rather than a video that showed O’Donnell saying straight to the camera that children should be taught the masturbation leads to blindness, insanity, hairy palms, socialism and hell. Nobody’s “sexualizing” O’Donnell other than herself. Nobody made her say that stuff.
3. The “Awwwww, Isn’t She Cute?” Approach
Next up is the Torygraph’s Tony “The Chav” Harnden, who had more than a little tingle in his leg when he wrote this:
With rather sweet naivety, she dutifully uttered the word “masturbation” a number of times, spoke about how couples should “be pleasing each other”, blushed a bit and was filmed looking adoringly (but not lustfully) at a goatee-ed youth pastor as he talked about how the Bible says that any sexual act outside marriage is sinful.
Now we must excuse Toby as he takes his laptop and a box of tissues into his basement, puts on that saucy French-maid outfit he keeps hidden from his wife under the stairwell, and watches that video a few more times. “Talk dirty to me, Christine,” he whispers gruffly to the video. A few tugs later and it’s all she wrote.