Larry Klayman: I blame Obama for letting the terrorists blow up that fertilizer plant in Texas.
Judie Brown: I blame text messaging and iPads for euthanasia.
Chris Adamo: I blame the left for the Boston Marathon bombings.
Lloyd Marcus: I blame the media for not pointing out that the Boston bombings were probably the work of left-wing extremists.
Tabitha Korol: I blame the Irish Teacher’s Union for turning St. Patrick into a Muslim.
Fuck the photoshop. I want this image forever linked to Robert Johnson’s lame attempts at post hoc rationalization.
Robert Johnson,
Business InsiderHumanity Outsider:
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well
…
We go on and on here about the sad truism that is “IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION” here at Sadly, No! Because unfortunately IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION with so many right-wing arguments, freak-outs, and accusations thrown out at liberals. And that sad reality is rarely ever more true when it comes to the conservative fetish object of “Personal Responsibility”. “Personal Responsibility” is the conservative one stop response to pretty much any and all discrimination and bigotry in the world.
Oh, are you poor and starving on the streets because rich people are hogging all the money and have actively opposed the notion of social safety nets? Welp, should have had some “Personal Responsibility” and magicked up a high paying job from your colon. Oh, are you queer and being harassed for it? Welp, maybe you should have thought about “Personal Responsibility” before you started shoving your differences in people’s faces. Oh, are you a woman and you’ve been raped? Welp, you definitely should have shown some “Personal Responsibility” before going to a place that contained at least one rapist while living in a rape culture that actively and passively condones it… I mean, something about short skirts and being a whore, I dunno.
And for all they love the word (and only the word) when they are trying to dodge their way out of empathy or actually having to pretend that the suffering and deaths of “undesirables” isn’t the fucking point, there is nothing they actually hate accepting more in substance.
Read the rest of this entry »
Okay, I get that white people can be liberals and I get that white people can be poor, but are you absolutely sure white people can’t be cavemen because I’ve really been wanting to reuse this photoshop for awhile.
Joan Walsh, Salon:
How to talk about white people
In this gig, we read a LOT of complete and utter assholes, pure scum of the Earth types, some of whom, I am convinced, are actively trying to be worse people out of some twisted obligation to “pissing off the liberals”. As such, it can be worthwhile to take a break from the National Reviews and American Thinkers of the world and remember that truly mind-numbing stupidity can come from all sorts of sources.
Such as say, a “well-meaning liberal” stepping boldly out and sliding ever forward on the banana peel of unchecked privilege.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Oh holy shit, it just dawned on me that non-white people are starting to gain legitimate power. In response, let me trip painfully over my own privilege and lecture to you inferior darkies how you should still bow ever so deferentially to us white people, otherwise we’ll abandon you immediately and try and burn the bridges we’ve got while they still matter. P.S. Why is it so hard for racial minorities to fully trust white allies?
The prostitute lay back and considered her options carefully. And to think she was such a normal girl before the hippie commie brainwashing of (DRAMATIC MUSIC) a liberal-arts education!!!
Eliana Johnson, National Discarded Sprue:
Queer Gardens, Pocahontas, and Prostitutes
It’s almost cute, when you get right down to it. The right-wing’s dual obsessions regarding academia. With all the various faux-intellectual “think-tanks” designed to produce various afactual “studies” to prove their bigoted nonsense, it is clear that the right-wing desperately CRAVES the respectability and gravitas of genuine academic scholarship. But at the same time, it so thoroughly despises academia for its commitments to the pursuit of truth and genuine investigation of the world, as well as academia’s nasty habit of routinely proving various wingnut conspiracy theories so very wrong.
The right-wing, in all it’s anti-intellectual fervor, despises those smarty-pants stuffed-shirts who actually know things about the world, but also wants to be them and have the respect carefully earned by proving oneself repeatedly right. It’s like they actually comprehend on some level that all their various wingnut welfare gigs for various propaganda factories are the real act of undeserved promotion they decry “affirmative action” as and so long for the accolades that come with genuinely earning your position.
They don’t want to do the work or accept the low paychecks that come with said hard work, mind you. Just the accolades, just the respectability. It’s the same reason that so many no-nothing pundits try to sell themselves off as “experts”.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- How dare colleges teach anything other than dead white men! Burn the heretics who admit anyone other than dead white men exist and might have scholarly worth! Burn them!
This was a real ad that Ford commissioned and fairly high level approved. This is a real Ford ad completed concept sketch that got pretty far in the completed ad development process in its ad agency before being proudly leaked to the internet. But the fact that this was seen as acceptable in the first place and seriously proposed as a way to sell motor vehicles is not at all a sign of an increase in sexist backlash against women or anything like that. Or something. All I know is that I should be able to blame MISANDRY for all this somehow.
