‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
David Weigel, who has long been one of this blog’s libertarian pals, fills us in on a movie that is going to kick your ass so hard that your ass will end up thinking it’s your face. Does that not make sense? Too bad! Get a load of An American Carol:
I’m holding a palm card that was just given out at the Heritage Foundation to promote the new David Zucker film An American Carol. If I fill out the card, I can take one of four pledges, such as “Yes, I will send the trailer to my contacts” and “Yes, I want to be AN AMERICAN CAROLER or THEATER CAPTAIN.” It’s an induction to a movement, as the slogan on the card makes clear: “Finally, a movie for us.” […]
In it, filmmaker Michael Malone (Kevin “brother of Chris” Farley) and his organization MoveAlong.org are trying to repeal the Fourth of July when three angels—the Angel of Death, George S. Patton, and George Washington—come to him and convince him to change his ways. […]
In a scene that Sokoloff described, but didn’t bring, Patton and his soldiers storm a courthouse that’s about to remove the Ten Commandments and start opening fire on the people trying to stop them. “You can’t shoot these people!” Malone says. “They’re not people!” says Patton. “They’re the ACLU!” At this point we see that the ACLU members are unkillable George Romero zombies.
Details about the movie were kept secret, on purpose, until this month. In February, it was reported that Kelsey Grammar would be Scrooge in the new movie. He’s actually playing the ghost of George Patton, and Jon Voight is playing George Washington. In a clip we saw, Washington takes Malone to St. Paul’s Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and “freedom of speech, which you abuse.” Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest’s box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. “This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!” bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he’s just making movies. Washington won’t have it. “Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?”
This is going to be the Film Event of the Year, friends. Wingnut attempts at comedy are akin to when a creepy 11-year-old kid tries to put the moves on his best friend’s hot 18-year-old sister: it’s awkward and it’s embarrassing, but it will also provide everyone who watches with hours of unintentional laughs.
Who wants to book tickets with me?
[Via.]
GAAAAAAAAAH I’m gonna fucking scream!!! DFAsdlsdklkd’p;pwjjsakk!!!!!! #####!!!!
Atrios says:
Maureen Dowd Liberals
Like BooMan, I’ve long been frustrated by the set of people who are liberal, follow politics, and think NPR and Maureen Dowd (Tom Friedman, too) are on their side. I hope there are fewer of them than there used to be, but I’m not sure.
Yes, I too am frustrated with such people!!! Yes, yes hehindeedy Yes duh no shit thnx!!!
But then Atrios turns right around and (in seemingly the 300th time this week) approvingly links to a piece of shit post by Yggie ‘I cynically flipped from pro-war to anti-war just in time to further my career’ the Stooge. In this post Yggie says:
I think it’s true that the mere fact of having been against the war isn’t necessarily indicative of brilliant judgment[.]
(His emphasis.)
He parenthetically mentions Quakers “and such people” — i.e. pacifists. Ok; fine — such people are knee-jerkly anti-war just as much as the totality of wingnuts is reflexively pro-war. Who cares?
My point is that I’ve hit my point. I can’t take it anymore. It’s sooo fucking easy and conveeeenient for Yggy to deprecate by elision, by conflation, or by implication the judgment of anti-war people who were such not because they were pacifist but because they were anti-imperialist (and knew goddamn motherfucking better than to believe the lies of former Nixonite and Reaganite goons who’d stolen elections), something he was too stupid — and too ate-up with hatred of DFHs on his campus — to be until it was ‘safe’. And this guy is the go-to liberal blogger for foreign policy!
It’s not just this post, it’s the long-term pattern. Yglesias who wants to define the definition of DFH down to include imperialist nutjobs like Ivo Daalder and Anne-Marie Slaughter — and himself. The guy who has the man in the mirror in mind when he lectures us not to completely detest and ignore Peter Beinart. In short, this asshole is stealing the moral thunder of the real DFHs who were right from day one, when it was hard to be right, when to be right meant to be showered with “anti-idiotarian” shit.
I’ve got shitloads of links to Yglesias’s bullshit. Steve Gilliard did some wonderful stuff on Yggie and his ilk. I’ve posted some here and there, occasionally trying calmly to convince, sometimes sarcastically pointing out his cynical position changes, often in total frustration venting my contempt, sometimes wearily using his history of shit to show that the blogosphere develops its own Villagers just like the traditional media. Never does any good. I suspect all it’s done is make Atrios quit linking to my stuff. So what do I have to lose? Being right doesn’t matter — it’s who you know and who you blow. I guess I could buy the jackass’s book and completely destroy it. But that wouldn’t matter either! People will just say, ‘oh, he’s young,’ or ‘you’re so mean,’ or ‘no one’s perfect,’ or ‘he’s learned his lesson.’ GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Shoot me in the fucking head!!! It’s beyond frustration now; it’s gone around the bend to teetotal fucking apoplexy. Craaaazy/toys in the attic/craaaaaaaaaaazee/truly gone fishing/They’ve taken his marbles awayyyyyy. Head/desk, head/desk, head/desk [harder] head/desk, HEAD/DESK ahh much bettre! De dain brammage, good! I lyke Ygglessyass!! He good leftwinggER!! I al beetre now!!
