While surveying the wreckage of the American economy, the Iraq war and just about everything else that’s happened under Bush’s watch over the past seven-plus years today, I remembered something remarkable:
The Republicans actually impeached Bill Clinton for lying about a hummer.
How in God’s name are we going to explain this shit to our children?
In the New Orleans Times-Picayune, Republican Senator David “Adult Baby Diaper Sex With Prostitutes” Vitter — who is of course still in office — explains why adult-baby diaper sex with prostitutes is different from the you-know-what with you-know-who:
Sen. David Vitter, R-La., has been mostly mum on the prostitution scandal that forced Democratic New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer to announce his resignation last week. But Vitter let down his guard a bit in a conference call with constituents. Scott Jordan, editor of the Independent Weekly of Lafayette, said he was able to ask Vitter whether he would resign after his phone number was connected last year to a Washington, D.C., escort service that federal investigators say was a call-girl operation. “I have made a very serious mistake a long time ago and I have to live with that every day,” Vitter said, according to Jordan’s account. “That’s not a flippant statement. I need to spend my whole life making up for that.” According to Jordan, Vitter turned “a bit defiant” and added: “Anybody who looks at the two cases will see there is an enormous difference between the two of them. The people that are trying to draw comparisons to the two cases are people who’ve never agreed with me on important issues like immigration and other things.”
Verily, both of the bolded statements above are true.
As for the rest of us, we’re still wondering uncomfortably whether feces was involved.
[Link via The Great Orange Satan]
It cost JP Morgan less money to purchase Bear Stearns than it would have cost them to purchase Alex Rodriguez’s contract from the New York Yankees. And between you and me, I think A-Rod would have been a far better investment.
On a related note, aren’t you glad now that Bush didn’t succeed in privatizing Social Security?
UPDATE: Oh yummy:
As feared, foreign bond holders have begun to exercise a collective vote of no confidence in the devaluation policies of the US government. The Federal Reserve faces a potential veto of its rescue measures.
Asian, Mid East and European investors stood aside at last week’s auction of 10-year US Treasury notes. “It was a disaster,” said Ray Attrill from 4castweb. “We may be close to the point where the uglier consequences of benign neglect towards the currency are revealed.”
The share of foreign buyers (“indirect bidders”) plummeted to 5.8pc, from an average 25pc over the last eight weeks. On the Richter Scale of unfolding dramas, this matches the death of Bear Stearns.
Maybe I should take advantage of plummeting home prices and purchase a shack somewhere in rural Idaho. After society collapses, I’ll move out there with my telepathic dog and invite you guys over for a big-ass post-apocalyptic party. Sound like a plan?
Gavin adds: How will you keep up the payments on your immortal robot body?
…Oh, and by the way, “the uglier consequences of benign neglect” is totally my phrase of the day. Just this morning, I was very near a point where the uglier consequences of my benign neglect toward looking both ways before crossing the street were, you know, revealed.
UPDATE II: Will somebody please, please, please tell Bush to stop talking?
President Bush gave assurances this morning that financial markets are continuing to function, adding that the U.S. is “on top of the situation.”
“One thing is for certain, we’re in challenging times,” Bush told reporters after meeting with his top economic aides. “The United States is on top of the situation.”
Speaking after the Federal Reserve’s moves late Sunday to shore up money markets, and J.P. Morgan Chase’s cut-rate purchase of Bear Stearns Cos., Bush said he supported the central bank’s action.
“The Federal Reserve has moved quickly to bring order to the financial markets,” he said.
The Dow has dropped by over 140 points so far today.1
This reminds me of Bush’s great statement about the Iraq war being “hard work”:
We’re so screwed.
1 Gavin adds: Hey, the Dow is now up by 21 points. The recovery has begun1!!1one!
The Wit and Wisdom of Barack Obama
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Gavin adds: Bonus Andrew “Le Penseur” Ferguson:
What, after all, does “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for” mean, precisely? My hunch is that the sentence is one of those things that no one will admit to being confused by, like the movies of Godard or the tenor-sax solos of John Coltrane, lest your peers think you’re a loser or a moron. Certainly Obama fans won’t admit how obscure the sentence is–though several have claimed that it’s lifted from a prophecy of the Tribal Elders of the Hopi Indians. Hopi prophecies are famously obscure.
Shorter Nancy Morgan
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Oh by the way, we’ve located her again.
Above: K-Gro
Warning: Adjust your speakers, because the next voice you hear will be Kaye’s…
Shocking Story of Gay Porn as Required Reading in High School
Anagram: Shorter Wanton Dudd
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Let’s see what’s up with our old, old, old, old, old, old friend, Carey Roberts:
When the letter came addressed to WHITE MAN, I assumed it was junk mail. But no, there’s a ballot inside.
“I must say, I’m a little envious,” Bush said. “If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed.”
Gee, George, there was a swell war for democracy going on when you were much younger and not employed at all. What were you doing then? Oh, that’s right, sacks full of blow.
“It must be exciting for you…in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger.”
This is the chickenhawk worldview at its absolute purest: a guy who ducked out on his chance to actually go and fight in the war sprouting a boner at the concept of other people fighting one, and rattling on about what an exciting, picaresque fantasy adventure it all must be.
Every living male in my family other than me has fought in a war — Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf or Iraq. None of them exactly regrets his service, and there’s a wide range of opinions among them about politics and the necessity of the various wars in which they fought. It’s not a homogeneous group by any means, with plenty of die-hard liberals and plenty of stone-ribbed conservatives. But not a fucking one of them in a million years would describe their wartime experiences as “romantic.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep on saying it until he’s not drawing either breath or a taxpayer pension: George W. Bush is a fucking dick.
The United States has entered a recession that could be “substantially more severe” than recent ones, former National Bureau of Economic Research President Martin Feldstein said
Friday.“The situation is very bad, the situation is getting worse, and the risks are that it could get very bad,” Feldstein said in a speech at the Futures Industry Association meeting in Boca Raton, Florida.
NBER is a private sector group that is considered the arbiter of U.S. business cycles.
It was only two weeks ago that Bush told us he didn’t think the economy was headed toward recession. The guy’s ability to be a weathervane for wrongness never ceases to amaze.