America’s Worst Mom (All Rights Reserved, TBOGG International) and her four children (Spatula, Mulva, Velveeta and Albuquerque,) get the full treatment from two of America’s best bloggers: TBOGG and World O’Crap.
Valentine’s Day is here, and that means we find ourselves thinking about love, relationships, and those people who are important to us. And who else can be found at the top of that list that the inimitable Ayn Randian Princess, Amber Pawlik? Amber can sing, she can do anything really. Yet, Amber remains single, a situation that is both puzzling and just plain sad. In order to continue our tradition for compassionate blogging, we’d like to introduce Amber to a man, aka Bill Miller, we heard about recently:
At this web-site, I present an idea that I would like to realize concerning the establishment of a family. The major details of the plan are set forth on the site. If you are curious about what I have to say, please read through the various pages which can be accessed by clicking on the headings listed below. Should you have questions or comments about the plan after reading the material, these can be submitted by going to the contact page. If, after reading through the proposal and after some reflection, you think you might be interested in seeking participation in this endeavor, you can return a response by following the directions on the response page.
Can you feel the love tonight? Of course, you want to know more about the kind of family our eligible bachelor wants, right?
Age – Into middle age. If you don’t mind, I won’t talk about my age at this point. The reason for this is because I want you to judge me on the basis of myself and not on the basis of an age. Suffice it to say that I’m along some. The picture above probably flatters me a bit, but it was the closest to the expression I wanted out of quite a few pictures that I took.
Strengths
Some of my strengths are –
Have never had a cavity,
Am in good condition, and
Am healthy.
Much like a reliable toaster, Bill Miller is in good condition. And he’s never had a cavity! So that makes him perfect for Amber, right? Or perhaps that makes him perfect for Amber and…
BASIC PLAN
—————————————————-
2 – 6 women to have 2 – 15 children by me.
Oh, well that doesn’t sound that great anymore really for our poor Amber. Are there any more “interesting” requirements?
When the children reach 18 years of age, I would like for each of them to have 2 children with a mate selected by me.
Well, that sounds totally reasonable, doesn’t it? So ladies, he’s all yours. Who will get away with this guy? Amber? Meghan Cox-Gurdon? s.z. from World O’Crap? Or perhaps all of them? Bill is like, totally flexible you know:
It may be appropriate, here, to make a comment in regard to sexual relations between us. Given partial involvement, we could have sexual relations or not have sexual relations. Again, this would be up to you. The only stipulation I would make in this regard would be that if you were married or otherwise seriously involved, but wanted to continue sexually active with me, that your husband or boyfriend be informed of this and be approving of it.
So there you go! We’ll start the bidding at…
Update: Amber Pawlik sends an email to the management that reads:
Don’t fee[l] sorry for me 😀
I’m taken. 😀 It’s Valentine’s Day now and he is right here.
They’re so cute at that age…
Apparently, and sadly, Yes! We’ve mentioned our Montreal origins in the past, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has also been featured in some posts. It appears that Conan O’Brien’s week, spent shooting Late Night in Toronto, was full of adventures:
The antics of a plastic puppet dog ignited a national-unity uproar
yesterday, as anti-Quebec remarks made on the Conan O’Brien show forced its
Canadian broadcaster to apologize. …Some federal politicians reacted with outrage to a taped segment, aired
Thursday night on Late Night With Conan O’Brien , in which a puppet called
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visited Quebec’s Winter Carnival and, as his
name suggests, insulted passersby, calling French Canadians “obnoxious and
dull.” …The controversial segment featured Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, a plastic
puppet that chomps on a cigar, speaking in a quasi-European [it’s Eastern European!, S,N!] accent and frequently using the word “poop.”“So you’re French and Canadian, yes? So you’re obnoxious and dull,” Triumph barks at a passerby in Quebec City. Later, he shouts: “You’re in North America, learn the language.” …
The plastic dog was even the subject of debate in the House of Commons, with
New Democrat Alexa McDonough calling the sketch “vile and vicious,” and
asking Ottawa to demand its money back. Mauril B?langer, the deputy
government House leader, told the House of Commons that the government found nothing amusing about the sketch. [Emphasis added]
What can we say really, besides: It’s a shame we missed it.
