Sadly, No!

“I wonder where all the nurses have gone?”

This Might Make You Feel Better

• The real reason the market is down is that Obama is up in the polls.

Seb adds: Shorter Ross Kaminsky

ABOVE: Ross Kaminsky, Derivatives Trader, leaves work
with all his worldly possessions

Sirota’s Orwellian bailout analysis

• Banks would have never gotten into this mess were it not for excessive government regulation.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Thanks to Steam Powered Opinions for the second link.

ABOVE: Lorie Byrd at the wingnut buffet

---

Even though Lorie Byrd was “really busy” this weekend — presumably trying to figure out how to buy American Carol tickets online — it didn’t stop her from posting a lengthy piece of nonsense at CheezWhizBang. I assume that SadlyNaughts are equally busy this weekend, so I’ll just summarize some of Lorie’s best, er, tidbits.

If you want to see conservative films coming out of Hollywood, go see An American Carol this weekend. … It is especially important that it have a good opening weekend so it will get some good buzz.

Behold the power of CheezWhizBang. David “9/11 Changed Everything” Zucker’s “nyuknyuk”-fest for bedwetters could only muster up about $2300 per screen in wide release. I’ll bet that candy sales per screen were pretty fucking awesome, however.

One thing has occurred to me as I have listened to all the Obama ads this weekend. … Many of the ads focus on how horrible McCain’s health care plan would be and I wonder if people realize that it doesn’t really matter what any of McCain’s plans look like. If McCain is elected he will have a Democrat controlled Congress to deal with. He won’t get anything passed …

I think we’ve finally found the one argument that is so utterly inane that there is not even one other wingnut on the face of the planet, Mark Noonan included, who could make it with a straight face. Lorie might as well argue that we shouldn’t pay attention to anything else that McCain says because he’s so senile he’ll forget he said it.

And finally, the best for last:

I am reading emails from readers and fellow bloggers who are worried that this might be our last free election if Obama is elected. It sounds a little extreme and over the top, but when I read their reasons for feeling that way it makes too much sense.

You can read the details for yourself but it has something to do with Obama kicking Oxycontin Rush off the airwaves so that he can declare himself dictator-for-life with the complicity of nine new Supreme Court justices that Obama somehow or other appointed on Inauguration Day. Or something like that.

Sarah Palin slams Barack Obama for ‘palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.’ Pretty rum stuff, as Tbogg points out, coming from a woman who happens to be fucking a traitor herself.

Meanwhile, Pam Atlas likee Nasty Sarah, and demonstrates her love by getting right down to teh stupid:

Palin comes out swinging and starts telling the folks what’s at stake here. Why McCain is so damn polite when the very country is at stake confounds me. These are dangerous people and we need a leader, unafraid of the media, unafraid of the leftwing bullies — we are counting on you McCain and you are failing us.

Pammycakes really doesn’t get that a presidential campaign, even one as ineptly run as McCain’s, has a thing called a ‘strategy’, in which different people play different roles and often even say different things to different listeners. But when all you do day in and day out is overreact massively to the feeblest of stimuli, it’s tough to understand higher-order thinking.

* Cf., cf.

[Via Susan at Kiss My Big Blue Butt (formerly Juanita’s Beauty Salon)]

PS: Ach, but I shouldn’t just post someone else’s picture without adding anything.

PPS: Righteous Bubba clarifies that the picture is originally from Pandagon. This makes it necessary to add something else to the post.

Above: Via Central Florida’s News 13

I got a new column up at AlterNet that was originally titled “Ratfucking the McCain Campaign in Four Easy Steps,” but was sanitized a bit for mass consumption. I still think it has some excellent ideas, though. Excerpt:

How the Democrats Might Screw the McCain Campaign in Four Easy Steps

[…]

Now that we’ve lured our rats back to our apartment, it’s time to get busy. Once our targets are reminded that they positively loathe McCain’s stances on social issues and illegal immigration, we can start flat-out lying about him and his record. This can be done by either exaggerating things McCain has said or done in the past or by just making shit up. If you choose the latter tactic, I recommend composing anonymous smear chain e-mails that recount several “facts” that people might not know about McCain.

For instance, did you know that after his keynote speech at La Raza, McCain bowed before a gold statue of the ancient Aztec god Huitzilopochtli and vowed to lead the reconquista to snatch the Southwestern United States away from the American ice devils? Or that the lime green screens that McCain speaks in front of are actually loaded with subliminal messages intended to brainwash Americans into working as slave laborers on Al Gore’s arugula farm? And just for the heck of it, did you hear that McCain has an unseemly and un-American attraction to lobsters? It’s not that McCain is an out-and-out crustaceaphile, mind you, but the persistent rumors about his occasional dabbling in lobster love have dogged him (or should that be, “clawed” him?) since the start of his political career. Clearly, the McCain campaign should release all of its candidate’s credit card statements from his trips to Legal Sea Foods over the years, just to reassure voters that he didn’t bring any uncooked lobsters home with him in a doggy bag.

