Shorter MM: That double plus unwhite 3/5 person probably likes Brussels sprouts! Traitor!

Need to shake up the Malkin photos. You guys have some good ones, but always use the same one! Perhaps the ‘Malkin outside your kid’s window’ one.

I’m not sure when it happened, exactly.

Historians may well come to recognize an exact date, although it’s much more likely that they wouldn’t care, but at some point in the last year or so, The Malkin Thing has become a parody.

A joke. Acting to point out that feigned serial outrage over irrelevant trivialities and events that never actually happened is not only silly, but tends to make one less than trusted in more important matters…

mikey

No, no, no… I think Michelle is on to something. Think about it: If there is an incident in the gulf between Iranian and American warships… what if the President of Iran challenges America to settle it via a game of bowling or an eating contest. Clearly McCain with his skill with pre-mushed cheesesteaks would be needed.

Isn’t there a way that we can get this nutzo anchor-baby deported?

“Why … why … he eats fancy ham! No Joe Sixpack eats fancy ham! Processed food is as good as they need.

Could it be that Democrats refuse to eat food sold by an outright racist? If so, they’ve certainly lost the vote of the working man.”

I would love to open a taco stand in front of Gino’s and offer discounts to customers who order in Spanish.

Although La Malkina de Odio would prolly have her minions firebomb it.

Yeah, but he smokes, so doesn’t that make up for his refusal to eat greasy, artery-clogging food?

Now whose being a snob Michelle. 1. Geno’s is for tourists. Joey Vento is a jerk (cept when he’s doing stuff for the families of slain police officers, that’s very good of him) for reasons entirely independent of that stupid sign. And AGAIN WITH THE DAMN SIGN 2. Its Phila-freakin’-delphia. Democrats. And its a sandwich. John Kerry was an awkward man. Dubya was coached, COACHED I say when he ordered his steak.

Wait, remind me why the hell we care what the candidates eat?

UPDATE: Picture changed to appease whiny-assed whiners.

I happy! kthx

Need to shake up the Malkin photos.

Damn, Ted. How did you get so much pull around here? It took approximately two minutes for your will to be done. Bravo.

Unfortunately our treaty with the Phillipines specifically states that Malkin is to remain here. In exchange, we provide Imelda Marcos with an unlimited supply of the shoes of her choice.

You can thank St Ronnie and the Kirkpatrick Doctrine for THAT one.

Damn, Ted. How did you get so much pull around here? It took approximately two minutes for your will to be done. Bravo.

Blackmail. I have some photos of Brad and a certain Thai trapeze team.

I had no idea the “Philly” in Philly Cheesesteak was short for Philippines. Read Michelle and you can learn something new and mind-bendingly stupid every day.

She is so screwed, McCain can lift a bowling ball or eat a cheese steak that hasnt passed though a blender. Guess she is going to vote for Ron Paul.

Blackmail. I have some photos of Brad and a certain Thai trapeze team.

That’s “blackmail”? If I were in photos like that I’d make damn sure everyone saw them.

what if the President of Iran challenges America to settle it via a game of bowling or an eating contest.
Next time there is a clash with Russia, bear in mind the pool of experienced competitive eaters available in the old Warsaw-Pact countries. You can’t afford to fall behind or let the Cheesesteak Gap grow any wider.

I just can’t believe how ANGRY she sounds! Yes, I actually read (some of) it. Just fucking pathetic. Really, what the fucking hell is WRONG with this person.

As to deporting her, I think the Philippines have suffered enough in the last century.

Is that a vagina Ms. Malkin is about to devour, or merely a vagina symbol?

Where’s Perfesser Ann Althouse when you need her.

That’s “blackmail”? If I were in photos like that I’d make damn sure everyone saw them.

You don’t want to know what was done. The Horror.

If only Obama’s wife was an extremely rich heiress like McCain, then he could shake that “elitist” label.

The funniest Malkin comments are the one about how he only ate the ham to disprove the muslim rumors. But they be smart kids and have theorized that he probably spit it out afterwards.

But seriously, when did eating a sandwich become the litmus test for who would make the best president? Should we just hold pie eating contests instead of elections?

So Republicans believe cheese comes from a can?

Who gives a fucking shit? Seriously.

If you fucking think that this fucking bullshit matters w/r/t the future of this republic, then your right to vote should be fucking taken away. Eat my ass, you fucking mouthbreathing idiots.

Going to Pat’s or Geno’s is like that bit in The Office where Michael is in Manhattan and goes to Sbarro. I live sort of near San Francisco and am not more inclined to vote for someone because he goes to Ghirardelli Square and buys some sort-of-okay chocolate for like five times its value or eats at some crappy overpriced Fisherman’s Wharf restaurant. Do politicians hold Philadelphians in such contempt that they think that making a show of purchasing and eating some D-grade meat and ersatz cheese from some semi-literate xenophobe (yuh godda owduh in regla English, like “wiz wit”, but whose major customer base is tourists) will make them seem more accessible?

“Is that a vagina Ms. Malkin is about to devour, or merely a vagina symbol?”

At the risk of sounding suspiciously like Camille Paglia, I (Ann Althouse) say that Mrs. Malkin is in fact doing both. Her expression seems to be one of simultaneous attraction and revulsion. She wants to eat the onion ring, but at the same time believes that eating the onion ring is shameful and wrong. Clearly, Malkin’s extraordinary anger stems from this unresolved conflict.

And you know what’s just hilarious/sad? That this LOL-at-Obama!!!!!!!11 band of dummies is populated by Glenn “I sample non-alcoholic beers” Reynolds, Ace “I have trouble speaking to independent women” of Spades, and Hugh “Manboobs” Hewitt. Know what? Obama not liking shitty cheesesteaks doesn’t mean he’s less of a man than you clowns.

Sorry, confused Pat’s with Geno’s. WHY DO I EVEN CARE which dogfood “restaurant” we’re talking about?

She wants to eat the onion ring, but at the same time believes that eating the onion ring is shameful and wrong. Clearly, Malkin’s extraordinary anger stems from this unresolved conflict.

Couldn’t this conflict be sensibly resolved by merely licking the onion ring, thus allowing both sides to “win”?

did he ask for mo’ M-F’ing iced tea at the ham shop??

ALSO, these dittoheads have spent the greater part of the last 8 or so years convincing us that W. is the Prez you wanna share a beer with. It’s complete bullshit, of course, because we shouldn’t judge candidates/Presidents that way.

And it’s even greater bullshit, because W. ISN’T the Prez you wanna share a beer with. The man didn’t even know gas was over $3. He’s a spoon-fed aristocrat, and always has been. Think you have anything in common with this man? Really?

“Couldn’t this conflict be sensibly resolved by merely licking the onion ring, thus allowing both sides to “win”?”

Indeed. I (say it with me), Ann Althouse, have never licked an onion ring, but I do agree it seems harmless enough when done in private. However, while sensible moderates like myself are the living embodiment of reasonable compromise, such compromise is anathema to unthinking partisans like Michelle Malkin on the right and the habituees of this blog on the left. It is self evident that the most proficient onion ring lickers are folks who are neither on the left nor right, but firmly straddle the fence.

I think you mean ‘ride the fence.’

Couldn’t this conflict be sensibly resolved by merely licking the onion ring, thus allowing both sides to “win”?

Sure thing Gulliver.

“I think you mean ‘ride the fence.’”

Do not correct Ann Althouse.

Sure thing Gulliver.

And now we hear the complaints from the attorney for the little man in the boat.

