Maybe She’ll Lead Them To Soros

Moe Lane, RedState:
Newsbusters: AOL is lying about the Playboy Rape List firing.

  • We are demanding an explanation from the editor who fired the guy who wrote the spiked story to boycott the magazine that hired the guy who wrote the spiked piece joking about hate-f*cking conservative women, which was offensive. Holes in her story raise disturbing questions.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Catching Up With Ol’ Angry Redbottom

Erick Erickson, RedState:
Support Citizen Verification

  • After the, uh, DOJ-approved Georgia voter elimination test flagged 2,100, uh, persons-not-unreasonable-to-question, the berserk DOJ was not deterred by this success, and attacked Georgia about the 7,007 wrongly disenfranchised voters, most of whom were minorities, when the test reports don’t even specifically say HEHE TIHS GUY IS TEH BLAXXOR VOTEFAIL! so how can you even know anything, in life? Yup, if you’re as confused as me, sign this emergency petition. Full disclosure: I am a Republican elected official in Georgia.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Note: If Erickson looked at the actual DOJ report, it was only to make sure he was plausibly ignorant about the right things.
 

Shorter Dissenting Supreme Court Justices

HUGH M. CAPERTON, ET AL., PETITIONERS v. A. T. MASSEY COAL COMPANY, INC., ET AL.
ON WRIT OF CERTIORARI TO THE SUPREME COURT OF APPEALS OF WEST VIRGINIA
[June 8, 2009]
CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS, with whom JUSTICE SCALIA, JUSTICE THOMAS, and JUSTICE ALITO join, dissenting. (PDF) [AP Article]

My colleagues’ majority opinion is fundamentally flawed as it does not directly and in great detail address a large number of hypothetical scenarios and questions I have raised upon reading it.

Bonus: Shorters JUSTICE SCALIA, dissenting.

1.There’s too many mutha’uckas ‘uckin’ with my constitutional shi’.

2. In Italy, Justice recuse you.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Thanks to a reader for the request/tip.

 

Will All Canadian Wingnuts Please Remain in Canada?

Shorter Professor Michael Krauss1

perfesser_krauss
ABOVE: Professor Michael Krauss elicits a disgusted
reaction from a statue of George Mason

George Mason Law2 Perfesser Michael Krauss, Point of Law
Blogging Ethics

  • Concern about law school tenure committees is the lamest excuse ever advanced as a reason for a law school professor to blog pseudonymously. That being said, I do hope that the South Texas School of Law tenure committee considers the grievous implications of Assistant Professor “Publius” having used a pseudonym to smear conservative Ed Whelan as a “know-nothing demagogue” and a “legal hit-man” while improperly criticizing Whelan’s perfectly correct views on Judge Sotomayor. Also, the smarty-pants reference to Publius isn’t lost on me. But pseudonyms were okay only during the dangerous times of the American Revolution. What? The revolution was over when the pseudonym Publius was used by the authors of the Federalist Papers? Well how should I know that?3 I went to school in Canada, ferchrissakes.4

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


1Actually Professor Krauss is an American “anchor baby” and was only raised in Canada. Check out his bio at the “anchor baby” link and you can see him spell elite as élite, in order to emphasize that he is not just elite but “l’homme le plus digne d’être choisi dans le monde, même dans l’univers.” Except, of course, élite is a noun in French and not an adjective, so his lodging the accent aigu over the “e” in elite in the phrase “élite American Law Institute” is not just prétèntiôùs but dumber-than-un-sac-de-marteaux dumb. La stupidité, ça brûle !

2George Mason Law School, the Red Roof Inn of D.C. area law schools, is something of a wingnut magnet, lodging in its limestone towers in rustic and charming Arlington, Virginia, the likes of Todd Zywicki, Neomi Rao, Starfleet Commander and Volokh Conspirator Ilya Somin, David “Civil Rights Laws Are Racist” Bernstein, and others. Perhaps the copious wingnuttery at George Mason can be attributed to the fact that it is the only law school in the country with a faculty chair endowed by the NRA.

3 Awesome displays of faculty erudition like this were among the reasons that George Mason’s Law School is a favorite of the National Review.

4 Before any of you start belly-aching about this being a shorter, the text of the shorter still has fewer words, at least if you don’t count the words in the footnotes, than Krauss’s post has. It’s also shorter than Gavin’s last shorter (“Condensed Malk”) even when you count the words in the footnotes.

