Shorter Bonnie Alba
Posted on April 4th, 2008 by Gavin M.
- Along with their terrible and well-documented conquest of Europe, Great Britain, and Canada, the Muslims may already be secretly outbreeding us here in America — ahem, unless we stop aborting our white babies. [mumble-mumble outlaw birth control mumble]
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Bonus Alba:
When women accepted the idea that control of their [own] reproductive systems was a cornerstone of our nation, and men believed them, we became worse than barbarians. America has settled for self-destruction in the name of women’s rights and convenience.
Your reproductive system belongs to the state. The state has the duty of self-preservation. These and other winning pickup lines are yours when you order Bonnie Alba’s Caucasian Dating Survival Manual.
A glaring error in the first three sentences. Well done.
Catholics = Included in “Christianity,” smart lady. If we’re to count individual Christian sects, you might as well split Shi’ite and Sunni.
Yes… because we all know that Islam is entirely determined by race. In fact, tomorrow, I think I’m going to convert to Irish or Japanese… not sure which yet.
What a pleasant person.
I’ve given this a lot of thought and I decided that, as far as Albas go, I prefer Jessica.
Which raises the question, “How far do Albas go?”
Does anyone else suspect that this whole, *breed or die* thing is just a scheme cooked up by winger males to get real live girls to touch their private parts? Matronly gals like Bonnie perpetuate the scheme to get their tub-o-lard winger sons out of the house.
I’ve cousins in Arkansas that don’t count Catholics as Christian. They are in the semi-Christian category, kinda Christian, but mostly pagan and for sure going to hell. This Alba lady isn’t very particular when it comes to using statistics either. I mean she used the United Nations as a source for crying out loud. How can one trust her on the rest if she’s using sourcews as suspect as that.
Wow – lots of Schaivo fetishism over there. I guess some of them will never give up their fight against reality.
Also, predictably, this:
As a whole, our nation which once depended on God’s Providence, morality, and law has all but abandoned such for feminizing and softening us up for the future — complete control under a Islamic State practicing Sharia (law system). No liberty — no freedom.
You could fill 50 pages pointing out all the factual errors, logical errors, dishonest premises, and sheer, shameless nonsense in just that one sentence.
Even if the fate of the entire human race depended on it, I doubt we could find a human male who’s be willing to fuck Miss Bonnie. Even blindfolded. Even at gunpoint.
She looks like the secret illegitimate love-child of Kate O’Bierne and The Grinch.
Unfortunately the decadent decade of the 1960s created a horror of life itself and the natural responsibility to bear children. Add the Darwinian belief that the more affluent a people, the more children they would have. The opposite occurred. With the availability of birth control and abortion in most western cultures, both the affluent and less affluent have availed themselves of less children.
Another graduate of the Pastor Swank School of Fine Writing.
I remember back in the whole Schiavo fiasco, this one “pro-lifer” on a political forum posted a picture of her superimposed on an American flag, fireworks and a crying bald eagle. Kid. You. Not. It really pissed me off.
I’ll have her know I’ve already planted hundreds of seeds this spring.
the gay adjenda has always advocated that we advance our cause by populating the world with our gay babies, but there seem to be some structural issues…
There are ads on the right column of that page for three separate books about Terri Schiavo.
In toto, that column is like the anti-Jonathan Swift.
Add it to…what?
Crazy fundies citing Darwin (as they also do in screeds against gay people) makes me smile.
And one’s written by Mark Fuhrman!
The fact is, a woman’s insides are property of the United States of America. Also, it is a travesty and a disgrace that America has become such a nanny state. I have no idea what kind of people have led us on this course.
The more I read this stuff, the more I think I should be allowed to hit certain people in the head with an axe.
Add it to a cocktail shaker full of ice and 50 mL of gin. Shake well. Strain into cocktail glass coated in dry vermouth. Garnish with green olives.
She says “epiphany” when she (probably) means “epitome.”
I guess Bonnie wants us to take some Black Flag advice
You say you don’t want it
You don’t want it
Say you don’t want it
But then you slip it on in
since it’s Friday…
Perhaps its a bit obvious, but wasn’t there a political party in the last century that demanded women be vessels of procreation subservient to the state in defense of it and the civilization which was in danger of being subsumed by inferior population groups?
roac:
I was amused by the whole “epiphany”/”epitome” thing myself. Perhaps she didn’t mean “epitome,” though. Other possibilities: cacophony, episiotomy . . .
Unfortunately the decadent decade of the 1960s created a horror of life itself and the natural responsibility to bear children
Let the sunshine in
Let the sunshine in
The sun shine in
“Yet, when all Christian groups are counted, Christians make up at least 33 percent of the world’s population…….”
I know I never would have guessed that Catholics (17.4%) + “other Christian groups” = >17.4% .
Could she be Shorter Cassy’s math instructor?
kilo50 said,
April 4, 2008 at 17:20
Perhaps its a bit obvious, but wasn’t there a political party in the last century that demanded women be vessels of procreation subservient to the state in defense of it and the civilization which was in danger of being subsumed by inferior population groups?
The GOP?
Tah dum dum.
It’s difficult to gauge the population of Muslims in the United States. But the number of mosques being built has exploded with an estimated 2000 established mosques with 100-200 more being built each year. Even our military are building mosques on American bases.
Difficult to gauge? I can’t see how:
http://www.adherents.com/rel_USA.html#religions
I suppose using phrases like “difficult to gauge” and references to “exploding” mosques makes it easier to get ones point across than actually doing at least a half-assed attempt at googling for the information.
Who will save us from the Deist menace?
Is she that hooch from that gameshow that always said “…..GOODBYE!”, wearing that trenchcoat schtik?
Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie, how many incomes does your household have? One, like mine? How much per year do you and the hubby shell out in tuition? On mere bagatelles like food, clothing, medical care, and so forth? I find it a freakin’ miracle that on just one income–the manly Mr. Biscuitbarrel’s–we’ve been able to continue to give our three sons what they need. (How do you define “rambunctious”? By each son’s number of run-ins with the police?) If life’s necessities were less expensive, I would have liked to have one or two more children. But I’m grateful for what I have, and I’m not going to guilt-trip my childless friends for the choices they’ve made. Because of these gross character flaws (as you no doubt would judge them), I guess I’d be a total washout as a wingnut columnist.
And there’s another blessing to count, right there.
Is it me, or is every conservative female who comes out against contraception post menopausal? Just for a lark, I’d love to see if anyone could get Ms Alba to claim pre-marital teenage pregnancy is what we need more of in America. I’ll give half credit to anyone who can just get her to admit she thinks every girl should be married, barefoot, and pregnant before she turns 20.
And yet
So when us libruls and the Supreme Court and the government say women don’t HAVE to have babies, we’re sticking gummint into something it doesn’t belong in.
And when she says that women HAVE to have babies for the good of The State, that’s the vision of the Founding Fathers.
I’m so confused.
Oh, wait a minute. She’s just stupid.
There. I’m not confused anymore.
I have no idea what you’re talking about. Also, are you gonna finish that?
I’m guessing those “rambunctious” boys of hers have all impregnated their rape victims, so Bonnie has to paint this as a good thing.
Alba, circa 1964:
Alba, circa 1919:
In toto, that column is like the anti-Jonathan Swift.
The Bizarro Swift?
Surely she doesn’t think we should eat the Irish – that would cut into the number of Catholics. Is she really proposing that we eat Muslims?
“I’ll give half credit to anyone who can just get her to admit she thinks every girl should be married, barefoot, and pregnant before she turns 20.”
You can probably get somebody to say it . I worked near a bible college, and most of our seasonal help came from there . Anybody that wasn’t married, and at least trying by 20 was seen as at least a bit odd . ( & not doing their part ? – Never heard it explicitly, but that was the impression I got)
Yes… because we all know that Islam is entirely determined by race. In fact, tomorrow, I think I’m going to convert to Irish or Japanese… not sure which yet.
I, for one, am tired of being Irish and getting hit with all those drunk jokes. I’m converting to Swiss. The most common complaint against us New Swiss is that we’re boring. Hmpf, I say. We have chocolate and money. ‘Nuff said.
I just have to wonder what the hell is wrong with people like Miss Bonnie. Clearly, she’s not all that bright, but she fearlessly mounts her soap box and blathers away, and even attracts supporters. Thinking about how many people like Bonnie are running about unattended, I start to despair and lose all hope. But!