How much is the axis of evil paying Mr. Hussein Obama to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes? When he looks in the mirror in the morning, does Hussein see more than the unctuous face of a satanic blusterer? And why can’t Hussein simply enjoy the fruits of his own labors and let other people enjoy the fruits of theirs? This letter is not the place to explore the answers to those questions. Its purpose is instead to turn Hussein’s antihumanist apothegms to our advantage. The first thing I want to bring up is that that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. “Thinking” is the key word in the previous sentence.

Hussein says that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. I’ve seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. Just the other day, some of his overbearing brethren forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Hussein’s blueprint for a world in which negligent, lazy brutes are free to burn Hussein’s opponents at the stake. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that I can’t understand why Hussein has to be so quarrelsome. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside Hussein’s head and is making him give voice, in a totally emotional and non-rational way, to his deep-rooted love of commercialism. It’s a bit more likely, however, that I, speaking as someone who is not a foul, militant ogre, have always been an independent thinker. I’m not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that Hussein’s behavior might be different if he were told that while decent people sit by, snore, and have their maws open, he is out giving rise to egocentric dingbats. Of course, as far as Hussein’s concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, “My mind is made up; don’t confuse me with the facts.” That’s why I’m telling you that if it weren’t for crazy deviants, he would have no friends.

Hussein divides the organization of his unambitious expostulations into two halves that, apparently separate from one another, in truth, form an inseparable whole. The first half seeks to dilute the nation’s sense of common purpose and shared sacrifice, while the second half is yet another bilious, drugged-out blend of overweening solecism and exploitative Dadaism. While we all despair over his puerile epigrams, we must also remember the principles that will guide our better behaviors and higher aspirations. Of all of his exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: “75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them.” I don’t know where he came up with this, but his statement is dead wrong. Hussein says that the ideas of “freedom” and “cynicism” are Siamese twins. Wow! Isn’t that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, “They’re not in here!”?

Be that as it may, Hussein will permit rotten loons to rise to positions of leadership and authority quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “parthenogenetic”. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will indicate in a rough and approximate way the two hideous tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern egotism. Only then can we justify condemnation, constructive criticism, and ridicule of Hussein and his dotty musings. Why is it that rigid adherence to dogmatic purity will lead only to disunity while we clearly need unity to focus on the major economic, social, and political forces that provide the setting for the expression of a shiftless agenda? It’s because his propaganda factories continuously spew forth messages like, “‘Metanarratives’ are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity” and, “Anyone who dares to call your attention to the problem of viperine flimflammers can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result”. What they don’t tell you, though, is that I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that there are many roads leading to the defeat of Hussein’s plans to convince petulant harijans that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining him. I undeniably suspect that all of these roads must eventually pass through the same set of gates: the ability to tell Hussein what we all think of him — and boy, do I have some choice words I’d like to use.

Should you think I’m saying too much, please note that I oppose Hussein’s screeds because they are heinous. I oppose them because they are inane. And I oppose them because they will operate on a criminal — as opposed to a civil disobedience — basis any day now. Hussein likes to seem smarter than he really is. It therefore always amuses me whenever he cracks open a thesaurus, aims for intellectualism, misses, and lands squarely in a puddle of distasteful frippery. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Mr. Hussein Obama, Hussein-inspired versions of simplism, etc., please tell me so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

Ah man, we were having fun you fatuous troll windbag.

In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. First off, even Mr. Pie Lover’s most viperine votaries are trained in the use of force, deadly force, advanced weaponry, and offensive and defensive tactics. Excuse me; that’s not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that Pie claims that going through the motions of working is the same as working. Well, I beg to differ.

Pie’s hijinks are like hothouse plants. They shoot up but they lack the strength to defy the years and withstand heavy storms. Maybe some day, Pie will finally stop trying to parlay personal and political conspiracy theories into a multimillion-dollar financial empire. Don’t hold your breath, though. While most people know this like a schoolchild knows that 2+2=4, only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to provide people the wherewithal to raise demonic hatemongers out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. But the first step is to acknowledge that Pie wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it’s because if you were to try to tell his confreres that he should put his own house in order before he tells others what to do, they’d close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don’t want to hear that the original purpose of mysticism was to create new (and reinforce existing) prejudices and misconceptions. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to.

You cannot suppose that Pie would have the slightest compunction about ordering his surrogates to give expression to that which is most destructive and most harmful to society. I mean, think about it. While his plans for the future may seem cantankerous, they’re in agreement with his lawless antics. However deep one delves into the citations and footnotes of his ruses, and however poised and “mainstream” Pie’s admirers appear once challenged, there is no way to forget that we must avoid the extremes of a pessimistic naturalism and an optimistic humanism by combining the truths of both. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time. Pie’s homilies can be rightly understood only as what some jejune firebrands have been brave enough to call them: a failure. Pie has been known to “prove” statistically that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately ugly. As you might have suspected, his proof is flawed. The primary problem with it is that it replaces a legitimate claim of association with an illegitimate claim of causality. Consequently, Pie’s “proof” demonstrates only that of all of his exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: “Pie’s refrains are Right with a capital R.” I don’t know where he came up with this, but his statement is dead wrong. Let me end this letter by pointing out that the battle to punish those who lie or connive at half-truths is now joined on many fronts. We will not waver; we will not tire; we will not falter; and, we will not fail.

Matt, do you know what:

“Cállate el hocico y chúpame los huevos pinche pedazo de cagada, ah, y tu mamá es mía” means?

If that onion ring were alive it would be screaming for Peta to intervene.

I like Philly Cheesesteak.

Did somebody catch matt in the halls when he was supposed to be in class and assign him a one thousand word essay as punishment?

‘Cause otherwise I can’t imagine why a grown person would present such drivel for public consumption.

mikey

Do some people go to such extremes of defending the honor of their hometown aliments because they have nothing else to be proud of? If Eugene Debs came back from the dead, ran for president, came to Oregon, and made a stump speech where he declared that Full Sail and Rogue beers taste like horse piss, I’d still vote for him.

Is there nothing else to enjoy and respect about Philadelphia than wads of cholesterol and trans fat crammed into a bun? I doubt it.

He used the complaint letter generator, mikey.

Italix Americans everywhere!

Arise, for now is your hour! Gavin has fucked up set us free!

But seriously, when did eating a sandwich become the litmus test for who would make the best president? Should we just hold pie eating contests instead of elections?

The wingnuts is just bitter ,’cause they know that if they wants to hates the gay, theyz gots to hates the ham sammiche.

Delicious Ham Sammich.

Just wait till you’re 40 Ms Malkin.

Malkin:

Obama out-dorked Kerry by completely passing up a cheesesteak at the Italian Market and instead sampling some fancy foreign ham. Well, la-di-dah.

He didn’t just pick any old imported ham. He picked pata negra. Fucking pata negra, which you couldn’t get in the U.S. until very recently. He’s got my vote.

Red China Malkin should have them holding up Little Red Purity Certificates. To prove that they’re not anchor babies. Note that Michelle is not holding one up. I dunno, the text/details might not translate on to such a small image, though…

Mein Gott, they’re launching insidious text wall attacks! They have no morals or sense of decency at all!

My official response to the winguts: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!! Just…fucking…shut the fuck up! I can’t take much more of this! Fucking seriously! Please, for the love of…fucking, I don’t know, just for the love of the known universe…stop the stupidity. Just please….stop it. It’s so awful to read. It’s so painful to think about. Knowing that there are freaks like you that are so frighteningly mainstream…argh!! STOP IT!!! Fuck me, I can’t take too much more of this crap. It’s so absolutely fucking stupid!!! Just shut the fuck up.

Thank you.

And it’s even greater bullshit, because W. ISN’T the Prez you wanna share a beer with

I was always amazed at that litmus test regarding George Bush. Who the fuck would want to drink a beer with George Bush? A) he “doesn’t drink” (yeah right) and b) when he did he was a mean drunk.

