Sadly, No!

Music: ‘Lara’s Theme’ from Dr. Zhivago

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Ol’ Michelle is hurt that people don’t respect her anymore. The Republican Party is cement-galoshed by a president with a 28% approval rating, at a time when 85% of Americans are dissatisfied with the way things are going in the country.

Naturally, Michelle’s genius idea has been to set her flying monkeys against the GOP, to punish them for talking about ‘change’:

The spanking they deserve: NRCC gets an earful
By Michelle Malkin
May 16, 2008 04:51 PM

All week long, you and I have been blasting the bereft Beltway GOP leadership for their empty sloganeering and Obama-esque change obsession.

Now, the NRCC is hearing it directly on its website. Reader Fritz e-mails that the comments section in the NRCC blog post by chairman Tom Cole is sizzling hot with aggravated grass-roots conservative feedback. Go check it out. A sample:

This is not the message I am looking to support. The message of the Replican Part should be fundumentally different than the Democrats. We don’t need to “fix” the government. We need the Federal Government to do wnat it is supposed to – protect our freedom. It should not try to be eveyones “Daddy” Healthcare is not the Federal Governments responsibility. If my new my situation, you might take these comments more seriously. I am not some rich guy who wants to pay less taxes and who can afford to pay for the high prices of healthcare. I just know that government, in general, is inefficiant and wasteful and would like to see less governement programs instead of more.

Posted: Steve Bryant on May 16, 2008 at 12:59 PM

Proceeds from the anthology, Children’s Letters to the Replican Part, will benefit Tom Delay’s Coalition for a Conservative Majority.

Melissa McEwan and I are both obsessive Lost geeks. Therefore, it was only natural that at some point we’d have a joint discussion about the show’s many mysteries and complex themes. Go check it out over at Shakesville if you’re down for some high-quality geekery 🙂

And for those of you who have never seen the show, here’s a demonstration of how bloody awesome it is:

See also:

You know what the worst thing is about working sixty hour weeks and jumping through endless administrative hoops at work because of the Florida public school testing season? I miss all the good news!

I mean, it’s not bad enough that I missed Michael Medved’s delightfully Herrenvolkisch screed about the superiority of American DNA – and if you know how much I love Michael Medved, you know how painful that is to me – but I also missed the coverage of the real news.

See, there’s this breaking story I’ve been noticing bits and pieces of all over the place, and I’m sure by now that one of America’s intrepid news organizations, famed worldwide for its hardhitting investigative reporting, has already pulled all the pieces together and broken the story in a single, coherent narrative so that its audience can easily comprehend it.

It has to do with the current crazy price spiral the world is going through on essential commodities like food and energy. It turns out, if you dig through enough obscure news sources like Senate subcommitte reports or evil communist trade rags, you can find bits and pieces that, if combined with some decent investigative journalism, would probably yield a story about how guys like the Enron execs who were behind the rolling blackouts in California a few years ago are now thinking bigger, and have stuck their bottom-feeding jaws into the international wealth streams that are the world’s food and oil supplies.

Man, I know the gumption and hard-nosed badass attitude of American journalism in general means that somebody has already been all over this story. I know that some modern day Woodward and Bernstein have already tracked down the small handful of futures trading interests that are adding to the world’s economic woes through some fairly heartless profiteering.

All I need now is for someone to tell me which stalwart bastion of American journalism has produced this Pullitzer-winning masterpiece, so I can go check it out for myself. After all, it’s not like corporate controlled American media interests would allow a story about corporate malfeasance fall through the cracks – would they?

Welp, here’s yet another low reached by Fred Hiatt’s allegedly prestigious op-ed page:

The Democrats Hug It Out

By Kathleen Parker

Well, at least they didn’t kiss.

I was bracing myself for the lip lock Wednesday when John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.

