Sadly, No!

Big Daddy Ezra K has found a Seventeen article that gives teenage girls tips for picking up (WTF is wrong with them?!!?!) blogger dudes:

You don’t agree with all his posts, but they make you think about new issues — and whether he’s as cute as his pics!

Find him at: A friend of a friend’s Top 8 Your first move: Bloggers love having an audience almost as much as they like a battle of wits, so stir up some controversy by telling him when you disagree with a post.

Hidden payoff: An outspoken guy can stir up passions you never knew what you had — and help you figure out what you really stand for.

This article must be hidden from John Derbyshire at all costs.

And to Seventeen: please stop trying to ruin young women’s lives. That is all.

Do it now:

Years ago, someone coined the term “neoliberal.” I was never sure what it meant, and it has since fallen into disuse, but whatever the case, I’d like to revive (and mangle) the term and apply it — brace yourself — to George W. Bush. He’s more liberal than you might think.

Hoo boy. Another I’m-going-to-be-contrarian-just-to-show-how-above-the-fray-I-am column. This should be good:

You recoil, I know. After all, the conventional wisdom is that Bush is the most conservative of all presidents, an advocate of limited government…

Ah, no. Bush has never been an advocate of limited government. He’s essentially just taken the government and transformed it into the world’s biggest wingnut welfare machine. While this isn’t really a “conservative” thing to do in the traditional sense of the word, I wouldn’t consider it all that liberal either.

…minimal taxes…

But Bush isn’t for minimal taxes; he’s for permanently altering our tax code so that we only tax earned income, all the while letting unearned income, such as inheritances or stock dividends, slide.

…and, when it comes to the quintessentially liberal concern with civil liberties, the man who gave us the twin black eyes of Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo. It’s an appalling record.

It sure is, Richard. And what’s worse is that… heeeeeey, wasn’t this column s’posed to be about how Bush is really just a big hippee?

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Hey, you’ll never guess what.

Remember how the WingNet was going crazy-mad yesterday about that memo from Iraq that was supposed to be a forgery? Remember, for instance, how Ace was crowing that the Washington Post had yet to answer his charges:

Still no response from the reporter. Her refusal to comment is suggestive to me that she did in fact base her story on this absurd forgery.

…whilst calling Juan Cole a ‘dickhead’ and a ‘fucking idiot,’ and so on and so forth?

Juan Cole, among the bazillion lefties who linked the shoddy document as legitimate, refuses to retract his claim, saying he “[doesn’t] accept the reasoning” of LGF’s posts (apparently he didn’t bother clicking to mine) […]

Hey, dickhead? What more “reasoning” do you need than this?

No, go on. You’ll never guess what.

Still no response from Ace. His refusal to comment is suggestive to us that he’s hiding under the computer desk today with circles under his eyes, bingeing on Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk.

Update: Whoops, we spoke too soon.

Here was Ace yesterday, (text via Glenn Greenwald, addressing Middle East expert Juan Cole:

Hey, dickhead? What more “reasoning” do you need than this?

[photograph of figurine eagle]

This is a fucking hummel eagle and flag figurine from a cheesy knicknack vendor, you fucking idiot. What additional “reasoning” do you need?

It’s this [Green Beret and retired senior officer of U.S. Military Intelligence and U.S. Army Special Force] Pat Lang character, a lefty buddy of [former CIA analyst] Larry Johnson’s, who’s been passing this obvious sham around. . . .

What kind of idiots do we have in our “intelligence” community, exactly?

When they give you an intelligence test, do they require you actually fail to get the job? Or at least post a not-too-high, not-too-low score somewhere between “average intelligence” and “borderline imbecile who sits in the corner all day clapping and masturbating”?

Here’s Ace today:

While Gleen Grenwald [sic] is crying vindication, it seems to me he’s jumping the gun a bit. For one thing, among the possibilities I mentioned was that there was in fact a real memo, but the “memo” being circulated was not the actual memo itself, but a Microsoft Word created facsimile. I didn’t want that to be the case — I was hoping for full snookerage of the WaPo just for the embarrassment — but it’s a a little childish of Gleen to pretend that I denied that could be the case.