And the fucking sandwich test? That’s fucking important.

defending the honor of their hometown aliments
I read that as ‘hometown ailments’ and wondered what Djur was on about. OK, in my hometown we all have webbed fingers, but we think of that as a distinction rather than an ailment. At least we don’t have the scaled skin and the inherited porphyria like those in-bred fuckers in the next town.

Oh fer fuck’s sake. The knuckle draggers over at Malkins are all “How can he afford $99 ham?” when all he did was taste a sample.

Of course when the Edwards’ ate at Wendy’s for their anniversary (which was a custom of theirs) the knuckledraggers condemned it as a stunt.

We all know that George Bush’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are an indication of his moral superiority.

Uh oh.

I’m thinking about my sammich, when you gonna eat it, when you gonna eat it.

Oh well.

No wait. This whole status-as-american-as-judged-by-lunch-meat thing has me all spun up.

My favorite sammiches are falafels, croque madames and monte christos…

Pretty sure that makes me a traitor….

mikey

All this food snobbery from a woman who eats her onion rings with ketchup.

If you go to philly and want to sample the hometown aliments, I recommend visiting Dr. Atrios and checking out the hapless sea creatures he’s grilling on his roof deck.
~

Wonder how liverwurst rates in the pantheon of sammiches?

He used the complaint letter generator

But why does he insist on setting it to “generate 5 paragraphs”?

Riddle me that, Matt. Riddle me that.

Today’s lunch menu chez smut features fried blood-pudding sammiches. This is a blatant attempt on my part to pander to hemoglobin-challenged voters.

The funniest Malkin comments are the one about how he only ate the ham to disprove the muslim rumors.

I’m sure Obama furiously un-smokes those cigarettes of his to avoid violating Islam’s tobacco fatwa, too.

My computer-generated complaint letter is finished.

Copy boy!

Or alternately:

Michelle Malkin is as mad as a badger’s hat!

Stop the presses!

Everyone knows that REAL Americans smother their fried onion rings in cheese before dipping them in mayonnaise, Djur.

“My favorite sammiches are falafels, croque madames and monte christos…

Pretty sure that makes me a traitor….

mikey”

It raises some red flags all right. We need you to answer some questions. If you have nothing to hide…

What’s your average bowling score? Do you think Red Dawn is a work of genius, or merely a work of brilliance? How much do you spend on a haircut? Are you now or have you ever been a shopper at whole foods?

ANSWER THE QUESTION!

#

Some Guy said,

April 7, 2008 at 2:23

Everyone knows that REAL Americans smother their fried onion rings in cheese before dipping them in mayonnaise, Djur.

Wow.

Some Guy exposed as a mexislamisexual sleeper cell.

Hello?

Ranch Dressing?

What year is it where you got your training, comrade?

mikey

How much do you spend on a haircut?

Hee hee. I can’t remember. It was a LONG time ago.

Now? I just ask kind strangers to trim off the worst bits.

I’m the DFH longhair they’re terrified of. Except I have guns and stuff….

mikey

Everyone knows that REAL Americans smother their fried onion rings in cheese before dipping them in mayonnaise, Djur.

That’d be an acceptable compromise, but mikey nails it in one. Onion rings may be eaten with ranch, or a little mustard, or any of a variety of condiments, or plain — but eating them with ketchup completely masks the onion’s delicate flavor. At that point, you might as well just fry the breading directly and skip the middleman.

Cheese Whiz???? Yuck… Maybe because I went to college in Lancaster, PA not Philly but we ate our grinders with mozzarella or provolone not fucking cheese whiz.

You’ll never take me alive, capitalist pig-dog! *Jumps out the window and falls into the back of the waiting foreign-made truck to drive me to French Quebec, where all my fall injuries shall be treated for free with their universal healthcare.* Andele!

ALSO, these dittoheads have spent the greater part of the last 8 or so years convincing us that W. is the Prez you wanna share a beer with. It’s complete bullshit, of course, because we shouldn’t judge candidates/Presidents that way.
Yes we should cause you know Bush drinks really crappy beer.

Ketchup is only suitable for glazing a meatloaf. That heathen bitch-troll from Manila should stick with pansit and pollo adobo.

The Messiah has already been brought down a notch here in PA by his pathetic bowling score. He can’t really afford more public relations hits to his Everyman credentials, such as they are.

What. The. Fuck.

Bowling. Cheesesteak. This is what the wingnuts come up with to pummel Obama?

I am comforted by the knowledge that S,N! presents us with a skewed view of the electorate, limited to the fucked-upest of the fucked-up; and the assumption that the number of voters who actually take their political cues from the Malkin Thing and her slimy ilk is in reality vanishingly small. On the other hand, I am distressed beyond imagining that the MainStream Media, Inc. — that bastion of liberalism and anointer of the Blessed Obama, to hear the Malkinistas tell it — spends more than a sentence fragment on this kind of garbage.

Seriously, ABC (or NY Times or West Bumblefuck Clarion-Picayune), how much revenue do you think you would lose if you were the only news outlet in the country that didn’t breathlessly report Obama’s failure to eat a cheesesteak! In Philadelphia! ZOMG!!!eleventy-leven!!

Where is Howard Beale when we need him?

“All this food snobbery from a woman who eats her onion rings with ketchup.”

Not only that, what kind of upstanding conservative puts Heinz catsup on their onion rings?

acrannymint said,

April 7, 2008 at 2:33

Cheese Whiz???? Yuck… Maybe because I went to college in Lancaster, PA not Philly but we ate our grinders with mozzarella or provolone not fucking cheese whiz.

I have quite a few friends from Philly who avoid Pat’s because of the Cheese Whiz. It’s definitely more of a place for locals than tourists.

* errr… meant to say “more for tourists than locals.”

* facepalm *

“What’s your average bowling score? Do you think Red Dawn is a work of genius, or merely a work of brilliance? How much do you spend on a haircut? Are you now or have you ever been a shopper at whole foods?”

Having nothing to hide:

a. 172
b. the latter
c. $15 (with tip)
d. Maybe? (I get my massages at at place above WF)

Do I win a trip to Gitmo or am I free to go?

Personally, I love the way Obama doesn’t eat the cheesesteak. In one fell swoop he confounds expectations AND declares himself the Change candidate.

This is a stretch, even for them, because there is no putdown as easy as low-rent food snobbery.

Are these Cheetos? Brand name Cheetos? Why don’t you eat store brand, you elitist stuck-up snob? Well, la-di-dah.

See? Too damn easy.

And, uh…

Can I get a side of ranch for the rings? Kthx.

Look. Sorry, I’ve got some REALLY bad news for you.

Err, some of you.

It’s thin sliced beef, peppers and onions and some cheese. You can’t honestly claim any kind of regional ownership of that.

To be perfectly honest, the only difference between one and another is the spices and the bread. Hit it with some salsa and put it in a tortilla. Dice up some tomatos and some sprouts and push it in a pita. Lay it on a french roll with a bechamel sauce. Make a mustard/garlic aioli and put it on a kaiser roll.

Try to concentrate now. It’s just a grilled beef and cheese sammich with onions and peppers. You oughta try the same thing with calves liver on a sweet french roll. Rocks.

But you’ve GOT to get over trying to claim this very pedestrian, albeit delicious sammich as being something regional, like fish tacos or lobster rolls. That’s just crazy talk…

mikey

is it just me, or is this thread making everyone hungry?

I think beef on wheck* is regional enough, though.

*It’s possible I’m spelling that wrong. I’m not, personally, from Buffalo (thank god) but 90% of my mom’s family is.

