The Washington McPost ❤s St. McBarbecue

Robert J. Samuelson

“You know, its the hat that makes the man.”


The WaPo, still trying to defend the dignity it shredded by its breathless endorsement of Dick and George’s Most Excellent Adventure in Iraq, has apparently instructed Fred Hiatt’s merry band of morons to tout the many virtues of war monger and barbecue chef John McCain. Today, it’s Robert J. Samuelson’s turn to piddle all over himself like an over-excited cocker spaniel puppy at the prospect of McCain inheriting George Bush’s commander-in-chief codpiece.

Samuelson starts with a drive-by swipe at Obama:

[A]ny feel-good fallout from electing Obama would soon fade. He’d have to earn popular support, and this would be made harder by a problem of his own making: He’d have to disavow much of his campaign rhetoric. The reason is that his campaign is itself a contradiction.

Don’t tell me that Samuelson is now going to contrast this to the rock-solid, never-change-in-a-million-years convictions of McCain. Say it’s not so. It’s so, kid, it’s so:

By contrast, no one can claim that McCain lacks convictions. … He has a hard time changing his mind, even when the evidence overwhelmingly suggests he’s wrong.

Fuck me. Has Samuelson been vacationing on the outer ring of the Oort Cloud for the past decade? Or has he been sequestered in a Trappist monastery making fruit cakes? Or is he just a dishonest shill trying to kiss Fred Hiatt’s ass and hoping to merit a fling with Anne Applebaum?

McCain was against the Bush tax cuts before he was for them. He was against Jerry Falwell before he was for him. He was against overturning Roe v. Wade before he was for overturning it. Etc., etc.

What a putz.

 

Oh, Please

Here’s Robert Farley, in a spectacularly irresponsible parenthetical aside to an otherwise sensible post about the Christian fundamentalist-AIPAC alliance:

loathing of “latte sipping elitist intellectuals” is recognizable as anti-semitism to anyone with eyes open

You have got to be shitting me.

This is the sort of gift to the right-wing Identity Politickers and Corporate Whores that only a well-paid, hippie-hating academic can give. In one phrase, Farley’s outdone in spades all the Julia Gorins and David Brookses and Norman Podhoretzes of wingnuttia’s “Let’s Cheapen and Expand the Definition of Anti-Semitism Until it Means Nothing Yet Applies to the Entire Left” brigade and at the same time utterly smeared and potentially hamstrung the entire Left Populist movement.

Fuckola. And the sad thing is, he’ll probably get away with it and the formulation will gain traction even on the Left because of sore feelings about so many pro-Clinton bloggers sneering at “latte-sipping elitists” in bad faith. Blargh. The truth is, there are too many latte-sipping elitist ‘intellectuals,’ Sensible Liberal and Wingnut, who couldn’t give two shits about American poor people. And saying so doesn’t make one an anti-Semite. It isn’t an Obama vs. Clinton thing; it’s a Creative Class/New Class/Middle & Upper Middle Class (over-represented on the internet) vs. Working Poor/Blue Collar (under-represented on the internet) thing. (Indeed, the first person I think of as a “latte-sipping elitist” is Brad DeLong — a WASP.) Farley’s a nice guy in e-mail, but such things don’t make up for his political cluelessness. He should stick to writing about baseball, a subject on which he is perceptive and righteous.

 

The sensitive side of George W. Bush

Oh for God’s sake:

President Bush regrets his legacy as man who wanted war

President Bush has admitted to The Times that his gun-slinging rhetoric made the world believe that he was a “guy really anxious for war” in Iraq. He said that his aim now was to leave his successor a legacy of international diplomacy for tackling Iran.

In an exclusive interview, he expressed regret at the bitter divisions over the war and said that he was troubled about how his country had been misunderstood. “I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.”

Phrases such as “bring them on” or “dead or alive”, he said, “indicated to people that I was, you know, not a man of peace”.

Yeah, you know, I don’t think it was saying things like “bring it on” that made people think you loved war, George. Indeed, I think it might have had more to do with the fact that you, you know, started a war. For, like, no discernible reason. And it’s still going on, like, five years later. That to me is a better indication of why people think you’re really into war.

Unbelievable.

 

Fred Hiatt’s Concubine Speaks. You Listen.

