Sadly, No!

Ah, the fine exercise of logic in the service of Jennifer Roeback Morse’s relationship advice is just too precious:

Jennifer Roback Morse, a research fellow at the Hoover Institution of Stanford University, has been tracing the effects of no-fault divorce throughout the culture.

Hooray!

As she makes clear, “The legal innovation of unilateral divorce began to reduce marriage to nothing but a temporary association of individuals. If marriage is merely a free association of individuals, there is no principled reason to exclude same-sex couples, or even larger groupings of sexual partners[.]

We don’t often agree with Jennifer, but we’ll give her this much: there is no principled reason to exclude homosexuals in relationships who meet the same criteria and are willing to meet the same burdens, as heterosexuals who wish to marry. But how did we get to polygamy from there? [-Just be glad she didn’t throw in bestiality, –Mickey Kaus’ editor.] So far then, only a little bit silly. [“Well, there’s a big swing here to the silly party; but how big a swing I’m not going to tell you.”]

The revolution in America’s divorce laws has produced a situation in which one spouse may demand and cause the breakup of the marriage, even if the other spouse is committed to maintaining the relationship.

And wouldn’t want to live in a world where one person can force another one to stay in a mariage? Indeed — why not make it impossible to break up?

George: “I-I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’m sorry, but we, uh, we have to break up.”
Maura: “No.”
George: “What’s that?”
Maura: “We’re not breaking up.”
George: “We’re not?”
Maura: “No.”
George: “All right.”

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Did Hugo Chavez learn English from watching twelfth-rate teeny-bop sitcoms? Seriously, check it:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez launched a new verbal attack against US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, bluntly warning her “don’t mess with me, girl.”

Responding to remarks before the US Congress last week in which Rice called Chavez a “challenge to democracy” in Latin America, Chavez warned the top US diplomat to back off.

“She messed with me again,” he said in his weekly “Hello President” television show, deliberately mangling her name as “Condolences.” “Don’t mess with me, girl.”

“Oh snap! Condi, you need to watch your back with that Mr. Chavez ’cause he ain’t playin’ witcha. Viva el Cuba!”

In related news, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il will launch his campaign to indoctrinate American youth this week when he drops his debut rap CD, called “Tha’ Il-est.”

“Yo, yo, yo, home-skewl! Capitalizm iz wiggedy-wiggedy-wiggedy wack! Y’all bourgeois crackaz need ta’ get off my diz-nick!”

From last month:

In a reversal of policy, the United States on Monday backed an Iranian initiative to deny United Nations consultative status to organizations working to protect the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. In a letter to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, a coalition of 40 organizations, led by the Human Rights Campaign, Human Rights Watch, the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, called for an explanation of the vote which aligned the United States with governments that have long repressed the rights of sexual minorities. […]

In voting against the applications to the NGO committee, the U.S. was joined by Cameroon, China, Cuba, Iran, Pakistan, the Russian Federation, Senegal, Sudan, and Zimbabwe. [Emphasis added]

Let Freedom Reign!

Now with Scrubbing Bubbles! Since they’re doing their own ‘shorters’ now with capsule descriptions of each new column, all that’s left to do is to add spoilers.

Doug Giles (r): “How’d you like to be ‘jalapeño-peppered,’ Speedy Gonzalez?”

Whoah there, Amigo — not while there are Mexicans sneaking over the border, with their sombreros and frijoles and a lust for the flesh of human infants.

And yet, I’m reluctant to quit my job as the hot-cha conservative chick at the San Francisco Chronicle because I’m actually nearly 50 and look like a suburban Board of Ed administrator.

But this was also thanks to President Bush, who is always responsible when markets go up, whereas something else is always responsible when they go down. Mr. Post Hoc, meet Mr. Propter Hoc. Oh, you two have met before? Well, I’ll see both you guys next time.

Nathanael Blake: Inspired by the Holy Hand Lotion.
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…that my home state only gave Bush a 29% approval rating.

And incidentally, what the hell is wrong with y’all peoples in Utah? 58% of you still like Bush? C’mon, guys, what’s it gonna take?

The Boston-based Article 8 Alliance has posted an op-ed on their website, noting that it’s “one of the most powerful articles we’ve seen” about homosexuals. The piece describes the horrors that await unsuspecting straight folks who walk into gay bookstores:

THE BOOKS WERE A FRONT FOR THE PORN
The Truth About the Homosexual Rights Movement
By Ronald G. Lee

There was a “gay” bookstore called Lobo’s in Austin, Texas, when I was living there as a grad student. The layout was interesting. Looking inside from the street all you saw were books. It looked like any other bookstore. There was a section devoted to classic “gay” fiction by writers such as Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein, and W.H. Auden. There were biographies of prominent “gay” icons, some of whom, like Walt Whitman, would probably have accepted the homosexual label, but many of whom, like Whitman’s idol, President Lincoln, had been commandeered for the cause on the basis of evidence no stronger than a bad marriage or an intense same-sex friendship. There were impassioned modern “gay” memoirs, and historical accounts of the origins and development of the “gay rights” movement. It all looked so innocuous and disarmingly bourgeois.

