(8) Love is in the air (8)
Valentine’s Day is here, and that means we find ourselves thinking about love, relationships, and those people who are important to us. And who else can be found at the top of that list that the inimitable Ayn Randian Princess, Amber Pawlik? Amber can sing, she can do anything really. Yet, Amber remains single, a situation that is both puzzling and just plain sad. In order to continue our tradition for compassionate blogging, we’d like to introduce Amber to a man, aka Bill Miller, we heard about recently:
At this web-site, I present an idea that I would like to realize concerning the establishment of a family. The major details of the plan are set forth on the site. If you are curious about what I have to say, please read through the various pages which can be accessed by clicking on the headings listed below. Should you have questions or comments about the plan after reading the material, these can be submitted by going to the contact page. If, after reading through the proposal and after some reflection, you think you might be interested in seeking participation in this endeavor, you can return a response by following the directions on the response page.
Can you feel the love tonight? Of course, you want to know more about the kind of family our eligible bachelor wants, right?
Age – Into middle age. If you don’t mind, I won’t talk about my age at this point. The reason for this is because I want you to judge me on the basis of myself and not on the basis of an age. Suffice it to say that I’m along some. The picture above probably flatters me a bit, but it was the closest to the expression I wanted out of quite a few pictures that I took.
Strengths
Some of my strengths are –
Have never had a cavity,
Am in good condition, and
Am healthy.
Much like a reliable toaster, Bill Miller is in good condition. And he’s never had a cavity! So that makes him perfect for Amber, right? Or perhaps that makes him perfect for Amber and…
BASIC PLAN
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2 – 6 women to have 2 – 15 children by me.
Oh, well that doesn’t sound that great anymore really for our poor Amber. Are there any more “interesting” requirements?
When the children reach 18 years of age, I would like for each of them to have 2 children with a mate selected by me.
Well, that sounds totally reasonable, doesn’t it? So ladies, he’s all yours. Who will get away with this guy? Amber? Meghan Cox-Gurdon? s.z. from World O’Crap? Or perhaps all of them? Bill is like, totally flexible you know:
It may be appropriate, here, to make a comment in regard to sexual relations between us. Given partial involvement, we could have sexual relations or not have sexual relations. Again, this would be up to you. The only stipulation I would make in this regard would be that if you were married or otherwise seriously involved, but wanted to continue sexually active with me, that your husband or boyfriend be informed of this and be approving of it.
So there you go! We’ll start the bidding at…
Update: Amber Pawlik sends an email to the management that reads:
Don’t fee[l] sorry for me 😀
I’m taken. 😀 It’s Valentine’s Day now and he is right here.
They’re so cute at that age…
Well, poor S.Z. was pining about her lack of a valentine . . . .
You neglect to mention Bill?s approach to “Sexual Activity,” which a cock-loving gal like Amber surely wants to know. Bill says, inter alia, “In sexual activity, I generally prefer a long, slow build-up with a light and gentle touch.” This contrasts with the no-nonsense approach advocated by the other Bill (O?Reilly) in his Peabody Award-winning novel, “Those Who Trespass: A Novel of Television and Murder”: “Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly.”
It does my heart good to see another brave hetero standing up for the sanctity of marrige.
Mr. Miller may be interested to know that Barbie is now available.
Frederick quoting O’Really: “Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly.”
I get the distinct impression he found himself in unfamiliar territory by accident, but kept yapping anyway.
“She can write, she can sing
She can do most anything
She’s a jerk, a jerk of all trades!”
(courtesy The Lunachicks)
I was under the impression that she wanted her man to love cock…. Have I got that wrong?
I was under the impression that she wanted her man to love cock…. Have I got that wrong?
Amber loves cock. She thinks homosexuality is sick, so she would not want a man who also loves cock.
Frederick, I’m going to have to disagree with you on this one. Amber gives the appearance of suffering from internal dissonance when it comes to these issues, yet, if we peer deeper we find that she really “has her act together”. She claims that homosexuality is sick and yet her exhortation of “enjoy Cock” is universal in nature with no exceptions implied. Perhaps this is her way of saying that that she regards herself as sexually “sick” and at the same time, she celebrates it. This is surprisingly sophisticated for such a young woman, but I suggest that we all give her a big pat on the back for her self-awareness and her acceptance of who she is, flaws and all. I’ve come to regard her rants as being wonderfully droll and acerbic, like a modern-day Dorothy Parker. It’s rather pathetic to see her sarcastic barbs go straight over the heads of almost everyone who reads her fabulously sardonic impressions of conservative buffonery! More than once I’ve seen rubes here display the impression that she’s saying these things SERIOUSLY! Good grief!
Hmm, I realize now that you are right, Thurber. I’ve been very naive thinking that anyone could actually be serious about such asininity.
Precisely. Go back and read anything that she’s written, but picture in your mind’s eye that its been written by Andy Kaufman. That will more than likely put you into her frame of reference…
And he’s never had a cavity!
What about the one on his top lip, directly under his nose?
That’s not a cavity, its an itsy-bitsy Hitler mustache!