There is good news! 81% of Americans believe the country is seriously off teh rails. This is a very good thing. Now that the vast majority of US citizens has joined the reality-based community, maybe we can get down to fixing what really ails us, instead of trying to breed our way out of our difficulties. (Although I must say the thought of winning hearts and minds by screwing our way out does have its charms. With protection, of course.)
Muslims are all bone and gristle. And try getting those little beard hairs out of your teeth. Yuck.
“SomeNYGuy said,
April 4, 2008 at 17:50
I’m guessing those “rambunctious” boys of hers have all impregnated their rape victims, so Bonnie has to paint this as a good thing.”
Naw. They probably just have an independent, non-nutter thought every now and then . Or ask the occasional impertinent question .
Somebody email her and suggest that we could really boost our reproduction rates if we legalized polygamy.
To be fair, I agree with her on this. But probably not in the same way.
Were these legendary barbarians known for contraception and the equality of the sexes? I thought in the traditional literature they were more typically decried for temple prostitution, fertility goddesses, the animality of their passions, etc.
I think I’ll email her and let her know she’s inspired me to encourage my fifteen year old son to knock up his girlfriend, his friend’s girlfriend, and the neighbor girl. They’re all white, so it must be all right.
Er, wait a minute. His girlfriend is Latina. I get confused about the breeding rules where Hispanics are concerned. Is it okay for her to reproduce, since she’s third generation, only speaks English, and is technically white, or is the fact that she’s kinda golden brown enough to keep her genes out of the pool? Miss Bonnie, pray enlighten me.
Bonnie does look like the Grinch, doesn’t she?
Do my testicles also belong to the State? Because I’m not boning this bitch, even for the good of the nation.
Errr, Pedantic point of order, Mme. Alba; Even if every white woman in America has a boatload of babies, what is to stop said progeny from converting to Islam? Didja ever think of that, huh, Miss Smarmypants?
Someone should hook her up with Glenn Reynolds. The solution is to build more caucasions.
Clearly you’re not a big fan of Conan. He explicitly stated that what is best in life is to “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and abort the fetuses of their women.” Classic quote, man. Where have you been?
And BTW, The Handmaid’s Tale wasn’t an instructional primer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Handmaid's_Tale
Wha’ happen?
Or, um, caucasians. And such.
Dagoril: Yes your testicles are rightful property of the state. The caveat is that you must only use them for procreation. With Ms. Alba.
Jonah: I think you do know what I’m talking about.
In toto, that column is like the anti-Jonathan Swift.
The Bizarro Swift?
Is she black? Does she live underwater?
Shut up. Some Seinfeld jokes never get old.
I’m amused by the idea that reproductive rate is the dominant determinant of the future of a nation or ethnic group. Education, health care, access to food and technology, etc. are factors that never seem to come to mind. You can reproduce all you want but it doesn’t mean your ignorant, sick, starving, family armed with sticks is going to make much of a difference.
Instead the best bet seems to be to reproduce as much and as fast as possible according to her.
I keep flashing back to the scene in The Matrix where Agent Smith calls humans a virus, and apparently people like her think that’s an IDEAL STATE.
The fact is, the uterus is a factory for American soldiers, and as such, during a time of war, it can and should be mobilized to ensure a steady stream of valiant freedom fighters that will pledge their life and limb for our glorious leader…
I call on Bonnie Alba to do her part for ensuring a long and prosperous reign of this, our noble nation, and submit her uterus to my seed, so as to spawn a horde of suprahuman unstoppable halfbreeds that will crush the testicles of every muslim child, and thus ensure America’s survival.
I hereby claim Bonnie Alba’s uterus, and all contents thereof, for the greater glory of the United States of America.
There is good news! 81% of Americans believe the country is seriously off teh rails. This is a very good thing. Now that the vast majority of US citizens has joined the reality-based community,
I admire your optimism, but really? Don’t you think a big fraction of those people think the country is off the rails because we’re not killing enough illegal immigrants, or because we have too many abortions, or because they saw a nipple on cable TV, or we’re not bombing enough Mooslim countries, or Sanjaya didn’t win American Idol? I find it really hard to believe that all the dipshits who voted for Bush twice have suddenly wised up to the military-industrial-media complex and are about to join the black bloc and Noam Chomsky protestin’ in the streets.
My Bonnie lies over the Muslims,
My Bonnie lies over the Sikhs,
My Bonnie lies over the Hebrews,
‘Cause Cath’lic guys do it like Greeks.
We became worse than barbarians when we stopped breeding like bunnies?!?
Can. Not. Stop. Laughing.
I’m converting to Swiss. The most common complaint against us New Swiss is that we’re boring. Hmpf, I say. We have chocolate and money. ‘Nuff said.
As alter Schweizer , I say come join the party. (In an understated, reliable , milky smooth way 😉
“Somebody email her and suggest that we could really boost our reproduction rates if we legalized polygamy”.
Hey, good idea. I’m (sort of) an Old Testament kinda guy.
Y’know, the sixties just didn’t seem to be a “horror of life” to me. Sure, it’s anecdotal, but everybody I knew seemed to be having a really good time and getting along really well.
Now, the SEVENTIES on the other hand, that constituted a genuine horror…
mikey
Breeding like rats will be an easy sell. Start with non-menopausal GOP women. It will only take a few minutes.
Gilmore, from the article:
I’m pretty cynical, but I think there is some reason to suspect that people are finally, finally waking up. Will they actually do anything to remedy things? Probably not until things get a lot worse. But even so, I think there’s reason to hope they’ll at least vote better.
Has Qetesh been around recently?
Kaiser Alba, take the beam out of your own eye!
J-, I was just wondering about Qetesh myself. It seems like a really long time since she’s been around.
Has Qetesh been around recently?
Not that I’ve seen.
Incidentally I’m off to the Ukraine for a couple of weeks soon. Anyone with travel tips can earn my undying gratitude by spilling them via righteous.bubba (at) gmail.com
Why do I get it that this is Alba’s favorite song?
Ha-ha, well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other
Very important differences
Between human beings and animals
That you should know about
I’d appreciate your input
Sweat baby, sweat baby
Sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff
That only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants
And I bet you’ll feel nuts
Yes I’m Siskel, yes I’m Ebert
And you’re getting two thumbs up
You’ve had enough of two-hand touch
You want it rough, you’re out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered
Like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Comin’ quicker than Fed Ex
Never reach an apex
Just like coca-cola stock
You are inclined to make me rise an hour early
Just like daylight savings time
Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin’ horny now
Love, the kind you clean up
With a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt
Only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be pacific
I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion
That the motion of your ocean means
“Small Craft Advisory”
So if I capsize on your thighs
High tide B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on
I’m Mr. Coffee
With an automatic drip
So show me yours, I’ll show you mine
“Tool Time”
You’ll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we’ll do it doggy style
So we can both watch “X-Files”
Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin’ horny now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin’ horny now
–Bloodhound Gang, “Discovery Channel”
I hereby claim Bonnie Alba’s uterus, and all contents thereof, for the greater glory of the United States of America.
Do you have a flaaaag?
Dudes, I missed out on all the fun last night. A tornado went through 4 blocks from my house & I still don’t have power back. And it really did sound like a freight train.
Shorter Bonnie Alba:
“All your wombs are belong to us.”
Jennifer, I’m so glad you came through okay! I know how scary that is.
The fact is, you undertstanding and tolerant liberals advocate death and violence to peopple you don’t agree with, Like Mrs. Alba. No wonder you win so many hearts and minds and elections. That was sarcasm, by the way.
Shorter David Brooks this morning: The Black Power movement assassinated MLK.
That was sarcasm, by the way.
Well done pointing it out.
Which part though? Was “The fact is” sarcastic? What about “liberals”? What about “advocating death and violence”? What about the implication that we don’t agree with Bonnie Alba? Did you mean Bonnie Alba? You might have meant Jessica Alba, she was mentioned before.
What about “peopple”?
You know, you cleared up one question, but you left many others. Maybe you need to go back to the community college and take “That Was Sarcasm 202: The Advanced Course.”
As one of the most liberal members of this blog, I hereby assert superior title to Bonnie’s uterus. Such title shall be binding and effective in all jurisdictions of the Heartland USA of America in perpetuity.