Don’t look at me. David “Mudcat” Saunders, Edwards’s former rural adviser, came up with the idea, saying Obama should kiss Edwards on the lips “to kill this 41-point loss,” referring to Hillary Clinton’s landslide victory in the West Virginia primary.

Instead, the two men exchanged a manly air-hug to commemorate the moment when Edwards threw Clinton under the upholstered sofa on his grandmama’s front porch.

As Edwards gave what amounted to a stump speech highlighting his favorite subject — John Edwards — Americans were reminded of why the North Carolina son-of-a-millworker won’t be their presidential nominee.

Enraptured by his own message, Edwards seemed reluctant to hand over the microphone. He finally relinquished the stage, after describing, yet again, the “wall” that he says divides Americans: “There is one man who knows in his heart that it is time to create one America, not two. And that man is Barack Obama.”

The “wall” refers to the one Edwards erected in the hearts and minds of Americans who hadn’t yet realized they were miserable, disenfranchised and seething with rage — not the wall that used to run through Berlin.

It’s tough to list all the things that make this column so mind-crushingly stupid, but let’s give it a shot:

• Parker begins the column by calling Edwards and Obama fags.

• Then, not having the courage to stand by this novel and poignant insight, she claims that it wasn’t her idea to call them fags, but was instead the idea of one of Edwards’ advisers. But hey, they’re still gay homo fruits who like to take it up the homobutt.

• Next, she pulls out the oldest trick in the Wingnut Punditry Bible: she lectures us about what Real Americans think! Never mind that she’s spent her entire working life on the Wingnut Welfare circuit – she’s got her hand on the pulse of The People, baby!

• And what do Real Americans think, you ask? Why, they’re apparently super-duper happy about the state of the country! Even though, like, 85% of them are dissatisfied with the direction of the country. And even though Bush’s approval rating stands at a sterling 28%. And even though the Republicans just lost a goddamn seat in freaking Mississippi.

To sum up: the WaPo just published a fact-free op-ed whose only “substantive” points are that Edwards and Obama are TEH GHEY OMG LOL IT IS TOO FUNNY FOREVER.

Thanks, Fred Hiatt. If you’re looking for new talent along these lines, by the way, I can introduce you to a promising young writer named Miguel Royas. You may not have heard of him before, but he has some absolutely fascinating things to say about gender-related issues as well.

UPDATE: I just don’t get it. How can any person at such a purportedly Serious and Important paper like the WaPo think it’s cool to publish crap like this? Ditto with whatever asshole at the NYT is keeping Maureen Dowd employed. Assholes.

Above: Pat gets limed by ‘the canary’

Here’s Pat Buchanan to warn us of a dire threat to Western civilization — one that totally hasn’t, you know, for instance, bubbled up from the muck inhabited by pop-neoconservative laughingstocks like Mark Steyn. No, this is new and vital work here. Have you heard that the Muslims are outbreeding us? Have you heard that Israel is in mortal peril from this Islamic Making-Whoopie Jihad, while Jews — poisoned by liberalism — are killing their own babies? Oh no, we’ve never heard that one before.

The Lost Tribes of Israel

Ok, yes we have. And indeed, it sounds almost as bad as the Irish Catholics, back in the day. Warnings were rife, but no one listened, and today these Noonans, Buchanans, and Russerts, these Matthewses, these Hannitys, O’Reillys and further Noonans are drinking America’s milkshake as though it were one of those fanciful Irish Cream decoctions once so popular among the doily-bestrewn hovels of the cabbage-nourished tenement class. And indeed, or ‘begorrah’ as they used to say, where is America today? No place for Americans, that’s for certain. Céad Míle FAILte: that’s our motto. This is not even to mention the mustache-twirling organ grinders, such as that marinara-scented guappo, Signor Giuliani.

But oh yes, Muslims. Here’s Pat:

As Israel enters its 61st year, Israelis may look back with pride. Yet, the realists among them must also look forward with foreboding.