 

Condensed Malk

What would happen if someone tried to unravel an entire Michelle Malkin plotline out of one of those demanding, accidentally post-hermeneutic pieces of writing that she’s been doing in the past year?

Because it seems as though the ancient institution of wingnut text analysis, in which the MSM presents a slanted and factually unreliable view of the world that can be corrected through doctrine, has given way in her work to a fringier and more radical mode of wingnut interpretation, a postlapsarian, sinners-in-the-hands-of-an-angry-God thing in which a wholly corrupt, consciously manipulative MSM spins a daily web of deceit in a world gone mad (and vacant of pity), while unintentionally providing clues, to those who can see, of an ideal world-beyond-appearances.

It’s like Augustine’s New Jerusalem in City of God, although not so much in the whole ‘God’ thing or the retreat from worldly affairs, but more like if you could borrow the keys to Augustine’s City and fly it around and land it on people — or actually, come to think of it, what it’s like is some flying-saucer cult or mutual claque of conspiracy enthusiasts that has no awareness of itself as a fringe group, ‘it’ in this case being Malkin and her correspondents.

What would happen would be one of those Long Shorters that, if you ask me, tend to violate the style’s need for allusiveness over detail — except for every now and then, when a Long Shorter manages to hit the cadence of a hysterical person yelling at you. Ah, but will it work again?

Michelle Malkin, weekly Creators Syndicate column:
The U.S. Department of Injustice

  • Remember when that nonpartisan voting-integrity group headed by a former Director of Election Day Operations at the Republican National Committee made a video questioning a middle-aged guy from the New Black Panthers who was so-called ‘guarding’ the outside of a Philadelphia polling place against so-called ‘Republicans’ while holding a deadly stick weapon? Oh, oh, as you can imagine, the hypothetical harassment and bullying of poll workers and voters didn’t just end with the disappearance of all the official reports reportedly made by Republican victims of this man and/or conservative former civil-rights attorneys who happened upon the scene even before the FOX News van randomly pulled up, nor did it just vanish with the default judgment secured against him last month by the Department of Justice — oh no, it only intensifies now with the shocking announcement that default judgments will not be pursued against an unarmed Democratic poll watcher there, and another guy who wasn’t even there, pointing just as we suspected to a massive official coverup of something by the government, such as for instance another of the many coverups by Attorney Criminal Holder, like oh, just for example, how about the massive, nationwide November 4, 2008 deployment of New Black Panthers to America’s election sites, announced via opposite-code as a plot to ‘protect’ black voters from ‘white intimidation,’ and subsequently erased from the…

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Prof Brings Toy Lightsaber To Gun Fight

Shorter The Other Dumber Perfesser That’s Not Ann Althouse:

jacobson_light_saber
ABOVE: Professor Jacobson, sadly, forgot to buy batteries

Assistant Clinical Perfesser Bill Jacobson, L-eg-a-l I-ns-u-r-ec-t-ile Dys-fu-nc-t-ion
Outer Objects To Outing

  • A conservative actually outing a blogging liberal law professor is no big deal because law school faculties are so totally liberal. On the other hand, a liberal making a joke about outing Republicans who have mistresses is simply appalling.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

douche-bag (n.) – see Whelan, Ed

m_freddy_whelan_iii
ABOVE: M. Edward Whelan III

Cornerite and legal blowhard Ed Whelan outs Obsidian Wings blogger publius. Here’s the rejoinder, enjoyable but unfortunate in its necessity.

h/t: Righteous Bubba


Tintin adds: Picture (above) and a link to Tbogg who points out the irony of Whelan claiming that he outed publius because publius couldn’t write quality posts, a skill that Whelan himself has yet to perfect. And Steve Benen has this to say about Whelan’s ass-holery.

 

Anyone For Tetanus?

Oh my:

Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. Care for a little time for choosing?

K-Lo’s tragically unhip. Let’s help her with her phrasing, to make it more appealing to the kidz:

Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. There’s an app for that.

***************************************

Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. Let’s kick it tizzay down da wizzay style!

***************************************

Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. Step into da A.M., Amerikkka!

***************************************

Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. Just say no to vaseline, bee-yatch!