Barebacking for Bonnie!
In thre great tradition of moonbattery, she plagiarized that. Here it is with the original text:
As a whole, our nation which once depended on God’s Providence, morality, and law has all but abandoned such for feminizing and softening us up for the future — complete control under a
Islamic State practicing Sharia (law system)Christianist State practicing Dobsonian Law. No liberty — no freedom.Legalize: EEEWWWW. You’re more than welcome to it. Please remove it from the premises (this planet) ASAP.
The fact is, Muslims want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to reestablish the calliphate. They do human sacrafices, too.
My first thought on seeing the picture was, “Why is ‘Sadly, No!’ bagging on Sally Jesse Raphael?”
before there are too many and they take over our government to reestablish the calliphate
Before, that is, they establish a government by steam organ.
Ooh, or maybe government by the muse of epic poetry.
“I, for one, am tired of being Irish and getting hit with all those drunk jokes. I’m converting to Swiss.”
In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.
“They do human sacrafices, too.”
Christians do that too, it’s called military service.
Which government agency is in charge of my weenie? Do I need to get some kind of permit before I use it?
It always amazes me these wingnuts talking about what our founding fathers meant.What really got the fathers panties in a wad was a standing army and was that way until at least the civil war and one could argue until WW1.
“The fact is, Muslims want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to reestablish the calliphate. They do human sacrafices, too”.
Here’s some of the caliphate-loving scary Muslims that need watching .You do it Gary. I can’t watch ’em all myself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV1p252pD48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phzlFOdHAgA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oSCF8Bl-ys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DbFYsi9iSg
Sheez!. Almost as bad as the dfhippies!
Damn, you beat me to the “All your wombs” line, Jennifer.
————
I think I broke something internal because of that.
————–
Clearly, to Bonnie, “rambuncious”=”rohypnol”.
————–
Fuck David Brooks with a rake.
My favorite sentence from the article:
…they now push for accommodation to their religious practices in public whether it’s in our schools or airports (foot baths).
OH NOES!!!!! FOOT BATHS!!!!!!
Foot baths are cool with me. I wouldn’t mind seeing foot baths required before one could get on a plane, take off one’s shoes, and gross out the whole cabin. Hey! Maybe we could start requiring Xtian fundies to shampoo now and then. All the fundies I’ve ever known look like they’ve been lightly sprayed with cooking oil.
Dude… they produced much more than just the cuckoo clock: there’s the Swiss army knife! 😉
I had a rambunctious baby boy about a month ago.
He hasn’t been baptized, and I don’t have any plans to have him baptized or to raise him as an Xtian. He and I (and mommy) are white.
Does he count as a minion in our breeding war against teh Mooslem? If so, how much? 3/5 of a whitey?
I’m so confused.
“…they now push for accommodation to their religious practices in public whether it’s in our schools or airports (foot baths).”
Well, in her defense, the First Amendment does say, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion except Christianity, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, except for everything except Christianity (and maybe Judaism).”
Didn’t Jesus wash some feet in his day?
All the fundies I’ve ever known look like they’ve been lightly sprayed with cooking oil.
I thought it was SoulGlo!
“Legalize: EEEWWWW. You’re more than welcome to it. Please remove it from the premises (this planet) ASAP.”
There is an inapproriate American Pyscho joke in here somewhere, but I’m totally not going there.
Under the Constitution, 3/5s of a whitey sounds about correct.
I think it’s to grease ’em up in case the Rapture comes and they need some lube to slip through teh gates of Heaven.
I’m fucking Bonnie Alba’s hair !
wait, I’m finished.
Every time I read one of these stupid anti-feminist bints whine about how giving them basic human rights is a horrible injustice, I just think, “Lady…you, in a room, with my Welsh Woolstonecraftian feminist mother, and any blunt instrument.”
Winger Xtians also need to be greased up in order to fit through doorways.
Gary Ruppert writes: The fact is, Muslims want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to reestablish the calliphate. They do human sacrafices, too.
Gariah Al- Ruppert writes: The fact is, Americans want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to impose their imperialism. They do human sacrafices, too.
Gary Ruppert writes: The fact is, Muslims want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to reestablish the calliphate. They do human sacrafices, too.
Gariah Al- Ruppert writes: The fact is, Americans want to kill us all. We need to kill them first. Well we still can, before there are too many and they take over our government to impose their imperialism. They do human sacrafices, too.
[Repeat ad genocidum]
Didn’t Jesus wash some feet in his day?
Infidel!
Mohametan!
I wonder if Ms. Alba supports the release of sex offenders into the general population as a means to increase the white population?
Hey delicious Swiss Candy–are you going to be GDP showcase today? I would love to go and see Radio Moscow and Dirty Little Rabbits, but alas I couldn’t find a cheap ticket to fly into Des Moines International airport.
Well, in her defense, the First Amendment does say, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion except Christianity, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, except for everything except Christianity (and maybe Judaism, but only if it’s in the service of not actually worshipping anything, but instead blindly supporting Israel so the fundies can bring about the Rapture).”
Fixed.
“The mission of women is to be beautiful and to bring children into the world. This is not at all as rude and unmodern as it sounds.” — Joseph Goebbels
You mean she doesn’t think America is perfect just the way it is? She isn’t proud of her country in every way?
Why does Bonnie Alba hate America?
I like “epiphany of Western civilization.” A brief, fleeting moment.
So if I understand her line, feminist abortions are softening us up and reducing our numbers so that virile Muslims can take over and impose modesty, patriarchy, and obedience to God’s law?
Clearly, there’s a crisis of Christian manhood.
goat or panic was quoting Orson Welles’ character in The Third Man, playing the nefarious, yet charming, Harry Lime.
Which reminds me, we have a very poor class of villain in this country. Sniveling, stupid, ridiculously obvious, and perpetually whining. They aren’t even having a good time!
Maybe it’s just as well that a parallel universe got the classy smart villains and we wound up with the dim sidekicks…
The fact is, Muslims want to kill us all
Uhh, no, Gary. They just want to kill you. Because you are so annoying. Certainly even you can understand this…
mikey
Ultimately, it’s the mustache that makes the villain. If John Bolton could just grow that thing out a couple of inches and then twirl the ends up into little curls, he’d be fucking epic.
A different fallacy is that reducing white babies reduces some level of a valuable quantity in the gene pool. That’s just not true.
As one of the most liberal members of this blog, I hereby assert superior title to Bonnie’s uterus. Such title shall be binding and effective in all jurisdictions of the Heartland USA of America in perpetuity.
Tell you what. Let’s work out a financial arrangement so we don’t have to get lawyers involved. The GOoPers will surely smile upon such an undertaking, just as the Invisible Zombie Sky Bully will bless it.
But I get custody overseas, and anywhere in Iraq outside of the Green Zone. Deal?
Caucasians are mostly muslim (by definition), since the term caucasian refers to those living in the caucasian heartland, the caucasus mountains (chechnya). This is how the term was/is used by the rest of the world. And yes, caucasians, along with being 100% muslim are also, white.
“A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.
The survey showed that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant.”
Oh sweet, sweet Mary Jane, is there anything you can’t do?
Well, yeah, but you can get one hell of a demi-glace.
Sorry.
And people say abstinence-only sex education doesn’t work. These kids are obviously learning valuable and important lessons that traditional comprehensive sex ed classes wouldn’t teach them.
Is this why Alba is so pissed off? Her rambunctious boys got into her secret stash of pot, Mountain Dew and bleach?
As a whole, our nation which once depended on God’s Providence, morality, and law has all but abandoned such for feminizing and softening us up for the future — complete control under a Islamic State practicing Sharia (law system). No liberty — no freedom
Wait a minute. We once depended on the law, but then Teh Feminists made us stop respecting the law in order to make it so we’d submit to Sharia law?
I’m damned confused.
So, does the state own just the major reproductive organs of the female, or does that apply to the entire body? Like, who owns the female’s femur, or amygdala? Can the state allow private companies to install tolls in the fallopian tubes? Is the vagina really considered a reproductive organ? Where can I apply for the job of Female Body Inspector, and walk around, demanding state-owned woman (all of them, or just the pre-menopausal ones? Do we kill of the ones who are no longer fertile naturally fertile { Please step into the Kill Roomo, Mrs. Alba.}, or use IVF techniques to force more pregnancies?) to let me feel them up and inspect them for virility? Cause, I gotta tell ya, that job sounds FANTASTIC. I’d specialize in Boobology.