Update: Serenity now. Ahhhhh. I’m listening to humpback whale recordings. Would you like some decaffeinated chai?
Now that my blood pressure is back to normal, let me gently and more clearly state my complaint, which is two-fold: 1)You can’t bash the traditional media for its ‘Villagers’ and crappy kinds of liberals when you, at the same time, contribute to the elevation (into a form of Villager-ness) of the same sorts of incompetent, unrepresentative people, and 2)The people who were wrong about Iraq should stop trying to claim DFHtude for interventionist-imperialists who are anything but, and also, at the same time, stop trying to deprecate the people who were right, and stop otherwise trying to defend those who were wrong.
Also — and I state this in such a calm, dead-pan, sedated way that Steven Wright would be proud of me — Matthew Yglesias sucks. Really. Please don’t pretend he doesn’t; it hurts me.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Why do I keep thinking his name is Robert??? What, am I going full retar… er, actually, nevermind, don’t want to start up that controversy again…
UPDATE: Some people in the comments are accusing me of wanting to use legally shady methods to satisfy my quest for bloody-minded revenge on the Republican Party. To those people making this scurrilous charge, I say…
…
OK, you got me. It is all about revenge.
“… and then I said, ‘look, lady, I don’t know if I can take sixty-seven more of those.'”
Then there is the married nationally syndicated conservative talk show host who only hires female interns, assistants, and producers because he likes to proposition them. To my shock, this person once got very upset with me when I briefly colored my hair red, as if this person had some vital, personal interest in me being blonde. It was a very weird, dark energy and gave me the creeps. To make matters worse, a local conservative radio talk show host out West tells me he lost his job at one radio station because an awful female radio host this national talk show host is extremely close with and rumored to be seeing on the side wanted the slot. This national host told the station that if she didn’t get so-and-so’s show slot, “I’ll pull my show from your station.”
This person has been going on and on and on and on about John Edwards for weeks. He even talked about how you never cheat on your wife or go to a hotel room with someone who is not your wife. Well, duh. Too bad this person can’t tell it to his mirror.
Sean Hannity? Neal Boortz?
[Now going back to some older stuff I saved…]
People that try to look like Bette Midler and that call themselves goddesses are generally suffering from more than a delusion of divinity and a desire to be called “fabulous” by their hairdressers. And Amy Alkon, the so-called Advice Goddess and yet another feeble-minded member of Pajamas Media Nutwork, is no exception. Currently she is wasting cyberspace explaining why a black woman who was accidentally shot by the police during a drug raid deserved it.
Who Places A Lower Value On Black Lives? Would that be a police officer who accidentally shoots and kills a black woman, or that woman herself, a mother of six children by five different drug-dealing fathers, who takes up with yet another drug dealer?
Clearly the woman and not the cop who pulled the trigger. She wanted to die and he was just doing her a favor. This is a joke, right? Sadly, no. It’s just more eliminationist rhetoric from a right-wing nut job:
Not surprisingly, black leaders are outraged. Also not surprisingly, their outrage is not directed at women in the black community who squeeze out litters of fatherless children, or the men who fuck and run, or fuck, deal drugs, and go to directly jail.
You mean the cops raided the home because the women had too many fatherless children? No, Amy just threw that in so that she could refer to “litters” of black children “squeezed” out by their sub-human black mothers. And to suggest people should be more outraged about the size of her oversized “litter” of black babies than by the fact that she got shot. My guess is that the closest this not-so-divine “goddess” ever came to socializing with a black person was a Saturday evening when she and her little Yorkie lap-dog watched an entire episode of “Cops.”
Seriously, do the Pajamas Media folks draw any lines on racist rhetoric? How far can a Pajamas Media blogger go? If they can talk about “litters” of black children, can they just come out and refer to black people as “porch monkeys” or “thick-lipped spades” or “shiftless coons?” I think we all know the answer.
UPDATE: OMFG, I just refreshed Amy’s post and see that I missed a bunch of the comments, including comments from Amy defending her post from charges of racism. And guess what, she’s not racist, the people who are calling her a racist are the real racists:
I find it racist to say I can’t criticize black people.
And that, I think, speaks for itself.
Cokie Roberts said today that Obama shouldn’t be going on vacation anywhere that has the “look of a foreign exotic place” and should go to Myrtle Beach instead. Apparently, Hawaii isn’t quite American enough for Cokie and her provincial pals in the beltway, even though it’s one of the 50 states.
I remember that Clinton got dinged right after he was elected for vacationing in Santa Barbara because it was too “California.” Unless you’re a Republican presidential candidate apparently you shouldn’t go to any western beach, much less to Hawaii, unless you want to be called a foreign fag.