Not to mention gay.
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Y’know, as much as I bitch about the Christian Right in this country, at least they don’t do shit like this:

A Pakistani cleric announced a $1 million bounty for killing a cartoonist who drew the Prophet Muhammad as thousands joined street protests after Friday prayers.

Let me just go on the record in saying that my scorn for religious fundamentalists is 100% non-denominational.

What’s the worst hard rock song ever?

Definitely, without any contest, it’s this:

The Osmonds – ‘Crazy Horses,’ live TV appearance (2:21)

Continuing forward, who would be the hokiest, most inept, and most cluelessly self-parodying heavy metal ensemble ever to gain public attention? It’s these guys. First off, note that their musicianship is as intermediate-level as that of the stoner dudes who played at your high school battle of the bands. That’s not a bad thing per se; a lot of great bands can’t (or don’t) play well, and many would be less interesting if they did. [Note of clarification: Their early records are crungy treasures in a Motorhead/ Damned/ Misfits sort of way, but they never played live until years into the game.]

Venom – ‘Countess Bathory,’ live 1985 (3:32)

You’d think: If your drummer had a serious timing problem, such that when he attempts the tucka-tucka double-bass-drum thing he sounds like a man chasing after a train while carrying a suitcase with a shirttail sticking out of it — and if your guitarist goes into a palpable fugue of procrastination and suck-avoidance when the time comes for a solo because he can’t play anything more awesome than an arthritic cluster of eighth-notes, you’d probably want to steer things toward an aesthetic along the lines of, ‘We are satisfyingly loud and crude.’ You wouldn’t be all like, ‘Wë ärë äwësömë Røckë Gøddës whöm shällst hämmeth ït üp wïthst ëverÿ cöckämämïë Stäge Möve in ÿë Därkëth Grïmøirë øf ÿë Hëävÿë Mëtällë.’ The tongue — that fool even does the tongue! Also, how much do you think that stage setup cost, and who are all those fans who paid to see them? The world is a very strange place.

Worst attempt at New Wave? That’s certainly a tough one, and Japanese stuff doesn’t always count on the same scale as regular stuff — but this effort deserves an exploding unchi statuette for missing the point on every possible level.

Hikashu – ‘At The End Of The 20th Century,’ 1980 TV appearance (2:39)

That TV special also featured the always-decent Plastics, and a good mod-wave guitar band called P-Model, led by a guy named Susumu Hirasawa, who’s now doing some interesting retro-synthpop stuff. I’d post the link for the new stuff, but I’m still creeping into the server through the drainpipe and can’t post working links. Here’s the P-Model clip. Not bad, huh?

P-Model – ‘Art Mania,’ 1980 TV appearance (2:58)

Hey, kids, sorry for the lack of posts here lately- I’ve been pretty swamped with work.

However, I should be back later tonight with an exciting update on the insane anti-gay group known as the Article 8 Alliance! Until then, enjoy this setlist I made of BRAD’S 20 FAVORITE PRINCE SONGS:

“Listen up, cobagz! Brad’s been super-busy! So let him get some work done while I freak your eardrums!”
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Being banned by Renew America for being too crazy is sort of like constructing a perpetual motion machine: it’s something that, by all accounts, should be just about impossible. But it looks like our old friend Andrew Longman has defied the laws of physics and accomplished just that:

Yesterday, a piece by Andrew Longman appeared on the RenewAmerica.us website attacking Dr. James Dobson and Focus on the Family for supporting a bill in Colorado that facilitates access by unmarried persons to many of the legal benefits and privileges associated with marriage.

Whatever the merits of the arguments Mr. Longman intended to present, the piece was extremely disrespectful to Dr. Dobson personally, and characterized by ad hominem sarcasm that was un-Christian and deeply offensive.

Indeed. That’s the sort of garbage you expect to read on Sadly, No!, not on a deeply respected opinion journal like Alan Keyes’ Crack Den.

Whatever the circumstances that allowed it to appear, I must take full responsibility for this lapse. When it was brought to my attention, I personally saw to it that the piece was taken off the site, and I have asked that Mr. Longman be removed from our list of contributors.

Boooooooo! Booooooo! Now we’ll never learn how to adequately prepare for a nuclear holocaust! Think of the disservice you’re doing to the public, Mr. Keyes!

I personally apologize to Dr. Dobson for this inexcusable departure from acceptable standards of conduct and presentation.

Renew America has standards? (Or as Kaye might write, “Renew — America… ‘has,’ standards?”)

I hold Dr. Dobson in high esteem, and I believe that he always acts conscientiously, with a heartfelt commitment to the cause of moral decency and principle. We have not, and may not, always agree on every issue, but we agree in our love of God and our respect for one another. Mr. Longman’s piece utterly disregarded this community of mutual faith and respect, and this I repudiate and unequivocally condemn.

“Yeah, fuck that guy! Jesus doesn’t want that kind of trash speaking in His name!”

At any rate, it’s really too bad that Andrew’s career has been cut so tragically short. Maybe another site will be willing to pick him up, but that seems unlikely: after all, Renew America is truly the Baltic Avenue of Wingnutopoly.