Hey delicious Swiss Candy–are you going to be GDP showcase today? I would love to go and see Radio Moscow and Dirty Little Rabbits, but alas I couldn’t find a cheap ticket to fly into Des Moines International airport.
Sadly, no. I’m broke and also buried in textbooks. sniff . . . I’m feeling very, very sorry for myself.
Come now, Alba might keep some bleach around to scare off demons, but a good, God fearing woman like that would never allow any birth control like pot or Mountain Dew in the house.
Also, if teh cooterzez are all state owned, which agency do I go to if I want to apply for drilling rights?
Damn you, justme, you pre-stole my joke.
Though the United States still has a propagation rate of 2.11 babies per 1000, the European Union average is now 1.38. The United Kingdom sits at 1.6. The Muslim birthrate is the highest is the world at 3.4 per 1000.
Umm….i’m embarrassed to even have her on my screen, so I couldn’t read further, but does anyone else see the inherant problem with comparing the birth rate of NATIONS or political entities, with that of people who profess a certain religion?
How does one even collect the birth rate of Muslims worldwide? Are there stats that show the world birth rate of Jehovah’s Witnesses, or Lutherans, or members of Bah’ai? Perhaps there are stats that show the world birth rate of people who believe in Fairies, or that crystals can heal you.
Some Witnesses came to my door today. I should have asked them if they are Breeding for Christ.
Hey, crystals and gems can heal you. All you have to do is wash them by the light of the moon, bless them, carve a spell on the surface, and carry them in your pocket when you go to the doctor.
Also, if teh cooterzez are all state owned
It makes them publics and not privates.
So, it’s public hair? I ask because I see that misspelled. A lot.
WereBear said:
“Which reminds me, we have a very poor class of villain in this country. Sniveling, stupid, ridiculously obvious, and perpetually whining. They aren’t even having a good time!”
Cheney and Rove almost fit the bill.
I’m just imagining a parallel universe where Bush is a genius.
When women accepted the idea that control of their [own] reproductive systems was a cornerstone of our nation, and men believed them, we became worse than barbarians. America has settled for self-destruction in the name of women’s rights and convenience.
Als Frauen die Idee annahmen, daß Steuerung ihrer [ besitzen ]
reproduktiven Systeme ein Grundstein unserer Nation und Männer war,
glaubten ihnen, wurden wir falscher als Barbaren. Amerika hat für
Selbstzerstörung im Namen der Rechte und der Bequemlichkeit der
Frauen vereinbart.
Fixed
I’m still confused what the children of state owned vajayjays are supposed to do in the name of teh Heartland. Is this purely a numbers game, like a caucus? Are we all suppoed to report to precincts and check the “Mooooslim” or “Non-Mooooooslim” box? Is this a bragging rights issue, like a “best of [insert your city here]” issue of your local newspaper? Yay, more people like the burrito place on 5th street more than the burrito place on the other side of town!!
“I’m feeling very, very sorry for myself.”
Being Swiss means never feeling sorry–and always being on-time. $15 for 14 bands. That’s a pretty good exchange rate–something else the Swiss have a good knowledge of…
Wingnut –> English–> Swank translation:
“With right of the woman and the name of convenience it
solved America for self-destructing.”
I say the taxpayers should pull out of vaginas.
Wingnut–> English–> Icelandic translation:
“I’ll keep it in a hidden place
I’ll keep it in a hidden place
Keep it in a hidden place
Keep it in a hidden place”
Ok, now I’m just reaching……
It’s difficult to gauge the population of Muslims in the United States. But the number of mosques being built has exploded with an estimated 2000 established mosques with 100-200 more being built each year. Even our military are building mosques on American bases.
Difficult to gauge? I can’t see how:
http://www.adherents.com/rel_USA.html#religions
We’re number two!!! We’re number two!!!
Americans need to produce more children in order to be competitive with the third world. It is because of the unfortunate acceptance of feminism that the West is not producing more children.
Western Nations should on average be producing the same amount of children per woman as the average Muslim Nation. The fact that we are not proves that the selfish feminazis have ingrained their unBiblical values in the minds of many Westerners who care more about materialilsm and self gratification than in doing what God commands of them. That is ” Be fruitful and multiply, rule over the birds of the air, the fish of the sea and the beasts that walk upon the ground, increase upon the earth and subdue it.”
America even though we still have quite a ways to go still has a population growth above replacement levels which is good. But instead of having only 2.09 children born per woman like we have now, we should have at least 3.5 children born per woman.
Europe unfortunately is finished unless a miracle happens.
We must deploy cougars and bears to Bonnie’s uterus NOW, to ensure the spermification of her whatsits and defeat the moslem menace of infertility¡!!1OnE!¡
So, Matt, how does the increased fertility rates of Hispanic/Latino families fit into your deluded worldview? Is it a good thing coz they’re overwhelmingly Christian, or a bad thing coz they’re brown, or a good thing coz they’re citizens, or what?
Most of it I’ve seen before, but what’s her thing against affluence? Would poverty be better, since it would make men and women desperate to have more babies? Plus, we wouldn’t sit around arguing about trivial matters like equality if we’re too busy changing diapers or working that twelve-hour shift six days a week (and spending the seventh at the mandatory religious services.)
Communist beeyotch can go raise her own motherlander whippersnappers and let us capitalists figure out our own budgets.
Oh, Matt — what’s the good of Americans producing more children if the never grow up and remain, like you, childish bedwetters and terrified pants-shitters?
Being Swiss means never feeling sorry–and always being on-time.
Well, I’ve got the punctuality thing going on anyway. I’m hardly ever late. :-}
I say the taxpayers should pull out of vaginas
It’s too late for that RB. There’s too much big government money sunk deep into vagina bonds. I’m afraid I have to report the Chinese have deeply penetrated the market as well.
3.5 children?
Neil, Marvin, Jeb and uhhh…uhhh… (You can do it Barb!)..uhhhargghhh!
George!
Neil, Marvin, Jeb and uhhh…uhhh… (You can do it Barb!)..uhhhargghhh!
You forgot the girls, Doro and the dead one.
But that’s okay; they clearly forgot about the dead one, too.
I take it back. I hearby relinquish all lawful claim to Bonnie’s uterus and relinquish it to Matt, so that he might fight teh Islamonazis in there, rather than out here in public.
Doro just didn’t work for the joke……
It makes them publics and not privates.
Now that’s just communist and unAmerican. A man has to be able to establish ownership rights or else there’s just going to be squatters all over the place. That’s almost as bad as saying that the ladies ought to be able to do as they please with them. You, sir, sound like you would deny good Christian men their rambunctious, rohypnol-laden destinies, and thems is fightin’ words.
Doro just didn’t work for the joke……
And I should have pointed out how desperately they’d like us all to forget about Neil and Marvin, too.
I don’t mind Hispanic families producing lots of childern as long as they are English speaking American citizens and not illegal aliens. I would also like to see White families producing as much childern as Hispanics.
Believe it or not, the one group that produces the most children in America is the Mormons which is good because it will ensure that Whites will still maintain a respectable majority in the American population.
I am not a racist, however I don’t like change, including demographic change. Since America has been historically majority White it should always remain so. If America has historically been majority Hispanic I woud say it should remain majority Hispanic. I don’t like change.
And here I was going to give you a shiny penny. Shame.
“Ich bin nicht ein Rassist, gleichwohl ich nicht Änderung mag,
einschließlich demographische Änderung. Da Amerika historisch
Majorität Weiß gewesen ist, sollte es immer so bleiben. Wenn Amerika
historisch Majorität Hispanic I woud gewesen ist, sagen Sie, daß es
Majorität Hispanic bleiben sollte. Ich mag nicht Änderung.”
Fixed
I’m Sealed for Freshness®!
We interrupt this comment box for a late-breaking news flash!
From the REAGAN DIARIES entry dated May 17, 1986:
“A moment I’ve been dreading. George brought his ne’er-do-well son around this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who lives in Florida; the one who hangs around here all the time looking shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real job. Maybe I’ll call Kinsley over at The New Republic and see if they’ll hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work.”
