At this point I am all for putting the progeny of America’s Elite into a rocket and firing them into space to colonize some other planet.

We would never have to worry about that planet developing spaceflight or the ability to attack us because if Jonah Goldberg is a representative of what the scions of inherited wealth and privilege can achieve with their private-school educations and social connections, they will become extinct as a species within a single generation because they’re apparently too fucking stupid to remember to breathe on their own.

J-Dough was up all night fapping over the chance to use the word ‘epiphenomenal’ in this clip.

Jonah hungry, Jonah need sammich!

Pantload:

But, if you’ve got a description that says, ‘It was two black youths’ or ‘two white youths’, it makes a lot sense to go looking for two black youths or two white youths as the case may be.

Stop the liberal plot to prevent police from looking for suspects based on specific descriptions!

The hand waving. Or fwapping. And the late wiping of the forehead as flopsweat loomed. That boy has flown so far up his fundamental aperture he doesn’t know which way is up, down or sideways. P-Load is like a bird trapped inside the garage, all fluttery and flustered.

Off The Page? Isn’t that what they were yelling at Mark Foley?

Stop the liberal plot to prevent police from looking for suspects based on specific descriptions!

I’ve always loved the conservative belief that police procedure is so arcane and mysterious that nobody can possibly tell when they’re lying to score some kind of arcane social point. On the plus side, it means their winning elections is conditional on a significant segment of the public mistaking ‘Let’s not torture usable intelligence assets until they issue false confessions the government wants’ for ‘Let’s mirandize terrorists because we’re big girly fags’. On the minus side, we have to fucking listen to it over and over and over.

Caption: “Once a fish THIS BIG was central to my point.”

“Racialist”

Oooh. Wudn’t dat Newtie’s?

These guys eat each other’s shit, I swear.

@biff diggerence:
Why the FUCK was I not informed?

Caption: “Once a fish THIS BIG was central to my point.”

That’s really good.

But, if you’ve got a description that says, ‘It was two black youths’ or ‘two white youths’, it makes a lot sense to go looking for two black youths or two white youths as the case may be.

Which of course to Pantload means “grab the first two black kids you see ‘cuase they’re probably guilty of something anyway”.

Which of course to Pantload means “grab the first two black kids you see ‘cuase they’re probably guilty of something anyway”.

What are you talking about? Obviously finding the ‘criminals’ and bringing them to ‘justice’ is much less important than reminding the coloreds of their place.

Tintin – thanks for alerting us to ‘Off the Page’ … what a goldmine. In an earlier edition Jay Nordlinger is asked by the semi-literate host whether Alito’s reference to thinking about his own ancestry when confronted with discrimination cases is similar to Sotomayor’s statements. Nordlinger’s response: No, that’s different.

Classic.

“Jonah Goldberg calls for a national discussion of race following Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination.”

Huh?

I didn’t realize New Yorican was a race.

Anyway, he’s late. The last serious discussion on race was settled last November.

Does this fat fuck have any idea what he’s talking about?

Yay sammich.

DAMN, you guys.

Don’t put a headline and a picture like that at the top of the page, when I’m trying to leave for work.

My neighbors have just heard me howling with laughter like Ozzy meets Dr. Evil.

@D. Aristophanes. We’ve downloaded all the Off the Page videos, broken out the video-editing software, fired up the chroma-keying function, and have some fun in store.

Clearly a photshop – Jonah would never eat a sandwich that healthy.

You should also check out Bill Whittle explaining from the bridge of the Enterprise why smart people shouldn’t be president:

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/bwhittle/2009/06/10/the-dowd-conundrum/

“When you say racist it sounds like you’re talking about a Klansman”.

“So I invented a new word.”

Credit Jonah Goldberg with one thing, he’s invented his own category of simply making things up because the existing words prove that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Racist “sounds” bad so I invented a new word that I define as “a way to call someone a racist but if someone points out how ridiculous that is I can define the word to exclude whoever I want it to because not doing so would prove that I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

It’s Calvin Ball all the way.

Wow, Doughy talks fast. Must think that makes up for thinking slow.