Let’s hope the answer is yes:
WASHINGTON, Feb. 12 ? Senior Defense Department officials said Thursday that they were planning to keep a large portion of the detainees at Guant?namo Bay, Cuba, there for many years, perhaps indefinitely.
The officials spoke as part of a Pentagon effort to counter sharp criticism
by members of human rights groups and foreign governments about the
situation at Guant?namo, where some 650 people, most of them captured in
Afghanistan, are being held under maximum security, some as long as two
years without being charged with any offense. Defense Secretary Donald H.
Rumsfeld is scheduled to discuss the matter in a speech Friday in Miami. [Emphasis added]
And what better way to counter criticism than to keep people there indefinitely, without legal counsel, and without any appeal except the special begging for release in front of a secret US panel?
“We feel very much like we are in an active war,” said the official,
asserting that the civilian law enforcement model in which people are
prosecuted for crimes or set free did not apply. “What we’re doing at
Guant?namo is more understandable in the war context,” the official said.
Because when you’re at war, then you can do anything. In the 1980s, that meant trading arms for hostages, supplying rebels with arms and training, lying about it and trying to cover the whole thing up. In the early 1990s, it means pardoning those involved (or overturning their convictions on technicalities,) and continuing to pretend you weren’t at any of those meetings (bonjour President Bush I.)
Why does Sadly, No! hate America?
Reuters reports:
Treasuries Cheer as Consumers Turn Gloomy
NEW YORK (Reuters) – Treasury prices extended early gains on Friday as a shockingly weak reading on U.S. consumer sentiment provided another reason to assume the Federal Reserve would be in no rush to raise interest rates.
Prices had already been higher helped by foreign demand and market relief after the U.S. government successfully navigated another quarterly borrowing binge.
Will someone please notify John Ashcroft?
Michelle Malkin, who had such a jolly good time writing all sorts of nonsense about the previous espionage-related arrests gets all excited over at NRO. You see, another swarthy male has been arrested:
The baby-faced, high-school yearbook photo of Ryan G. Anderson is deceptively mundane and seemingly innocent.
That’s because he doesn’t even have pointy ears or horns, like all Muslims do in Malkin’s alternate universe. But then — it all starts to read like an E! Exclusive Story:
Who is this suspected al Qaeda sympathizer with the boy-next-door looks? Is he another Johnny Taliban who conspired with foreign terrorists, or is he a traitorous wannabe who got caught playing with fire? Either way, the case underscores the continued vulnerability of the U.S. military to Islamist infiltration.
Does Malkin have an answer for that? Sadly (though not surprisingly,) No! In fact, the rest of her column consists of her pasting copies of messages apparently posted by Anderson on usenet. The life of a paid NRO columnist ain’t easy you know. We’d offer more if only there was more. Anderson converted to Islam, and is alleged to have eventually sought to contact al-Qaeda to offer information on the armor used by soldiers in Iraq. Of course, to Malkin conversion to Islam is sufficient grounds to detain you (sans access to counsel of course,) so Malkin was likely too giddy to have a chance to rant to offer anything more than this conclusion:
In the end, it seems that Anderson finally got someone to answer to his pathetic pleas for attention on the Internet. We can count our blessings that it was federal investigators who nabbed this useless idiot in a sting operation before he had a chance to make friends with America’s worst enemies. [Emphasis added]
And no, we don’t think she realized she was also describing a typical day’s “work” in The Corner.
