ABOVE: Lisa Schiffren tries to do long division in her head.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Poor Amy Alkon. You remember her, the so-called Advice Goddess, who thinks that it’s not racist to talk about litters of black babies because she once talked about a litter of white Mormon babies. Well, Amy now has her falsies in a fix because someone — not any of us here at Sadly, No!, by the way — vandalized improved her Wikipedia entry to identify Amy as a male-to-female transexual.
In order to rebut all lingering doubts about her original gender assignment, Amy posted a picture of herself purporting to prove that she isn’t a transexual, although we’re not clear how the posted picture, or any picture for that matter, could provide such proof. We submitted the picture to our Fauxtography Department and discovered that the picture Amy posted is clearly an amateurish photoshop of a male transvestite. Here is the original photograph of “Amy” prior to its crude alteration to remove an Adam’s Apple and to conceal evidence of toilet-paper falling from his brassiere:
Lest anyone think that I’m prejudiced against drag queens, you should know that once a month I speak to an inner-city class of drag queens in order to try to convince them that a life devoted to mascara, eyeliner, wigs, feather boas and false boobies is a waste of their full potential. And those of you who haven’t done the same: It’s YOU who are prejudiced.
UPDATE: In the comments to the Amy’s transvestite post, she accuses Gavin of being the culprit. Gavin then leaves a comment saying that the likely culprit was Gary Ruppert. Then we have this from Amy:
Pure. Unalloyed. Comedy. Gold.
UPDATE 2: And it just keeps getting better:
There are three possible explanations for this: (1) Amy justs makes shit up; (2) Amy is stark raving mad and lives in a complex and variegated world populated by imaginary people and other detailed aural and visual hallucinations; (3) Amy is being played like a violin by someone who finds it amusing, as we do, to humiliate her. Oh, and Amy, when you read this, another Internet tradition (like Gary Ruppert) is to enclose quotes with the blockquote tag.
Victorates Daviskopita Hansonopolous is over at America’s Shittiest Website™ explaining why filthy rich Republicans are just regular guys while moderately wealthy Democrats are elite, arugula-munching, viognier-sipping, wind-surfing, book-reading, French-speaking, prissy-pants elitists:
The week’s theme in the Obama campaign, prompted perhaps by Michelle’s comments about the unfairness of characterizing her husband as an elitist, is that the real wealthy man, and hence elitist, is in fact McCain. As evidence, they cite how he is married to the multi-millionaire Cindy and supposed resident of some eight (sometimes characterized as nine or ten) houses.
In fact, McCain and Cindy live in only one of those houses; the others ones that they “supposedly” live in have been donated to charity and converted into orphanages, half-way houses, battered-women shelters, and soup kitchens.
But the left misses the point. … Even adroit spinners and handlers can’t manufacture elitism; it is not necessarily connected with wealth.
Instead, elitism is apparently connected with party affiliation. A Republican who prances around in $520 Italian loafers, lives in 8 houses, claims the only way to travel around Arizona is in a private airplane, pays hundreds of thousands per month on credit cards, and has one of his houses featured in Architectural Digest, isn’t an elitist. A Democrat who has one house in Hyde Park and vacations by visiting his grandmother in Hawaii is so elitist that he makes Dennis Kozlowski look like Earl Hickey.
Liberals and progressives are far more vulnerable to charges of elitism, since they are prone to the additional charge of hypocrisy. … But liberals … who rail against the unfairness of an uncaring system and the perniciousness of wealth and privilege far more readily suffer charges of elitism when their populist rhetoric is contrasted to private jets, 30,000 sq ft. homes, or 11 mansions.
Apparently having your own jet and eight mansions isn’t elitist if it is an embodiment of your very own Republican “fuck-the-poor, help-the-rich” philosophy. Same thing with the $520 loafers — if they are worn while stepping on the face of a homeless person, they aren’t a sign of elitism. Liberals, on the other hand, aren’t allowed to talk about poverty, homelessness, or unemployment unless they give all their money away, move into a cave, quit their jobs, and walk around barefoot.
*You Are Not An Elitist If You Are A Republican. YANAEIYAAR is the new IOKIYAAR.
Above: Blarg! Der Anschlussel ist so gross!
It’s hard to keep up, but we try. In this edition, Little Debbie’s snack for you turns out to be an approving link (screenshot here) to a terrorist website:
Whoa. First of all, Masada 2000 is a hate site produced by Kahaneists whose party, Kach, is banned in Israel because it is racist and practices terrorism and whose American arm, the JDL, is classified as a terrorist organization by the state department and as a hate group by the SPLC. Masada2000 is basically the Jewish version of Stormfront. Pam Gellar has also approvingly linked to Masada 2000 without being called out for it by any of her powerful and famous wingnut friends like John Bolton and Mark Steyn; I have no doubt Schlussel will also get away with it scot-free.
Second, if you think Amy Chozick goes too easy on Obama or any of his advisers or proxies, you’re an idiot.
The rest is just garden-variety batshit of the sort that Schlussel produces daily:
More Condi Clueless: U.S. Missed Russian/Georgian Conflict Because . . .
