Sadly, No!

Nigel from amBLOnGus emails to ask what on earth is wrong with us, given that we’ve ignored not one but two recent columns by the infamous Kerry Marsala. Wonder no more Nigel — we are now on the case. (We know that waiting is a bad idea as doing so means that the treacherous S.Z. from World O’Crap might steal our Kerry.)

What’s Kerry up to you wonder?

Pretty boys who are in touch with their feminine side, receive manicures, use tanning products and pay 150.00 for a new coifed haircut really is what I’ve decided I want to run the leading world power.

As long as the constitution is amended, Kerry wants to say hello to President Schwarzenegger! Go Arnold!

Who needs experience in the servicing of our country, Edwards is so rich he makes Mr. Trump look like a pauper.

Uh, right:

10. Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) $15 million

Things aren’t as good as they used to be for The Donald. It’s in her other column, however, that Kerry truly shines:

Globally the political policy has been sanction application.

Those who do not learn from Kerry are doomed to be hired by Clog.

No doubt there have been times when sanctions have worked, but more often than not when a group of insane bloodthirsty ideologist connect they become a mass of death and destruction- sanctions are nothing more than a hug and a mild form of a reprimand.

Did any of you think you might have what it takes to be the internet’s hottest young conservative writer on the web? Kerry will see your mangled syntax and raise you one incoherent analogy.

In many ways the WMD’s have disguised themselves as other destructive tools other than what we believed to be there.

Did they look like this perhaps?

The ability of the terrorist to create hysteria, lies, deception and fear has really become their WMD[.]

Hello, my name is Saddam Hussein. Surrender now or I shall unleash my hysteria related program activity on you! (Or is Kerry calling President Bush, Sweet Condi and Uncle Dick terrorists? It’s hard to tell really.)

prior to 9/11 Iraq had become the place the terrorist worldwide converged

Kerry — reality called. She wants to know why you won’t return her calls. Danke!

This roaches nest of terrorist has grown to astronomical proportions. If we don’t annihilate these WMD’s where they breed hatred they will be flying more airplanes into our buildings.

If the comments were working, we’d ask someone what that means. As it is, we’ll just have to deal with our ignorance.

Global terrorism is a global phenomenon.

Tribal sovereignty means you’re sovereign! (*)

the Twin Towers will look like a small staged play compared to what their true intentions are to our ideologies and their determine myopic desire to terminate us from the earth.

If only they had medication to deal like the feelings Kerry is experiencing. Unfortunately, the answer is… sadly, no!

(The comments are closed on this post until we can get them working again — our apologies.) Comments should be ok now, thanks to Scott.

We need to pay more attention to things. The Washington Post, April 19, 2001:

An influential energy task force headed by Vice President Cheney has broached the possibility of lifting some economic sanctions against Iran, Libya and Iraq as part of a plan to increase America’s oil supply. According to a draft of the task force report, the United States should review the sanctions against the three countries because of the importance of their oil production to meeting domestic and global energy needs.

The April 10 draft acknowledges that sanctions can “advance” important national security and diplomatic goals. But it adds that United Nations sanctions on Iraq and U.S. restrictions on energy investments in Libya and Iran “affect some of the most important existing and prospective petroleum producing countries in the world.”

Now you see us, now you don’t.

Our tentatively scheduled job interview for Wednesday is on, so expect more of the same (low quantity, lower quality) until then.

In other good news, the comments are broken back in business, baby!

Is there anything this blog can’t do?

Over at Varifrank, there is some very serious analysis of John Kerry’s vocabulary going on:

Kerry went on to say that sanctions were working and that they did not have to be lifted if we had used the “good diplomacy”.

“Good Diplomacy”, who talks like that?

Who talks like that? Hmm, how about the President of the United States of America?

Good diplomacy really depends upon good personal relations, whether or not we agree with each other on a lot of issues, or not. And I’m going to continue the diplomacy that reaches out to people on a regular basis.

Or even his press secretary:

That informal air is, in the President’s judgment, conducive to good diplomacy.

More than once it seems:

I’m going to leave private conversations where they belong, which is in the realm of good diplomacy.

Let’s go back to the big dog:

Part of diplomacy, by the way, good diplomacy says to leaders, I think you need to listen to the truth, and the truth will set you free and help people survive.

Hit me baby one more time:

It seemed like to me that we’ve got a challenge to make sure that people in countries like Indonesia understand the nature of the American people, that how we think is going to be an important part of good diplomacy in the long run.

Ari gets the last word:

The United States cannot do it for them, but the United States can be there to help the various parties come together, to work them along through good diplomacy.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

Irony 101: A conservative web site that uses a French word incorrectly:

That cannot be a comforting thought no matter who you are, sans perhaps George Soros.