Carol Sarler, The Daily Burden Upon My Very Soul Mail Online:
Why bosses are right to distrust women who don’t want children… by a VERY outspoken mother (and ex-boss)
… Oh sweet toe-nibbling sub Jesus, that fucking title! Not just any outspoken mother, but a VERY outspoken mother. Sorry, Daily Mail, were you worried that we’d only consider her SLIGHTLY outspoken? Did you think we’d be trudging along and then go “Whot, ho! This scurrilous wench has deceived me! Her condescending ‘concern’ is only PASSABLY outspoken at best!” and you wanted to nip that in the bud early on and assure us that regardless of how she is presented here, she is surely VERY outspoken in general? Well, I for one, am a little put off by the defensiveness shown here. I’m starting to suspect there might have been vocal chord doping involved in this year’s Outspoken Games and I’m-
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- I know you bitches always complain about being denied jobs and advancement because “you little ladies are just going to drop out and have children anyways”. Well, it turns out we’re also willing to discriminate against you for being evil soulless “career women” who lack the fundamental “humanity” to drop out of the boy’s club and retire back to your gilded cages where you belong.
I got a Twitter account years ago but didn’t like it or really use it until a couple weeks ago. Now I’m addicted; it’s the most awesome trolling device yet invented. Yay for a babbly ADHD-friendly platform by which I dispense insults and absorb them. Sometimes I get blocked, though, but never until @JonahNRO in such detail or with such care. Come troll with me if ya want.
Please sir, can I have some malign neglect?
Ken Connors, Rue America:
Discounting parents’ rights
If you’re a lucky sonuvabitch, you may have been able to remain ignorant of a little right-wing shibboleth they like to call “parents’ rights”. In which case, Ha! You apparently weren’t lucky enough, you bastard!
“Parents’ rights”, like most right-wing euphemisms, is a bold attempt to lobby for a form of abuse with the trappings of a rights movement, so you can pretty much guess exactly which group this little “movement” wants to justify abusing.
To even better summarize, this proud band of freedom fighters trying to undo systemic oppression is the moniker a handful of Real True Christians TM who firmly believe that women and children are the rightful owned property of the “man of the house” use when they want to argue that said property can be used as they see fit in terms of things like ruining their lives by denying them an education, having the “right” to physically abuse or sexually abuse them in the name of “discipline”, or marrying them off to their favorite gay sex partner in order to “keep them in the family”.
Which means that when they get their knickers in a twist, it usually means good things for children and satirists everywhere.
Shorter (the port’s fine by me):
- Every parent should have the right to keep their artifact children in perfect ignorance! Also Obama and Holder still insist on being black at us.
Yeah, pretty much.
And in addition to the usual fuckwittery, it turns out this particular iteration is also a two-fer in that it is an attempt to diminish asylum laws as well. Because what do those uppity little bitches and faggots whining about “I’m going to be raped and murdered if I stay here” need political asylum for? Those illustrious citizenship rights should only be doled out to the nuttiest Snickers bars that the white enclaves of first-world Europe can produce.
No, seriously, the central “argument” of his post is crying over the fates of those whose “suffering at the hands of an oppressive government” consisted of “we broke the law by refusing to educate our children, thus depriving them of equal opportunity, so the German government sued us and started having to involve their version of Social Services (I like to imagine their version contains at least 12% more whips) and WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
Because of course, to the type of abusers who feel that motherfucking children have too much relative power to them, those are the only type of overprivileged douches that matter.
Though I do love this little bit of unintentional honesty in the midst of this extended crying jag for the “rights” of terrible parents:
Under our president’s scheme, educating children means producing multicultural, socially-aware, environmentally-conscious, Progressive-minded citizens
Oh yes! The horror! The horror!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Huh, turns out the port sells actual mangos, whodaknown? We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Truly proof positive of the efficacy of “ex-gay” therapy!
Dyed Moustache of Totally Not Gay, Wing Nut Daily:
Illegal to Help Change Sexual Orientation
Sorry libertine liberals, but Joseph Farah, owner of the thousand pedophile stare and proud mustache dye fetishist, has got our number. See, he’s managed to land a rare exclusive post on the pages of the distinguished printable shit rag, Wing Nut Daily, (by being the owner of the whole cage of winged monkeys) to demonstrate his new knock down argument that completely puts those uppity homosexualists in their place.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- The only way I could understand hypocrisy less would be if someone trepanned my skull and even then, I’d probably gain some clarity. On that note, abusive “ex-gay therapies” of demented closet cases ranting at queers to get back in the closet or else should be supported by gays because something something, trannies are disgusting.
~There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name of~ The National Review Online.
Sir Victorious Davisson Hansonsonsonson von Hans, National Pew Pew Fantasy:
America’s Big Fat Advantage
Ha ha, America! You may have thought that you were feeling the lingering effects of that economic depression everyone tries not to talk about. If you’re lucky, you might be stuck in a job you hate (or that hates you). If you’re not, well, we just don’t like talking about you unless we can blame Obama for not single-handedly fixing that despite the fact that we keep voting down every attempt he makes. You may even be noticing that there seems to be a shit-ton of new Danish and other Scandanavian companies popping up everywhere and even pipsqueak nations like Sweden feel safe to come by and use our desperate people in the same way as we use third-world nations.
But never fear, Victor Davis Hanson, White Supremacist Extraordinaire, has come with assurance that while the system may seem broken and creaky, everything’s running just fine. No matter what problems we’re encountering, we’ll get through with all the wide-eyed optimism and pluck that defines the modern musical. Why in fact, I feel like singing!
Musical Shorter (or the last dance before the end):
- ~We all deserve to die! Even you, Mrs. Lovett, even I!~
