Book ‘Em, Zhdano

My New Years resolution this year is that Dan Riehl should stop being such a tool.

What Grade Would You Give Bush?

I give Bush a B and I could debate myself as to whether it’s a B+ or B-, so I won’t. I do think the arguments tend more toward the plus side in that, frankly.

Well, so much for this year. Actually, things were pretty much blown to hell on January 2nd., and survived until then only because a groggy Riehl spent the inaugural day of 2009 in bed yelling at his toes.

But apropos the B-/B+ distinction, I just think it’s funny every time to see the name ‘Bush’ and to watch the right’s self-styled eagles of Libertas and sober adjutant-birds of fact reëmbody Andrei Zhdanov and — pardon the diæreses1 — reëngage his notorious “struggle between the good and the better.” It’s a sign of how drastically things have descended the plumbing that Riehl can’t feign deliberations over whether Bush deserves a grade of A+++infinity+ or one of A+icecream+backrub++, but must, for appearances, advance the pretense of grading him only a little better than average, before refusing on principle to do so.

Speaking of Zhdanovian hackery, do you think there’s another noteworthy Bush encomium over at Hinderaker’s place? I honestly haven’t looked yet,2 but I think there will be! Let’s go see.

Above: Buttmissile on the job


President Bush: An Assessment

Woot. You know, for years, Hindy has been stealing stuff from us when he thinks no one is looking. By inductive reasoning, we can determine that there must have been a post here while I was away to which he added some essment, and that it was titled,

President Bush: An Ass

Jokey jokey ha ha. But back to Hindy:

President Bush leaves office mostly unloved, with some poll respondents saying that they consider him one of our worst presidents ever.

See, that’s how ours started too.

This in itself is odd. Generally, our worst Presidents have been one-termers, for obvious reasons: James Buchanan, Jimmy Carter, Herbert Hoover (if you buy into the myth). But George W. Bush was re-elected rather easily in 2004. Thus, if he really was one of our worst Presidents, either the electorate was subject to mass hypnosis, or something must have gone seriously wrong in his second term.

If we strip away the partisan hysteria, it’s pretty clear that Bush was a reasonably good President, not an epochally horrible one. Let’s start with domestic policy.

Serious now. In terms of art, it ought to be said that the greatness of a Pastor Swank, of a Mark Noonan or a John Hinderaker — the quality which raises them above the howling roil of right-wing authoritarians, of spite retailers, blowhards, closeted gay ministers, cranks, Bible lickers, of nerds-gone-bad, of flag humpers, pseudo-intellectuals, chair-based saucer investigators, of stern-bodiced rape fantasists, of millennarians, Know-Nothings, Free Silver enthusiasts, jingoes, Oreos, Foursquare McPhersonites, splinter Baptists, pseudo-Methodists, Pentecostal highway parishioners, of cynical purveyors of purpose-driven things and of AMWAY, of Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, Graham’s miracle flour, Kellogg’s abstinence-promoting Corn Flake Cereal, or other products unevaluated by the FDA that are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease; of Goldwater idolators, ‘Scoop Jackson liberals,’ McCarthyites, Yankees fans, Likudniks, the mean of spirit, dupes, chumps, Dartmouth grads, shysters, four-flushers, dog-kickers, self-dealers, Professors of X at James Madison University, wingnut welfare skillet-lickers and beak-wetters; of wingnut welfare high-rollers, pimps, queens, bathroom-stall fellators, and generational dependents; of certain former or current WWF/WWE personalities and/or karate movie stars and/or minor Baldwin brothers, convicted Watergate felons, washed-up Red Sox pitchers, and/or 1970s Detroit-area rock musicians, as well as unnh and gaah, not to mention hunnh — isn’t solely in making up things that aren’t true, but often in fact in forgetting things that are.