Hell, I’d have chosen the ham, too. The only folks who think bowling and cheese steaks are the measure of a man are too damn stupid to be allowed out of the house, anyway. And Malkin, who probably nibbled daintily on prosciutto and piave once she returned to suburban DC enclave, is the queen bee of stupid.

to her enclave. Grrrr.

Cheesesteaks here in Atlanta are served with provolone or swiss. We eat them that way in various working-class dives all over the city.

Look, guys. I know you’re all getting a laugh about Michelle Malkin and the various middle class people who comment on her blog, but the fact is, when Obama can’t bowl or is afraid of a nice working class sandwich, those of us in the middle of America, those of us who vote, those of us who care about a President speaking to us on our level- we notice these things. It’s a blessing that Miss Malkin has brought these things to our attention, as the Main Stream Media has thus far refused to notice, meanwhile focusing on various pitbull attacks against the Bush Administration. All this despite the fact that any bad things Bush has done aren’t anywhere close to what the Clintons did.

I’m proud to be an American, and I just wish that all you people would be too. But please, continue the har har har at the dumb conservatives. We vote, and we remember.

“What’s your average bowling score? Do you think Red Dawn is a work of genius, or merely a work of brilliance? How much do you spend on a haircut? Are you now or have you ever been a shopper at whole foods?”

A – I had been the proud winner of lowest score at the company office party two years in a row but lost out this year. I think the best was about 50.
B – None of the above
C – $100 with tip (includes the dye job)
C – yes but I tend to go to Trader Joe’s these days.

Dan Someone said,

April 7, 2008 at 2:43

What. The. Fuck.

Bowling. Cheesesteak. This is what the wingnuts come up with to pummel Obama?

…and yet they complain about the “nanny state guvmint”. Well, the government is merely serving them by responding to their actions: as long as they continue to act like children, then the government will continue to treat them like children.

You know, I don’think I’ve ever had a Philly Cheesesteak.

But I have had one of these:

Phillipe’s the Original

The cool thing about Phillipe’s is that ALL versions are good. And they don’t have cheez-whiz (for the love of gawd, who would willingly eat that shit?)

I go for the lamb and bleu cheese version myself, though. A glass of pinot noir. And the pickled beets are damn good.

Sorry, Jason, can’t understand you. Might be a good idea if, while you’re talking, you removed Karl Rove’s dick from your mouth.

You know what? If a candidate were to swing by where I’m from (Raleigh, N.C.) and go to a BBQ restaurant, and ask for sliced pork instead of the traditional pulled pork, and ask for sweet sauce instead of the traditional vinegar-based sauce, I wouldn’t give a shit in the slightest.

SomeNYGuy-

This kind of attitude is exactly what I’m talking about. This is exactly why I left the Democrat Party a few years ago.

The thing to remember about wing nuts is that it is all surface. It’s all superficial perception because the surface is all they have. That is why they repeated the nonsense about GW being a average Joe you’d want to have a beer with. Not because they believed that BS, but because they believe that is how you get elected.

So they just apply that standard to Obama (and Edwards previously). They think “Hmmm, if we REALLY want to hurt Obama we attack his eating habits, yeah!” Their mistake is thinking that everyone else is a soul less corporate whore just like they are.

Did I do that? I’m so proud. Any time.

It’s a blessing that Miss Malkin has brought these things to our attention, as the Main Stream Media has thus far refused to notice, meanwhile focusing on various pitbull attacks against the Bush Administration. All this despite the fact that any bad things Bush has done aren’t anywhere close to what the Clintons did.

You’re either an idiot or have some vested interest in flushing our country down the toilet. Or both!

Sure it is, “Jason”

All this despite the fact that any bad things Bush has done aren’t anywhere close to what the Clintons did.

Go ahead pull the other one

I know you’re all getting a laugh about Michelle Malkin and the various middle class people who comment on her blog

No, Jason ol pal, ol sock, we are getting a laugh out of dipshits who critique the way a man eats a sandwich, but are fine with illegal war and torture. That’s pretty goddamn funny, once you get past the existential horror.

“This kind of attitude is exactly what I’m talking about. This is exactly why I left the Democrat Party a few years ago.”

What? That you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full? Aren’t you used to that by now?

when Obama can’t bowl or is afraid of a nice working class sandwich, those of us in the middle of America, those of us who vote, those of us who care about a President speaking to us on our level- we notice these things.

Jason, do you also want to drink a beer with George Bush?

Hey, Jason, what do you have against basketball? Do you know how many more Americans play basketball than bowl? And what about George Bush’s devotion to mountain biking – talk about an elistist sport – do you know how much those bikes cost?

Afraid of a nice working class sandwich. Jason, how many Philly Cheez steaks do you eat? Do you eat Cheez Whiz? C’mon, Jason, for some credibility, tell me how much money you spend annually on Cheetos.

Shorter Jason: “Hmmm, everything tastes like Rove anymore.”

Put a sock in it, Jason. Even I can’t stomach that bullshit anymore. But it’s cute how you say “Democrat” Party, just like me. Maybe we can get together and compare brain damage and/or cock size some day.

Just as I thought. You people can’t stand opinions from the average American. And you wander why people say you’re elitest.

I iz making junky food now. Grilled hamburger meat, spices, plus whatever other bs I throw in (onions, diced tomatoes, etc.)

It will be Enchiladas Americanos Grande™, or some such, by the time I’m threw screwing around with it.

And it’ll taste great, cause I’m famished.

President Bush rides a Trek Mountain Bike
An Associated Press article gave a few details about the bike the president rides. He rides a carbon fiber Trek Fuel 98 worth $3,100. Ironically, the president rides with clips on his pedals and has yet to “go clipless.”

Yeah, just common everyday sort of bike.

Don’t flatter yourself. You are a way-below-average American. Even grading on the curve.

DO YOU CARE that Jason Ambrose has a permanent scar of Karl Rove’s member inside his mouuuth?

DO YOU CARE that Jason Ambrose is fine with torture as long as its practitioners eat Cheeeeeetosss?

DO YOU CARE that Jason Ambrose thinks that Liberal Fascism is the most important book of the last quarter ceeenturrrry?

You people can’t stand opinions from the average American

And who ties your shoes? Mom or Dad?

Damn tags.

And I am making pasta with home-made bolognese sauce – the sauce has been simmering for about 2 hours.

Not only is Jason a 23 percenter, he chooses to hang around Malkin. Malkin! Even O’Rilley wants nothing to do with her. She’s washed up in TV land and she knows it.

This whole subject should be wrapped up and stuck in a jar for later display in the Museum of American Electoral Stupidity.

Let’s review:

1) John Kerry gets insulted for ordering “Swiss” cheese which is considered some sort of major faux paus because it’s “foreign” cheese, when in reality what passes for “Swiss” cheese in America is a poor substitute of Emmanthaler that’s heavily watered down so it slices more easily because Americans have a fetish for eating every meal on slices of bread.

2) Obama samples a portion of “ham from Spain” which the reporter is too uncultured to even identify but only knows the price is 100$ a pound. Could it be that Spain’s own long cultural traditions w/r/t ham and careful breeding of pigs and extremely labor intensive practices and extremely meticulous government oversight makes the ham WORTH 100 bucks a pound after conversion to a failing currency?

3) Then Obama is excoriated because he refuses to eat fatty, greasy substandard meat from a largely deregulated meatpacking industry and artificial WW2-era cheese substitute slapped together on two buns that are made from wheat that is grown with chemicals, stripped of all nutritional content so it can be pleasingly white and soft then has nutritional content re-injected to prevent poor Americans from dying of rickets due to a failed national healthcare system.

Literally everything anyone ever needs to know about the state of affairs in America today is contained in this story.

5,000 Quatloos says Jason Ambrose and Matt McMahon (etc.) have the same i.p. address.