His name is Jonah, he was a showgirl
But that was half a year ago, when they used to have a show
Now it’s a fish-wrap, but not for Jonah
Still in the dress he used to wear, faded codpiece in his hair
He sits there so refined, and jerks himself half-blind
He lost his Bush and he lost his Cheney
Now he’s lost his mind

Our records indicate that Mr. Goldberg has consumed at least 282 lbs. of Velveeta™ processed cheese product in the past 60 days. Previous days records have been transferred offsite to hard flash encoding. They are available under the Freedom of Information Act designation “Loadpants and Velveeta™ “

I object to that photoshopped sub. It has vegetables in it – including cucumbers. It looks almost healthy. Can you imagine Jonah allowing his mommy to serve him a sub with space between the buns wasted on vegetables? Replace the cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce with slabs of fatback and I’ll believe it.

@Bill E Pilgrim: I can’t believe you would compare my invention to the sophomoric half-thoughts of this booger brain. Also, while I’m here, I’d like to once and for all dispatch the slanderous rumors that I grew up to Russ Douthat. His chapter of G.R.O.S.S. is entirely unsanctioned.

“When you say racist it sounds like you’re talking about a Klansman”.

Also, when you say “conservative”, I still think of the Whigs. Or Metternich. Wasn’t Doughy recently lecturing David Neiwert about how the KKK are a laughable irrelevance?

I expect he’ll next be telling us how “date rape” can’t be called rape, because that’s what the barbarian hordes do after they invade your city and kill the menfolk.

Ah, the sammich! I’m hungry now.

At this point I am all for putting the progeny of America’s Elite into a rocket and firing them into space to colonize some other planet.

Sure! Yeah, that’s the ticket! “some other planet”…I like the sound of that.

“Err, Mr. Goldberg, this ‘planet’ we’re heading for looks a lot like the Sun”

“Nonsense, boy, we’re heading for our new Galtian paradise on Venus. They told us that when we marched onto this ship…”

“When you say racist it sounds like you’re talking about a Klansman”.

“So I invented a new word.”

Credit Jonah Goldberg with one thing, he’s invented his own category of simply making things up because the existing words prove that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Racist “sounds” bad so I invented a new word that I define as “a way to call someone a racist but if someone points out how ridiculous that is I can define the word to exclude whoever I want it to because not doing so would prove that I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

It’s Calvin Ball all the way.

Well, to be fair, Jonah didn’t actually invent ‘racialist’. David Duke’s been using it in emulation of BNP race-obsessives since the 80s, and God knows that’s who the Republican Party needs to recapture the national spirit.

“Nonsense, boy, we’re heading for our new Galtian paradise on Venus. They told us that when we marched onto this ship…”
“Unhinged” is a COOKBOOK!!!!

Are them real books back in the shelf? Or them fakey book-like objects to fill otherwise vacant shelves? High-res please.

The books are all made of pie. There, I just saved you half an hour. Fascist.

“What ya say, boy?” *damn it’s getting hot in here* “Kornbluth? What’s that? A new breakfast cereal?”

I object to that photoshopped sub. It has vegetables in it – including cucumbers. It looks almost healthy. Can you imagine Jonah allowing his mommy to serve him a sub with space between the buns wasted on vegetables? Replace the cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce with slabs of fatback and I’ll believe it.

No, it all makes sense. Those chunks of veg were included in an attempt to dislodge a Velveeta-induced blockage. Jonah’s biggest fear in life, aside from the shuttering of Frito-Lay factories worldwide, is that a severe enough intestinal obstruction will occur such that he’ll become literally full of shit and explode.

God, I love the never-read, fake-leather-bound books on the Ikea shelving unit behind him…

I expect he’ll next be telling us how “date rape” can’t be called rape, because that’s what the barbarian hordes do after they invade your city and kill the menfolk.

Rape is what Jonah does to rational thought every time he opens his pie-hole. Interestingly enough, rape is also what Jonah does to a bag of Funyuns.

The only thing better in the morning than taking a healthy shit is a large dose of Pantloadian logic.

