Sadly, No!

Oh dear. Yes, this will be known as the day that Erick Erickson finally went ‘apesh.’ That is, he lost ‘it.’ Clever? Not very. But we’re a bit stunned.

Erick Erickson, RedState:
Blood for Blood. Ashes for Ashes.
If the right can be blamed for the tragedy today, the left must be consumed with scrubbing the blood from its hands.

A.k.a., “If I can be blamed for this tragic drunken auto accident, officer, then you must spend your life atoning for the acts of the Gestapo,” a.k.a., “This court accuses me of crashing my truck into a fenced lot full of off-duty hot dog carts while shouting, quote, ‘Yabba-Dabba-(hic)-Doo,’ yet it is suspiciously silent about the sexual abuse of children.”

You only thought leftists got excited when American soldiers got killed. As I’ve written before, leftists celebrate each and every death of each and every American solider because they view the loss of life as a vindication of their belief that they are right.

That’s fine, mister, but do we hear one word about how every single rightist leaves his GI Joes right in the middle of the floor, literally every time we turn around?

Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but the gunning down of guards outside the Holocaust Museum in Washington has Markos Moulitsas and his band of leftist brothers positively demanding a ticker tape parade for the deranged shooter.

At least we don’t celebrate Hitler Thursdays, where Erick and his million musketeers positively kill every single Jew while dressed as Hitler, and then drink beer and burp in fake German and have an Achy-Breaky Macarena dance party. It’s hard to believe Erick does that, but then, ask him why he has a tattoo on his butt that says “I’m not a racist, I [graphic of a cowboy ripping out the heart of a black person] NASCAR.” You can see it on his red ol’ frecklebutt every time thousands of conservatives take to the streets wearing Speedos and high heels on Free Blowjob Day, scheduled for every time a child dies of cancer.

This truly surprises, not to mention Shaka Nepals¹ us, because with Erick, every time it seems the fuehrer has died down, it’s another rerun of Gilligan’s heil-land, with Erick “The Skipper Too” Erickson, ha-ha, oh, it is to funny for evar.

Kos, best known for celebrating the deaths of American contractors in Iraq and saying “screw them,” is now declaring the right is to blame for the shooting at the Holocaust Museum.

Kos? Isn’t he the guy who celebrated the deaths of American contractors in Iraq, saying “screw them?” Now he has a website? There are second acts in American lives after all, it seems. Last we heard of Kos, he was posting a blog comment celebrating the deaths of American contractors in Iraq, saying “screw them”. What’s this? Now he has a website?

Let me make just three quick points:

A “point” is when a passerby indicates his choice of assistants on Free Blowjob Day, so another child must have died. It is questionable, these convenient deaths of children, but few if any conservatives have claimed credit for the murders, if any.

Erick is probably angry at all of this nastiness by now, but if we understand him as well as we think we do, he isn’t contextualizing it in any meaningful way with his own accusations. Instead, he’s just like, “Raaa!”

Hey Erick: Raaa! Raaa-Raaa!

You bad red poo-man, thrash-thrash branches on jungle floor, hoo-hoo-haa-haa. You are responsible for a murder. You are to blame for killings. Ha-ha, treason, murder, crime.

1. It is the leftists like Kos’s acolytes that perpetuate anti-Semitism under the guise of “if only we wouldn’t defend Israel this wouldn’t happen.” Nazism, like Communism, and the neo-nazis disease that stems from the former, share the common foundation of socialism that these same leftists now agitate for.

This is actually something that we’ve been meaning to write about in detail, because the people and institutions that became ‘conservative’ in the immediate-postwar period were largely pro-German before the war, and in some cases even during it. Moreover, if you start reading about entities like the America First movement, it doesn’t take long before you’re encountering cites for most of the stuff that Jonah Goldberg picked through in writing Liberal Fascism — and from there, it becomes very clear how determinedly Jonah had to kick the crap out his sources to make them say what he needed.

But the point of Jonah’s book was never to prove anything. It was so that people like Erickson could make zany, backwards claims like these without any explanation or context.