When You’re @ “Olive Garden”, Even a Slut “Celeb Endorser” is “Family”
Schlussel describes Kendra Wilkinson as a “bimbo extraordinaire” who “live[s] life like a wet t-shirt contestant” and “embodies” “filth and diseases.” Righteously, Little Debbie denounces Ms. Wilkinson’s “peroxided, breast-implanted shenanigans.” Ahem. If you’ll look on the fan club page she set up, you’ll see where K-Mart Koulter proudly describes herself as the “VRWC’s latest and greatest sexy, blonde, and beautiful commentator.”
Meet the New Terrorism Apologists, er “Charity Investigators” . . . The Better Business Bureau?
More Assaults on English: Even a Private School Can’t Set Language?
Time for a New Game: Spot the Offensive Symbol on Jamie Foxx’s Surf Board
Affirmative Action for Anti-American Actresses: Meet the “Real Reason” Batman Movie is a Hit
A Tale of Two Cooks: Julia Child v. Rachael Ray = Patriotism v. Vapid Capitalism
Schlussel says she “was never a huge fan of the late Julia Child because her voice annoyed me.” Pot, kettle, shrill. Listen to Little Debbie and tell me she doesn’t make the same sound a tortured foie gras goose makes after a French farmer stuffs corn in its craw.
Thanks for Nothing, King Abdullah; Egypt Returns Iraqis, We Take in Thousands
Above: “I blow my nose at you so-called Abdullah king,
you and your filthy Islamic k-niggits!”
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Tigerhawk, an unusually honest, and in this case knowledgeable, wingnut:
Jim Leach, the Republican former Congressman from eastern Iowa (the First and then Second Iowa Congressional Districts) from 1976 to 2006, has endorsed Barack Obama.
[…]
Longtime readers know that Jim Leach was the first and only politician for whom I actually knocked on doors… As a tenth grader at Iowa City High School I devoted literally hundreds of hours in the fall of 1976 working on his ultimately successful campaign[.]
[…]
When Jim took an appointment at Princeton University last year I sent him an email and asked him to lunch, and he graciously accepted. We mostly talked about old times and that original election campaign, but it became quite clear that we disagreed quite strongly on foreign policy. He said then — in April 2007 — that he thought Barack Obama had the potential to transform America’s reputation in the world. I walked away persuaded that if Obama were the Democratic nominee Jim would endorse him, or at least vote for him.
That said, Jim Leach has not grown more liberal over the years. He was well within the mainstream of Gerald Ford’s Republican Party and felt quite comfortable in it. But thirty years after his first election to Congress he no longer agreed with his own party’s leadership on many of the most important matters of the day. I believe he would say that he had not changed so much as the party had, and I would agree with him. Today’s GOP is far to the right of the party that was in the permanent minority in the 1970s, and it has dragged the Democrats along with it. Jim Leach, a Ford Republican who has not really changed his views on the big issues, is now quite comfortable endorsing a Democratic nominee who is himself probably closer to the center than the leaders of that earlier era, including George McGovern, Ted Kennedy, Eugene McCarthy, Edmund Muskie, Mo Udall, and even the 1976 version of Jimmy Carter.
Point is, count your blessings.
(Andy McCarthy, in contrast a typically dishonest, game-playing wingnut, calls Leach a RINO.)
The sorely-missed General Glut, May 2004:
Contemporary DLC Democrats (including John Kerry) as well as most “liberal” bloggers are little other than the reincarnation of liberal Republicans of a bygone age. Compare John Anderson of 1980 to any of these guys and try to measure the difference. Warning: bring your micrometer.
The current location of the Overton Window is so far to the right of any objective political spectrum, that what are now considered Extreme Left Positions are really not extreme at all.
Jeralyn relays some unhappy news:
The Denver Post reports Sen. Ken Salazar will speak Wednesday night at the Democratic National Convention, but he isn’t the Veep pick.
Who’s left? According to the Post, only those without a speaking slot at the Convention. That includes:
- Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine,
- New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson,
- Sen. Evan Bayh of Indiana,
- Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware and
- former Georgia Sen. Sam Nunn.
With the (possible) exception of Richardson, I think all of those choices are unbearably sucky. Why oh why can’t we have better Democratic presidential candidates?
(And no, Hillary fans, you won’t convince me that Mrs. Clinton had a secret plan to make Russ Feingold her veep pick.)
Over at Husky Jammies Media, Richard Miniter is demonstrating why the only Olympic medal he might ever win would be for synchronized drooling or the 400-meter Freestyle Foolish Analogies Relay:
While observers of the scene are two-minded about the Gay cruising site, Manhunt.com, they are outraged that one of the site’s owners recently maxed out in a donation to the McCain campaign.
…
The outrage in Gay circles is interesting and revealing. Why should a particular sexual orientation demand a particular political orientation? Sweater-knitters and ice-skaters are not organized along political lines–and neither are all straight people expected to vote for one particular party.
Then let’s spell it out for the largely clueless Miniter. If Republican politicians passed laws that provided that sweater-knitters can’t get married and that made sweater-knitting a crime, then those little old ladies would be chasing Republicans down on the streets and shoving knitting needles and crochet hooks up their bums faster than they can say “drop one, pearl purl two.”
*Cf.
Above: Formerly respected advice columnist
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Clif adds:
Bonus Shorter Amy Alkon
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