Still confused here. How do we tell the real Gary from the parody trolls? I’d hate to kick the wrong person down a flight of stairs.
The fact is, just because we don’t like demographic change does not make us racists. We just think birds of a feather flock together, and some people should not live places they do not belong. Why would decent people want to be unwelcome? They just want trouble. While, we here in the heartland like it the way its always been. Maybe you cosmotoligian eliteitsts like “diversity” and all the crime, corruption and drugs it causes, but we will always fight it here in our heartland, Our Home.
That explains the crusty underwear. Also the 6-year-old’s mentality.
Good think I knocked up all those cracker ho’s. I only hope it was in time!
.
I love it: I’m not racist; I merely don’t want whitey to be out-bred by darkies. The concept is inherently racist, as it recognizes a distinction geared toward a racial preference. I simply can’t figure out why more black folks don’t vote for conservatives, and why Latin folks are running in droves away from conservative “ideals.”
Obama speech on race is proving more brilliant with every passing day.
“How do we tell the real Gary from the parody trolls?”
By the stains in teh underwear and teh smell of fear and failure, of course.
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Maybe you cosmotoligian eliteitsts like “diversity” and all the crime, corruption and drugs it causes, but we will always fight it here in our heartland, Our Home.
… where I have been knocking up cracker ho’s.
Dumb bitches think drinking bleach will keep ’em from getting pregnant.
The choicest tail is right outside a Christian music concert, just as it’s getting out.
.
Gary, Bonnie Alba is not concerned about the Heartland. She’s worried about the Coozeland.
The fact is, shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in? A black family in an all white neighborhood is not only an invation of privacy and harassment, it depresses property values, so is like theft in taking a familtys savings away. Why can’t they stay wher they belong, at least they are not slaves anymore, and by the way, who freed them? We did.
She’s clearly done something wrong because she only has five grandchildren. Now, I haven’t gone to see how many children she and Mr. Teacher created but someone isn’t procreating enough.
Situation 1: Assuming, say, 20 years of fertility after marriage, she should easily have 10-15 children, because she clearly wouldn’t have used birth control. So that means 5-10 of her children are not procreating, if 5 of her children had one child each. Imagine if only two of her children had kids and the others didn’t? Blasphemy!
Secondarily, assuming that she did, in fact, miss opportunities to procreate (whether through not performing her wifely duty or through use of contraception) and only had the average 2.5 kids, her children are not procreating to their fullest capability either.
No matter how you slice it, the Albas are not outbreeding their neighbors and, as such, are not loyal patriots. In fact, all of them should be punished for failing to live up to their own philosophy.
The fact is, most race mixing has resulted in disaster, Obama reminds us all of that every time he is on TVm, which is why he will never win.
The fact is, shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in?
Your wife didn’t mind it when I moved in. She said I could use the “back door.”
.
I think Gary has just solved the mystery behind the mortgage meltdown!
Americans need to blow more goats in order to be competitive with the third world. It is because of the unfortunate acceptance of feminism that the West is not producing more goat-blowers.
Western Nations should on average be blowing the same amount of goats per wingnut as the average Muslim Nation. The fact that we are not proves that the selfish does have ingrained their goat-vaginal values in the minds of many Westerners who care more about pr0n and self gratification than in doing what God commands of them. That is ” Be fruity and blow goats, rule over the birds of the air, the fish of the sea and the beasts that walk upon the ground (especially goats), suck upon the goat penis and subdue it.”
America even though we still have quite a ways to go still has a goat-blowing rate above replacement levels which is good. But instead of having only 2.09 goats blown per wingnut like we have now, we should have at least 3.5 goats blown per wingnut.
Billy Goat Gruff unfortunately is finished unless a miracle happens.
There, fixed.
Who pulled the burred, red-hot poker out of your eye? I did!
Aren’t you going to thank me, you ingrate? What, you won’t — just because I stuck the burred, red-hot poker in your eye in the first place?
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Maaaaat! Come Baaaack!
At least we don’t have to worry about muslims in this Country. As much as I want our borders secured and illegal aliens deported I still prefer Mexicans to Muslims.
At least Mexicans are Christians. Mosque building in our Nation should not be allowed. America is a Judeo-Christian Nation founded upon Biblical Principles. Only Judeo-Christian religions should be allowed to be practiced in America.
When Our Founding Fathers wrote the First Amendment they only intended Judeo-Christian Denominations to be protected under the Freedom of Religion Clause. They never dreamed that Muslim infidels would flock to this Great Land, The New Jerusalem, Our City Upon a Hill. If they had forseen this they would have specified Judeo-Christian Denominations under the Freedom of Religion Clause.
I’m not sure those kids in FL have it wrong. I mean I have a friend who likes to get high and have sex with women and she hasn’t gotten pregnant.
I bet the schools in FL are teaching the kids something.
Clearly the vagina issue is worth exploring in some depth.
How many of the world’s problems would go away if only atheists had children?
Once again, I am writing in response to Mr. Barack H. Obama’s sound bites, and once again, I merely wish to point out that I recognize the need to think and act strategically as well as tactically. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: If I may be so bold, Obama insists that he’s merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. In the long run, however, he’s only fooling himself. Obama would be better off if he just admitted to himself that he is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how immoral Obama is. You can’t do it. Not only that, but idle hands are the devil’s tools. That’s why Obama spends his leisure time devising ever more neo-spiteful ways to undermine the foundations of society until a single thrust suffices to make the entire edifice collapse.
Here’s some food for thought: We are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don’t care what Obama does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why if Obama’s collaborators had even an ounce of integrity they would advance freedom in countries strangled by tyranny. Quite simply, the poisonous wine of sectarianism had been distilled long before he entered the scene. Obama is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity. My vision that some day, people everywhere will take advantage of a rare opportunity to offer true constructive criticism — listening to the whole issue, recognizing the problems, recognizing what is being done right, and getting involved to help remedy the problem — is an inspiring dream. Unfortunately, reality always awakens me and reminds me that Obama’s desire to provide cover for a heinous agenda is the chief sign that he’s an inconsiderate dummkopf. (The second sign is that Obama feels obliged to divert our attention from serious issues.)
Rather than persuade you myself that Obama’s new definition of “disadvantageousness” is unmistakably in disagreement with his myopic convictions, I decided to gather input from various independent observers: teachers, farmers, shopkeepers, doctors, and so forth. I’ve tried to get balanced and reasonably accurate views about Obama’s biased, mephitic protests. For instance, a policeman I interviewed pointed out how in Obama’s quest to give an air of scientific impartiality to biased judgments he has left no destructive scheme unutilized.
Obama really struck a nerve with me when he said that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator’s purpose. That lie is a painful reminder that Obama twists every argument into some sort of “struggle” between two parties. Obama unvaryingly constitutes the underdog party, which is what he claims gives him the right to manipulate the public like a puppet dangling from strings. I, for one, am not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that one does not have to use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more accurate targets in order to yank up libidinous jabberers from the dark rocks under which they hide and flaunt them before the bright sunshine of public exposure. It is an execrable person who believes otherwise. I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I assert that there is because the time is always right to do what is right. That’s why we must unquestionably provide some balance to Obama’s one-sided zingers. The first step in that process is to realize that he has already begun causing riots in the streets. I wish I were joking but I’m not. What’s more, before Obama initiated a Maoism flap to help promote his morally crippled belief systems, people everywhere were expected to expose some of his unsavory deeds. Nowadays, it’s the rare person indeed who realizes that I think that Obama can’t discuss anything without talking about irreligionism. You probably think that too. But Obama does not think that. Obama thinks that he could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else.
I realize that the tone of this letter may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you’re somewhat uncomfortable reading about Obama’s perfidious philippics please don’t blame me for them. I’m not the one making my blood curdle. I’m not the one plaguing our minds. And I’m not the one preventing me from sleeping soundly at night. So you see, I refuse to dance to Mr. Barack H. Obama’s noxious tune.
shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in
Not unless they buy the house themselves. That’s the free market, cobag! EAT IT.
…all the crime, corruption and drugs it causes, but we will always fight it here in our heartland, Our Home.
So I guess all the meth labs in the Heartland are imaginary? Right, ostrich boy.
Matt, there is no such thing as the “Freedom of Religion Clause.” Kindly provide a shred of evidence that the absence of any mention of Judeo-Christianity in the Constitution is proof of any of the babble you offer up. Absent that, no one gives a fuck about what you prefer, or what you think should be standard practice in the U.S.