Because, for instance, someone who just walked into this whole ongoing drama might look at Hindy’s paragraph above, and be like, “Jimmy Carter!? Why, what a cheap shot — and what’s this thing about ‘if you buy into the myth about Hoover?’ And then look at how he… Ooh, the nerve of some people.” And yes, sure, there’s that. But worst-president lists were a bit of a thing a couple of years ago, based on various surveys of historians, and while Hindy’s list starts uncontroversially with James Buchanan, it continues by carefully eliding certain personages, most signally a two-term Republican president named Richard M. Nixon, who was re-elected in a historic landslide in 1972 despite certain irregularities. Hindy’s special genius is in pretending not to know things. Let’s skip ahead a bit.

While his stewardship of the economy was generally good, Bush fell down in other areas of domestic policy. His sponsorship of comprehensive immigration reform and the Medicare drug benefit and his acquiescence in ridiculous levels of federal spending are all black marks. They are balanced by Bush’s excellent judicial appointments and his management of a strikingly scandal-free administration.

The last time we saw that construction, it was ‘extraordinarily scandal free,’ and the context was the epic, multi-part schooling of Powerline on that very subject, executed not by a snark blog, but by David Kurtz and Josh Marshall at TPM. The last episode is here, and apparently Hinderaker still doesn’t know about any of this.

The next time Marshall and Hinderaker crossed paths, it was apropos this astonishing claim:

In the eight years he has been President, it is remarkable how few gaffes or verbal blunders [George W. Bush] has committed. If Obama doesn’t raise his standards, he will exceed Bush’s total before he is inaugurated.

Sadly, no.

Back to the current analysis, though: Can you spot what Hinderaker is pretending not to know in the following passage?

In foreign policy, the terrorist attacks dominated, perhaps too much. Few would have predicted on September 12, 2001, that there would be no more successful attacks on American soil or even against American interests abroad, yet that is what happened.

Okay, that’s an easy one. Consider that Hindy once avidly followed this subject, and in fact that his last post on it was on August 1st., 2008.

The category of things that Hindy has never heard of also includes this and this, not to mention this.

As we noted here, President Bush’s strong anti-terrorist policies stopped a long string of successful terrorist attacks that stretched back to the late 1970s. His record in this respect is truly extraordinary, and he deserves an enormous amount of credit for it.

You see how he does it?

With hindsight, the beginning of the end for Bush was his unwillingness to defend himself when he was attacked for the “sixteen words” in his State of the Union address–words that were indisputably true. The same thing happened after Hurricane Katrina, the event that got his second term off on the wrong foot. In truth, the federal response to Katrina was both the largest and the fastest response to any natural disaster in world history. Yet Bush was never willing to stand up to his critics and make the case in his own defense.

That tendency to turn the other cheek was, in the end, fatal. Bush never cared much about politics.

Awesome are his powers.

Everything considered, I give the Bush administration a B-.

There’s a punchline here, but my head is spinning too fast to locate it.


1 Cf., cf.

2 I really hadn’t looked yet.

 

When The Ofay Pinay Would Go Away

Above: Not mellow


Classy as ever, it’s Malkin:

About that race-based benediction: “When white will embrace what is right”
By Michelle Malkin • January 20, 2009 01:33 PM

[…]

[T]he benediction’s eloquence was marred by glib racialism.

Lowery got big cheers when he weaved in a weird prayer rap expressing his hope for a future in which the “brown would stick around,” the “yellow would be mellow,” the “red man would get ahead, man,” and the “white would embrace the right.”

The “white would embrace the right?”

Who wrote that line? Jeremiah Wright? And what would Obama’s grandparents and mother have to say?

They might begin by noting that Rev. Lowery is 87 years old, and that if Malkin had also been born in 1921, her marriage to a white person (e.g. Jesse Malkin) would have been a crime in many states.

