Posted on May 13th, 2009 by Gavin M.
ABOVE: Moe Lane Rouge
Moe Lane, RedState:
Pelosi. Knew. Hi, Activist Left.
Uh, hi, I guess.
(See also Aaron Gardner’s RedHot on this topic.)
Pelosi knew about the waterboarding.
She knew all along.
It was Friday when I started writing this, and the whole ‘Pelosi knew’ controversy has been going on for a few days, such that it has become Tuesday. Suspicion for this lands naturally upon my old enemy, time. But it’s also difficult, sometimes, to separate any single right-wing spaz from the greater right-wing spazphoon, or if you would, their greater tspaznami.
According to the memo the very first briefing listed is 9/4/02 with then Rep. Porter Goss & Pelosi. The summary of the briefing says:
“Briefing on EITs including use of EITs on Abu Zubaydah, background on authorities,
and a description of the particular EITs that had been employed.”
This directly contradicts Pelosi’s story, that “we were not told that waterboarding or any of these other enhanced interrogation methods were used.“
Apropos spasticity, here we find our man Moe at RedState working himself into a good one, ‘Friday’ having been a day with a ‘y’ in it — and indeed, having been one where the Sun’s chariot chases the Moon and her silver-runnered dogsled, and is in succession chased by her into night.
And here’s the important thing: we knew this already, and so did you. You’ve been lying to the American people about this for six or so years solely because that way you could maybe stop the screaming that was going on in your own head. It didn’t work, but then, it never was going to: you really shouldn’t have tried it in the first place.
…A day in which the mountains are high and the land abuts the sea and vice versa, and a TV show is scheduled that features a forensic investigation team.
We also keep realizing, especially with rants like this one, the lack of clarity as to who these folks think they’re angry at, as they progress from one googly-eyed spite fugue to the next couch-slashing and glassware-stomping howl-gargle, to a relaxing interlude of nakedly chasing the cat up and down the drapes with a flea-market tactical knife in one’s teeth, and so on. Because while this time it might be a strange blurring of Pelosi with ‘the activist left,’ before it might have been ‘liberals’ or ‘progressives,’ and next time it might be ‘the hard left’ or ‘the radical liberal-left,’ or ‘liberal acti-leftivists,’ or who-even-knows-what — as though each possible combination of those terms described a different aspect of the same movement, conducted by the same people in different wardrobe.
So. when you do nothing about this at all – and you won’t; hardcore antiwar activists are fundamentally moral cowards, and everybody knows it – I want you to…
In its thoroughness, this conception suggests the deathless, apparently Jungian coexistence in the right-wing imagination of a dominant class of wealthy liberal elitists (‘latte-sipping,’ Jewish, crypto-Marxist, or equivalent) and a dominant underclass of unproductive, handout-demanding liberal expropriators (‘latte-sipping,’ Negro, crypto-Marxist, trade-unionist, or equivalent). Between them like Samson scowling between the temple columns is always a vast and beleaguered middle class of ordinary right-wing folks who are always this close to being taunted one time too many, to various result according to the particular wank fantasy that’s being invoked.
…fundamentally moral cowards, and everybody knows it – I want you to remember something. Everything that we said about you and your motivations? We know that it was all true, all along; you know that we know; and you’ll never be able to somehow make that knowledge go away. And you so badly want to: because all of this fleeting reflected glory is as nothing to you unless you hear us say “You win.”
Because it’s a day in which one of these forensic investigators — perhaps the Hot Chick, not likely the Tough Boss, but again perhaps the Rookie or the Cynic — will ‘zoom in’ on a blurry photo, making a small, faraway object like a license plate or a tattoo blow up into a sharp, high-res image announced by a blinking message like “TATTOO IDENTIFIED: SCANNING DNA.”
And you never, ever will.
It is a day when this will happen in synchrony with that high, chittery trill that computers are always constantly making, for instance when you press a key on them or when something moves on the screen.
But don’t feel too bad. Hey, why don’t you go find a woman or minority that doesn’t agree with you on an ideological point, and verbally assault him or her? It always seems to have cheered you up in the past.
Yes, it’s a day like every day, with Moe at RedState — or rather, with those in the category of being, ‘Moe at RedState’ — rearing back for a halitosis roar of blamesturbation.
Hi, Activist Right. To keep from thinking of your various -sturbations any further this evening (chiefly whinesturbating, the inevitable counterpart of a tantrum like this one), we’ve drawn up a list of the terms that right-wingers use to describe the Enemy With a Thousand Faces (i.e. all of us), ordered it from mildest to most explicit, and furnished it with concrete examples drawn accurately from life.
So you see, like so many things in life, this has all been about you the whole time! When next you find yourself snagged up or tempted by imprecision, please refer to these materials.
- Liberal
David Brooks
- Left-liberal
Andrew Sullivan
- Left-wing
The Democratic Party
- Hard-left liberal
Kevin Drum
- Radical-left liberal
The American Prospect
- Screaming radical bug-eyed liberal
Matt Yglesias
- Demented, spittle-flecked leftard moonbat
Ezra Klein, Oprah Winfrey
- Naked, excrement-smeared leftofascist murder thug
Jesse Taylor, Wanda Sykes
- Intestine-draped howler goon of the kill-crazy leftist machete cannibals
Jane Hamsher
- Four-dimensional hypercube entity of simultaneously laevo-chiral enantiomorphs, spinning both directions to the left at once while watching the PBS pledge drive featuring Pete Seeger: The Power of Song and pledging infinity dollars.
Teachers unions, the Kronstadt Rebellion, Rosa Luxemburg
- Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn. [sulfurous bang] Screech! Screech! Gibber! Would you like to contribute to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund? Åïâiõüûú-êìií, caco-kyrie caco-kyrie. [wet implosion]
The “Ninth Jerk-it Court of Schlemiels,” lesbian couples at Whole Foods purchasing fair-trade arugula whilst smelling of patchouli and cat pee, Arlen Specter
- The activist left
ACORN, Michael Moore, David Souter, Al Gore, The New York Times, Democratic Underground, Pol Pot, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Bill Ayers, Katie Couric, Ward Churchill, Newsweek, Spartacus League, Smothers Brothers
- And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God said, OMG, George Soros, what are you doing here? And Soros said, I reviewed your grant proposal, and decided that there should be a few changes.
Saul Alinsky, Janet Napolitano
- Socialist
900-foot robot Stalin with Hitler mustache formed out of snapped-together 200-foot communist dictator robots who is pointing to a giant copy of Atlas Shrugged and making a thumbs-down gesture with one hand while theatrically holding its nose with the other hand, army of cloned Jimmy Carters attacking army of cloned Pope Benedict XVIs with gay-making lasers, Barack Obama, gigantic Karl Marx fetus in massive amniotic reservoir at Earth’s core, Harry Belafonte