Anne Applebaum

ABOVE: Anne Applebaum is concerned for Obama


Republicans have started wracking their brains for clever ways to say, without appearing racist, that Obama’s skin color is a reason not to vote for him. Not so long ago we had Tony Blankley saying that not voting for someone because of their skin color wasn’t bigotry or racism, it was “demographic consciousness.” Now the loathsome Anne Applebaum, a distinguished member of the WaPo editorial board, hits it out of the park with this column where she argues that people shouldn’t vote for Obama because some foreigners are racist.

“Will Americans vote for a black man?” I’ve been asked this question by foreigners of various origins a dozen — or maybe three dozen — times since the U.S. presidential campaign began for real in January. … Which means that it is time to turn this rather offensive question around: Will foreigners accept a black American president? I realize that this, too, may seem like a rather offensive question.

Well, yes it is an offensive question, Anne. And a completely dumb-assed one too, since it seems to suggest that if Obama is elected, the Elysée Palace and the Kremlin will overlook the fact that he’s the leader of one of the world’s great superpowers and instead start worrying about whether he’ll steal the silverware if he’s invited to a state dinner.

But that’s not stopping Anne from asking the question, and the reason she’s calling it offensive is to make you think that she’s so not racist. Anne is, of course, simply taking a page out of the concern troll book and pasting it all over the OpEd pages of the Post.

I hate to put it so crudely, …

(No you don’t, Anne, or you wouldn’t put it so crudely)

but — European newspaper reporting to the contrary — racism is not unique to the United States.

Thanks, Anne, for sharing that amazing insight with us. No one would ever have realized that without your incisive commentary. That’s what makes the WaPo such a great newspaper!

[I]t is safe to say that there is a distinct dearth of nonwhite politicians in Europe. The Indian caste system has an element of skin-color discrimination built in. Arab societies have their own history of trading in black slaves.

OMFG, you mean if Obama goes on a state visit to Jordan, he’ll never come back? He’ll be impressed into the service of Queen Noor as a slave and spend the rest of his life wearing a silly poofy satin costume, fanning her white butt with palm fronds and feeding her grapes?

Periodically, African students in Moscow are beaten up on the street. … And while some of the stares that black Americans say they get on the street in Warsaw or Prague reflect simple curiosity, some, I’m told, contain an element of hostility, too.

What people on the street in Poland (or elsewhere) think of Obama because he’s black isn’t going to matter one bit unless Obama is wandering the streets of Warsaw panhandling for change or trying to sell fake tribal carvings. Instead he’s going to be traveling the streets behind black tinted windows in a a convoy of armored Suburbans and carrying a briefcase with the secret code that would allow him to blow up the entire planet. That usually generates some respect — even at bus stops in Prague, if that matters.

Applebaum’s wackjobbery carries on for quite some time in the same vein, including a detour to the racist yellow peril in Japan. It’s ironic that the same people who hit the fainting couch and clutch their necklaces when a U.S. court writes one sentence referencing a foreign law would be so terribly concerned about what Wally Warsaw has to say about Barack Obama and posit that as a reason Obama shouldn’t be elected President. And speaking of fainting couches and clutched necklaces, just imagine the speed with which Applebaum would be flat on her back, hyperventilating smelling salts and waving her palm at her Adam’s apple, if someone said that a Jewish president shouldn’t be elected because the Arabs are antisemitic.

 

You So Crazy!

Kudos to Michael Ledeen for managing to stuff ten pounds of the intellectual offal that passes for neocon thought into the five pound sausage casing the Wall Street Journal provided. Srsly: Ledeen has squeezed nearly every moronic analogy, utterly batshit conviction, shopworn trope, and demagogic twistification that neocons have had about foreign policy in the last eleventy years into this column. Pretty much the only thing missing is a claim that one or all of the many Hitlers of the Muslim world possess WMDs. But then Ledeen already used that one to great effect, didn’t he?

The first half of the essay is about the history of Western responses to Evil — how stupid liberals refused to see the awfulness that was Hitler and Mussolini and Stalin until it was almost too late. Then, Ledeen tells us, after these menaces were vanquished, much study was devoted to the traits they had in common, so that future Hitlers would be recognized and crushed, hopefully while still in embryo, before they could seriously harm their own societies much less our own. Now having the tools to recognize Evil, stupid liberals of today have no excuse in being deaf to the flagrantly Hitlerian strains of “the familiar rhetoric and actions of movements and regimes – from Hezbollah and al Qaeda to the Iranian Khomeinists and the Saudi Wahhabis – who swear to destroy us and others like us.” Ledeen, his eyes narrowing, is telling us that it’s 1938 all over again, the Muslims being the moral and military equivalent of the Axis powers (with the ideological rigor of the Soviet Union, to boot) but where appeasers of the past could perhaps plead a mitigating ignorance in dealing with Evil Regimes that were unlike any before in history, appeasers of the 2000s must have other reasons for their… umm, treason. And he’s gonna tell us about them.