They might then express their hope for a future in which Malkin would stop talkin’, one in which Fox News would take a snooze and Glenn Beck would hit the deck, where right-wing choads would hit the road, where Dan Riehl would cop a deal, Ace would shut his face, Bill Kristol would become distal, K-Lo would go blow; one in which the National Review would go screw and the Ol’ Perfesser would be keiner desto besser, where Mary Katherine Ham would scram, where Brent Bozell would go to Hell.

…Obama’s grandparents and mother? Seriously, Obama’s grandparents and his mother?

But let’s have the last word go to one of Malkin’s commenters:

Every honest, non-racist white person should be HORRIFIED that such a remark is even thought ‘acceptable’ let alone spoken at a federal ceremony.

I’m no racist and I’ve been a good Christian but ‘these people’ are really starting to tick me off!

Or no, actually, let’s avoid that bitter finish and have the last word go to Ann Nixon Cooper, age 107, a senior representative of ‘these people.’

…Cooper said she always believed she might live to see a black man sworn in as president of the United States.

“I had that in mind all the time — all the time — hoping for a great change that would happen in my day,” she said, a charm necklace with a gold “107” around her neck.

“I was hoping that it would happen in my time.”

This moment in history, she said, marks one of the greatest days of her event-filled life.

“I’m most excited about it … just nothing but the greatest,” she said, a wide smile spread across her face. “Our new president means nothing but more freedom as a human being. That’s all. That’s all it could mean to us. You feel more like a real person.”


Update: Outrage!!! Rev. Lowery claims never to have seen the good side of the city until he hitched a ride on a so-called riverboat queen:

Wait, wrong song. Gaah! Outrage!!! Rev. Lowery asserts that the ink is black and the paper is white and that together we learn to so-called read and write, i.e. with the ink on top of the paper

Wait, no. Unbelievable outrage!!! Rev. Lowery wants to, as he claims, “ride a painted pony and let the spinning wheel spin”…

[Cf.]

 

Maha Maiestas

Item: The prescient and stalwart Barbara of Mahablog is going through some difficulty this month, such that it might be time to put away our years-long pizza feud and to see how we can help out.

If you have a couple bucks (or quarters, or indeed any greater or lesser denomination) rattling around the barrel, consider dropping them here to help support a top-notch blogger who’s been around since 2002, and who literally wrote the book — or at least collected the anthology — on liberal political blogging in the post-9/11, pre-Kerry era.

 

Point, Counterpoint

Above: Spadesey


Ace of Spades HQ, October 20, 2008:

“He’s Not My President” – How the Values of Conservatism Will Keep Us From Becoming the Looney Left Should Obama Win

What I wanted to write about today is Obama Derangement Syndrome. Yeah, it’s not a mental illness YET, but IF he wins in November Conservative America is going to be sorely tempted to look back at both Dubya administrations and copy the tactics of the Lunatic Left.

And who can blame them? If you went back and chronicled the claims made by the Chomsky/Soros Wing of the Democratic Party over the last 8 years, Bush was going to shred the Constitution, suspend the 2008 election (I WISH!!!), lose the war in Iraq horribly, round up dissenters and place them in Internment Camps and use our military to steal the oil of Iraq and other Mideastern Countries. I have to admit that I feel that using these tactics against Obama would be Karmic Justice, especially when he’s shown tendencies to be the Fascist that Bush never became. I could get with reprinting some of those “Selected (by the MSM), Not Elected” and “Not My President” tee shirts. Obama as a Chimp has WAY too many negative connotations to ever catch on like Bush as a Chimp did, but I’m down with printing up a couple million posters of some of Slub’s “Captain Bullshit” photoshops, or maybe some motivational posters of Urkel Obama on his bicycle.

While I’d LOVE to see how the media would react to this grassroots campaign of disdain for the President, I realize that it will never happen. Never. No. Freaking. Way. Conservatives will NEVER go bugshit crazy on Obama like Liberals did against Bush, because Conservatives have too much respect for the office and it’s representatives.

