Sadly, No!

ABOVE: The Double Life of Erick Erickson

Shorter Erick Erickson, Red State
Malkin Goes to #1. Leftist Horde Attacks.

• Even though Michelle Malkin’s new book is published by the people who pay my salary, this has not biased my admiration for what may well be the greatest oeuvre of politico-historical commentary since Lord Macaulay.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: Dan Riehl, sitzpinkler

Shorter Dan Riehl, Riehl Crazy World View:
Those Damned Brown People!

• As proof that I am not a racist, let me tell you a story about how recently a “brown” person and a “jet black” person tried to give me driving directions in a DC suburb. Because their accents were so bad, I couldn’t understand a single word that either of them said, which made me LMAO. They were so stupid that they didn’t understand that I was laughing at them and so they continued to try to give me incomprehensible directions — you know “bugga ugga poogga zuwu bugga wiggi walla-walla” and so forth — which made the whole thing even more hilarious. Man, I really loved those guys.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Bill Kristol, who famously struggles to achieve the accuracy of a broken clock, went on the Daily Show yesterday and served up the most bizarre argument against public health care to date. It all starts when Jon Stewart, in a bit of gotcha triumphalism (the health care talk begins at the 6:00 mark), manages to get Kristol to admit that the government does in fact provide ‘first-class health care’ … to the military (beginning at about the 11:00 mark).

Awesome in and of itself, but Kristol isn’t done. He goes on to argue, insanely, that even though we apparently can deliver such ‘first-class health care’ via government … the non-military citizens of the US ‘don’t deserve’ the same sort of health care option. Why? Because the troops are teh awesome and ordinary citizens are teh l00sers or something. Whatever.

But the key to this whole thing is that Kristol actually seems to be advocating worse health care policy for non-military members … for the express purpose of ensuring that the troops get ‘better health care’ than everybody else (Fox News contributors and senators excepted, natch). Think about that — Kristol wants to artificially maintain lower standards of health care for some people so that some other people can say their own health care provisions are ‘better’. That’s a tacit admission from one of conservatism’s ‘leading lights’ that better health care policy is not a zero-sum game … but we should make it so in deference to wingnut military fetishism.

After all, if your health care isn’t shittier than that of the troops … how can the troops say they have better health care? That’s the logic and it is fucking mind-boggling. Watch:

And the Lebanese aren’t exactly thrilled either.

This unretouched photo of a Fox News graphic was stolen from Media Matters.

The photo above is an unaltered snapshot of the new fashion critic at America’s Shittiest Website™, Tevi Troy (right) and his wife Cathy Merrill-Williams (left). They are seen putting on the dog for the AEI’s annual dinner.

This is just awesome, like they’re not even pretending anymore …

No Offense, Officer — It’s Just Your Profession That’s Racist [Victor Davis Hanson]

Barack Obama has reached down to a lowly (though no longer “stupid”) cop and raised him up to the presidential empyrean: “And I have to tell you that, as I said yesterday, my impression of [Sgt. James Crowley] was that he was an outstanding police officer and a good man, and that was confirmed in the phone conversation — and I told him that,” Obama said in his Friday press briefing. …

07/27 06:00 AM

And:

The Reality of Black Crime [Heather Mac Donald]

Barack Obama has reached down to a lowly (though no longer “stupid”) cop and raised him up to the presidential empyrean: “And I have to tell you that, as I said yesterday, my impression of [Sgt. James Crowley] was that he was an outstanding police officer and a good man, and that was confirmed in the phone conversation — and I told him that,” Obama said in his Friday press briefing. …

07/27 09:00 AM

It’s like, VDH was all, ‘Hey! You got your racism in my lies!’ and then Heather MacDonald was all, ‘Hey! You got your lies in my racism!’ and then they took a bite and they were all, ‘Wow! Two great tastes that taste great together!’ and later, in a terrific bit of spin-off merchandising, they laid a trail of their new candy to entice all the extra-terrestrial black people off a cliff.