It’s like the crush porn operation that finances RedState and its parent companies. If there were some book out there that ‘made a case’ for such a thing, I wouldn’t have to say that I just made it up.

2. If the right were to blame for the tragedy at the Holocaust Museum, Markos Moulitsas, Keith Olbermann, Harry Reid, and Barack Obama must be positively scrubbing the blood off their hands after the tragic murder of Pvt. Long in Arkansas last week and wounding of Pvt. Quentin Ezeagwula. I’m surprised leftwing bloggers can type with all the blood on their hands.

And yeah, see, since we’ve established that the hand-bloodied Markos Moulitsas, Keith Olbermann, Harry “Da Blood-Hand Gang” Reid, and Barack “Bloody-Hand Basketball” Obama do have blood on their hands because the Holocaust Museum shooting is their fault, that means that all hands of blood are on them, and no blood nor any hands are upon conservatism. Magic? Nope, it’s called thinkin’, son.

3. Kos and the lunatic gunman today and the lunatic gunman who killed Pvt. Long share more in common that the rest of us — their world view is centered on contempt for what this nation stands for and are consumed with an abiding hatred of George W. Bush and the “neocons.”

We’ll return to that interesting word, “neocons,” after a station break.

Shorter LoadPants:

Jonah Goldberg, Nationalist Review Online TeeVee’s “Off the Page Rocker”
Jonah Goldberg on Race & Sotomayor

• Government should never consider race except, of course, for racial profiling of young Muslim males which really isn’t profiling at all and is central to my point. Also, the reason why college legacy admission programs are okay and affirmative action is not is because we fought the Civil War, and hundreds of thousands of people died, to make sure that Negroes wouldn’t interfere with the right of white kids to go to the college of their choice.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

It seems Roy has run afoul of Jim Treacher over the meaning of an otherwise inconsequential joke. Not much to add to this commonplace tale of faux outrage, but we thought we’d do a little digging … and lo and behold! It seems Treacher has a history of this sort of thing:

Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
387 Park Avenue South
New York, NY 10016
United States of America

Sir:

I am writing to alert you to a category error in your recent expose on the road-crossing patterns of common fowl appearing in ‘The Gigantic Joke Book’ (ISBN-13: 9780806975146). Despite scant evidence in the peer-reviewed ornithological literature, your report seems to imply a level of conceptual understanding and abstract intent in G. gallus domesticus that contradicts all previous findings by acknowledged experts on this avian subspecies.

While I understand that such mistakes may happen due to lax editing, as often as not they are the result of mischief by disgruntled employees during various stages of the publishing process. At any rate, I implore you to scrutinize the galleys with greater care for the next print run of ‘The Gigantic Joke Book’, in the unlikely event that you should require one for this frankly unexceptional work.

Sincerely,
Jamie Treacher, age 5

**********

Topps Company, Inc.
1 Whitehall Street
New York, NY 10004
USA

Sir:

Under the advice of legal counsel, I hereby inform you of certain evidence that has come into my possession implicating an individual in your employ, one Bazooka Joe (the ‘Suspect’), in possible criminal activity involving the Suspect’s deception of a minor (the ‘Victim’) to gain unauthorized entry into the Victim’s place of residence.

To be brief, I believe I have unimpeachable documentation that the Suspect did approach the Victim and ask in colloquial language for entry into the latter’s home, at which point the Suspect, being prompted by the Victim to identify himself, did knowingly supply the Victim with a false first name. Asked for further identification, the Suspect did then supply the Victim with a false Surname, so constructed as to evoke a comedically appreciative response from the Victim and thus put the Victim off his guard as to the possible threat posed by the Suspect.

The evidence is unfortunately truncated at this point, but I fear the worst may have occurred shortly thereafter and demand an immediate investigation. At best, the incident reflects poorly on a firm that would employ such moral degenerates.

Sincerely,
Jimmy Treacher

**********

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI
Palazzo del Sant’Uffizio
00120 VATICAN CITY

Your Holiness:

I am shocked at various reports that have come to my attention describing the apparently habitual frequenting of taverns and possibly other venues of ill-repute by an unnamed member of your Order, often in the company of two similarly unidentified cronies representing, respectively, a cross-denominational ministry and another religious faith entirely.