Jonah’s idiotic essays make me feel proud I am not that fucking stupid and that, ideologically and intellectually, I’m doing just fine.

It’s quite refreshig, acually. A giant load off my mind, so to speak. Kind of like taking a big dump.

PS–in a REAL Pantload sammich, I bet there’d be much fewer veggies (if any) and much, much more meat.

Sammich! T’anks!

“Rape is what Jonah does to rational thought every time he opens his pie-hole. Interestingly enough, rape is also what Jonah does to a bag of Funyuns.”

“Rational thought” and “Jonah” not only in the same paragraph, but the same sentence. You should be ashamed, OneMadClown.

I watched again with the sound off. He is a flippin’ every whichaway, like he is trying to throw a hook or sump’n.

Uncle Ned — do you classify baloney as “meat”?

I object to that photoshopped sub. It has vegetables in it – including cucumbers.

You know about “Buddhist beef”, right? Vegetable protiens made into meat to enable eating “meat” while staying vegetarian.

Well, those are a new item known as “Galt Veggies”, which are 100% pork, processed and colored, into something resembling vegetables in color, texture and taste – but without any of the nutritional value of real vegetables! We’re sure these will go over big with the conservative carnivore crowd… big, that is, until they all drop dead from stroke and MIs. But hey, omlettes and eggs, y’know!

Wouldn’t a large Empanadilla de carne be the better food item of choice for Herr P-Load?

I can’t tell from the picture if Doughy is salivating at the prospect of eating the sammich or ecstatic that he managed to wrest said sammich from K-Lo’s iron grip.

On second thought, no. A big ol’ corny dog!

“At this point I am all for putting the progeny of America’s Elite into a rocket and firing them into space to colonize some other planet.

We would never have to worry about that planet developing spaceflight or the ability to attack us because if Jonah Goldberg is a representative of what the scions of inherited wealth and privilege can achieve with their private-school educations and social connections, they will become extinct as a species within a single generation because they’re apparently too fucking stupid to remember to breathe on their own.”

Golgafrincham Ark B is GO!

Newbie: There is no way he gets that sandwich (prey item) from K-Lo. Na ga happen. She had three and gave him one.

Ah yes, I know when I want to have a discussion on racial relations in America, I look to two privileged white men who advocate fiscal, social, and international policies that benefit privileged white men.

Give me a break.

Newbie: There is no way he gets that sandwich (prey item) from K-Lo. Na ga happen. She had three and gave him one.

That’s also unlikely. K-Lo doesn’t part with any of her sandwiches, even to Pantload, without ‘services’ being rendered.

without ’services’ being rendered

Well, that just put me off of my sammich.

I’ve just realized something critical: everything Doughy Pantload says is significantly improved if you imagine it being sung by Randy Newman.

On NRO, there was a poem
About K. Lo, who found two sammiches
She picked at one
She licked the other
She went in circles
’til she dropped dead

That sub is all wrong. Too many veggies, too little meat and cheese.

“That’s also unlikely. K-Lo doesn’t part with any of her sandwiches, even to Pantload, without ’services’ being rendered.”

“Oooh, P-Load, is that big ol’ corny dog for li’l ol’ ME?”

(Now runs off, arms over head, never to return)

Oh, fun:

President Barack Obama’s controversial former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, is blaming “them Jews” for keeping him from speaking to the president.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jGaVJ5_Ms8RdAg5rHUHRjNj6UB1AD98OI9UG0

Cue the screeching from the usual sources, I’m sure. Anti-semites = all liberals!!!

#D. Aristophanes said,

J-Dough was up all night fapping over the chance to use the word ‘epiphenomenal’ in this clip.

J-Dough!

X-lent!

I tried “Little Lord Loadinpants” for a while, but it’s ungainly…henceforth, J-Dough it is!

Someday, you’ll thank us for Baked Chicken Thursdays.

That sub is all wrong. Too many veggies, too little meat and cheese.

I explained before about the “veggies”!

Look for upcoming products in the “Galt” line, such as Porktatos, Beefroccoli, Mayo-Lard, and Let-Us-Not!

