Posted on July 1st, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: The Don Jim Bob Surber Reading Room
Shorter Don Jim Bob Surber, Charlztun Daly Male:
Michelle needs TOTUS to praise her husband
- Michelle Obama are so stewpid cause she need a tellapromptur to help her sez her speech.*
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*You know, Jim Bob, if you’re going to rag on Michelle for being so stupid that she has to use a teleprompter to give a speech, it’s best not to do so in a post littered with typos, punctuation mistakes and grammatical errors.
Posted on June 30th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: The Anchoress or K-Lo? You decide.
Shorter Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth Immaculata Magdalena Scalia of Hypochondria, The Anchoress:
Bottoms Up With Horse Semen
- Women who drink horse cum shots are murdering little foals and really pissing off God, who, as we all know, ordained only one bodily fluid from animals as fit for human consumption.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Posted on June 29th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE, David Harsanyi, JD, LLM (Swampitucky School of Law, ’81, ’84)
Shorter David Harsanyi, Beck’s Blazing Blog of Blather
Daddy Bloomberg on Freedom
- If the government has the power to suggest voluntary sodium guidelines for restaurants, it also has the right to tell fags that they are not allowed to get married.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Posted on June 28th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: Dennis Prager
Shorter Dennis Prager, America’s Shittiest Website™
Have We No Decency?
- God says that men flying around on airplanes in women’s clothing, even if their penises are covered, might as well be flying around naked.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Posted on June 27th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: K-Loaded
Very Slightly Shorter Miss St. Kathryn of Bologna, America’s Shittiest Website™
Stonewall Friday Night
- Now that the New York State Legislature has legalized homo marriage, there is not really any difference left between the United States and North Korea.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Posted on June 25th, 2011 by Tintin
Shorter Mattie Yglesias, Think Progress:
Beyond the Top One Percent
- The fact that really rich people have an overwhelmingly larger percentage of national income than anyone else doesn’t bother me at all, because the really rich people in return get shitty lives where they are forced to play golf and live in mansions in Dallas.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Pic courtesy of the awesome people at 3Bulls. Thanks!
Posted on June 22nd, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: Swami Ashley Britney Dawn Amber Parker*
Shorter Ashley Parker, The New York “News Worth Paying For” Fucking Times
Handwriting Experts Weigh In on Weiner’s Signature (and Psyche)
- Because I didn’t have enough time to gut a rooster and cast its entrails, I asked some graphologists to analyze Anthony Weiner’s signature. Their analyses conclusively prove (drum roll, please) that Anthony Weiner is an egomanical sex pervert who has no respect for rules.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*The shit hanging down from Ashley’s neck was in the original picture and not Photoshopped.
Posted on June 20th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: Ugly on the outside (right); ugly on the inside and outside (left)
Kathy Shaidle*, Five Feet of Furry
First they want to get ‘married,’ now they’re developing a lucrative sideline as crybaby tattletales
- I don’t understand why these prissy fairies don’t see how hilarious it is to call someone a fucking faggot. Cracks me up every time.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*You might recall, just for giggles, that this dumpy little tower of homophobia was nominated by America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ as the Mega Awesome Grande Grandississimo Conservative Blogress of 2008.
[h/t to M. Bouffant for reminding me in the comments about this Shaidle creature.]
Posted on June 19th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: Jenn Giroux
Shorter Jenn Giroux, Ruhnoo Muhrka
“Just one abortion” can take 73+ lives: A Father’s Day message
- Just one abortion can murder 73 babies. Or more. Maybe even a MILLION babies. Or TEN BILLION babies. Or as many babies as there ever were, or will be, since the beginning of time. What if Eve had aborted Cain and Abel, huh? Where would YOU be?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Posted on June 17th, 2011 by Tintin
ABOVE: Michael Goodwin
Shorter Michael Goodwin, The World’s Worst Newspaper:
So Long, Weiner, What A “Sorry” Excuse
- I, for one, do not believe that Anthony Weiner will have adequately apologized for, or paid for, his depravity until he cuts off his own dick.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™