Wingnuttery isn’t restricted to Renew America and The Rant– you can also find it at the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page.  The Journal has two classics this morning, one by the editors and one by Leslie Gelb of the Council on Foreign Relations.

Above: The Wall Street Journal’s All-Star Editorial Panel.

First, let’s take a look at the editors’ piece about the fraud conviction of former WorldCom C.E.O. Bernard Ebbers:

Bernard Ebbers was convicted yesterday, and our first thought was: Does this mean Sarbanes-Oxley will go poof?  Now that the man at the center of the biggest accounting fraud in U.S. history will pay for his own crimes, it is only fair that the rest of American business shouldn’t have to…

The WorldCom scandal served as a catalyst for politicians to jump into the fray in 2002 with the Sarbanes-Oxley legislation, one of those Washington "fixes" that imposes new costs and regulatory burdens on the entire economy rather than punishing the guilty few.

So the Journal’s pissed that Sarbanes-Oxley forces their buddies to endure greater scrutiny and oversight in their accounting practices.  I guess it’d be much better to wait for fraudulent companies to collapse before taking any action.  Similarly, airports shouldn’t check people for weapons before boarding aircraft, since it makes travel less efficient.  We can throw someone in jail if they hijack a plane, but why punish every passenger for the actions of a guilty few?

Next up, Leslie Gelb writes one of those annoying "Advice for the Poor Demi-cwats" pieces that advises stealing Dick Cheney’s penis (or something like that):

Cheney Envy

by Leslie H. Gelb

The Democrats need a Dick Cheney, especially on foreign policy.

This is not to say they need someone who let U.S. forces march off to smash Saddam without a plan to win the peace, or someone whose contempt alienated our closest allies needlessly.

Which is kinda sad, since incompetence and contempt for our allies are two of Dick’s better qualities.

Nor does it mean the Democrats don’t also need a Karl Rove to forge a coherent political strategy.

Yeah, we need someone to start vicious whispering campaigns involving rumors of lesbianism and illegitimate children.

But to put themselves back on the road to reality in thinking about foreign policy, they have to have a hard-head like the vice president.

So to get back on the road to reality, we should ignore all evidence and insist that Saddam and al-Qaeda were in cahoots, or that two weather balloon trailers were "conclusive proof" that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

As colleagues attest, Mr. Cheney harbors a bleak view of humankind, especially of Democrats and non-Americans.

Well, that’s got "future party slogan" written all over it- "Democrats: The Party with a Bleak View of Humankind."

While well aware of American hypocrisies, he conveys the clear sense that other countries are worse, much worse.

The Democrats could do a better job of holding other cultures in contempt- that’s something the G.O.P. is uniquely good at.  I say if Hillary gets elected president, her first action should be to go to the U.N. and say, "I’m well aware of American hypocrisies, but the rest of you are worse… much worse."

A lot of Americans just feel safer with a guy who will stick up for America, hold other countries to account, and talk about the world realistically.

OK, this just makes fun of itself, so I’m gonna stop reviewing it now.

However, I will take Les’ advice and start scouting around for the Democratic version of Dick Cheney.  The qualifications for prospective DemoDicks are:

1.) A bleak view of humanity

2.) A willingness to slap around ungrateful foreigners

3.) A frightening, grim demeanor

I’ve come up with three candidates, all of whom sing for metal bands:

1.) Ozzy Osbourne

Pros: Songs like "Paranoid" and "Diary of a Madman" portray a bleak portrait of human nature.  And like the Real Cheney, Ozzy’s bitten the heads off small animals.

Cons: His anti-war song "War Pigs" hurts him in the "slapping foreigners around" category.

2.) Oderous Urungus of GWAR

Pros: Regularly feeds unworthy GWAR fans to the all-consuming "World Maggot."  His stated ambition is "to view the shattered boiling mass of planet Earth from outer space, rapidly disappearing from sight."

Cons: Since Oderous hails from the planet Scumdogia, he’s probably not eligible to run for president.  Also, his pro-Saddam song ("Saddam a Go-Go") wouldn’t play well in the Red States.

3.) Chris Barnes of Cannibal Corpse

Pros: His songs (including the charming ditties "Meat Hook Sodomy," "They Deserve to Die" and "Hammer-Smashed Face") are already staples on Cheney’s iPod.  Plus, his throaty vocals are so indecipherable that "values voters" wouldn’t get offended.

Cons: None that I can think of.