Hey Frank, sans means without. So let’s just call you the writer sans clue, shall we?

Justin Darr: Sadly, No! loves you.

Gone are the days when nuclear weapons capability was controlled by a few, if not friendly, at least relatively sane nations.

Ah, the good old days when only responsible kids like Stalin and Mao Ze Dong had nuclear weapons. And who could forget Justin’s favorite foreigners, the French and General De Gaulle. Looking for a few friendly men? Justin can set you up.

redjalapeno draws our attention to this FrontPage published, Lowell Ponte authored column:

THE NECKTIE JOHN KERRY WEARS during the next two presidential debates might be a secret semaphore revealing where his loyalty lies. During much of the campaign Kerry has worn neckties whose pattern, suggests New York journalist Joan Swirsky, is like a secret signal of support to the Muslim world.

If you want to go back and read that thing again (we recommend a minimum of 5 times, although your mileage may vary,) please do so now. Ready? Well then, let’s get ready to rumble.

Many of you, we must assume, are familiar with Joan Swirsky, (known to her friends and Alan as the human poodle.)

After all, there aren’t many journalists out there who are as versatile as she is:

This is the website of award-winning author and journalist Joan Swirsky, whose books address pregnancy, childbirth and spirituality; breast cancer; lymphedema, cosmetic laser surgery, true crime, true-and-lasting love and childhood mental illness.

We suspect, even though she doesn’t admit it, that Joan also knows a lot about adulthood mental illness. You certainly have to give her credit for knowing a lot about John Kerry’s personal life:

“Why else would the richest man in the Senate ? a man whose pricey wardrobe is laid out for him daily by his personal valet ? wear only one necktie during almost all of his public appearances?” asked Swirsky in a September 20 column. “And that necktie ? albeit not in a thin muslin or coarse cotton but probably woven from the finest silk ? a replica in its pink and white pattern of the Arabs’ favorite headdress, the kefiyyah.”

If only Kerry could follow Bush’s lead in never wearing ties “woven from the finest silk,” then Americans could finally consider voting for him. As things stand however, that treasonous behavior cannot be tolerated:

I will not sacrifice the United States of America, I have made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They stop wearing blue ties, and we fall back. They wear the finest woven silk, and we fall back. But not again, the line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

It’s even better when you juxtapose sections from two consecutive paragraphs:

“Why else would the richest man in the Senate […] wear only one necktie during almost all of his public appearances?” […] An examination of campaign photographs shows Kerry wearing several neckties with pink or red patterns[.]

One tie? Two ties? Many ties?!? Somebody better get Cardinal Ximinez on the phone, because we sure as hell didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.

Red patterns, red patterns… Who else do we know that wears ties with red patterns? This guy? That guy? Or maybe his dad? Or the son again? Can we ask Joan for advice on the treatment of cognitive dissonance?

Perhaps Kerry merely likes pink, and in his family his powerful wife Teresa wears the male-color blues.

This isn’t going to be good for business:

Two American soldiers were killed and two others were wounded in separate attacks involving roadside bombs, U.S. officials said Thursday, and 20 Iraqis were arrested in the north in operations against those suspected of planting explosives. U.S. authorities, meanwhile, raised the security alert in the heavily guarded Green Zone after an improvised bomb was found in front of a restaurant there.

What’s the color for FUBAR?

If you’ve reached a point in your life where you use eBay to sell bumper stickers like this one, would it really be too much to expect that you would also buy an American made car instead of an Audi?

(Thanks to pinki for the link.)

The Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister explains why the “total absent” of WMDs in Iraq really doesn’t mean very much:

Saddam Hussein was evil. Saddam Hussein was himself a weapon of mass destruction.

Now please follow the logic show offered by our friendly Deputy PM: there is no evidence that Iraq had any WMD, but the reason going to war against Iraq was correct is that:

Iraq’s Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh backed Blair’s remarks, pointing to evidence that Saddam was diverting money from the U.N. food-for-oil humanitarian program to buy new weapons.

There’s evidence that Saddam was diverting money to buy weapons of which there is no evidence. Japan is also undisturbed:

The Japanese government concludes that the nonexistent of facilities would not question the responsibility of our government, and we believe other governments reached the same conclusion,” Hosoda told reporters.

As for Bush — well that’s his story and he’s sticking to it:

“There was a risk, a real risk, that Saddam Hussein would pass weapons or materials or information to terrorist networks, and in the world after September the 11th, that was a risk we could not afford to take,” Bush said.

It’s a pretty long trip from “we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud” (1) to “Saddam could pass information to terrorists.” What information was he going to pass on? The address of the best Starbucks in Baghdad? (PS: They’re all good.)

(Thanks to Blair for the link.)