Read teh whole thing. And even if you don’t want to read it, just click it to get me some pageview lovin’. ‘Elp a brother out 🙂

I can’t believe I missed this! It’s almost a year old!

Never before has so much been explained in so few words:

So, President Bush is my Cousin…

Seriously. Well, probably.

So, I used my day off today to plug the already fairly-detailed family history that I have into Ancestry.com.

[…]

Posted by Adam T. Yoshida on November 17, 2007 in Current Affairs

[More Yoshi treasures here.]

MOAR: In more recent Yoshi news, let’s congratulate him for hitting the big time. Betcha can’t guess from whom Mr. “Human-sized Microwaves” scored an approving link! I think they make a great pair. What mutual Glennocidal Tendencies has brought together, let no man put asunder. Excuse me while I dry my eyes.

=

Projecting through the Screen

• Huhuhuh black dress.. BOIOIOIOINNNNNNNNNNG!… she’s so hot [fapfapfap]… hey, Sarah baby.. come to Richie… huhuhuh… nice smile, purty mouth [fapfap] omg she just winked at me [fapfapfapFAPFAAAAP].. AAAAAAAHhhhhuhuhuh.. I see, like, starbursts and stuff… huhuhuh.. did I just do it?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Lowry, here, has even managed to outjizz Mark Steyn in posting the Cornhole’s most flagrantly masturbatory Palin-worshipping entry, EVAR — something I had not thought possible (and try not to think about at all). But then, neither did I think it was possible for Rich Lowry to be aroused by anything less than nuclear annihilation of Islamic cities, much less by anything so ordinary as a mere woman. I learn something new every day. Even when I don’t want to.

XXXtra: It’s difficult to go again so soon after splooging, but Lowry’s a determined guy, and moves his wank-a-thon over to the New York Post.

It’s Friday. You should be laughing at this:

China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space

UPDATE: And for you vets out there (mikey, I’m lookin’ at you), these are cool shirts:

You can buy them here.

Above: Self-loathing, self-oafing, pseudo-sociologist

The Palin Rebound

• Effete, pink-stuffed-shirt-wearing, know-it-alls on the coasts might not have been impressed with Sarah Palin’s debate performance, but people in the Heartland (all of whose hearts, I know in my heart of hearts, reside in the far-right place), will beg to differ, because they, like Palin, are earthy and real.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: National Review Online’s new fashion critic models his own brand
of sartorial splendor.

Our favorite Cornerdomites basically declared the debate a sound victory for Palin because she didn’t fart, wrinkle her nose, and then point at Biden. Here are a few other highlights of their coverage of the debate.

Mark Hemingway:

Did Gwen Ifill get caught up in the curtains on the way out the door and decide to wear them?

Yes, and that would be Mark Hemingway in the above picture modeling the bleu de poudre track ensemble from the Fall ’08 Haute Couture Collection du Sam Walton as provocatively photographed next to a shower curtain rod by Bruce Weber.

Mona Charen

Our family’s favorite moment last night was when Joe Biden crowed about his diplomatic skills. “I brought Serbs, Croatians, and Bosniaks together.”

My son David: “Captain we’ve detected a Bosniak ship on our sensors.” “On screen.”

Har, har, har! What a stupido Mr. Hairplugs is. He said “Bosniak!” He probably also claims he brought the Barjorans and the Cardassians together!! What’s that? Bosniac is a real word? It means Bosnian Muslims? Okay. Whatever. Did you see his bald spot is coming back?

Professor John J. Miller, Sarah Palin Chair of English Grammar at Matanuska-Susitna College:

I’d like to nitpick at Joe Biden anyway, because this one is a pet peeve of mine. Biden said this:

I haven’t heard how his policy is going to be different with Israel than George Bush’s. I haven’t heard how his policy in Afghanistan is going to be different than George Bush’s. I haven’t heard how his policy in Pakistan is going to be different than George Bush’s.

It’s not different than, it’s different from.

Er, no, Professor.

K-Lo, apparently after a pitcher of Mudslides:

The JOKe WILL BE
Sarah can teach John how to saw Ahmadinijad.

And Jonah can teach K-Lo how to spell Ahmadinejad.

Jonah Loadpants:

… Flatly asserting that Obama never said he’d meet with Achmenijad …

Well, maybe not.