I”m sorry, Matt, did you say something? We wern’t paying attention.
A Ruppert moved into my neighborhood. The property values fell immediately. So we stoned him.
Took you a long time to type that one-handed, didn’t it Matt?
What chain email did you cut and paste that from, Matt? Hack.
“A Ruppert moved into my neighborhood. The property values fell immediately. So we stoned him.”
Then a lovely gay black couple moved in and the property values skyrocketed.
At least we don’t have to worry about muslims in this Country. As much as I want our borders secured and illegal aliens deported I still prefer Mexicans to Muslims.
At least goats are mammals. Reptile blowing in our Nation should not be allowed. America is a farmyard-animal-blowing Nation founded upon 4-H Principles. Only Capra loving blowjobs should be allowed to be practiced in America.
When Our Founding Bucks wrote the Declaration of Goat Blowing they only intended Cashmere goats to be blown under the Breeds and Classes Clause. They never dreamed that Golden Guernseys would flock (ha!) to this Great Land, The New Pasture, Our Barnyard Upon a Hill. If they had forseen this they would have specified the specific breeds under the Breeds and Classes Clause.
Boy, Matt, you had a lot of mistakes in this one.
*damnit, proofreading is you friend.
Change the first para above to read:
“At least we don’t have to worry about reptiles in this Country. As much as I want our goats blown and does raped I still prefer goats to reptiles.”
What’s all this about blowing goats?
Look at the context of the times we were living in. In 1787 when the Constitution was written the American Republic was 98% Protestant, 1.5% Catholic and 0.5% Jewish.
Only Judeo-Christian Denominations were represented in Our Great Republic. At the time the Muslim world was ruled by the Ottoman Turkish Empire which was a totalitarian Islamic State still living in the Middle Ages. The Muslims at the time were probably even unaware of the discovery of the American Continent for crying out loud! Never mind thinking of immigrating here. Nor would our Founders have wanted them because they were so alien from our common Anglo Judeo-Christian Culture that they would have completely ruined our fragile experiment in Democracy which was based upon Principles taken from the Bible with the Holy Book’s concept of equality and freedom for all men in Christ.
Our Founders would never have allowed such a threat to our culture and fragile Republic to plant its roots in our Sacred Soil.
“America” has been ‘white’ for about 200 hundred years Matt.
So you see, I refuse to dance to Mr. Barack H. Obama’s tune.
Cuz you aint got no rhybhm, crackuh.
Say, Matt, did you write that yourself?
By the way, earlier you said:
The implication of this is that Muslims are much much better at “doing what God commands” than Westerners. So seems to me, you should be embracing the Muslims, seeing as how they’re doing God’s bidding and all.
Damn, I just checked out the above item re: Ronald Reagan’s supposed diary about W, and it was, sadly, an internet hoax.
But this, on the other hand, is absolutely real:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ 20…la_n_94601.html
There’s a group in San Francisco currently trying to get a sewage plant renamed the ‘George W Bush Sewage Plant”!
Matt McMahonlyyesbutIlikeittoo is right. These last 7 1/2 years of the Obama administration have been pure hell.
When the gasoline interruptions start, Matt Ruppert will sell his soul to live next door to an inner city couple, just so he can afford to get to work..
The fact is, everything has to do with scary brown people trying to mess up us wonderful caring righteous white peopple. Cute fuzzy kittens mean all muslims want to kill you. New grass coming up in the Spring means all black people are hosrrible psycho neighbors booga booga. Unfettered sex means the illegal hoards will pour across our borders in an unending stream of browness.
Fettered sex means those borwn poeple are trying to blow up my brain. But you liberalss will never reaize that which is why are once great nattion is doomed and I post on satire sights in such a way to show how clueless I am. The fact is,
I am writing to let you know that I have a concern regarding Mr. Matt Goatblower McMahon’s disdainful platitudes. For practical reasons, I have to confine my discussion to areas that have received insufficient public attention or in which I have something new to say. Contrary to popular belief, if I hear McMahon’s secret agents say, “The only way to expand one’s mind is with drugs — or maybe even chocolate” one more time, I’m going to throw up. McMahon has little respect for laws or for any behavior that most people would consider requisite for a sustainable information economy, the point being that he managed to convince a bunch of nutty, biggety headcases to help him convict me without trial, jury, or reading one complete paragraph of this letter. What was the quid pro quo there? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that he and his associates take is that we are starting to witness the smarmy effects of his circulars.
There’s one thing you can decidedly say about McMahon: He has a sense of humor. He was being a real comedian when he told us that it is his moral imperative to subordinate principles of fairness to less admirable criteria. Headlong toughies may endanger our property or our security or our economic well-being, but McMahon endangers our souls. It is reasonable to infer that I must, on principle, remove the misunderstanding that he has created in the minds of myriad people throughout the world. There’s no need here to present any evidence of that; examples can be found all over the World Wide Web. In fact, a simple search will quickly reveal that we were put on this planet to be active, to struggle, and to love the Earth and everything that flowers and crawls upon it. We were not put here to slow scientific progress, as McMahon might feel. I don’t wish to psychologize here, but no matter what else we do, our first move must be to educate everyone about how his undertakings are a perfect example of overgeneralization and blatant collectivism. That’s the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also take advantage of a rare opportunity to make his disgraceful cop-outs understood, resisted, and made the object of deserved contempt by young and old alike.
Many of the people I’ve talked to have said that McMahon and his hangers-on should all be put up against a wall and given traitors’ justice. Without commenting on that specifically I’d merely like to point out that McMahon once tried to jump on everything that is written, said, or even implied and label it as either virulent or officious. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you unequivocally don’t understand how McMahon operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that the justification he gave for challenging all I stand for was one of the most cocky justifications I’ve ever heard. It was so cocky, in fact, that I will not repeat it here. Even without hearing the details you can still see my point quite clearly: Relative to just a few years ago, crazy, shiftless card sharks are nearly ten times as likely to believe that McMahon is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by McMahon to keep us hypnotized so we don’t kick butt and take names.
Tribalism doesn’t work. So why does McMahon cling to it? While I don’t know the answer to that particular question, I do know that McMahon claims to have data supporting his assertion that he can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic, pink, pixie dust over everything that he considers delirious or headstrong. Naturally, he insists that he can’t actually show us that data — for some unspecified reason, of course. My guess is that he’s hiding something. Maybe he’s hiding the fact that his favorite buzzword these days is “crisis”. McMahon likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to lead an active disinformation campaign. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that we must shine a light on McMahon’s efforts to mold the mind of virtually every citizen — young or old, rich or poor, simple or sophisticated — if we are ever to hold him responsible for the hatred he so furtively expresses. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must unmistakably pursue because McMahon’s tactics are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on McMahon’s wild intimations, his invariant response is to muddy the word “anthropomorphologically”.
This state of affairs demands the direct assault on those unenlightened holier-than-thou attitudes that seek to traduce and discredit everyone but unprincipled, hidebound Huns. There is no contradiction here; even though the blatant ignorance and social maladjustment of McMahon’s stratagems will create a Frankenstein’s monster in the near future, you mustn’t forget that McMahon keeps saying that he knows the “right” way to read Plato, Maimonides, and Machiavelli. For some reason, McMahon’s compeers actually believe this nonsense. I’ll end this letter with a personal invitation to Mr. Matt Goatblower McMahon himself: If you care to respond to what I wrote, please do, especially if you think that I am being inaccurate or unfair. I do not wish to misrepresent you in any way whatsoever. Pax vobiscum.
You know I think every city in America should change the name of their Sewage plant in honor of Dubya.
We should try to make that happen before his term is over.
Anybody who objects to honoring the President obviously hates America and Freedom.
“The George W. Bush Sewage Treaterizing Locativites”
Holy shit, son, what are you aiming for here? Some sort of Longer The Entire Wingnutosphere? A Unified Theory of Conservative Crazy? My First Jar of Drool?
When teh Founders wrote the constitution, bleeding was a common form of medical treatment. This proves that antibiotics are a scurge that have lowered my property value and raised my gasoline prices.
Informative linky. You’ll note that Columbus had Muslims in his expeditions, so they probably suspected.