Ace of Spades HQ, Inauguration Day, January 20, 2009:

President Obama Strolls Down Pennsylvania Avenue Wearing Smart Engish-Cut Suit; Michelle, Meanwhile, Wears Ceremonial T’k’arnanth Klingon Battledress
—Ace

Hey, nice dress. Who shot the curtains?

I didn’t realize Lt. Worf was so “hippy.” The Dodge Viper looks up to her for having a wide rear wheelbase.

Hey, is this mean? Here’s my response to that: Go fuck yourself sideways with a hot brick from a pizza oven.

First Lady Bush — and her daughters — were savaged, as was Sarah Palin.

Michelle Obama is not a good-looking woman, unless you like them “fierce” in the literal, rather than gay-fashion-lingo, sense. Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it was in Predator.

I don’t want to be bitchy, but Michelle Obama looks like she just got a full-body bukake from 30 horny couches.

She looks like she just got raped by the cast of Joseph and the Amazing Monocolor Dreamcoat.

I’m not saying she’s bulky, but is she wearing a coat, or is that the jibsail from a gay pirate ship?

I don’t want to say she looks immense in that gold circus-costume, but Auric Goldfinger just had a stroke-inducing orgasm.

Oops, he had another one. And another one. Once is happenstance; twice is coincidence; the third time it’s a fashion nightmare.

Chewbacca just called. He wants his wife’s housecoat back.

Tune in next time for Point, Counterpoint.

 

Atlas Tawks An Blawgs Abawt Bawrawk’s Inawguhration

pamela_dress

This is your brain on acetone, kids.


If you wondered what yesterday’s festivities in D.C. looked like to someone who spent the day huffing fingernail polish remover and drinking wood alcohol daiquiris, then come with me over to Pamela “The Audacity of Tits” Geller’s blawg and find out.

Pamela, who voluntarily put on the dress in the picture at right, turned into a fashion critic:

WTF is Michelle wearing? The tablecloth or the curtains? A tablecoth? Geez, the kids should dress her. She’s a nightmare. Too bad some of Palin’s old clothes wouldn’t fit her. These pics are not picking up on the vomit green quality to the tent…. hmmmmm, I wonder if Meesh will donate the material of the dress for a couch I want to reupholster in the basement.

And scroll down through Pammie’s post to the part where she says that the only reason that the media loved the dress is because Michelle is a Negro.

And next Pamela turned herself into constitutional law expert:

Did you see it? The man couldn’t say the oath! He stumbled, he flubbed, he mumbled, he could not remember three words….. three words. Great (no cue cards)

Sheez. Even Professor Winebox admits that it was the Chief Justice who flubbed the oath, which means that Pam wins a rating of 11 out of 10 on the Peters Delusions Inventory and a 14 out of 10 on the Launay-Slade Hallucination Scale.

And then she became a literary critic:

Oh, and another thing. I didn’t like the silly poem Obambi commissioned for this extra special day.

Anybody who can actually type the word “Obambi” with a straight face really shouldn’t be complaining about anyone else’s literary talent.

Pam didn’t like the inaugural address much either:

Obama said: “We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus–and non-believers. Did he say non-believers? It has  always been Christians and Jews (Pammie’s orange highlighting in original.)

Apparently one effect of prolonged acetone exposure on Pam has been the make her unable to tell the difference between her eliminationist fantasies from reality.

Nor did she much like the benediction:

Reverend Joseph Lowery mined the same old, same old, 50-year-old racism charges (*yawn*). No matter what, white man ain’t never going to be no good.

Why, yes, Pam, the best way to prove that nobody is racist and that you, in particular, are a paragon of racial tolerance is to paraphrase Rev. Lowery so he sounds like Uncle Remus.

If only their heads would actually explode.

 

Hail The New Dawn


Brad adds: I can’t get enough of the words “Ex-President George W. Bush.” It’s not as nice as “Imprisoned Former President George W. Bush” or “Excommunicated President George W. Bush,” but it will have to do.