Very tangential to this thread: I was re-reading the (alas, fallow since ’01) site trashfiction.co.uk, which features some truly fantastic books, when I came across a little nugget of joy pertaining to Mama Goldberg.

http://www.trashfiction.co.uk/wild_white_witch.html (No, the title doesn’t apply to her; just read the last couple paragraphs of the review.)

From TBogg:

http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2009/06/11/the-dream-team/

Don Serber writes:

“From left, the women are Katharine Harris, Carrie Prejean, Sarah Palin, Michelle Malkin, and Michele Bachmann.

These five women are are not the only ones that American liberals ridicule without fear. They are like little boys who cannot handle a strong woman. These women dare challenge them intellectually, and so we get crude counterattacks.”

Gurgle…gurgle…blub…blub…brane go bloohey…

I expect he’ll next be telling us how “date rape” can’t be called rape, because that’s what the barbarian hordes do after they invade your city and kill the menfolk.

Unless it’s a comedian making a joke about someone. Then it’s full-bore immoral outrageous seckshual pervershun!

Don’t ask me what the Catsup is made of.

Just… don’t.

No way would the ‘load eat a sandwich with actual vegetables on it.

…what? How many? Five people made that same joke before me on this same thread? Bedam.

Sorry.

Xecky-

It’s the thought that counts.

Bedam.

Hey, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there appear to be vegetables in that sammich. Hoohaw, Jonah eating lettuce, cucumbers and tomatoes? To larf, it is.

These five women are are not the only ones that American liberals ridicule without fear. They are like little boys who cannot handle a strong woman. These women dare challenge them intellectually, and so we get crude counterattacks.”

Condoleeza Rice is a strong woman. Sarah Palin is a fantastically inefficient porn-star. If you thought of women in any terms besides the orifices presented to you, you would fucking know that.

Jesus Christ.

Vegetable Growers Association of America
The Green House
Heartland, USA

Sir,

This is an ultimatum. Understand that consequences will result if you continue on with your nefarious plots to insert vegetables such as cucumbers into places they were never meant to go…

Understand that consequences will result if you continue on with your nefarious plots to insert vegetables such as cucumbers into places they were never meant to go…

I used to have a video like that.

. . .

what?

Oh, and try “Galt’s Gulch” No-Salt Food Flavorer – made with 100% all-natural sodium chloride, with just a hint of lipids! Put it on everything!

Vegetables

Oh boy! Here comes a new wave of Von Brunn was really a liberal based attacks.
http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/?last_story=/politics/war_room/2009/06/11/standard/

These five women are are not the only ones that American liberals ridicule without fear.

We ridicule them without fear, because we’re little boys who can’t handle them?

Isn’t that contradictory?

And doesn’t it seem like poor strategy on the part of Palin to get into a slap-fight with Letterman? It can’t end well for her – she can’t match his writers. And if she wants to be a national-stature candidate, she shouldn’t be engaging on this level.

I would think a sorrowfully worded response of “not dignifying it with a response” might be a better option, and let the whole thing die. But no, she’s so hungry for face-time that she’s letting it go several news cycles.

“Oh, and try “Galt’s Gulch” No-Salt Food Flavorer – made with 100% all-natural sodium chloride, with just a hint of lipids! Put it on everything!”

Now in the convenient family size for anytime snacking!

http://www.healthcareminerals.com/images/upload/69.JPG

Curse you, g. But I already typed it, so I’m a posting it:

These five women are are [sic!] not the only ones that American liberals ridicule without fear. They are like little boys who cannot handle a strong woman. These women dare challenge them intellectually, and so we get crude counterattacks.

“[…] ridicule without fear […] like little boys who cannot handle […]”

Urm – which is it? Without fear, or with fear, like little boys?

” […] challenge them intellectually […]”

And, one of his examples is a beauty pagaent winner, now deposed. Intellectual!

“Oh, and try “Galt’s Gulch” No-Salt Food Flavorer – made with 100% all-natural sodium chloride, with just a hint of lipids! Put it on everything!”

Now in the convenient family size for all-day snacking!

http://www.healthcareminerals.com/images/upload/69.JPG

Carrie Prejean

That’s the Miss California girl, right? That’s your intimidating conservative intellectual? Oh, come on! That’s not even trying.