Basically, yes. This is a fine illustration of how spite voting works.
You see, “elitism” in this country isn’t defined by how much money you have, but whether you ever enjoy your life. For instance, you can make a lot of money and not be an elitist if your work is joyless and purposeless. This is why the Waltons are considered salt-of-the-Earth types, even though they’re the richest family in the world: because the only joy they get out of life is exploiting cheap labor both here and abroad to produce and sell cheap plastic crap. And since the Waltons are such miserable people, it’s hard for the average spite voter to feel much resentment toward them, since they’re basically richer versions of themselves.
And this is where tying Democrats to Hollywood movie stars and hip-hop moguls comes in handy! See, unlike the joyless corporate drones who comprise the GOP’s major donor base, celebrities seem to be enjoying the wealth they’ve accumulated by throwing parties filled with endless supplies of sex and drugs. The most fun your typical corporate GOP sleaze gets, on the other hand, is through hiring hookers to humiliate them or through cruising for action in an airport bathroom — not exactly glamorous, I’d say.
While I certainly don’t hold it against Obama or any Democrat for going on vacation in Hawaii, I would like to see them try to appeal to peoples’ spite and hatred more — and let’s face it, it’s tough to do this when you’re having a good time. So maybe next summer, Obama can show everyone what a Real American looks like by taking a vacation in a miserable craphole and hating every minute of it. Gary, Indiana comes to mind, although I hear Youngstown, Ohio is particularly unlovely this time of year.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Though I think Shriver should give the makers of “Tropic Thunder” credit — at least they didn’t commit the horrible crime of having their characters eat giant sandwiches…
Above: Andrew Sullivan overcooked his burger.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
It’s no surprise that the idiots at Commentary — the traditional font of bad faith accusations of anti-Semitism — have run with Frum’s frame-job. And yet the case against “the stupidest fucking guy on the planet” builds almost daily…
Todays New Wingnut of the Week is James Lewis and he (or she) comes, once again, from The American Thinker. “James Lewis” is the nom de wingnut of someone who is allegedly an “academic scientist” but, after you read anything that “Lewis” has written you are certain to suspect that his only real connection to any scientific discipline is the chemistry set he got for Christmas when he was twelve which, I will guess, was a long time ago.
The winning post from “Lewis” is a jaw-dropping exercise in wingnut hermeneutics that, by a careful interpretation of Obama’s Berlin speech, concludes that Obama is a gay communist.
Let’s go for the gay first:
A lot of gay messages were sent out by the big Speech to Planet Earth at Berlin’s Tiergarten — the Berlin zoo, a center of gay life, right by a nude park for gay men, which the media somehow forgot to tell you about.
Now, I don’t know all the gay hotspots of Berlin, but it seems unlikely that the Berlin Zoo is one. (“Hey, did you see the hot guy over by the reptile house?”) And an Internet search suggests that the biggest gay connection of the Berlin Zoo is that it has six gay male penguins. Now that is, admittedly, a shitload of gay penguins, but that still probably doesn’t make the Berlin Zoo a center of gay life.
And, of course, giving a speech next to a gay zoo and a gay park probably isn’t quite enough to prove that someone is gay. Although the similar notion that everyone who speaks at the AIPAC convention is gay because the Washington Convention Center is across the street from a gay bar is, indeed, a highly amusing notion.
Now let’s go for the Communist:
Senator O began his German Tiergarten speech with “Citizens of the world!” — a direct echo of “Workers of the world!” from the Communist Manifesto of 1848. Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels wrote their Communist Manifesto in German, and German school children know it pretty much by rote.
Why, of course, it’s an echo, because “of,” “the,” and “world,” are such uncommon words and have only been used in that combination in The Communist Manifesto, which German children are forced to memorize in the sixth grade in both English and German.
Or take the Obama slogan, “We are the change we’ve been waiting for!” … But it’s just Fidel Castro’s slogan, “La Revolucion Somos Nosotros!” — “We are the Revolution!” … [T]he Obama campaign just translated Castro’s big slogan into English, changed “the revolution” to “the change” — and presto! — we get the Audacity Hustle: “We are the change we’ve been waiting for!”
Same thing that Queen, a dirty Castro sympathizer if ever there was one, did when he wrote that famous pro-Castro anthem “We Are the Champions.”
And just in case you thought Lewis had exhausted his capacity for stupidity, there’s his final proof of Obama’s secret Communist sympathies:
The same thing for The Decembrist [sic] rock band [which opened one Obama rally] to echo the Russian Decemberist [sic] rebellion.
Except of course, the 1825 Decembrist revolt sought to replace the tsar with a constitution and had nothing to do with Communism — in 1825 Karl Marx was seven years old and more interested in toys than manifestos.
Actually, there’s so much in Lewis’s post that a wannabe Gary Ruppert trollbot could simply cut and paste random sentences from the post into his or her favorite comment section and have material for the next several months.