 

I have a cold and black little heart…

…but even I could not help but be moved by our Supreme Commander Hussein Obama X’s inauguration speech just now.

Consider this an open thread.

…adding, that I’m disappointed that Obama rejected the first draft of my inauguration speech, which involved him torching the Bible, lifting up a Koran and yelling, “WHITE PEOPLE, YOU BE FUCKED NOW!!!! AAAAAH-HAAAAAA-HAAAAA-HAAAAAAA!!!!”

 

Shorter Michelle Malkin

Feel the post-racialism: “My president is black, but his house is all white”

  • Because all black people think alike, these lyrics by Jay-Z prove that Obama hates white people.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Shorter David Brooks


Above: ‘Lost the election’ still does not register.

“The Politics of Cohesion”

  • Synthesis is a beautiful thing. If Barack Obama is smart, he’ll agree with my premises (such as the need to “fix” social security) and be the Best Preznit Evar.

or:

  • To compromise with one’s enemies, to embrace ideas that the people have forcefully rejected, to turn the other cheek to those who’ve done nothing but turn their other fist, to cede fairly-won power to those who had previously stolen it and had never deserved it: such are the ways of a nation’s Savior. You hear me, Barry?

or:

  • An enlightened President will not employ policies that the losers of elections don’t like.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Inaugural Gall & Etc.

Michelle Malkin is angry! The Dirigible of Drivel vows obstructionism! Erick Erickson lifts his head from Dick Cheney’s lap long enough to deplore the emessem’s alleged ‘hagiographical’ treatment of Obama! Tom DeLay smears shit on the walls! Yep, it’s Jan. 20th; thus begins the rightwing’s tantrum which will last for at least the next four years.

Meanwhile, panicked Villagers scramble to find Negro friends! Cats and dogs, living together — mass hysteria!

I find all this just too much. I need something reassuring, something to represent continuity. (Because, you know, it’s so unusual that Malkin is angry, Erickson hypocritical, etc…) Oh, here we go: Danielle Crittenden, who remains the only person on earth who thinks it’s the height of coolness to send party invitations in circa-1998 ICQ-speak. Her continuing devotion to the already ancient conceit she’d like to think she discovered and then deployed with characteristic retardedness in the straight-to-the-remaindered-bin novel Amanda Bright@Home, warms my heart. Ahhh…

..and since she is David Frum’s Stepford Wife, I’ll bet they… Yup:

At the bottom of the invitation, he and Danielle wrote “celebrate/commiserate cuz wtf else r we gna do?” “That’s short for ‘What else are you going to do?’” says Frum, laughing.


Above: the praxis of weasels

“We just hung out the shingle a couple days ago and over 100 people responded,” he said. “Most conservatives live in Virginia and feel cut off by the bridge closings.” Though Frum is keeping the guest list close to his chest, the party, co-sponsored by Laura Ingraham and Marty and Byron York, will be attended by Frum’s AEI colleagues, Giuliani campaign veterans, mysterious-sounding Canadian and Norwegian parliamentarians, as well as many other alienated DC right-wingers looking for a stiff drink before heading out into the Democratic blizzard.

Incidentally, the event is doing double duty as a launch party for NewMajority.com, which will go live at 12:01am on Inauguration Day. The site, Frum says, will serve as a platform for reform and renewal of the GOP and will feature what he called “a cross-section of conservatives.”

An axis of opposition, perhaps?

“No,” Frum says, souring. “That gag has had its run. This is just a group that’s not so hopeful about the change.”

They’re not actually changing much in their ‘reformed’ and ‘renewed’ GOP, either. Frum’s new website is just more of the same ol’ shit (but then so was his last book on the same theme):

What you will find [in Frum’s blatherings] is loads of ideology — right on the heels of a near national obsession with ideological rejection.

The only interesting thing about the site is who’s paying for it. My bet is on Frum’s traditional source of funding.