Shorter Richard Cohen:
Richard Cohen, The Washington Post
What if Cheney’s Right?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
UPDATE: Link to comments on Cohen’s apologia pro cruciatus nostrum
Donald Lambro, Washington Times:
Anti-tax crusade to storm Capitol:
Grassroots ‘tea parties’ build strength
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
My first effort. Haven’t figured out how to embed these things yet … Gavin? Help me? Tintin? Guys?
Gavin adds: You need to push the second and sixth levers while turning the brass turny-thing.
Update:
A US soldier has killed five of his fellow soldiers in Iraq. Countdown to wild speculation about the ethnicity and religion of the shooter from Pam and Deb in … 3 … 2 … 1 …
Over at Powerline, Assrocket Junior Mach II aka Scott Johnson argues that obscure hedge fund cobag Clifford Asness is in fact a national figure who will top the Republican ticket in 2012:
The man who talked back revisited
Amity Shlaes recalls that Wendell Wilkie was “the man who talked back” to Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal. Barack Obama is replaying some New Deal themes and expanding government power in a Rooseveltian style. Obama’s strong-arming of Chrysler’s secured creditors on behalf of the United Auto Workers union seems to me to go beyond the New Deal in its lawlessness and corruption. But where is our Wilkie? …
… Shlaes concludes her column on Wilkie with a point that seems applicable to Asness:
When Willkie finally ran for President in 1940, he did not win, but he did aggregate enough support to deal a blow to Democratic radicalism. Roosevelt was not over, but the New Deal was. The point is not that those who talk back are perfect. The canny Dimon probably isn’t. Willkie sure wasn’t. The takeaway is that daring to talk back is worthwhile — especially when you do it early.
A lot of Amity Shlaes’ points are ‘applicable to Asness’ … that sort of goes without saying. But Johnson, while admirably committed to finding Asness in the oddest of places, probably overplays his hand here — Shlaes is already comparing JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon to Wendell Wilkie in this passage. What’s he, chopped liver?
Shorter Michael Barone:
Michael Barone, Clownhall
On Guns and Climate, the Elites Are Out of Touch
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Shorter Jonah Goldberg:
Jonah Goldberg, America’s Shittiest Website™
The WHCD, Cont’d
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Marie’s talking about SEXYOUALL INTERCOURSE! BOIOIOIOIOINNNNNNNNG!!!
Above: Talks dirty when she’s slumming.
Here I am, rather like a wingnut, home alone on a Saturday night. GF worked late, it rained here all day.. bleh. And Marie, sly vixen that she is, totally knew it. She knew that Tintin would make fun of a Warner Todd Bukkit post, which would in turn make me click through and then click again until until I wound up at WTB’s personal site, stunned to see Marie there making sexy talk (which she never does at Renew America). It was like walking into a backwoods methlab to find Megan Fox parked on the couch looking glamorous and chattin about jetset shit. Marie caught me by surprise, and when I was weak.
God’s plan for marriage includes companionship and sexual enjoyment. It is undeniable that the Almighty created marriage as the place where both man and woman meet their sexual needs. Within Holy Matrimony, there is a deep abiding love that is naturally expressed in the act of intimacy.
You know, when I mentally strike out the “God” and “marriage” crap, this is pretty steamy stuff.
However, at times, life can become complicated and hurried. Many couples become distracted to the point where they spend less quality time together within the bedroom.
Today’s women often work and are tired after a long day. When they walk into the door, they immediately begin tending to the children, cleaning, helping with schoolwork, and preparing the evening dinner. Men frequently get up early to hit the freeways. They spend eight or more long hours at work before their tedious commute in heavy traffic to return home. All of this stress takes a toll on marriage. Too often, couples collapse into bed with hardly enough thought or energy to say good night.
This gets it all wrong, Marie. First of all, in a proper relationship between liberals, neither person “works;” both simply cash the welfare checks sent to them by Barack Hussein Hitler who coerces the money from those hardluck wealthy people who never can seem to catch a break. I admit it can be a chore to walk to the mailbox and back, but somehow we manage the task and have energy reserves left for tantric sex. Then there’s the “children” thing. Sorry, Marie: again, this is not applicable. I’ve had all my kids aborted. No distractions that way, plus it comports with liberalism’s longterm goal to make the white race extinct. Then there’s the commute thing. Pfft. Silly Marie, liberals use public transport! So, yeah baby, I gots the energy.
Love making is a beautiful and sensual act[…]
Ohhhhh, yeahhhhhh
that the Lord ordained. He knows life often presents many difficult challenges.
[Shudder] Goddamnit, Marie. This is quite beyond the standard “you had me then you lost me;” this is more like, you just dropped an iceberg on my sack. Gah!
. Couples can get through both the good and the bad times of living by becoming close through the gift of tender intimacy. When a husband or wife lovingly touches one another, a hormone called oxytocin is released.
!!! I-! Wha-?! Holy Shi…! [deep breath]. Sex and oxycontin?!?! You’re killing me, Marie. ZOMMFG. Next you’re gonna tell me you’re laying in an erotic pose on top of a French flag made from hemp, with some Chomsky or Terrence McKenna spoken word shit playing through the speakers! GET OUT OF MY MIND*!!! Ok, poise, HTML. Think “cold shower.”