P.S. DId I say 5,000 Quatloos? I meant 5,000 FUCKING QUATLOOS, DAMNIT!

Jason Ambrose said,
April 7, 2008 at 3:13

Look, guys…

Oh cheeze, is thisa new medication regime, or is he running out of the uppers?

Soj – and let’s not forget that while the Malkinites were excoriating Kerry for his choice of Wisconsin-produced Swiss cheese on his sandwich, the Republican congressmen were being treated by Abramoff to fois gras at his restaurant. I am not using hyperbole when I say foe gras – the menu features it.

Gavin adds: This one’s barely been used.
That second picture definitely raises some red flags.

For your thoughts I will pay six Grubfars.

You look me straight in the eye and tell me I’m not white. I dare you!!!

Uh, Michelle — can I please have my personality back?

Soj- Two problems.

1) Americans have a fetish for eating things on bread? Yes. It’s a cultural thing. No more odd or strange or horrible than any other cultural thing anywhere else in the world or universe.

2) TOURISTS eat crappy-ass cheesesteaks. European tourists included. Americans eat more natural variations thereof, which in of themselves are no worse than the sausage-n-cheese crap you’d fine on the streets of, say, Zurich or wherever.

Hrm. The Malkin-madness linked has a distinctly red-top tabloid feel, rather than the pseudo-intellectual winger diatribe usually ‘written’ by her. I wonder if this is a Ghostwriter sighting, a.k.a. her husband doing some early-morning blogging in his wife’s lingerie and a Bettie Page wig.

Just to get in the right frame of mind you understand.

Can we find another definition for “average American” that doesn’t contain implications that all Americans are total dumbasses?

I guess we should be like those nice, polite, gentlemanly Republicans and shout “treason” at everyone who challenges us, just after we question their patriotism.

Oh, hell. I like me some pre-formed pressed roast beef luncheon meat and pasturized cheese food product myself from time to time. I admit a craving on occasion for an Arby’s with extra Horsy sauce.

Nothing wrong iwth that.

But don’t be so fucking stupid you vote for a president based on the fact that the guy ate pretended to eat a fucking sandwich during a photo op.

Can we Americans really be this dumb?

“Can we find another definition for “average American” that doesn’t contain implications that all Americans are total dumbasses?”

I’m afraid that’s an implication we have to live with. Most folks like American Idol and think Budweiser is a fine beer. I blame television and an inadequate educational system.

My favorite submarine sammich is the classic Eyetalian. And I prefer provolone cheese with that, plus oil and vinegar (naturally).

It wasn’t until I got to New Haven that I ever heard the term “grinder”. Back in D.C. we called them subs.

“but the fact is, when Obama can’t bowl or is afraid of a nice working class sandwich, those of us in the middle of America, those of us who vote, those of us who care about a President speaking to us on our level- we notice these things.”

The Fact is, this creep is stealing my bit.

I’ll go this far.

Food is like politics. Like firearms. Like cosmology. Like architecture. Like web design.

You have to educate yourself. You have to learn what is really available, and what is merely laid in your path to be consumed when you don’t know any better.

It is helpful to read. And it is always best to do your own research. You don’t have to take Soj’s word, or mine, or fucking matt’s. You can, like Senator Obama, make decisions based upon education and understanding. You can go forward with knowledge, because to go without is to probe life with your eyes closed, blindly hoping to find the treasure when all around there is mud.

For me? I’ll support a politician that says “THINK FOR YOURSELF” time and again over a politician that says “I’ll think for you”. I’ll pursue an ideology that is about understanding and empirical knowledge rather than one that insists that knowledge is evil.

I’ll work to support a political ideology that acts proactively to prevent crises, rather than one that acts reactively to CREATE crises.

It just doesn’t seem to be that hard, to me…

mikey

You guys probably think I’m pretty pathetic being mute and invisible and all, but can you sneak into the girls’ showers at the junior high?

Back in D.C. we called them subs.
Because they keep surfacing.

Mizzle McMahon said,
April 7, 2008 at 0:54

How mizzle is tha axis of evil pay’n Mr. Hussein Obama ta produce culturally degenerate films n tapes? Wizzle he looks in tha mirror in tha morn’n, does Hussein see more than tha unctuous face of a satanic hustla? And why can’t Hussein simply enjoy tha fruits of his own labors n let bitch thugz enjoy tha fruits of theirs? This letta is not tha place ta explore tha answa ta those questions puttin tha smack down. Its purpose is instead ta turn Hussein’s antihizzles apothegms ta our advantage cuz Im tha Double O G. The fiznirst thing I wizzle ta bring up is thizzat thizzat F-to-tha-izzact is simply inescapable ta any think’n dawg or woman gangsta style. “Thinking” gangsta style. is tha key word in tha previous sentence.

Hussein sez tizzy coercion in tha nizzle of liberty is a valid use of state pusha. I’ve. seen more plausible th’n scrawled on tha bathroom walls in elementary schools . Chill as I take you on a trip. Jizzy tha motherfucka day, some of his overbear’n brethren forced a prospectus into mah hands as I walked pizzle. The prospectus described Hussein’s blueprint fo` a world in W-H-to-tha-izzich negligent, lazy brutes is free ta burn Hussein’s opponents at tha stake n shit. As I dropped tha prospectus onto an perpetratin’ wastebizzles I reflected upon tha way thiznat I Can’t understand why Hussein has ta be so quarrelsome. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside Hussein’s heezee n is mak’n him give voice, in a totally emotional n non-ratizzles wizzy ta his deep-rooted love of commercizzles . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. It’s . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. a bit more likely, baller tizzle I, mackin’ as someone who is not a foul, militant ogre, have always been an independent brotha ta help you tap dat ass. I’m ta help you tap dat ass. not influenced by popular trends, tha media, or even so-called undisputed facts wizzy parroted by motherfucka. Maybe tizzy streak of independence is what F-to-tha-izzirst enabled me ta see that Hussein’s behavior might be different if he wizzy told that while decent thugz sit by, snore, n hizzle they maws open, he is out giv’n rise ta egocentric dingbats . Relax, cus I’m bout to take my respect. Of course, as far as Hussein’s concerned, this fact wizzay fall into tha category of, “My mind is made up; don’t confuse me wit tha facts.” That’s why I’m tell’n you tizzle if it weren’t fo` crazy deviants, he would have no friends.

Hussein divides tha organizzles of his unambitious expostizzles into two halves that, apparently separate from one cracka in truth, form an inseparable whole. The F-to-tha-izzirst hizzle seeks ta dilute tha nation’s sense of common purpose n shared sacrifizzles while tha second half is yet anotha bilious, drugged-out blend of ho-slappin’ solecism n exploitative Dadaism . Im crazy, you can’t phase me. While we all despair over his puerile epigrams, we mizzay also pimp tha principles that W-to-tha-izzill guide our nigga behaviors n higha aspirations. Of all of his exaggizzles n incorrect comparizzle one in particizzle stands out . Keep the party crackin while I’m steady rappin’: “75 . Keep the party crackin while I’m steady rappin’: million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved tha overpopizzles problem of his 76-planet federizzles by transport’n tha excess thugz ta Earth, doggy stylin’ thizzay ta volcanoes, n messin’ H-bombs on them.” I Don’t kizzy where he came up wit thiznis, but his statement is dead wriznong n we out. Hussein sez tizzle tha ideas of “freedom” n “cynicism” is Siamese twins cuz its a pimp thang. Wow . Chill as I take you on a trip! Isn’t . Chill as I take you on a trip! that like hid’n tha stolen goods in tha closet and, W-H-to-tha-izzen tha cops come in, stand’n in frizzay of tha closet door n pimpin’ “They’re not in here!”?