Shorter Tim Graham, NewsBlusters
Protesters Win: How the Gay Left Went Breaking and Entering Into Cronkite’s Heart

• Wanna know something awful? Walter Cronkite was a fag lover. Wanna know something worse? Cronkite was turned into a fag lover by some little homo that pulled a stunt on Cronkite’s show. Now what do you think would have happened if a conservative pulled such a stunt?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

“Not even possessed of inner beauty”

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I really expected Heather Mac Donald, who collects wingnut welfare from the Manhattan Institute in exchange for collecting statistics demonstrating the inferiority of the non-white races, to have weighed in on the uppity Harvard professor before this. Perhaps she’s been busy working on her new book about how education is wasted on Negro children. But no matter, she has at last turned her bile-dipped pen to Professor Gates in an article, winsomely titled “Promoting Racial Paranoia,” in which she argues that racial profiling doesn’t exist, that there are statistics to prove it doesn’t exist and that anyone who says otherwise, like Professor Gates and his Negro cohort in the White House, are just race-baiting. And, she insists, these two race baiters will bear the ultimate blame when the restless jungle classes are whipped up by such falsehoods to talk back to police officers or commit other indignities against the white race.

Mac Donald starts her uppity Negro schtick with this jab at Gates:

Here, in Gates’s own words, is what the caller observed: Gates and his “regular driver” from his “regular car service” were both on his front porch, “fiddl[ing] with the door.” (The New York Times recasts this delicious nugget from Gates’s limousine-liberal lifestyle as an interaction with a mere “taxi driver.”)

Blacks, you see, are supposed to take the bus back from the airport.

And, of course, Mac Donald can’t write on this incident without playing one more time the favorite trump card of wingnuts: black people are the real racists.

Gates undoubtedly means to imply that the 911 caller, in her timorous white racism, sees every black man as “big,” but it is he who is engaged in racial stereotyping, not her.

I get the feeling that if someone mentioned that all Ku Klux Klan members are white, Heather would accuse them of racial profiling

Okay, now for the statistics that prove that black men earn more than white men racial profiling doesn’t exist:

The ACLU and other anti-police activists have alleged for years that blacks are the victims of disproportionate and unjustified traffic stops, a charge that has become received wisdom among large swathes of the population. It happens to be contradicted by drivers themselves. The Bureau of Justice Statistics regularly polls tens of thousands of civilians about their contacts with the police. Virtually identical proportions of white, black, and Hispanic drivers — 9 percent — report being stopped by the police, though in 2005, the self-reported black stop rate — 8.1 percent — was nearly a percentage point lower than the self-reported white stop rate (8.9 percent).

Ha, libs! Blacks are stopped less than whites!! Shove that up your pansy butts!!! Or maybe not. People of a more critical bent than Ms. Mac Donald might remark that this counterintuitive result that cops stop white people at higher rates might be explained by another factor that just might cast these figures in a completely different light. And what might that other factor be? Car ownership perhaps?

Well, tell us, great Gazoogle, is the rate of car ownership by whites greater than, equal to, or less than car ownership by black? Why, it would appear that only about half as many blacks own cars as whites. Imagine that. And, of course, if a smaller percentage of blacks drive than whites but get stopped at the same rate, you don’t need to be Ms. Braniac from the Manhattan Institute to realize that driving while black is perilous.

As if this weren’t enough, Ms. Mac Donald has forgotten to mention a significant result of the study she cites. According to that study, once stopped by the police, blacks were more likely than whites to be issued a ticket, to have their car searched, to be arrested and to have force used against them.

Yep, statistics sure do prove that racial profiling doesn’t exist.

Shorter Brent Bözell, NewsBlusters
No Cash for ‘Bruno’

• Here’s my review of Brüno which, of course, I didn’t actually see: penis, anus, GAY, liar.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™