Sadly, No!

Well, Seb’s probably gonna be back Monday, so this is likely my last entry here at Sadly, No! *sniff* (And if Seb’s still away, he’s gonna need to find someone else, ‘cuz I start class again Monday and won’t have the extra time. “You spent your Spring Break BLOGGING?!” you ask. Well, unlike the REST of you East Coast Eliterists, I have to work full-time when not in class. Maybe if y’all learned the values of hard work you’d become “the most influential voice of your generation” (and get all the chicks) just like Judson Cox.)

Thanks to everyone for their support, even the person who left this comment:

At any rate, come check out my NEW place, The Superhappyfun Blog!!! I’m still working on the layout, so forgive its current shoddy appearance.

Now, onto today’s business. After reading yesterday’s post on Adam Yoshida, my friend Trish dropped me a line to say that Adam’s involved in an on-line government simulation game, and that Adam, for reasons only Satan knows, has been elected president.


Above: As you can see, Virtual President Yoshida is up to his old tricks and yelling at foreigners. He’s also trying to get Congress to let him run for (gulp) a third term.
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First of all, let’s congratulate the winner of yesterday’s Renew America Bachelor Pageant, Judson Cox!

SC of The Girl Gets Away has graciously volunteered to take my place as Judson’s date. Judson, what do ya have to say to the lucky lady?

I’m sure you two will have lots to talk about. (Now we just need to find a date for Resa LaRu Kirkland, a.k.a., America’s War Chick! Any takers?)
Now, onto today’s business. I decided to see what our old friend Adam Yoshida’s been up to lately.

Above: The two famous Yoshis. Unlike his digital dino-counterpart, Adam pays money to get mounted by hairy Italian guys.
I wondered: has he mellowed out since Bush won the election (or is he at least less batshit loony than before)? Well, I needn’t tell you, since I think we all know the answer:
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Over at The Rant, Krystle Russin opines that young conservatives are just as kewl as their liberal counterparts:

Above: The Rant’s depiction of a hip young Republican. Apparently, you have to have really big man-hands, just like Ann Coulter.

That’s pretty accurate, but she forgot to include “home-schooled by religious fundamentalists,” “sexist,” and “virgin.”
But wait! According to Krystle, those old stereotypes are things of the past:

Where they’ll presumably hook up with a girl, knock her up, and make her get an abortion.
To help Krystle prove that young Republicans are hip and sexy, I’ve recruited three of the hottest young conservative columnists from Alan Keyes’ Renew America for a Sadly, No! Young Republican Bachelor Auction!
Without further ado, let’s meet our contestants!
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Hey kids, this is Brad of BradBlog 3000, filling in for Seb while he’s doing dork work-related program activities.
Since this site is frequented by right-wing heavyweights like David Frum and Jonah Goldberg, Seb told me to keep it clean- ergo, my original post (entitled “The History of Conservative Vaginas, from Queen Victoria to Sean Hannity”) had to be spiked.
So in Seb’s honor, I’ve decided to review a column from his all-time favorite website, The Rant!
This week’s Rant comes from editor-in-chief Frank Salvato, who’s pissed that the media aren’t reporting the stuff they’re reporting:
Read the rest of this entry »

Happily, others are doing something.

Over at TBOGG, Tom tells Jonah to crawl back into that vagina he came out of:

Jesus. If Jonah was any lazier his wife would have to chew up his food and spit it in his mouth.

At No More Mister Nice Blog, Steve M. (who posts more while bareky out of retirement than we do on a good day,) does a fine job of debunking some spin:

She’s absolutely right. And it’s a vital distinction. Now and for the foreseeable future, no one’s going to get up at a Republican convention and make a speech the central thrust of which is opposition to the Iraq war, or support for higher taxes, or advocacy of gay marriage or abortion rights. Everyone knows that. Thus, in order for the Casey story to retain potency, it must appear that the party kept him off the stage because of his beliefs, not because the point of his speech was to rebuke to the presidential nominee on a key issue.