Be tizzle as it mizzle Hussein will permit rotten loons ta rizzy ta positions of leadership n authority brotha than you can double-check tha spell’n of “parthenogenetic”. When thiznat event happens, a darkness n evil cruisin’ anyth’n seen in history will descend over tha world cuz this is how we do it. I can hope only that before it does, thugz wizzill indicate in a rough n approximate way tha two hideous tendencies that I believe is tha mizzle rollin` force of modern egotism straight from long beach nigga. Only then can we justify condemnizzles constructive criticism, n ridicule of Hussein n his D-O-Double-Tizzy mobbin’. Why is it that rigid adherence ta dogmatic purity will lead only ta disunity while we clearly need unity ta focus on tha major economic, social, n politizzles forces tizzle provide tha sett’n fo` tha expression of a shiftless agenda? It’s? coz his propaganda factories continuously spizzay forth messages like, “‘Metanarratives’ is tha root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopizzles racial hatred, world cracka diseaze, n rank stupidity” and, “Anyone who dares ta ciznall yo attention ta tha problem of viperine gangsta can expect ta brotha hair loss n tooth decay as a result”. Whizzay they don’t tizzy you, though, is tizzle I have observed tizzle those who disagree wit me on tha next point tend ta be unsophisticated n those who recognize tha validity of tha point ta be mizzle educated . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. The point is tizzle there is many roads lead’n ta tha defeat of Hussein’s plans ta convince petulant harijans tizzy there is absolutely nuttin’ they can do ta betta they lot in life besides bustin’ him n shit. I undeniably suspect that all of these roads M-to-tha-izzust eventually pass through tha same set of gates: tha ability ta tell Hussein what we all think of him — n bizzy do I have some choice words I’d like ta use.

Should you think I’m say’n too much, pleaze note thizzay I oppose Hussein’s screeds coz they is heinous. I oppose them coz they is inane so bow down to the bow wow. And I oppose tizzle coz they will operate on a criminal — as opposed ta a civil disobedience — basis any day now. Hussein likes ta seem brotha thizzan he really is. It therefore always amuses me gangsta he cracks open a thesaurus, aims fo` intellizzles misses, n lands squarely in a puddle of distastizzles frippery . Relax, cus I’m bout to take my respect. Finally, any mistakes in this letta is strictly mah fault gangsta style. But if you find any factual error or have more updated 411 on tha subject of Mr. Hussein Obama, Hussein-inspired versions of simplism, etc., pleaze tell me so I can write an even stronga letta nizzle time . Keep’n it gangsta dogg.

Gizoogle saves the day!

Ahh, Gizoogle. Never gets old.

Jesse Malkin said,

You guys probably think I’m pretty pathetic being mute and invisible and all, but can you sneak into the girls’ showers at the junior high?

I think you should get your hand out of Michelle’s ass. Otherwise, she dances like a puppet.

The fact is, you faggoty liberal faggots who support that faggot black man Osama HUSSEIN who is a black nationalist and Muslim and not moral vlues, or heartland, are gay and should be put in camps.

The fact is that if we follow the Malkinist path we cannot fail.

I could never be President, aside from the fact that I am an atheist, I live in Seattle and have no idea what the approved way of ordering a cheesesteak sandwich

Dear Proprietors, Sadly,No!:

I am writing today to ask if you could order some replacement trolls. It seems everything is available on the internet: Is there perhaps an internet troll outlet where you might purchase some trolls of better quality and originality? I’m not asking for the moon here. I know there is no chance of acquiring resident annoyances of sparkling wit or unique insight, or even those with above-average spelling or grammatical skills. It’s just that the current “visitors” are likely to cause narcolepsy or mild migraine in anyone who doesn’t scroll past them quickly enough, and replacing them seems like an idea whose time has come.

Failing ordering newer models, could you perhaps borrow or rent a couple of trolls from some site that has more than its fair share? Alternatively, you could visit the Cornpone Corner or Ace of Spades and ask a couple of the regulars if they’d like to come over and be our guest trolls. Perhaps some sort of rotation could be devised. I’m sure none of the proprietors of the right wing sites would miss a couple of idiots, as they have literally dozens of morons kicking around, and might even be glad to have fewer underfoot. The requirements would be simple and easy to follow: The phrase “the fact is” is never to be used. Boring talking points must be interspersed with occasional blood pressure-raising idiocy, to keep us sharp. Must have sneering tone of self-righteous superiority while exhibiting no actual indications of any sort of real superiority.

Really, I feel we need some outcrossing in our troll gene pool. There are definitely some bad alleles in our small troll population and inbreeding is creating tiresome, repititious troll commenting. It is time for some new blood.

Thanks!

Candy

Dear Candy,

I am in receipt of your correspondence of 4/06/08. Let me reiterate my commitment to furnishing the highest-quality trolling possible. If you have complaints, please direct them to my business manager.

Yours,

Gary Ruppert

Matt McMahon said,
April 7, 2008 at 0:54

What the buggerfuck was that? Jesus, it’s a wonder some folk survive to adulthood, with that much stupid. Honestly, Gavin, have you guys been putting out bird seed or summat, to lure in the retards?

I mean, really, what kind of knobhead thinks that you should choose the preznit based on what food he eats? Or whether he bowls? Jesus, that is so completely packed with stupid, it’s like a black hole of stupid, sucking everything into itself.

Sorry, I’ve had a few politics-free weeks, and coming back is a bit of a shock. You know how it is.

I’m impressed that we’re still on the sandwiches 130 comments in.

Also, what is up with the name “Candy”? Taking a break from pole-dancing to pen snotty missives about me, are we?

Candy: I’m with you, sister. Sad thing about trolls is that what saves ’em from inbreeding themselves into oblivion is the fact that so few of them even get the chance to breed, at least with anything other than their own pudgy fists.

Oh, Bubba. I can discuss sammiches for almost ever.

I don’t like oatmeal or a lot of casseroles, but sammiches? Oh, the possibilities are endless. And it’s a small thing, diced peppers or celery hearts or who knows what that turns a sammich into something sublime!!

mikey

Dear Mr. Ruppert,

Thank you for your prompt reply viz. my recent letter expressing dissatisfaction with your trolling services.

We have been unable to contact your business manager for a number of weeks. According to his personal assistant, he is always on vacation at the Minneapolis Airport and unavailable to return calls, so I fear our correspondence must perforce be with you directly.

I am sorry to say that we feel we have not been receiving trolling of the quality we have a right to expect, given the steep competition in the idiot field and the glut of trolls in today’s market. If the problems persist, I fear we will have to seek the involvement of the Ann L. Outhouse New York Law Firm and pursue a legal solution to this contract problem.

Regards,

Candy

Qetesh, good to see you!

Dear Gary,

I would like to know if you have been taking advantage of the numerous troll educational facilities available on the internet.

These provide both quality and convenience to internet trolls who wish to keep their diction sharp and their talking points fresh.

I ask, because I care.

Yours,

I.F. Thunder

I am quite fond of oatmeal, as long as it’s not the instant variety. The McCann’s steel cut oats are nice, and only take 6 or so minutes in the micro. raisins from the farmers market are nice with it.

Sammiches, however – well, sammiches are wonderful. mikey, a little olive relish (aka muffeleta mix) does wonders.

however, I’ve worked for many a capable leader who customarily eats the most vile dreck and crap every. It doesn’t mean a goddam thing how a candidate eats his sammich.

Now, can we fucking talk about candidates’ economic policies, instead of their positions on pasterized process cheese food?

Welcome back, Qetesh. I have recently been seeking a Maneki Neko to grace my place of business. Do you know anyone you could refer?

You know, in my book anyone who goes to TGIFriday’s already has his street-cred in low-brow.