One is the deep-seated belief that all people are basically the same, and all are basically good. Most human history, above all the history of the last century, points in the opposite direction. But it is unpleasant to accept the fact that many people are evil, and entire cultures… can fall prey to evil leaders and march in lockstep to their commands.

Appeasement because of a hippie, faggoty, Quakery faith in human decency. Appeasement because of a girlish aversion to necessary ruthlessness. Appeasement because of an insistence on reason, instead of the proper course of adopting the enemy’s fanaticism.

This is not merely a philosophical issue, for to accept the threat to us means – short of a policy of national suicide – acting against it. As it did in the 20th century, it means war. It means that, temporarily at least, we have to make sacrifices on many fronts: in the comforts of our lives, indeed in lives lost, in the domestic focus of our passions – careers derailed and personal freedoms subjected to unpleasant and even dangerous restrictions – and the diversion of wealth from self-satisfaction to the instruments of power. All of this is painful; even the contemplation of it hurts.

Appeasement because liberals are too squeamish to entertain — let alone take — the necessary and painful steps to destroy the enemy. Translated from the wingnutese, what Ledeen is saying is that liberals are selfish and pussified for not agreeing to shred the Constitution, send kids off to die, or accept war-instigated economic depression for the sake of a (greatly expanded) War on Terra.

Then there is anti-Semitism… There is little if any condemnation [of it] from the West, and virtually no action against it, suggesting, at a minimum, a familiar Western indifference to the fate of the Jews.

Appeasement because liberals are anti-Semites and, no doubt, huge fans of the Holocaust.

Finally, there is the nature of our political system. None of the democracies adequately prepared for war before it was unleashed on them in the 1940s. None was prepared for the terror assault of the 21st century. The nature of Western politics makes it very difficult for national leaders – even those rare men and women who see what is happening and want to act – to take timely, prudent measures before war is upon them….

Then, as now, the initiative lies with the enemies of the West. Even today, when we are engaged on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan, there is little apparent recognition that we are under attack by a familiar sort of enemy, and great reluctance to act accordingly. This time, ignorance cannot be claimed as an excuse. If we are defeated, it will be because of failure of will, not lack of understanding. As, indeed, was almost the case with our near-defeat in the 1940s.

Finally, appeasement because of the goddamned democratic system we have. If only we had a system where a strong man — you might even say as steel man — could sweep aside public opinion and a slow-moving bureaucracy, ignore dissent and parliamentary obstacles in order to freely exercise his will, then we’d triumph over our freedom-hating, democracy-loathing enemies!

 

Yes, Bush is the worst preznit evar

I’m lovin’ it:

Citing History, Bush Suggests His Policies Will One Day Be Vindicated

[…]

White House aides say Bush, who majored in history at Yale, likes to emphasize historical comparisons because they are easy for the public to understand and illustrate in dramatic fashion how differently future generations may come to view him.

Unfortunately for the president, many historians have already reached a conclusion. In an informal survey of scholars this spring, just two out of 109 historians said Bush would be judged a success; a majority deemed him the “worst president ever.”

Awesomeness. As I’ve said before, history will not vindicate Bush. It will, in fact, taking a huge steaming dump all over his face.

 

Shorter Jackie Gingrich Gingrich Gingrich Cushman Gingrich

The Endangered Diving Board

Jackie Gingrich Cushman
ABOVE: Jackie Gingrich Cushman

  • If my son becomes a meth head, it will be because the trial lawyers made us get rid of diving boards.

[Title updated based on commenter Matt’s brilliant suggestion]


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


 

The Pursuit of Dappiness

As I’m sure you all know, very little in life gives me more pleasure than stupid people getting incredibly irate over totally meaningless things. It’s the reason I post on this site. So when Michelle Obama threw the dap at her husband a few days ago, I prayed a tiny little pray to my good friend Jesus: “Dear Lord in Heaven above,” I said, “If you love me the way I love you, you will let crazy right-wingers totally flip their shit over this utterly noncontroversial event.”

