Ernie to Burt Prelutsky:
Above: “I three the sandbox, Burt.”
When you make up a fake black correspondent, it’s a good idea to make your own dialogue reasonable and brief, while making his rambling, incoherent and tin-eared.
Above: ‘Boxing the clown,’ or similar caption
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Obama’s cheesesteak snobbery: Shades of Jawn “Swiss” Carry
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Update: Picture changed to appease whiny-assed whiners.
Gavin adds: This one’s barely been used.
D. Aristophanes adds: Obama came to Fresno and okay, whatever, he did go to TGI Friday’s. Not as authentic as Applebee’s, but that’s not really the issue. The real problem was that he totally ordered the Parmesan Crusted Sicilian Quesadillas, not the Sesame Jack Chicken Strips!
What an elitist! And this guy thinks he can stop al-Qaeda?
Fr33d0m is sooooooo keeeeewwwwl:
The Americans imposed order a few months ago by recruiting and paying local men to turn in the names of suspected jihadists. Similar armed groups have popped up all around the city. Each has its own bizarre rules; some threaten to kill women who don’t wear veils in public. The shop assistant is in mourning for her brother, who was killed last May, but she’s asking for trouble if she wears black more than three days running. According to the new enforcers in her neighborhood, anyone who dresses in mourning is committing blasphemy by questioning the will of God. […]
America’s efforts to disengage from Iraq have led to some messy compromises. After years of trying without success to wrest Sunni areas from Qaeda control, U.S. ground commanders appear to have done it at last—but only by granting sweeping powers to sheiks and local leaders who can keep the peace. Now Iraq’s Sunni areas have been chopped into fragments, each one run by a different tribal ruler with different views on law and society. In some parts of Baghdad the situation changes visibly from block to block. No one can say how many of these leaders abuse their powers, or if their little sectors can ever be put back under the purview of a centrally controlled government. “We are becoming like Afghanistan was in the ’80s,” says Zainab Salbi, the Iraq-born founder and CEO of the activist group Women for Women International.
I could point out again that this war has been the single biggest and most destructive frack-up in American history. But really, it’s just getting redundant at this point.
At least the bears and pumas wouldn’t force women to wear veils, that’s all I’ma say…
Moses of the Assault Rifles has departed for the Great Firing Range in the Sky.
John Hinderaker on George W. Bush Pauline Kael on Charlton Heston:
With his perfect, lean-hipped, powerful body, Heston is a godlike hero; built for strength, he’s an archetype of what makes Americans win. He doesn’t play nice guy; he’s harsh and hostile, self-centered and hot-tempered. Yet we don’t hate him because he’s so magnetically strong; he represents American power — and he has the profile of an eagle.
Apparently, in the land of the apes, the eagle-schnozzed man is king. Farewell, O Sultan of Saltpeter. You brought us 70’s disaster films and gun shows. For that, you will be kind of missed.
Absolut arrogance and the advertising agency behind the reconquista ad
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Bonus Bozell:
Love was a “groovy” feeling, but it had to be “free,” which often meant it was best carried out in a long series of “random acts of kindness” with a string of strangers. The counter-culturalists professed to apostles of love, but counseled self-absorption in narcotic highs.
“Tea,” “gage,” “marihuana.” These were but some of the “recreational” substances the jazz-crazed counter-culturalists consumed to get their so-called “kicks.” But all too often, the deadly results were…
[raspberry]
Okay, who made that noise? I’m not going to stand for any…
[spitball bounces off forehead]
..foolishness with the…
[belch]
…I saw that spitball, smart guy, and if you think you…
[raspberry]
[other, distinct raspberry]
…because the…
[Popeye ‘ag-ag-ag’ laugh]
…and…
[belch]
Here are the RedState guys, with the ritual King-was-a-conservative argument that we tend hear from them on certain anniversaries — and whenever they aren’t calling Coretta Scott King a communist and condemning her funeral, and so forth:
On the 40th Anniversary of the Assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
[…]
I’m proud to be a conservative, because these principles of equal opportunity are the very foundation of our beliefs. And those beliefs are found in the same Christian scriptures that Dr. King believed in.
Of course, there’s another way to interpret things:
And not to go too far afield here, but generations down the road, God willing and luck be with us all, may they try with slippery alacrity to claim Barack Obama as a ‘conservative’ as well.
…Or Hillary Clinton, if that’s your flavor.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Bonus Alba:
When women accepted the idea that control of their [own] reproductive systems was a cornerstone of our nation, and men believed them, we became worse than barbarians. America has settled for self-destruction in the name of women’s rights and convenience.
Your reproductive system belongs to the state. The state has the duty of self-preservation. These and other winning pickup lines are yours when you order Bonnie Alba’s Caucasian Dating Survival Manual.
Obama ran off before I could ask him if he’d just snuck a smoke, so I called his campaign.
They denied it. He’d quit months before, in February, they insisted. He chewed nicorette…
Except….last night on MSNBC’s Hardball, Obama admitted that his attempt to wean himself from the vile tobacco weed had not been entirely successful…
It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things — the war on Iraq, a major economic crisis — indeed, it’s miniscule. Hardly worth mentioning.
Except that I don’t like feeling that I wasn’t being dealt with honestly. And as much as citizens who are suspect of the media might scoff at such a notion, many of us consider ourselves to be your representatives to help make sure our leaders are telling us the truth, and leading the country down a path we’re confident is the right one.
Now, in addition to the n-word, the mouthbreathing set gets to say ‘fags’ with impunity. I can’t wait for OldPunk’s perspective.
[Gavin adds: Oh, just wait for the word, ‘nicorette,’ to be pronounced with a bit too much jaunty eyebrow, perhaps on Fox & Friends.]
Also, Tapper? Save the ‘noble watchdog’ hooey for torture memos and such. Not for the TMZ-style garbage. It’s the journo version of crying wolf.
(Via Roy.)