Jonah Goldberg decides to take the conservative pundits’ favorite joke out for another spin:
Okay, so [Kerry’s] no weenie, no matter how French he looks. Fine. But, who cares? How bereft of ideas and how overcome with cynicism is the Democratic party if it honestly thinks the solution to its problems is to trot out the same old tired message, but with a new messenger boasting a
good war record? Sure, the American people like guys with military experience. But they don’t melt at the sight of them. Bill Clinton defeated two war heroes, and Al Gore served in Vietnam (as a military journalist) and lost. Ideas matter. Policy matters. [Emphasis added]
Bereft of ideas? Goldberg is more repetitive than a Sadly, No! post on Amber Pawlik’s theories about female homosexuality. As for Gore, it never ceases to amaze us how, in spite of the fact that Gore won the popular vote and lost the electoral college vote by the smallest possible margin, the 2000 election is trotted out as incontrovertible proof that the voting public was overwhelmingly supportive of Bush and his “policies.” The country could not have been more divided, and to pretend now that Gore (who had never lost an election before) is a gigantic loser who brings political death to everything (and everyone) he touches is one of the more astounding feats of current political ‘analysis.’ Why, Gore wanted to use the surplus to deal with the social security funding issues — and who wants that? [Remember when Bush’s tax cuts were intended to give the people “their” money back, because the government’s deficit was going to disappear any day now?]
In other news, Jonah figures that even if you break federal laws, it’s ok as long as you can say you did it for a good cause:
[Kerry] still boasts of fighting “Ronald Reagan’s illegal wars in Central America,” which is a perfectly snide way of saying that Kerry fought Reagan when Reagan was fighting and winning the Cold War.
That bad man Kerry wouldn’t let Reagan, Bush, Poindexter, Weinberger, North & Co. do all those illegal things in Central America. That means he loves communists! Bad Kerry, bad!
Sure, Norbizness told us not to continue. Do we care what he thinks? Sadly, No! Fun with George W. Bush’s A Charge to Keep continues:
…we must do a better job of stopping those who seek to come into our country illegally. [p. 237]
Have you proposed an amnesty lately?
I want to end tariffs and break down barriers everywhere, entirely, so the whole world trades in freedom. [p. 238]
I was proud of my senior team, and at one of our first meetings I gave them a piece of advice: ‘Always return each other’s phone calls first.'” [p. 100]
Hi Colin, it’s Donald. I just got your message and wanted to tell you to fuck off. Merci!
On FoxNews earlier, Jan LaRue of Concerned Idiots Women for America spoke out against the evils of gay marriage. According to Mrs. LaRue, granting homosexuals a marriage license would be the equivalent of giving law licenses to anyone who wants one.
No, we’re not kidding. Did Mrs. LaRue have more? Sadly, Yes!
If all we’re going to base it on is a commitment between two people, why not a brother and a sister? Why not three [sic] people?
And last — a statement so bizarre even Sheppard Smith repeated it twice:
You don’t give a cancer patient tuberculosis to try and help them.
Her point? We don’t know either. [Upon further review, we believe that marriage has cancer, and gay marriage is tuberculosis. Hope that helps.]
[If possible, we’ll post a transcript later — all quotes transcribed to the best of our limited abilities.]
The Washington Post, you know that newspaper right? Big part of that scary liberal propaganda media machine? Let’s go trolling for bias in the archives:
After bashing a host of conservatives, Fallows drags in the president’s family. He notes that “no one of the [Vietnam] generation has delusions about why one joined the Guard in those days” and implies that the president’s eldest son, George W. Bush, entered the guard in order to escape hazardous service.
This will come as news to more than 23,000 Army and Air National Guard members who served in Vietnam and the families of the 102 who never returned. It also should come as news to the president’s son. George W. Bush, during his National Guard duty, spent nearly as much time on active military duty as Albert Gore, and in more dangerous circumstances. He flew F-102 interceptor fighters. -Washington Post Editorial, September 19, 1992. [Emphasis added] Correction: The article was an op-ed written by Tony Snow, then deputy assistant to the president for media affairs.
That future president fellow — leading a life of danger down there in Texas.