Well, folks, I don’t know about you, but I have proof that Jesus loves me, because not only did every square-butted news magazine in America stand agog and write a hilariously embarrassing “What is this crazy Negro fist-bump, anyway?” article, but enough Fightin’ Keyboarders percieved in the dap elements of gang affiliation, foreign nationialism or terrorist sympathy to keep me in tears all weekend.

To be fair to the wingnuts, most of them focused on the fact that a big deal is being made over nothing, and that the excessive coverage of Barry Obama and his wife throwing dap is sort of embarrassing. This is true, but it’s not funny. So, to be unfair to the wingnuts, many of them reacted exactly the way I hoped they would. Let’s watch!


Above: what really happened, and how the wingnuts saw it
Read the rest of this entry »

 

Pamelogic

The Shrieking Harpy, at the outset of making another of her impenetrable points about how the Muslimonazis will doom us all, offers this fascinating view of history:

Hitler also said he was doing the world a favor. Look, the world was loving Adolph until he lost the war.

To recap:

The people of Poland, Russia, Great Britain, Eastern Europe, France, and the Balkans, c. 1942: Boy, I really like the way this Hitler fellow is invading our countries, bombing us, killing us by the millions, destroying our countrysides, and forcing us into industrial slavery! He’s got spunk!

The people of Poland, Russia, Great Britain, Eastern Europe, France, and the Balkans, c. 1945: You know what? Fuck this guy.

Crazy Pammy also favors us with a link to a demented tirade about how Barack Obama is not, in fact, black at all, but secretly an Arab, and encourages us to “read it all”. Which I’d love to do, given that the excerpt is so completely unhinged and racist, but with typical Pamalamian thoroughness, she fails to provide us with a link. Well done!

 

The Unbearable Sadness Of Being A White Male

Dennis Prager is over at Human Wingnuts Online weeping and wailing about a report that said that nine out of every 10 American girls aged 12 to 18 have been sexually harassed. He’s not, of course, upset about the possibility that young girls were sexually harassed. No, he’s upset that liberals, lesbians and Katie Couric have brainwashed these dear little innocents to believe that they are being harassed when really all that is going on is a little bra snapping by boys in their school.

“The study found that girls who had a better understanding of feminism … were more likely to recognize sexual harassment.” There is no question that this is true. Girls subjected to feminist indoctrination are undoubtedly more likely to interpret innocuous behavior as sexual harassment. Almost the entire liberal-left Weltanschauung is predicated on portraying every group in America except white, male, heterosexual Christians as oppressed. … If either sex is “oppressed” today, it is far more likely to be males. If women were incarcerated, let alone murdered, as disproportionately as men are … there would be a national outcry. It is men who are, in fact, suffering.

Who knew that hordes of women were tracking down their husbands at work and murdering them in cold blood? Or that innocent men were being thrown in jail in disproportionate numbers by sexist female prosecutors and judges? Oh, the things you learn reading Human Wingnuts Online!

Second, “sexual harassment” is so all-inclusive as to be largely meaningless: … If a girl’s bra is snapped in elementary or high school; if a girl is told she should learn to throw a ball “like a guy does”; if a boy pursues a girl and fails in his pursuit — these are all instances of sexism and sexual harassment.

Apparently the line between an innocent sexual prank and harassment, in Dennis’s view, is rape, at least in the case of girls. Boys, who are the ones who are truly oppressed, can legitimately claim humiliation, however, if a gang of lesbian 6th graders chases one of them down on the playground and gives him a wedgie.

What this thinking leads to is girls and women seeing themselves as victims, and almost as often to the emasculation of boys.

Because if you stop boys from snapping bras on the playground, they’ll start mincing around in ladies’ lingerie, dating other boys, and clamoring for gay marriage.

To an ever greater extent, schools and the news media do the same thing to African-Americans — tell them over and over that they are oppressed. And the effects have been even more corrosive. … The number of blacks who perceive of their lives as oppressed by whites can only lead to estrangement from the greater American society, not to mention anger toward and resentment of it.

Oh, for the good ol’ days when the darkies lived in blissful ignorance and weren’t so uppity! Things were going along just fine until the liberals got it into the coloreds’ heads that there was something wrong with the back of the bus.