When George “Whiz” Bush ate his Philly Cheessteak, he lied about ordering Cheese Whiz..

I guess a lying poseur is better than someone who doesn’t perform for the cameras.

Well, Michelle’s originally from the Philly area (I think she’s from South Jersey), so she might know about cheesesteaks.

Unfortunately, we here in Philly are in sort of tough times (y’know – highest poverty rate of any of Murca’s top 10 cities, etc.), so steak sandwiches are a tad different than they used to be. Nowadays you split the least-stale roll you can find, put in a turd, coat with your favorite industrial waste, and enjoy.

It’s thin sliced beef, peppers and onions and some cheese. You can’t honestly claim any kind of regional ownership of that.

Is it not a sad indictment of a town or region when your celbrated food is sliced beef, onons & cheese, i.e. something also available just about everywhere in the western world. And they put fucken cheese out of a can on it, what is there no normal cheese in the US?

Boy other countries have watery tarts lobbing simitars or punks pulling swords outta rocks as ways of picking a leader.

And what do we get? “Who Ever Shall Order Cheeze Wiz Shall be Crowned King!”

Uh what crazy comment time:

“the most POPULAR spot in Philly, Obama doesn’t want to go to drum up votes? so, Geno steak patrons aren’t good enough? i guess not. my, my, are we a wee bit arrogant.

this illustrates how catty these democrats are. they can’t – even for a second – drop politics from the brain. everything has a political motive. the people who are going to Geno’s aren’t doing so because of political persuasion…they’re doing it to get a good damn steak…do democrats understand this?

Geno’s is Philly history.

but Obama’s going to reach across party lines…right.”

I cannot believe how little fucking sense this comment makes. Good. God.

Now now.

The Philly cheesesetak is not the signature Philly food. While a good cheesesteak actually takes more art than one might suppose – a truly good cheesesteak, and what the fuck is Cheeze Whiz anyway? Is that anything like Smegma Zip? – why the cheeseysnake became iconic to filluffya I don’t know.

Beef on Weck. Okay, so in Buffalo the french dip is on a Kemmelweck roll. BFD. No wonder hot wings tossed the previous iconic in to the histrorical in-sinkerator.

Primanti Bros. in the Burgh – well, tossing cole slaw and fires on the sammich wasn’t thier idea, it was so the truckers could snarf and fly simultaneously. But hey, it’s now the iconic
Burgh eats.

Anyway, for me, the real Philly treat is a proper soft pretzel. Made by some Amish escapee, slathered with mustard. Get that yellow shit out of here – real mustard only. It’s called ‘Senf’, by the way.

CheezWhizzed!??? Double-effing-YUCK!
Did you catch the other Wingfood thread, to the right? Obama’s unfit because of arugala . Probably ’cause half the wingnuts don’t even know what it is, or trust anything besides Iceberg-so-called-lettuce . (Me? Arugala, Indian Red Giant Mustard, mizuna, ‘Mei Qing Choi’ pak choi, and ‘Troutback’ ,’Merveille de Quatre Saisons’,’Royal Oakleaf’,’Red Oakleaf, and ‘Rosalita’ lettuces , among other things)

I guess I, and everyone within a 60 mi radius are commie-nist, pinko , effete subversives . “Barack Obama, come on down!”

Btw, Threw Grandma under the bus ? Sadly ,No!

Jason Ambrose said,
April 7, 2008 at 3:19
….
This is exactly why I left the Democrat Party a few years ago.

Oh boo. That bit’s as old as Henny Youngman. That was your line two weeks ago as Matt McMahon, and two months ago as Bastion Booger or whatever.

And that’s another thing. Matt McMahon, and Bastion Booger? What, you’re taking your cues from Stan Lee, and using alliteration to keep your fake identities straight?

You’re no Bruce.

“Anyway, for me, the real Philly treat is a proper soft pretzel. Made by some Amish escapee, slathered with mustard. Get that yellow shit out of here – real mustard only. It’s called ‘Senf’, by the way”.

I’ll second that, at least for the ones sometimes found (again from Amish) in northern Pennsylytuckey and S.Central New Yuck. 🙂

dmgroves,

Geno’s is teh suck – Mama’s in Bala Cynwyd is the deal.

the real Philly treat is a proper soft pretzel.

A story in the Washington Post travel section last month raved about a roast pork sandwich at Tony Luke’s, with broccoli rabe and sharp provolone.

Fucking food snobs!

Probably ’cause half the wingnuts don’t even know what it is, or trust anything besides Iceberg-so-called-lettuce

I’ve been lobbying for the return of iceberg wedge with blue cheese dressing. That’s it, just a wedge of iceberg with an excellent chunky bleu dress. A few home made croutons and a grape tomato or two maybe, but that’s pushing it.

For a hot summer day, it’s truly tough to beat. There can be beauty in simplicity. If frisee with lardon and a fried egg wasn’t so unfamiliar it too, would be white trash food anymore.

Fecking philistines.

Aside to g: isn’t Philippe’s wonderful? I live up near Sacramento now, and sometimes if I’m *very* lucky my parents bring up beef dip fixings when visiting from where they live in the San Gabriel Valley…

dmgroves:

Well, I asked for new trolls. This is a fine example of “be careful what you wish for ’cause you just might get it.”

Personally, I wouldn’t eat a steak anything if you paid me a year’s Preznit’s salary.

We’ve reached a better age where an African-American and a woman can be viable candidates for the Preznitzy of the U S of Anachronisms. Will we ever reach the level of enlightenment where we can elect a vegetarian*, or at least someone who eats sensibly?

Just askin’.

*Disclaimer: I’m an imperfect vegetarian, in that I slip up and eat meat (chicken or fish, occasional sausage and ground beef) about three times a week. I’m getting better though, not for any high moral or health-related reasons, but because red meat is starting to turn my stomach if it looks like a chunk of muscle that came off an animal. Like a craven hypocrite, I’ll eat it if it’s ground up and chock full of hot chili powder or curry paste, and mixed with things that hide what it is, or hidden away in a tortilla. But even then the texture is starting to feel nasty between my teeth. I think soon I’ll quit altogether.

Home-grown Iceberg (usually ‘Ithaca’ , in actual fact) is fine . Actually has some green on it , and it won’t kill ya. Commercially grown Iceberg has the outer green leaves (along with the majority of nutritional value) stripped off , and it’s in need of a lot , and some of the worst pesticides (last I knew). Blah!

or at least someone who eats sensibly?

Who or what is ‘sensibly’ and what does it /do they taste like?

[ps – sorry for forgetting to close the block quote above – only the first quoted paragraph is actually quoted. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. No vegetarians were harmed in the making of this comment].

In re: lettuce, I guess we can infer what Lenny Dykstra thinks.

Dykstra asked me to order him a wedge of iceberg with blue cheese, and excused himself to go outside and chat. By the time he returned, the piano player had started his set. “Brutal—can’t take this,” Dykstra said. We moved to a table on the opposite side of the restaurant. After some consultation with her manager, the waitress informed Dykstra that the Four Seasons didn’t offer iceberg lettuce. “I do have romaine,” she said. “Would that be O.K.?”

“Give me a cheeseburger,” he said.

Sorry, from The New Yorker’s Nails Never Fails.

mikeinportc: It goes without saying; local, organic iceberg.

Just read the Tony Luke/ pork/provolone/raab article . Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

I really want a Reuben right now.

I MUST make that.

Been meaning to make a 24 hr. roasted picnic anyway. (Umm, that’s ‘picnic’, as in ‘picnic ham’, as in ‘fresh pork shoulder’. Too many different names for the same thing here and there.)

