Sadly, No!

ABOVE: Dan Blatt (left) and Ken Mehlman (right)

The Internet home of B. Daniel Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual™, has been, since sometime yesterday afternoon, all Ken Mehlman, all the time. Dan has been littering his own site with school-girl mash notes to Ken and has been practicing signing his name “Mrs. B. Daniel Mehlman” on every scrap of paper he could find.

Even better for Dan than finding out that a gay person he has a crush on is Republican is for Dan to find out that a Republican he has a crush on is GAY! As far as Dan is concerned, Mehlman’s conversion on the road to Targé is as close to the homocon rapture as it gets, with the good homocons being whisked away to a paradise of tax cuts and no gay marriage, while us evil homolibs are left behind spluttering and fuming and wondering where all five homocons on earth went.

Of course, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the spin that Danny will put on the Great Revelation (more accurately described as the “Great Yawn-Worthy Confirmation Of What Everyone But Dan And Ken’s Mother Knew”). We’ll hear that this is proof that there’s no contradiction between being gay and Republican. We’ll also hear that Ken will find more acceptance from the five other homocons on the planet than from all the mean homolibs. And we’ll hear that there are more important things than gay marriage (a distant hope for Dan) including huge tax cuts (again a rather moot point for the jobless Blatt).

Dan’s first response to learning that Mehlman is just like Dan (except that Mehlman has worked most of his life and Dan never has) was “BREAKING: Ken Mehlman Comes Out” in which Dan wonders whether he might get a tug of the ol’ pud from Ken:

Let’s see, he’s Jewish, he’s a Republican, he’s good-looking in a nerdy kind of way. So, my only question is, is he single?

Sadly, Dan, he is “single” because he’s gay, and both he and you have done what you can to support the people fighting gay marriage. Ken was even Bush’s campaign manager when the campaign cooked up, with Karl Rove, the idea of putting gay-marriage referendums on state ballots to bring out the neanderthal evangelical vote to vote against gay marriage and for George Bush. So, yes, Dan, Ken is “single,” but I doubt that even he is either so single or so desperate that he would entertain the idea of sex with you.

And what Dan post would be complete without yet another fuckup caused Dan’s trademarked inability to edit the stuff that he writes. Dan quotes Ken saying that he wondered why gays worried about stupid shit like equal rights rather than the War on Terror, and then Dan blarts out this hilarious Freudian slip (now corrected):

“Ken Mehlman & the Politicization of Gay Identity” was Dan’s next post on all things Ken. Here our homocon Aristotle muses about how poorly Ken Mehlman will be mistreated by the homolibs because of his political beliefs. Dan backs this up, in yet another unintentionally comic gaffe, with a link to a post by White Supremacist John Stacey McCain. In the linked post, McCain calls Mehlman a “drama queen,” refers to Mehlman as “she,” and says that gay Republicans annoy him because they are bossy, narcissistic “drama queens” who do nothing but embarrass the manly men in the GOP. Now that is what I call a warm welcome from the right! I suppose in defense of McCain, at least he didn’t call Mehlman a fag or make any Hershey Highway jokes, which means, in GOP terms, that McCain is totally down with the gays.

And that brings us to Dan’s third post on Mehlman: “W: ‘Incredibly Supportive’ when learning Mehlman was gay.” Did I miss something here? Did George Bush make a public announcement of support for Mehlman’s long-delayed confession that he actually liked to play hide the sausage with other guys? I suppose that “incredibly supportive” here means “incredibly supportive for a Republican,” which, in turn, means Bush waited until Ken left the room before calling Mehlman “Helium Heels” and doing an imitation of his lisp.

J-Dough Loadberg & hotdog sammich

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I had sworn that I was going to write nothing further on the triumphalist Ground Zero Mega-Mosque, basketball court, culinary institute, bomb-making factory and Christian interrogation and torture center slated to be built four inches away from where the base of the North Tower of the World Trade Center once stood. Then I stumbled across Jonah’s latest word jumble and hog-call transcription in the Los Angeles Times.

Jonah’s column was apparently written by an iPhone app that can take the “blacks are the real racists” meme, create suitable variations for disfavored groups of choice and then string all the resulting sentences together until they reach the 750 words required for an op-ed.

Here’s a thought: The 70% of Americans who oppose what amounts to an Islamic Niketown two blocks from ground zero are the real victims of a climate of hate.

Well, calling it a “thought” is perhaps a bit of an exaggeration. Brain fart, too, seems generous.

[A]nd anti-Muslim backlash is mostly a myth. … Regardless, 2001 was the zenith or, looked at through the prism of our national shame, the nadir of the much-discussed anti-Muslim backlash in the United States. The following year, the number of anti-Islamic hate-crime incidents (overwhelmingly, nonviolent vandalism and nasty words) dropped to 155. In 2003, there were 149 such incidents. And the number has hovered around the mid-100s or lower ever since.

Because, you see, only violence and vandalism counts. Koran-burning, mosque protests, calls for banning all mosque construction, and claims that Islam is a religion of violence are just, you know, a little bit of joshing and teasing all meant as good clean fun and nothing more. Certainly not “Islamophobia.”

In 2001, there were twice as many anti-Jewish incidents as there were anti-Muslim, again according to the FBI. In 2002 and pretty much every year since, anti-Jewish incidents have outstripped anti-Muslim ones by at least 6 to 1.

Since Jews outnumber Muslims by about 3 to 1, which Jonah somehow neglects to mention, I’m not quite clear that these figures mean anything, particularly given the relatively small number of incidents involved for both groups. And these figures don’t mean anything at all if there are, and there likely are, any differences between the willingness of the two groups to report hate crimes.

