Sadly, No!

David “The Lion’s Share” Frum asks:

Did Maureen Dowd of the New York Times really compare Terri Schiavo to the corpse in the weird-teen comedy, “Weekend with Bernie?” [sic]

The answer is:

The scene on Capitol Hill this past week has been almost as absurdly macabre as the movie “Weekend at Bernie’s,” with Tom DeLay and Bill Frist propping up between them this poor woman in a vegetative state to indulge their own political agendas.

We copy and paste, you decide.

RIP, Barney Martin:

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) Barney Martin, who played Jerry Seinfeld’s father Morty on more than 20 episodes of “Seinfeld,” died on Monday (March 21) at the age of 82.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Martin suffered from cancer.

Since Seb’s still recovering from his double-penis operation, he’s asked me to stick around for a while to help keep Sadly, No! fresh and AbsorbShunny.

I’ve decided not to blog about Terri Schiavo.  It’s too depressing, and I only blog to have fun- you know, the same reason Judson Cox dresses his pet hamsters in Barbie clothes and sends them on play dates.

But since every wingnut site is Schiavo-obsessed this week, the pickings for Grade-A right-wing tomfoolery are very slim indeed.

Desperate for something to laugh about, I decided to check out NewsMax to see if they had posted any funny new ads.  This one caught my eye:

As S.Z. has pointed out, it seems like every ad on NewsMax is marketing something that CRAZY Left-Wing Liberals/Hillary Clinton/The Mainstream Media DON’T want you to see.  Speaking as a CRAZY Left-Wing Liberal, I don’t really care if NewsMax readers learn the secrets of having ancient Chinese sex or earning "Wealth Beyond Dreams of Greed," but I guess it helps them sell their products.  Maybe Jeff Gannon would have made more money if he’d taken out a NewsMax ad with the caption, "Dan Rather Does NOT Want You to Toss This Man’s Salad!!"

At any rate, I clicked on the ad’s link and it took me to the site of "Jason Juliano."  And because Jason knows the grave personal risk we took by clicking on the site that Hillary had forbidden us to visit, he wrote us this swell letter:

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Frederick of BeatBushBlog saves us the trouble of writing a post about Terri Schiavo:

The case of Terri Schiavo raises complex issues. Yet in instances like this one, where there are serious questions and substantial doubts, our society, our laws, and our courts should have a presumption in favor of life. Those who live at the mercy of others deserve our special care and concern. It should be our goal as a nation to build a culture of life, where all Americans are valued, welcomed, and protected – and that culture of life must extend to individuals with disabilities.

The rest here.

Or something like that:

A new study has found that young adults who make virginity pledges are just as likely to be infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) compared with those who do not take a pledge. […]

Compared with non-pledgers, the team found that male pledgers were were four times more likely to engage in anal sex and both male and female pledgers were six times more likely to have oral sex. Condom use was almost non-existent for oral sex and very low for those participating in anal sex.

Sweet dreams of Ben Shapiro, everybody!

You really have to give credit to people who can seriously (?) claim this:

Religious intolerance that has grown since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks in the United States and the U.S. invasion of Iraq has especially persecuted Christians, the Rome-based Jesuit magazine, Civilta Cattolica, said this month.

Especially Christians. The mind boggles.

(Link via busy, busy, busy.)

Read the shocking details here.

(Via Apostropher.)

Wingnuttery isn’t restricted to Renew America and The Rant– you can also find it at the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page.  The Journal has two classics this morning, one by the editors and one by Leslie Gelb of the Council on Foreign Relations.

Above: The Wall Street Journal’s All-Star Editorial Panel.

First, let’s take a look at the editors’ piece about the fraud conviction of former WorldCom C.E.O. Bernard Ebbers:

Bernard Ebbers was convicted yesterday, and our first thought was: Does this mean Sarbanes-Oxley will go poof?  Now that the man at the center of the biggest accounting fraud in U.S. history will pay for his own crimes, it is only fair that the rest of American business shouldn’t have to…

The WorldCom scandal served as a catalyst for politicians to jump into the fray in 2002 with the Sarbanes-Oxley legislation, one of those Washington "fixes" that imposes new costs and regulatory burdens on the entire economy rather than punishing the guilty few.

So the Journal’s pissed that Sarbanes-Oxley forces their buddies to endure greater scrutiny and oversight in their accounting practices.  I guess it’d be much better to wait for fraudulent companies to collapse before taking any action.  Similarly, airports shouldn’t check people for weapons before boarding aircraft, since it makes travel less efficient.  We can throw someone in jail if they hijack a plane, but why punish every passenger for the actions of a guilty few?

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Hey, there. S.Z. from World O’Crap here.

Since Seb is gone, I thought I’d take this occasion to tell you some stuff about him that you probably didn’t know.

First of all, he’s not actually romantically involved with Amber Pawlik. Seb is happily married, and Amber has a boyfriend.

So, the truth of the matter is that their relationship is just about hot, steamy, objectivist cybersex.

Second, the reason for Seb’s absence this week is not to attend some spring break thing with girls gone wild. No, it seems that Seb has been appointed to a new position in the U.S. State Department designed to make foreigners hate us less. So, he had to go to Washington to meet with Condi and Karen Hughes, and discuss how he is going to accomplish this. The idea he came up with is to spread stories about a German woman who was forced to work in a brothel or lose her unemployment benefits, thus proving that America is way better than Europe. And guess what? Karen liked the idea so much that she is reportedly going to use it on the Arab street.

And third, actually Seb and Justin Darr are not sworn rivals, but instead socialize regularly.
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Since Seb’s still being a lazy mofo (and since I can’t resist shameless self-promotion), I thought I’d update y’all on the latest from Kaye Grogan, cross-posted at my place.

This week, Kaye’s written another show-stopper, arguing that the death penalty shouldn’t be used as a deterrent, since the best reason to execute criminals is revenge:

Above: The sssssssassy Kaye Grogan.

The death penalty is a punishment . . . not a deterrent

Kaye Grogan

March 14, 2005

The death penalty opponents don’t have a leg to stand on when they argue the death penalty is not a deterrent for committing murders. The death penalty is a self-defense action taken by pro-death penalty states, who are acting on behalf of the victim/victims who have already been killed ? who didn’t have any self-defense against their slayers.

So we have to kill criminals in self-defense to stop them from murdering our states- hey, I can’t argue with that.

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