“…that photoshopped sub. It has vegetables in it -”

Hence the look of sheer horror on Doughy’s face. Or else it’s gas (the expression not the sammich)

Liberal doesn’t mean the same as it used to.
That’s central to my point, a whoop-a-doo-doo.
Hitler liked vegetables and exercise too
We’re rubber and you are glue.
A boodle-boo-yah.

And doesn’t it seem like poor strategy on the part of Palin to get into a slap-fight with Letterman?

Letterman and Leno are both pretty reliably right-wing (the former more paleoconnish and the latter more zeitgeisty), so Republicans pissing them off usually involves something particularly bad.

Of course, in Letterman’s case, it’s usually something to do with his show; the thing where McCain stood him up for political theatre and then went to do an interview elsewhere was infuriating, and he’ll probably never forgive Bush for wiping his nose on one of Letterman’s interns.

Just wait for Rush Limbaugh, who compared Chelsea Clinton at age 12 to a dog (you know, because 12-year-old girls are normally irresistible sex objects), to get all indignant about this radical pederasty.

That’s the Miss California girl, right? That’s your intimidating conservative intellectual?

No longer is she the Miss California girl. She was fired for not being good enough at it.

Yep, that Carrie Prejean. Trying is hard.

She was fired for not being good enough at it.

There are performance tests for Californialising?

Yeah, little miss Opposite Marriage is a strong intellectual conservative. Jesus fuck, soft bigotry of low expectations much?

That’s the salad course sammich. The gravy-soaked main course meat load comes next, then the dessert sammich, in which two cakes are filled with fried pies, then the whole thing is batter-dipped and deep fried in lard.

Interestingly enough, rape is also what Jonah does to a bag of Funyuns.

Proposed script for episode of CSI: Wingnut, episode titled “Funyun or Fun-none?”

Detective Gilchrist: My Cthulu, what happened to that bag of onion-flavored snacks!?

Detective Smut: It’s been ravaged almost beyond recognition. We need to get some forensics experts in here.

Detective Aristophanes: Look over here. There’s a trail of sammich toppings and cheeto dust leading from the crime scene.

Smut: Oh shit.

Gilchrist: What is it, Smut?

Smut: I’ve seen this before. Back in ’02, when I was working a case on K Street. We had been called into a Wingnut Welfare think tank and there was snack food carnage all over the place. The vending machines had been emptied … there was high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated fats, creamy filling every where … just ghastly.

Aristophanes: What ever came of it? Did you get a perp?

Smut: There was one major clue that makes me think it’s the same monster who did this: the cheeto dust and sammich toppings.

Gilchrist: No … it’s not … it couldn’t be. I thought he had collapsed under the weight of his own jowly idiocy.

Aristophanes: What?! Who is it?

Smut: The Doughy Pantload.

Aristophanes: Bullshit. I heard he was in Tiajuana, shacked up with that Lopez woman who calls herself ‘The Editor’. You know, the one who had to flee the wrath of all the English teacher cabal for her terrible grammar and spelling skills.

Smut: The don’t have Funyuns in Mexico, D.

Aristophanes: Christ, you’re right. He must have come back for them, to get his fix.

Gilchrist: Alec, get on the radio! Now! Put out an APB on Goldberg, Jonah, aka Doughy Pantload. 5’10”, 350 lbs. Dangerously insipid. His dick will smell of onions and his fingers of cheese dust.

Hey guys.

There are vegetables on that sandwich.

Poor Carrie. At least she only has to give back the title and the crown, not the implants.

This just demonstrates the foolishness of Prejean thinking in a Postjean world.

This just demonstrates the foolishness of Prejean thinking in a Postjean world.

NY Guy wins the internets with that one, I think you’ll all agree

This just demonstrates the foolishness of Prejean thinking in a Postjean world.

A thing of terrible beauty.

That’s the salad course sammich. The gravy-soaked main course meat load comes next, then the dessert sammich, in which two cakes are filled with fried pies, then the whole thing is batter-dipped and deep fried in lard.