I’m sure this has been covered extensively, but I’d just like to say that, while supposedly invented in Philadelphia, the “Philly Cheesesteak” has been perfected elsewhere (namely, everywhere except Philly.) Seriously, Cheeze-Wiz? I wouldn’t feed that shit to my enemy. A long long time ago, love had me traveling and staying in the great city of Philadelphia frequently. I’ve eaten at Gino’s and at Pat’s and at the places the locals go to get better steak sandwiches but I’ve never had a problem finding just as good, if not better, Philly Cheesesteaks in other places. Even in Buffalo, NY, where I live, there are two places that could go toe to toe with the best cheesesteak Philly has to offer. I don’t blame Obama for not eating that crap. Just as I wouldn’t blame him for not eating chicken wings at the bar in Buffalo, NY that invented them (they suck ass there; btw, if you’re ever going to Buffalo and need chicken wing advice, get a hold of me and I’ll make sure you get some good wings and don’t go to that crap-wing factory called the Anchor Bar.)

This http://www.superdickery.com/propaganda/67.html needs to be posted more.

As to deporting her, I think the Philippines have suffered enough in the last century.

Gundamhead, just over a century ago, a brilliant political satirist named Finley Peter Dunne wrote a wonderfully savage satire where the Philippine hero Agynaldo twits the American corporatist invaders: “We want none of Mr. Armour’s canned freedom here, because we fear it may have lost its virtue during the long overseas voyage, but prefer our own home-grown variety such as Mother used to make, be it never so humble in comparison.” (This is from memory b/c I’m too lazy to dig out my ragged Mr. Dooley collections.)

The descent from Dunne’s defense of the Philipine Resistance, to an ex-Filipina’s defense of the American Corporatist factory-meat-and-chemical-cheezoid “political test”, is a tiny perfect exemplar of the line about history repeating itself, first as tragedy, and then as farce.

Why are the photos you don’t photoshop so creepy?

Hi Candy, hi g. It’s nice to be back (kind of). As for beckoning, I’ll beckon sleep and snogging, so if that’s what you’re after then I’m your kitty.

What, no whiz?
Sen. Barack Obama sampled $100 ham, but didn’t chow down on a cheesesteak during a visit to the Italian Market yesterday.

Obama ate ham???

I know that this has probably been pointed out somewhere here, but me thinks the “Obama is an Islamofalafelgriller” meme has been blown out of the water by the Cheerleader in Chief on this post.

history repeating itself, first as tragedy, and then as farce.
Hey, it wasn’t my idea to repeat. The publisher insisted on it — said there was a sure-fire market for a sequel.

Jesus the range of stupidity represented in those comments is truly staggering.

Jake, I’m a fan of the wings at Duff’s, Gabriel’s Gate, and Cole’s in Buffalo. What do you think? Yum, I want wings now.

Everybody,

Per thread below, McMahon is using the complaint generator, so it’s pointless to argue. Set phasers to ‘ignore’, instead.

It is acceptable to wonder why she doesn’t choose the one-paragraph option to spare us some space. Such is the mystery of the troll, I guess.

And it was a male Thai trapeze team, hence the blackmail opp.

Now that I have cleared up any confusion, I shall now go and make shepherd’s pie.

Some Guy,

Why does God have no neck?

Cheesesteaks are disgusting.

Eating the carcass of other dead animals is disgusting.

Cheesesteaks are among the worst things you can eat in this country. Dog and pony show content is what makes loser commentators like Malkin exist.

But hey, without this trivial drudgery, would we really be human?

When’s the tofu president? You know, the one who doesn’t murder habitually and is better for everyone… is just as versatile and tasty as the rest, but won’t break your bank or your heart.

That’d be nice.

Too bad we have these steak and bacon presidents, full of death, cost a lot, and drags down everyone’s health overall, and leaves a big bloody mess.

Ooh, who could have predicted there would be such a thing as an automated Complaint Generator? Janus Node is too weird for my primitive reptile brain but I can get behind the complaint generator! Using it as a baseline, plus a few small tweaks to the finished product gives us this:

I pride myself on my exactitude. As you’ll see from this letter, I provide copious detail and try to be as precise as possible when describing the ways in which Mr. Matt McMahon, Esq. should be responsible for his own actions.

For openers, if Mr. McMahon succeeds in his attempt to make pigfucking socially acceptable, it’ll have to be over my dead body. In theory, he fears nothing more than the truth. But in reality, if history follows its course, it should be evident that he has announced his intentions to caricature and stereotype people with other forms of zoophilia.

While doing so may earn Mr. McMahon a gold star from the mush-for-brains pigfucking crowd, he thinks that he can scare us by using big words like “pseudolamellibranchiate”. Of course, thinking so doesn’t make it so. One last thing: This is explicitly or implicitly expressed or presupposed in most of the material I plan to present.

I’m sure this has been covered extensively, but I’d just like to say that, while supposedly invented in Philadelphia, the “Philly Cheesesteak” has been perfected elsewhere (namely, everywhere except Philly.)

Viola’s Subs in Niagara Falls, NY makes by far the best steak & cheese I’ve ever had. Mmmm. Google Maps says it’s 415 miles from where I’ll be living after July. Too far to drive for a sammitch? I think not.

What this country really needs is a JanusNode complaint generator.

I thought that headline was your spoof, but now I see it’s Stalkin Malkin’s original.

Wow. It’s like she’s Chuck Yeager trying to break through the satire barrier. (“MOCK 1 …. MOCK 2 ….”)

If, you know, Yeager were functionally retarded.

In my neck of the woods, any politician wanting a vote needs to sample the local delicacy called “penis bread.” I won’t bore you with the details of how penis bread is made, but suffice it to say my burg has been around for 175 years and not had a local government to date.

Nothing like a good cheesesteak controversy to get comments rolling.

FTR:

Pat’s is the best cheesesteak. Period. And no sane person gets it with whiz. American wit, baby.

The best cheesesteak outside Philly is Pat’s in Atlantic City.

Runner-up honors to the White House in AC.

Geno’s is total shit.

Cardinal steaks on 4th and Godfrey makes the best chicken cheesesteak.

It’s not a cheesesteak if it contains any of the following: green peppers, mushrooms, lettuce, tomato, or mayonnaise.

Jambon de Bayonne is the best “fancy ham” I’ve ever had. A good jamon Iberico de Bellota runs a close second.

I’d rather have either than a cheesesteak.

Where is Howard Beale when we need him?

Howard….. Wake up.
*slapping face gently*

Howard! Wake UP!!!

If someone offered me a piece of $100/lb. ham, I’d eat it too.

I brort Duros Hussein 62 a pease of $100/lb. ham… but i eated it.

Luncheon meats are nasty stuff.

Major source of food poisoning (diced meats = gastric Russian Roulette)… which is what you have about 1/3 of the time when you think you’ve got “the flu” … & bad for you even when they don’t make you literally ill.

MM puts ketchup on her onion rings – so she can just STFU about ANYTHING anyone else opts to hurl down their piehole. Why do I have this funny feeling that creepy little hate-bot puts it on her ice-cream too? Remember, Ronnie Reagan DID say it’s a vegetable – & it takes one to know one.

[…] blah, blah. We know. Obama is an elitist who doesn’t like cheesesteak and who probably windsurfs. Real salt-of-the-Earth red-blooded Americans like Bill Kristol find his […]

Smut Clyde said:

OK, in my hometown we all have webbed fingers, but we think of that as a distinction rather than an ailment.

Plus, I’ll bet your high school swim team always makes it to the state finals.

[…] Brad: Blah, blah, blah. We know. Obama is an elitist who doesn’t like cheesesteak and who probably windsurfs. Real salt-of-the-Earth, red-blooded Americans like Bill Kristol find […]

[…] we know how Michelle feels about "real food" so this should come as no surprise. Fortunately she was able to line up that Jones County […]