Tim Lambert does what Tim Lambert does best: make John Lott look like a dumbass:

Lott is wrong to say that these people used guns to stop the attacks. In all three cases the shooter had already stopped and was trying to leave the scene of the crime. In the last case, the defenders? guns did not have much of a role since Odighizuwa was out of ammunition, had put his gun down and had to be physically tackled.

Finally, The All Spin Zone has the latest news from Senator Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog:

No, even that is a lie, as Santorum has been greeted by hecklers at nearly every stop on his Town-hall speaking tour, including one in Warminster, a Philly suburb. I heard also from a witness at Drexel University that Santorum was received by a raucus crowd against his proposal — she told me the report by the Daily Pennsylvanian understated the protest a great deal. Hey, maybe the results of Santorum’s own online poll tells us the truth.

Well, if you’ve stopped by here in the last few days to see what we’d come up with, chances are you’ve noticed that the answer is nothing.

Things are going to get worse before they get better as work calls on us to spend a week at CeBIT. So you’ll have to provide your own entertainment for a bit longer. On that note, if any of the usual suspects who have access to Sadly, No! the blog want to post while we’re away, please go ahead.

And if any of the usual suspects who do not have access to S,N! would like to see that remedied so they can tarnish our good name with expletive-filled posts, please contact the management at the email address listed on the right.

We never did kick him, but we sure are glad he’s around. Now with comments!

Human Events Online is getting upset:

The Soviet Union awarded W.E.B. Du Bois the Lenin Peace Prize. Maoist China staged a national holiday in his honor in 1959. Now, for reasons unexplained, the Democratic Party’s 2004 presidential nominee seeks to honor Du Bois too.

Did John Kerry praise Du Bois’ work?

The writers of the Harlem Renaissance, whom we focus on today, celebrated their culture in poetry and prose while capturing the stark realities of being black in America. In committing their words to paper, they shaped a rich literary history and became agents of change.

W.E.B. Du Bois’ character in The Souls of Black Folk captured the frustration of many with the words: “How does it feel to be a problem? I answer seldom a word.”

Sadly, No! Laura Bush did that.

Did John Kerry feature Du Bois on his web site?

Sadly, No! President Bush did that.

Did John Kerry praise Du Bois’ intellect?

For generations, African Americans have strengthened our Nation by urging reforms, overcoming obstacles, and breaking down barriers. We see the greatness of America in those who have risen above injustice and enriched our society, a greatness reflected in the resolve of Jackie Robinson, the intellect of W.E.B. DuBois[.]

Sadly, No! President Bush did that. So when HEO writes:

From communism to eugenics to racial separatism, W.E.B. Du Bois was wrong on just about every major issue he championed. His admirers in Congress are wrong too.

Seems to us they forgot one branch of the government.

Nathan Tabor writes:

Then, my wife drove the truck to see her parents an hour away. She called me and said the truck was vibrating so much that it was giving her a headache. When she took it by the dealership they told her it was normal and couldn’t be fixed. At the time I didn’t have a chance to deal with the situation because of a race for Congress. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to wait a few more months.

Nathan Tabor came in fourth in the Republican primary last year. Couldn’t hurt, but obviously didn’t help.

If it’s not, well, uh oh:

WASHINGTON, March 1 – Paul D. Wolfowitz, the deputy secretary of defense, is under serious consideration to become the next president of the World Bank, according to an official in the Bush administration.

Another candidate to emerge is Carleton S. Fiorina, the former chief executive of Hewlett-Packard who was asked to resign two weeks ago, the official said, speaking on condition of anonymity.

And now, the punchline:

The official familiar with the list would discuss the names only on background because of the administration’s disdain for any leaks of prospective candidates.

The article’s conclusion:

But neither Mr. Wolfowitz nor Ms. Fiorina is an expert in development.

No fucking shit.

Next thing you know they’ll be telling us Jonah Goldberg is not a Middle East expert.