You forgot the ranch dressing, applied liberally to each course, and guzzled as a palate cleanser between them.

Full disclosure: I’m recycling my own material, originally posted here re: Burt Prelutsky. But thanks.

at 19:04 Till said,

“When you say racist it sounds like you’re talking about a Klansman”.

I expect he’ll next be telling us how “date rape” can’t be called rape, because that’s what the barbarian hordes do after they invade your city and kill the menfolk.

Why yes, on conservative blogs “date rape” will be called “silently requested sexual intercourse.”

“I was so dumb. I didn’t realize until too late what my dress was communicating to my date–it communicated more loudly than my shouts of “No, get off me!” He held me down and carried out silently requested sexual intercourse and that’s no crime.”

Don’t forget you can buy your “Galt’s Veggies” pre-fried for your convience! Or our associate C.Y. will stop by your own home and fry them in front of you in his 100 gallon FLESH-O-MATIC deep fryer, powered by the splitting of the atom itself! And all “Galt’s” products are fried in 100% animal fat, rendered in the Old-World tradition handed down for generations. And certified 99.9% cadaver-free!

That’s “Galt’s Veggies” – ’cause you’re at the top of the food chain!

What’s all this fuss about keeping the wiggers in Guantanamo? Just because a young person likes the hippity hop music, that no reason to put them in prison.

You forgot the ranch dressing, applied liberally to each course, and guzzled as a palate cleanser between them.

“Ranch”? that’s for wussie amateurs. Real men use Miracle Whip, the original kind, not that namby-pamby “lite” crap. Or better yet, real mayonnaise. The kind that comes with its own defibrillator. That makes the vegetables edible, and the vegetarians cry.

Oh, yeah. That’s the stuff

Poor Carrie. At least she only has to give back the title and the crown, not the implants.

I wonder when one of the multitude of disposable wingnut celebrities of the moment – like NotJoe the NotPlumber and poor dumbass redneck Levi – will realize when s/he’s getting the ol’ heave-ho like a week-old, unwashed gym sock, and instead of hitting the wingnut version of livestock fair circuit, tell ’em to fuck off? Or am I asking for too much dignity or self-awareness from right-wing do-monkeys? Also, is there anyone on the left that gets used and abused like this?

Also, is there anyone on the left that gets used and abused like this?

No one I can think of.

Also, is there anyone on the left that gets used and abused like this?

Women in Afghanistan.

Are them real books back in the shelf? Or them fakey book-like objects to fill otherwise vacant shelves?

I recognise that binding.

“MOM! WHO HITLERIZED MAH SANGWICH*!?!?”

*Has vegetables on it.

What Lawnguylander said.

No wonder Jonah looks shocked and awed.

A Jonah sub should look like this only with more meat and less wheat, which, when you think of it, is a plant and therefore potentially Hitleristic.

Well, to be fair, Jonah didn’t actually invent ‘racialist’.

Actually, Mr. Hilter said it back in 72.

I believe I’ve just Bodwined this thread.

*Has vegetables on it.

That sammich doesn’t look like it has much besides vegetables.

A couple slices of cheese and some lunch meat huddling together in mortal terror like the remnants of the 7th Cavalry at the Battle of Little Big Horn.

Fox has some emails from the intellectual Prejean.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525726,00.html

Thing is, Cindy Sheehan wasn’t completely wrong and, in addition to being not being wrong, she wasn’t oblivious to how big a joke she was (which she wasn’t). I honestly don’t think you can compare her to NotJoe the NotPlumber who was pissed rich people who weren’t him might have to pay higher taxes. If anyone should be given as much room to protest a war it’s a parent who’s had to bury a child because of it.

I was going to guess that the bindings were a 1957 edition of “Children’s Treasury of Things to Make and Do,” but I’ve been scooped. (shakes tiny fist)

I still think Jonah made a mistake not using the Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, because each volume is really like the good parts of six or seven important tomes and confer immediate credibility on pundits and televangelists alike. They’re a regular thoughty shelfload, and at around ten cents each, economical enough to permit the purchase of additional piehole fodder.