Read the rest of this entry »

OK, I don’t get too serious all that often, but please bear with me.

I’m not sure if any of you have been following the news from Haiti recently, but it is decidedly not good. This article gives a good overview of what’s going on:

Subsidized US rice began flooding in 30 years ago, so cheap that Haitians began eatingit instead of the corn, sweet potatoes, cassava, and domestic rice that had sprouted from plains and mountainsides from the colonial era to the late 1980s.

“Miami rice,” as Haitians call the US import, drove rice farmers out of business and incited a rural exodus that swelled the slums of Port-au-Prince.

Today, more than 70 percent of Haitians live on less than $2 a day, and the US rice that is the staple of their diet has doubled in price in little more than a year. Hungry hordes rioted in the capital last month, leaving at least six dead by the time President Rene Preval restored calm by announcing that foreign aid and subsidies would lower the price of a 110-pound bag of rice to $43 from $51.

But importers and economists warn that those supports are unsustainable and predict further unrest in this poorest country in the Americas when the subsidies run out in late summer and, based on current price trends, the same sack will cost $70.

A good friend of mine has been doing relief work in Haiti for years now, and he says that this is the worst time he’s ever seen the country go through. Healing Art Missions, the non-profit aid group that he volunteers with, is encouraging Americans to donate some or even all of their economic stimulus checks to help them pay for food to bring to Haiti. From the press release they just sent to me:

We would like to ask Americans who can afford it to spend their “economic stimulus” checks on relief for these terribly hungry people. The government has offered Americans this $600 dollar handout in hopes that they will spend it on frills: wide-screen TVS and ipods, and thus prop up an economy that has fallen victim to the same administration’s economic policies.

Some Americans will need these checks just to get by. But for MOST of us, this is “free money,” and we are expected to spend on things we may WANT, but don’t NEED.” Sure, it costs us more in fuel to drive downtown to the restaurant for a hamburger and fries, and I’m sure this is inconvenient. But most of us receiving checks can count on having our basic needs met pretty easily. In Haiti, people struggle, every day, to keep their children alive for another 24 hours.

Here’s the point: if you spend your windfall handout on an ipod, you’ll have an ipod. The economy will not improve (at the very best, there will be a slight uptick in low-paying jobs in places like Wal-Mart and Best Buy).

But I can guarantee that if you turn this check over to Haitian food aid, you will save lives. Absolutely, certainly, unequivocably. AND you can use this as a tax deduction, so you’ll still gain something….

HEALING ART MISSIONS is an organization that has been involved in medical care, education, food, water and other projects in Haiti for well over a decade. EVERY PENNY donated to this organization goes directly to Haitians: we have no paid employees, we pay ALL expenses out of our own pockets. You can trust that this donation will turn directly into life-saving food for people in desperate trouble.

I know from personal experience that these are good people who do invaluable work. Any donations to them will be donations well-spent. Please consider sending them at least a portion of your stimulus check to help pay for food in Haiti; I know I will.

OK, that’s my soapbox. Feel free to get back to discussing foreskins if you want. But please, please, PLEASE consider donating. Their website should have a PayPal button on it very shortly; if you’d prefer to send them a check directly, mail it to:

Healing Art Missions,
311 N. Pearl St.
Granville, OH 43023.

Thanks, everyone.

The Truth About Homosexuality And The Nazi Party

Fischer: “Putsch, putsch, in the butch…”

• Gays are the homosexuals of Liberal Fascism.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Also cf., and cf., and especially cf.:

Religious Right Groups Involved in Antigay Incidents
Abiding Truth Ministries

Launched by attorney Scott Lively, co-author of the controversial book, The Pink Swastika, the mission of Abiding Truth Ministries and its affiliated Pro-Family Law Center is to “oppose the ‘gay’ movement and its destructive agenda by providing essential pro-family information and resources.” Lively also leads the American Family Association of California.
Web site

“Your mind powers will not work on me, boy”

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Tony Blankley, that “fish-eyed sack of loathsome bile and infamy,”¹ is gracing the pages of the Moonie Times with a column arguing that one of the legitimate reasons to vote against Obama is because he’s black.