***************************************

@Ronald Reagan [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

died five years ago today. Sooooo wasted!

about 43,680 hours ago via Twitter

***************************************

 

National Review Cover (Fixed)

The cover of the latest edition of National Review didn’t seem quite right, so I fixed it.

wise_dumb_latina3

 

Holy Crap

What to make of it when David Horowitz and Gary Kamiya agree in basic terms on the usefulness of Obama’s diplomatic approach to the Muslim world?

Granted, D-Ho and Kamiya aren’t exactly on the same page when comes to the specific parts of the Cairo speech that they like — in fact, they seem to have interpreted it in opposite ways. Which maybe says as much about Obama’s mad skillz at soothing just about everybody in the room, regardless of their ideological bent, as it does about the double-plus goodness of the speech itself.

Still, Horowitz seems to recognize the basic utility of diplomacy and inclusiveness in America’s dealings with the Middle East, even if he sees a muscularity in Obama’s speech contra Kamiya, who instead focuses on its novel (for an address by an American president) and important concessions to Muslims in general and the Palestinians in particular.

Given the past eight years of reliably retarded hard-right sabre-rattling towards the Muslim world, it’s fairly astonishing to see a character like Horowitz — as rhetorically committed in the past to violently breaking Muslim spirits rather than listening to their concerns — veer so dramatically away from the insane ravings of a Pam Atlas. Which isn’t to say that D-Ho hasn’t always been far more lucid and approachable than Pam, even when, at the height of his post-Radical Son madness, like an ex-smoker on steroids, he built a bizarre and paranoid enemies list that somehow linked George Clooney to Osama bin Laden.

But if Horowitz’s output has never been as incoherent as the intellectual train wrecks produced day after tweaked-out day by Pam — who is essentially a peripatetic delivery mechanism for any random anti-Muslim sentiment or conspiracy theory that springs up on the internets, is sifted through her garble filter to strip it of any shred of internal consistency, and repackaged with a pair of tits on the box — it hasn’t been for lack of trying. D-Ho’s view of the world has long been far closer to Pam’s — in kind if not in expressive form — than to Kamiya’s.

Which is why I think it is fairly important that Horowitz is stepping broadly towards Kamiya’s position and away from Pam’s, on so fundamental a topic as US relations with the Muslim world. If the Cairo speech was a ‘crucial step forward’ in repairing those relations, as Kamiya believes, could Horowitz’s praise of the same speech be such a step forward towards a real marginalization of the Pam Atlases of the world? A step in the direction of a national dialogue on foreign policy that is more wonkish and serious than finger-pointing and loony? Maybe I’m making far too much of this, but it wasn’t very long ago that the Horowitz response to the Cairo speech almost certainly would have been nothing but a more eloquent version of Pam’s coked-up histrionics.

I recall that back in 2004, when it looked as if Kerry might beat Bush, friends and I would talk about how nice it would be if we could get to a place where political arguments focused on disagreements in the policy margins — instead of being front-loaded by the wingnuts who dominated the rules of engagement with garish loyalty tests that derailed any meaningful idea exchange before it got off the ground. Obviously, we know how that turned out. Instead of a return to sanity, the wingers became newly emboldened and it wasn’t until the 2006 elections that the tide really started turning.

How long did the inmates run the asylum of our national dialogue? A long fucking time, and it blew goats so profoundly that it’s no wonder many of us have been unwilling to pronounce that the nightmare is over. If only for fear that, like black mold in your bathroom, the crazy would come back in full bloom if we didn’t keep scrubbing and worrying at it as if it was still a powerful force.

Well, I am going to go out on a limb and pronounce that we have finally returned to a place of political normalcy after our long nightmare. A place where ideas matter and seriousness is not a starving orphan in the corner. I say this not because there are no longer wingnuts amongst us — the wingnuts will always be with us (and thank God for that, since occasional outbursts of earnestness aside, I’m pretty much in it for the lulz). I say it because, if you really take a good look around, you’ll find that kooks like Pam and Michelle Malkin and Glenn Beck and Dick Cheney have finally been fully outed as the freakshow monstrosities that they always were, and at long last, all but a handful of people finally get the joke.

Even David-fucking-Horowitz gets that throwing in with the crazies just ain’t good for business anymore. That’s got to be worth something.