The following words are well founded: “Never say no to a husband who wants sex” — Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
There, in that proper name, is the cold shower I needed. Whew. Then there’s the rather master/slave context of the quote: not good, Marie. Now play m/s stuff can be almost as fun as ululating Arabic curses on America whilst sacrificing a Christian infant to Ba’al Marduk. I mean, really: we’re talking pleasure overload here. But you’re quoting chauvinist crap, which isn’t very cool.
The same goes for a wife who wants sex. Do not allow a busy schedule to interfere with making time for one another. When couples neglect each other’s needs, they release less of the hormone, causing them to “feel emotionally and physically withdrawn,” which results in a downward spiral of marital sexuality.
Ohhhh, well that makes it all better. You’re just advocating a “fuck like bunnies” solution to… well, to any and all problems. Who I am to argue? Pray, continue! No, really!
However, there are titillating ways to remedy this situation. You don’t need to travel to some far exotic shore to create an interesting evening. Just begin to caress and embrace your lover[.]
OMG you are sooo filthy, Marie! I mean, that is just pure carnality. Hey, Penthouse Letters, eat your fucking heart out. Marie’s turgid prose inspires turgid — I was gonna try to conclude with a rhyme (something with “clothes”? no.) but for some reason I can’t concentrate very well right now. Yeah. No. Yeah. Anyway…
God created sex to bind a couple together. It is one of the most powerful emotions given to man.
BLARGH!!! Now you’re ruining it again! And the rest of the column is just more God, Schmod blah blah blah stuff which might as well be some Furry fetish thing (is it?) for how it utterly destroys my libido. Thanks a lot, Marie! You’re totally trying to hurt me down there, right? What a wicked tease!
If you’re going to attach a name to ‘chutzpah’, it seems appropriate that the name is ‘Asness’. A recent whinge by AQR Capital Management honcho Clifford S. Asness, Ph.D is making the rounds in the wingnutosphere, with the usual suspects crowing about the supposed left hook Asness delivers to the Obama administration’s Chrysler bailout.
Long story short, Asness is pissed off on behalf of his hedge fund cronies because Chrysler bondholders are going to have to take a bit of a haircut, that they maybe might avoid if the administration were to let Chrysler go into bankruptcy. But now this Obama fuck has the audacity to upend the traditional, orderly process by which the workers get screwed in favor of Wall Street, and Asness isn’t having it.
The lenders have got expectations of a certain return on their money, see? Bankruptcy proceedings would put the bondholder contracts at the front of the line when the remaining Chrysler assets are divvied up, ahead of the autoworkers, who also have contracts, but more like ‘contracts’, if you know what Asness means, and I think you do.
So here we are, with the world melting around us and a $12 trillion hole blown out of the middle of the economy by guys like Asness. And so I thought I’d write my own open letter to Mr. Chutzpah:
Dear Clifford S. Asness, Ph.D,
I am writing to alert you to your fiduciary duty to suck my fucking cock. It seems that you are under the mistaken impression that Wall Street types such as yourself are allowed to open your mouths and say things again. I assure you that this is not the case, though it has been several months since you destroyed the global economy and pushed the world to the brink of a total meltdown.
I understand, however, that it may be difficult for you to shut the fuck up and never say anything ever again. Which is why I am prepared to ram the full shaft of my cock and a portion of my balls down your throat, lest the desire to say words about topics tempt you again.
I feel it is important for everybody to be helpful in these difficult times.
Sincerely, D. Aristophanes
Another day, another spasm of Obama fauxtrage: the latest coming from Werner Todt von Huston, the dimmest of the RedState dimwits, which means he puts out somewhat less light than a black hole and that each time you read him, thousands of your own neurons cry themselves to death.
Noblesse Oblige? The One Wants His OWN Star Trek Showing.
I suppose if I was [sic] the ruler of the free world, I’d want it too.
I suppose if Warner were the ruler of the free world, he’d probably know about the subjunctive mood and would also know that “noblesse oblige” doesn’t refer to the privileges of nobility. But I digress.
I mean, if I controlled all I survey, … I’d imagine that the producers of the hottest new movie premiering this month would be similarly overawed that I’d like to see their little film. … I’d also imagine that these same film producers couldn’t possibly expect me to go to a public theater and be forced to sit with the “people” to see this flick.
As all the other Presidents, including Saint Ronnie and both Bushes, did.
Of course, I’d have to jettison every ounce of self respect I have as well as fall to a nearly psychotic view of my own superiority to assume that the world should stop and cater to my every whim. I’d have to be completely unaware that my actions could easily be seen as one of arrogance, one that reveals a disregard for those I am supposed to be leading, one that ignores the concept of being a servant to the people. …
Of course, if Obama did go to a public theater Warner would be huffing and puffing about how “The One” inconvenienced all these Star Trek fans, who were forced to go through a metal detector and sit way back in the theater away from “His Highness” just so he could try to create the false impression that he’s a regular guy. Oh, and, of course, we’d be hearing about how Obama ordered a faggy, elitist package of Frenchified Raisinets at the concession stand rather than the Twizzlers that real Americans eat.
This shit is so stupid that even the Red State commenters are calling Warner out on it. Being accused of stupidity by a Red State commenter is probably even worse than being called a cranked-out lunatic by Atlas Pam.