Unless we’re imagining things, Ace’s ass-covering seems to have changed a bit since we first saw it this afternoon. (We remember the original exculpatory argument having been that the breaking-news!1!! must-credit-Ace!!1! emails that he volcanoed out to the right-wing media included some kind of caveat about the story not being totally confirmed yet).

It’s impressive, though, to see Ace regaining form so quickly, inventing a whole new reality in which he never said what everyone just heard him say. He goes on to claim that this incident only goes to show that it’s really liberal critics of Ace such as Glenn Greenwald who are crazy and wrong, then adds a bravura flourish by accusing them of projection for criticizing him.

There must be a medical term for this.

I’m outsourcing my Memorial Day tribute to the Arcade Fire:

Also: I could point out that the Yankees are now trailing my Red Sox by 12 and a half games, but I know it won’t last much longer. I am, however, enjoying it whilst it lasts.

Pax.

Seb adds: Nothing to add actually, just checking some tech stuff. Carry on please.

Shorter Hysterical Right-Wing Blogosphere:

Above: Spadesey issues a stinging jock ooze

• Every few months we discover inconsistencies in a trivial news story on Iraq, allowing us to spend the rest of the time high-fiving and sneering at accurate news stories on Iraq.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Why do people like this hold vast influence over American foreign policy? Can someone please explain it to me?

Is Sky Falling on America?

By Victor Davis Hanson

The suicide-murders and roadside bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan sicken Americans. Soon-to-be nuclear Iran seems loonier than nuclear North Korea. American debt keeps piling up in China and Japan. And we think of angry Venezuela, the Middle East and Russia every time we fill up – if we can afford to fill up.

Then listen to Al Gore on global warming. Or hear Jimmy Carter on the current president. The common denominator is American “decline.”

Well, duh. 72 percent of Americans think the country is on the wrong track. While the Republicans deserve most of the blame for this, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that the Democrats have done jack-shit to make things better. The only difference is that they seem to send Bush mean letters before they rubberstamp his war policies.

Books by liberals assure us that our “empire” is kaput. Brace for the inevitable fate of Rome. Conservatives are just as glum. For them, we are also Romans – but the more decadent variety, eaten away from the inside.

Here’s a question, Vic- why do we want to be an empire in the first place? Empires are all about subjugating other people, stealing natural resources from other countries, and generally acting like bullying creeps. Why, why, why is this something we want to take part in?

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Dear Ace (via TBizzy),

Please, please, please stop writing about vaginas. I know you have major hang-ups about them, and I know they freak you out, but us normal heterodudes like them rather a lot. So just stop it. Por favor. This is the most honest statement I’ve written in my entire life.

Heterosexually yours,
Brad

How to End ‘Islamophobia’: The latest survey of American Muslims won’t reassure their fellow citizens.

Above: Born a poor Muslim child in Egypt

• So-called Islamophobia will end only when Muslims begin to indulge in it themselves.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Don’t make me dust off my old Ralph Nader pin, losers:

Bowing to President Bush, the Democratic-controlled House and Senate reluctantly approved fresh billions for the Iraq war on Thursday, minus the troop withdrawal timeline that drew his earlier veto.

The Senate vote to send the legislation to the president was 80-14. Less than two hours earlier, the House had cleared the measure, 280-142, with Republicans supplying the bulk of the support.

Congratulations, guys! You’ve just caved to a historically unpopular president! I hope you feel like the pathetic chumps that you are.

Five months in power on Capitol Hill, Democrats in both houses coupled their concession to the president with pledges to challenge his policies anew. “This debate will go on,� vowed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, announcing plans to hold votes by fall on four separate measures seeking a change in course.

And in the end, you’ll cave like spineless wimps. It happens every goddman time.

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Over at Lawyers, Guns & Money, the management thinks it’s going to sneak this by without us noticing:

I was happy to see that the annual Fistful Of Euros Satin Pajamas awards were up–I’m always happy to be introduced to new European blogs I wouldn’t otherwise see. I was then surprised and gratified to see that L, G & M has been nominated for best non-European weblog (although I think it was my French name that put me over the top.) Make sure to check it out.

But who is listed first on the ballot over there? Is it Tristement, Non!* Mais oui!

So let’s be sure we show that Frenchman “Scott” what the wrath of Sadly, No! looks like. Gentlemen, start your voting.