Look at the context of the times we were living in. In 1787 when the Declaration of Goat Blowing was written the American Republic was 98% Cashmere, 1.5% Angora and 0.5% Nigerian Dwarf.
Only Goat Fellators were represented in Our Great Republic. At the time the Reptile loving world was ruled by the Canadian Empire which was a totalitarian Reptilist State still living in the Middle Ages. The Reptilists at the time were probably even unaware of the discovery of capra penises for crying out loud! Never mind thinking of blowing them. Nor would our Founders have wanted them because they were so alien from our common Goat Blowing Culture that they would have completely ruined our fragile experiment in Farmyard Lovin’ which was based upon Principles taken from the Farmer’s Almanac with the Holy Book’s concept of equality and freedom for all goat fellators.
Our Founders would never have allowed such a threat to our culture and fragile Republic to plant its roots in our Sacred Soil. So to speak.
Man, I’m exhausted. Matt, you really need to be more careful when you write shit.
Why isn’t Matt in Iraq? My nephew’s there and I like him a lot better than Matt.
Why won’t you take his place, Matt? He has brothers and a mother who love him. You have a blow-up doll you dress up like Doris Day.
I’m proud to be 0.5% Nigerian Dwarf.
I’m proud to be 0.5% Nigerian Dwarf.
Me too. Sadly, it’s the wrong 0.5%.
The fact is, Gary McMatt’s ancestors didn’t know about sexual reproduction until, well in fact, they still haven’t. They replenish their numbers by scavenging at forced gay abortion clinics.
In 1787 when the Constitution was written the American Republic was 98% Protestant, 1.5% Catholic and 0.5% Jewish.
I guess the Founders, being Deists, were mere trace elements not included in your survey.
.
Que sera, sera.
And be nice. Yesterday was my birthday.
Tribalism doesn’t work. So why does McMahon cling to it?
It provides a comforting illusion of worth.
.
Fuck me. FUCK ME! FUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Won’t somebody please fuck me?
HA! GOTCHA! Vagina dentata!
Happy Birthday, Doris!
I loved you in Pillow Talk and Lover Come Back.
Doris!
When Our Founding Bucks wrote the Declaration of Goat Blowing they only intended Cashmere goats to be blown under the Breeds and Classes Clause.
Are you saying that the US was a nanny state right from the start?
Matt McMahon said:
“…ever more neo-spiteful ways to undermine the foundations of society until a single thrust suffices to make the entire edifice collapse…”
What do you suppose would happen to Bonnie’s “edifice” after a single thrust from Matt?
Europe unfortunately is finished unless a miracle happens.
Said while billions of Europeans happily carry on their busy, enjoyable lives, while Matt crouches, typing furiously, in his upstairs bedroom somewhere in the suburbs of Omaha.
What do you suppose would happen to Bonnie’s “edifice” after a single thrust from Matt?
Why would you assume she’d notice?
.
I don’t mind Hispanic families producing lots of childern as long as they are English speaking American citizens and not illegal aliens.
That’s mighty gracious of you, Matt. It’s a shame you keep a prohibition on Hispanic citizens of other nations, but I guess they’ll just have to deal with your mighty edict.
Matt’s from Rhode Island.
Holy shit, son, what are you aiming for here? Some sort of Longer The Entire Wingnutosphere? A Unified Theory of Conservative Crazy? My First Jar of Drool
He’s a champion copy-and-paste-er.
Maybe Matt meant “finished” as in “covered in a nice coat of varnish.”
It’s like when the big gorgeous babe says to the nerdy little guy begging her for sex, “If you fuck me, and I find out about it….”
Just a random question, don’t mean to offend, but I gotta ask.
Do the women here find it creepy that so many people are interested in your organs? I mean, I know that many people are interested in the organs of teh gehy but only to the extent of where those organs wind up. No one sees me walking down the street and thinks “Hey! That guy needs to use his organs to breed!”
I hope.
But the Friends of Fetuses strike me as the types who get upset when they see a non-pregnant woman and have posters of uteri on their walls with a little shrine with fallopian tube candles.
And what the fuck is up with complete strangers rubbing pregnant women’s bellies? My sister said this happened to her and the maniac got offended when she suggested that maybe she should keep her damn paws to herself.
WTF?
Sorry, I just think the whole thing is be-fucked.
Look at the context of the times we were living in. In 1787 when the Constitution was written the American Republic was 98% Protestant, 1.5% Catholic and 0.5% Jewish.
Only Judeo-Christian Denominations were represented in Our Great Republic. At the time the Muslim world was ruled by the Ottoman Turkish Empire which was a totalitarian Islamic State still living in the Middle Ages. The Muslims at the time were probably even unaware of the discovery of the American Continent for crying out loud! Never mind thinking of immigrating here. Nor would our Founders have wanted them because they were so alien from our common Anglo Judeo-Christian Culture that they would have completely ruined our fragile experiment in Democracy which was based upon Principles taken from the Bible with the Holy Book’s concept of equality and freedom for all men in Christ.
Our Founders would never have allowed such a threat to our culture and fragile Republic to plant its roots in our Sacred Soil.
Is that so? Then why did they forcibly import several lmillion non-Christian black people to our pure unsullied shores?
Maybe Matt meant “finished” as in “covered in a nice coat of varnish.”
Maybe he misspelled “Finnished”? Cuz those Finns, I tells ya.
“our fragile experiment in Democracy which was based upon Principles taken from the Bible with the Holy Book’s concept of equality and freedom for all men in Christ.”
Those poor original settlers, force to flee for their lives from vile Mooooslim countries like Britain and Holland and France.
When women accepted the idea that control of their [own] reproductive systems was a cornerstone of our nation, and men believed them, we became worse than barbarians.
See, that sentence is why I can’t become a wingnut pundit, as per my old man’s suggestions. I used to be a writer and I used to write opinion columns, and my old man says there’s gold in them thar wingnut hills and it’d be easy ’cause you’d just make shit up and no one seems to care. My dad’s actually conservative politically but he loathes Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh and all those people, so I have no idea why he thinks this’d make a good job for his number-one son but I imagine he thinks it beats peeling taters for a living and picking bass guitar between tokes.
But I can’t do it, man. I’d write some dumb shit about barbarians and I think I’d have to just have an aneurysm out of common decency.
Democracy which was based upon Principles taken from the Bible with the Holy Book’s concept of equality and freedom
Err…not so much. Locke, Montesquieu and the Magna Carta, more like.
The Bible was just fine with monarchs and patriarchy
The Bible was just fine with monarchs and patriarchy
And slavery, polygamy, bigotry, genocide…
You may have a good point there. I confess to considerable interest (not to mention the occasional wishful thinking and pangs of desire accompanied by “thoughts” of my own organ) purely in where those organs end up. And certainly, *I* never think about whether some guy needs his organs to breed, so I can appreciate that sentiment as well.
Oh. IC. Never mind.
Maybe Matt meant “finished” as in “covered in a nice coat of varnish.”
In all fairness to Matt Mc, among the fuckwad bigots of England, one factor contributing to their high blood-pressure is Polish immigration.
Plus, they’re not allowed to call the Queen an old dry hole of a Prussian pickle.
“be-fucked”
I have a new favorite word.
And as far as “America” needing to produce more White people, isn’t that why God created Canada?
Just think about it!
No matter which town, city, or Metro you visit, you KNOW when you flush, exactly who is gonna get it.
“He’s another one for ya George!”
It could unify America even…
Way upthread, Gary Ruppert wrote:
I completely agree. Now get the fuck off this planet.
“among the fuckwad bigots of England, one factor contributing to their high blood-pressure is Polish immigration”
Always glad to help goad the fuckwads.
I’d like to announce, now and forevermore, that anyone who’d like to spend a few minutes, or even an hour or two, thinking about, visualizing and otherwise considering my reproductive organ, it’s form, shape and configuration, it’s behavior, it’s motion, the things is does and the things it only dreams, well, I’d like to invite you very politely to proceed.
I am bothered not one whit by what may be perceived as your excessive interest bordering on obsession with my genitalia, indeed, somehow, I feel less alone in the world knowing that there are people to whom at least a portion of me is important enough to think about.
Thank you, and good night from both of us…
mikey
Mikey, sad to say the people in question are less interested in your genitalia per se than what you do with it, where you put it and how you might, er, wrap it.