I imagine you will be eager to identify and expel this miscreant from the graces of the Church, lest your institution be further tarnished by his unchecked turpitude.

Yours faithfully,
Jim Treacher

Debbie Schlussel:
So What if Holocaust Museum Shooter is White Christian: We Know Who Crescented, er . . . Created This Atmosphere; 9/11 Truther

• White supremacists have been emboldened by the camel kikes.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Michelle Malkin:
Shooting at National Holocaust Museum
Updated: Museum guard dies; shooter wasn’t “left” or “right,” just plain loony

• Inevitable: The blame game has already begun, as the left forces us to attack them for associating us with a right-wing attacker. Here, shouting as I am at the bad person in the mirror, are some furious wingnuts, whom I quote and link to on the merest pretense.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Shorter Ed Whelan:

ABOVE (left to right): Kathryn Lopez, Ed Whelan**

Ed Whelan, America’s Shittiest Website™
A Judge of Latinicity of Wisdom of Grammar?

• And here is the best reason not to confirm Judge Sotomayor: her Spanish grammar is shitty.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Camille Paglia, Salon.com:
Obama’s hit — and big miss

• Isn’t it about tiME that Obama drafted a reliable cIrcle of erudite, cosMOIpolitan analysts to enrICH his speeches with brIO and allEGOry?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Frank Gaffney really ups his game in his latest Mooney Times op-ed. It will be hard for other wingnuts to keep up:

GAFFNEY: America’s first Muslim president?

As you can see, the title alone is enough to merit this piece consideration for the Wingnut Hall of Fame. The content is even better:

During his White House years, William Jefferson Clinton — someone Judge Sonia Sotomayor might call a “white male” — was dubbed “America’s first black president” by a black admirer. Applying the standard of identity politics and pandering to a special interest that earned Mr. Clinton that distinction, Barack Hussein Obama would have to be considered America’s first Muslim president.

Pretty good stuff so far. But you may be wondering: since Gaffney has called Obama a Muslim in the very first graf of his column, is there anywhere else he can go? Will he pull out the tried-and-true Hitler comparison in the second graf? As it turns out, yes he will:

This is not to say, necessarily, that Mr. Obama actually is a Muslim any more than Mr. Clinton actually is black. After his five months in office, and most especially after his just-concluded visit to Saudi Arabia and Egypt, however, a stunning conclusion seems increasingly plausible: The man now happy to have his Islamic-rooted middle name featured prominently has engaged in the most consequential bait-and-switch since Adolf Hitler duped Neville Chamberlain over Czechoslovakia at Munich.

Gaffney ends his piece with a rhetorical flourish by suggesting that Obama’s overtures to the Muslim world have set the stage for America’s mass submission to Islam:

Whether Mr. Obama actually is a Muslim or simply plays one in the presidency may, in the end, be irrelevant. What is alarming is that in aligning himself and his policies with those of Shariah-adherents such as the Muslim Brotherhood, the president will greatly intensify the already enormous pressure on peaceful, tolerant American Muslims to submit to such forces – and heighten expectations, here and abroad, that the rest of us will do so as well.

Wingnuts across America, consider yourselves put on notice. Frank Gaffney has impressively raised the bar for crazy in this column. This is the new standard toward which you must aspire.

Shorter Don Surber:

ABOVE: Don Surber, The Pride of the Pocatilico

Don Surber, blogs.squeallikeapig.com
Lifestyle Taxes

• Democrats are thinking about taxing each bottle of Rebel Yell that I buy. They ought to tax fags instead.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Why has Obama extended the Iraq occupation timeline? Why is he surging troops in Afghanistan? Why won’t he shut down Cold War relic bases in Germany and elsewhere?

Possibly because of strategic considerations. Possibly because he’s a tool of the military-industrial complex. But also possibly – and nobody ever seems to mention this – because he doesn’t want to dump a quarter of a million Americans on an economy that won’t hire them.

Thoughts?