But here’s the inevitable spin we’ve been waiting for since the first sentence of Goldberg’s column

But if you watch TV or movies or read, say, the op-ed page of the New York Times — never mind left-wing blogs — you’ll hear much more open bigotry toward evangelical Christians (in blogspeak, the “Taliban wing of the Republican Party”) than you will toward Muslims.

As a result there has been a groundswell in a campaign to end the building of megachurches in the United States. And the New York Times has been calling for evangelicals to be subject to broader screening at airports. Many evangelicals are so intimidated by this open bigotry against them that they are afraid to go shopping or leave their homes. Just yesterday, a taxicab passenger asked the driver if he was Christian, and when the driver said that he was, the passenger stabbed him. CNN reports that Christians at the anti-Mosque demonstration in New York were severely beaten by a mob of Muslims.

And what wingnut meditation on prejudice and intolerance would be complete without the complaint that liberals are intolerant of intolerance?

And now, thanks to the “ground zero mosque” story, we are again discussing America’s Islamophobia, which, according to Time magazine, is just another chapter in America’s history of intolerance. When, pray tell, will Time magazine devote an issue to its, and this administration’s, intolerance of the American people?

Of course, the inevitable question here is when, pray tell, will Jonah devote a column to his intolerance of intolerance of intolerance?

Jean-David Ruisseaux, Self Portrait with Pretty Hat
(c. 1776) (crayola on white drywall)

Shorter David Brooks, New York Times
A Case of Mental Courage

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: Dennis Prager’s NAMBLA profile pic.

Shorter Dennis Prager, Clown Hall
For the Left, Opponents Cannot Have Decent Motives

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Shorter Tim Graham, Newsblusterers
‘So-called Gay Mafia’ Adding Bias to the New York Times

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*Yes, this multi-layered pun is a sly homage to the fact that Tim Graham bears a striking resemblance to Fred Flintstone, even if way less hot than Fred. It would be irresponsible for me not to speculate that Tim’s idea of foreplay is to run around the bedroom in leopardskin-patterned boxer shorts yelling “Yabba-dabba-do!”

ABOVE: Erick Erickson demonstrates his true expertise

Shorter Irky Irksome, Red State Scare
By Faith: I Am Proud of Franklin Graham

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Shorter Peter Wehner, Kommentar Zeitschrift
Time Magazine’s Slander of America

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: Jim Hoft, in front of GZ chip display
that will become the GZ Muslim triumphal
victory culinary center and halal snack aisle

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Jim Hoft, The Gateway Dumbshit, offers another of his breathless dispatches on the perfidy of liberals who are, apparently, giving the keys to Fort Knox to the Mooslim terrorists while snatching innocent Christian infants from the teats of their mothers and then grinding them up in blenders to be used in acai berry, baby flesh and artichoke slushies drunk by Muslims each evening during the month of Ramadan.

Here’s the headline of Hoft’s latest:

Unreal. New York Officials Refuse to Allow Christians to Rebuild Church Destroyed on 9-11

And the post itself:

OK… Now this ought to make your blood boil.
New York officials have killed plans to rebuild a Greek Orthodox Church near Ground Zero.

…

And, yet these same officials are bending over backwards for the Ground Zero Victory Mosque planners.
Unreal.

Of course, if true, this would be an outrage. But this tale, like so many of the tales propagated by Hoft (including his recent terrified report of a baboon running loose in St. Louis and endangering the whole town), is just too silly and improbable to be believed by anybody but the most self-soiled of bedwitters (all of which can be found in Hoft’s comment section). So, is the nixed church story true? Sadly, No!

Originally, the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey announced an agreement where the St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church, which was completely destroyed when one of the Twin Towers collapsed on it, would be rebuilt at a new and larger location east of its original site. The Port Authority would buy from the Church the land on which the church building initially stood in exchange for $20 million and the larger land parcel as well as committing to spend an additional $40 million on improvements for the site. The church and the Port Authority were unable to agree finally to the terms of this deal. However, the church still owns its original parcel and can rebuild its church there. Neither the Port Authority, nor the City of New York, nor the White House, nor the Tooth Fairy, nor the local zoning commission, nor Keith Olbermann, nor Ezra Klein, nor Judge Walker nor anyone else has told the church that it cannot rebuild on that site.

Even the Fox News story cited by Hoft to support his point says that in a passage conveniently omitted by Hoft.

“St. Nicholas Orthodox Church has always had and will continue to have the right to rebuild on its original location. The question was whether public money would be spent to build a much larger church at a separate location on the site and ensuring that construction wouldn’t delay the World Trade Center further,” [Port Authority] spokesman Stephen Sigmund said in a written statement.

If you could replace Hoft’s entire brain with puréed raw goat meat, there is little question that this would raise his I.Q. by 20 to 30 points.

*****BREAKING — MUST CREDIT SADLY, NO!*****

The victims of one of history’s most brutal acts of war are surely rolling in their graves! We have discovered evidence that a triumphalist monument has been built by the perpetrators of the atrocity not three blocks, not two blocks, but a mere block-and-a-half from Ground Zero:

H/t: N_B in comments.

Let’s be serious about the 999th most important issue facing the nation for three seconds – 3 … 2 … 1 … okay, screw that serious shit. Ahem. A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into an Islamic center two blocks from Ground Zero. The bartender says, ‘What’re you drinking?’ and the imam orders him beheaded because sharia law dhimmitude Allahu Akbar alalalalalalalalala flabberty jabberty jabber etc. etc.*

You’ve been a great crowd! We’re here all week!

*Also the priest molests the bartender’s kids and the rabbi drinks their blood.