However, if it makes you happy to think that ol’ Bonnie or even Matt is pondering your weenie, by all means go right ahead.
Drinking bleach will not prevent HIV (unless you drink enough to get your blood up to 10% bleach, but that would actually kill you so duh), nor will it prevent pregnancy (except, of course, if you drank enough that it killed you).
Drinking bleach will make your baby look whiter, though, so there’s that.
Earlier we stated that Bonnie Alba was a “politically incorrect” researcher-writer.
What we meant to say was that she is a political researcher-writer whose research and writings are incorrect.
We regret the error.
If you believe in the sky fairy, I don’t see it being a big stretch to think that bleach would prevent teh HIV.
I was a tad disappointed that the article didn’t mention auditory canal sex.
Is that when you do it very loudly in Venice?
Don’t feel badly Smut – it *was* a bit of a stretch.
Hey mikey,
What’s in your wallet?
[Hur, hur, snort]
I think Dan Someone deserves some sort of prize for best parody of Matt “No, I will not ever be concise” McMahon!
I am not a racist, however I don’t like change
Just wondering, “Matt”: you seem to be into “tradition” and all those other rightwing shibboleths, right? So I have to assume that you’re just following in the footsteps of your all-white ancestors, right? They all hated change too, right?
So why the fuck did they leave whatever Northern European shithole they were haunting and move over here to spread their crap on a completely different continent?
Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie…
The decrease in population isn’t due to abortion–it’s a result of those tired old Xian morals, impressed upon us by “Church Ladies” like yourself, who are determined to hang onto their exclusive rights to “their” man, at any cost.
Just think how fast the U.S. population would surge if husbands like yours were permitted to marry three, four–even a dozen more nubile, promiscuous sixteen-year-olds, instead of having to stare at the roadmap of your face across the dinner table each evening. But no–plural marriage is for heathens! Never mind the fact that if one woman wanted a career, and another wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, this could have advantagegs….
Oops…
Last word should be “advantages….”
Matt McMahon said,
I am not a racist, however I don’t like change, including demographic change. Since America has been historically majority White it should always remain so.
Hey, knobhead, no one gives a single toss what you like or don’t like. And yes, Matty, you are a racist.
Oh, and America has been historically native American, you pile of pus. Then a bunch of European buggers waded in and slaughtered a whole lot of them, and brought in a bunch of African slaves and Chinese semi-slaves (look up the treatment of Chinese workers on the goldfields and thereabouts).
Gary Ruppert said,
Why would decent people want to be unwelcome? They just want trouble.
Or, maybe, they like the house/neighbourhood/amenities? Maybe they don’t realise that they’ll be moving into a street full of fulminating racists?
While, we here in the heartland like it the way its always been.
No electricity, digging the cesspit every year, leeches as premier medical technology, and so on and so forth.
Gary Ruppert said,
The fact is, shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in? A black family in an all white neighborhood is not only an invation of privacy and harassment, it depresses property values, so is like theft in taking a familtys savings away. Why can’t they stay wher they belong, at least they are not slaves anymore, and by the way, who freed them? We did.
Gary, I hate to have to say this, but you are a complete racist cunt. Fucking harassment? Theft?!? Why can’t they stay where they belong?!? Jesus, man, I’m speechless.
Arky “I Just Get These Headaches” The Blasphemer said,
April 4, 2008 at 23:58
Just a random question, don’t mean to offend, but I gotta ask.
Do the women here find it creepy that so many people are interested in your organs?
Yes. Exceedingly so. And it’s particularly ironic that, for the last few years, I can’t find a single person prepared to take a personal interest, if ya know what I mean…
And what the fuck is up with complete strangers rubbing pregnant women’s bellies? My sister said this happened to her and the maniac got offended when she suggested that maybe she should keep her damn paws to herself.
Yah. A whole lot of years ago I was slouching around the maths building, talking to a friend (I was tutoring there, and doing my Honors year, if I recall correctly). This friendly guy who worked there bounded up shouting “Are you pregnant?” and put his hand on my belly. A brief silence was followed by my slow ripose: “No. Just fat.”
He never did it again, though.
Gary Ruppert said,
The fact is, shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in?
Yes! and I’m pissed as hell that your no-count trailer trash neighbors didn’t do their duty and throw your skeevy ass right out of the place.
A thousand quatloos says Matt McMahon and “Gary Ruppert” have the same ip address.
The fact is, shoulnd’t neighbors have some say about who moves in?
Moved into a trailer park in Tempe one November afternoon when I had a few dollars and wanted to sleep indoors. The neighbors were all white, and angry. They didn’t like my scoot. They didn’t like my music. They didn’t like my friends. And they most certainly didn’t like our tendency to stay up all night and have a lot of fun. So after a week or so, they came over and told me I had to leave.
Actually? It was one of my finer moments. I didn’t hit anybody. I asked them under what authority they were telling me to leave. They looked at each other, stumbled about for a bit, and kind of arrived at the consensus that they had every right to keep “criminal elements” out of the neighborhood. I disagreed, and the “meeting” disolved in acrimonious dysfunction.
Later, MUCH later that night, dramatic events began to occur. The tree on the corner exploded in a series of ever-more-elaborate explosions. That old ford truck? The one up on blocks? Reduced to shrapenel in a mind numbingly loud series of bangs. The low voltage lights lining the walkway? Yeah, well, they gave their all in a walking series of painfully loud, if harmless, explosions.
So nobody ever asked me to leave again. We all got along great that fall, and the last time I was in the neighborhood I was greeted with genuine love.
mikey
Am I too late? Because this sure seems like my kind of party, gnomesayin?
Ya know, it’s funny, but having read the Bible, the Qu’ran, and most of the Torah (I’m not one of these religious types, so I don’t have to take sides), I can honestly say that if there’s one genuinely “Judeo-Christian” religion in the world, it’s Islam. The Qu’ran is like the Torah with bits of the New Testament thrown in for colour.
And as far as “America” needing to produce more White people, isn’t that why God created Canada?
Shit, man, have you been here recently? Half the Greater Toronto Area is now nonwhite-dominant or close to it, 20% of Canadians are foreign-born (but almost 90% become citizens — the highest in the world), and Canadians report speaking over 200 languages. Me, I won’t be really happy until we’re all a big happy two solitudes of mixed-race polyglots…
Aint y’all mixed race poly-sumpins now? I mean, ya got yer Canadian Canadians and yer French Canadiens, right?
But 200 languages? I don”t believe it. Aint no one on the planet speaks over 200 languages. And “lots of you” claim that. Sure fella, sure.
I speak over 200 languages… but no one can understand any of them.
These Varnish should go back to Varnland.
tigrismus said,
April 5, 2008 at 0:22
The Bible was just fine with monarchs and patriarchy
And slavery, polygamy, bigotry, genocide…
Yep, we’ve come a long way from that shit.
Well, some of us have…
Gray Prupret wins the Irony Award (Troll Class).
It has been twenty years since I last read George Washington’s letters, but during the building of Mt. Vernon he employed a number of muslim artisans, on the basis that they were some of the most highly skilled at certain trades.
And how this hack Alba defines all the free-thinkers, deists, animists (Native American and African-American) and masons who lived in the Colonies as old-fashioned (fundamentalist) Christians is, well, befucked.
Meanwhile out in the real world, which country has had one of the fastest fertility declines in history?
http://www.earth-policy.org/Updates/Update4ss.htm
Remember, the people who collected and edited the Bible had just this kind of appreciation for documentary evidence.
Hate what she says but she’s right about the demographic armageddon. If things keep going they way they are, caucasians will be as rare as Inuit in the near future. Maybe it’s just the circle of life. Or maybe cultures that put women into the workforce, kill themselves through non replacement. Who knows. Hopefully the rest of the world will join our depopulation fest. Or perhaps the spice eaters will inherit the earth. I guess. Maybe Utah will become the last bastion of caucasian generational replacement; now that is a scary thought. I much prefered when the Italians and the Irish did this for us.
Hate what she says but she’s right about the demographic armageddon.
In what way does armageddon figure into the possibility of no more red-headed stepchildren?
I certainly wouldn’t expect Ms Bonnie to understand that most Muslim women would be happy to have better access to family planning, because having no control over your own body is pretty much slavery.
Oh, i think the Founding Fathers were rather vague on that issue.