In this unprecedented election year we run the risk of having two conversations: a polite, public one that uses euphemisms or evasions about race, and a nasty private one that is likely to dredge up the worst within us — the conversation that won’t be on television, but will be on the internet and on the subway and wherever people congregate to chat. I would argue that the more honest the public conversation is, the less virulent the private one will be.

I’m not buying this. Saying publicly that Obama is a scary Negro who will play hoops in the Rose Garden while the U.S. burns isn’t going to make the private conversations less virulent. Blankley is just looking for an excuse to say in public, with a smile on his face, that he doesn’t want a porch monkey in the Oval Office.

And therein I respectfully dissent from the comments last week by my friend and former Reagan White House colleague, Peggy Noonan — who argued that it was “vulgar” and destructive of the body politic to talk about race. … Vulgar? Yes, I will give Peggy that. But democratic politics is inherently vulgar.

And you thought I was exaggerating when I said the Blankley was getting ready to call Barack a porch monkey.

[W]hat are we to make of the fact that Barack Obama’s African father causes him to be seen as the first African American or black nominee for president? … [F]or a larger number of voters there exists some extra resistance to voting for someone who — on the surface — seems different. This is race (or other demographic) consciousness — but not straight out bigotry.

Saying that extra resistance based on skin color isn’t bigotry but is “race consciousness” is like saying that putting blacks in the back of the bus isn’t racism but is simply a “passenger sorting technique.”

For Mr. Obama, as voters are starting to look for evidence to either confirm or refute their early suspicion of “otherness,” he has offered mixed evidence. Personally, the way he carries himself and speaks, his calm reasonableness, his admirable wit and charm have worked to his favor.

Translation: even though Obama has nappy hair, thick lips and dark skin, he walks and talks like a white guy, doesn’t wear low riders or listen to 50 Cent in public, and when he’s in a restaurant he doesn’t scream “Hey, ho, bring me ‘dem chicken wings fo’ I cut you!”

But, of course, when you look more carefully Obama’s just like any other homeboy:

But his associations, and his San Francisco statement, his wife’s seeming anger at America, tend to confirm for some that he is in fact not a sufficiently typical American.

Translation: He still hangs out with some crazy-ass black people, calls white people crackers and his wife has more attitude than a crack ho in a Mercedes convertible.

Let’s have an honest conversation with neither rankle nor euphemism.

Translation: Don’t get all pissed-off and PC when I say it would be a mistake to put a wild-eyed Negro in the White House.

¹Cf.

Gripes of Wrath

Above: The Blavatsky of Buncombe County*

• Whoa, whoa! Shame on you, liberal media! Silence, you liberal bloggers! [rooty-toot pipe organ music] OMG! It was a major, and I’m talking major revelation when President Bush explained on Tuesday that withdrawing from Iraq might “lead to another attack on the US” and would “embolden terrorists.” [music slows and shifts to a minor 7th key] Ah-hah-ha! Now, my friends, fate bids me to prophesy further on the terrifying true events that await a certain small planet called ‘Earth’….

Shorter concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

* Confederate Yankee is literally as well as figuratively a resident of Buncombe County.

Hoe. Lee. Shit:

As the media gathered in a Capitol briefing room Wednesday afternoon, aides for Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., flipped on the TV in anticipation of his delivering a statement on the Senate floor critical of the NFL’s investigation into Spygate. He never made it. A lengthy exchange on food aid proved a more pressing issue.

Well yes, dude. He’s a United States senator. His job description does not include taking out personal vendettas against all professional sports organizations that have hurt his feelings by defeating his preferred teams.

Jesus, our country is messed up.

Eat it, Arlen. Ha. Ha. Ha.