Sadly, No!

ABOVE: Andrew Stuttaford (right)

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Lord Andrew Throckmorton Farthington Stuttaford, the Seventh Duke of West Brixtonshire, who blogs at America’s Shittiest Website™ on climate issues thanks to the munificence of the Exxon-Mobil corporation and other purveyors of fine fossil fuels, shares with his dozen or so readers today a vile plot by the Ecuadorians to create a mandatory Earth Mother/Goddess religion that the U.N. will impose on the entire world as some sort of Green sharia law. The seeds of this plot were sown in the 2008 Ecuadorian constitution:

[H]ere, via Religion Dispatches, is a piece that discusses the ‘rights’ of the Earth, the eco-system and, well, just about everything. Yes, it’s an absurd premise, and one for which the writer clearly has some sympathy, but this extract from the new (2008) Ecuadorian constitution is still worth noting:

Nature or Pachamama, where life is reproduced and exists, has the right to exist, persist, maintain itself and regenerate its own vital cycles, structure, functions, and its evolutionary processes. Any person, people, community, or nationality, may demand the observance of the rights of the natural environment before public bodies.

This somewhat sinister drivel is [sic] presumably largely reflects the influence of the work of Ecuador’s somewhat sinister president Morales, the man who, in 2009, was declared by the president of the United Nations General Assembly, one Rev. Miguel D’Escoto Brockmann, to be a “World Hero of Mother Earth”.

Typical of the high-caliber blogging at America’s Shittiest Website™ is Lord Stuttaford’s notion that Evo Morales is the President of Ecuador. Sadly, No! Evo Morales is the President of, er, Bolivia, a country that doesn’t even border Ecuador and is more than a thousand miles away. Of course, I suppose to Stuttaford this is just a minor detail since both countries are populated by tiny little garlic-munching pepper-popping Spanish-speaking brown people.

Somehow or other, Lord Stuttaford discovered his error and rather than admit error and remove the reference to Morales from the post, he doubled down and continued to blame the provision in the Ecuadorian Constitution on the Bolivian President:

This somewhat sinister drivel is presumably largely presumably partly reflects the influence of the work of Bolivia’s somewhat sinister president Morales …

For those of you who do not speak fluent wingnut, “presumably” means that there is not a shred of evidence for Morales’s involvement in the Ecuadorian constitution other than that Lord Stuttaford doesn’t like Morales or the provision in question so the two things must necessarily be connected. Lord Stuttaford is presumably partly responsible himself for The Learning Channel, pumpkin-pie flavored coffee drinks, and Dothan, Alabama.

ABOVE: James Taranto

Shorter James Taranto, White Street Journal:
The New Face of Poverty

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Sorry for the sparse posting but I was kidnapped by mercenary agents of Donald Trump who heard that I had a copy of the Obama long form birth certificate and was about to release it. Yesterday Snowy jumped up onto Trump’s shoulder and ran off with his weave. My allies then were able to ransom me for the Donald’s weave and here I am. Posting will resume to somewhat normal — or at least normal for Sadly, No! — this weekend. In the meantime consider this the first, and hopefully only, open thread.

ABOVE: Roger Kimball (click here for NSFW)

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Pajamas Media’s resident fashion-plate and bow-tie adorned dildo brings us his latest installment in the wingnut myth that Obama Is a Muslim intent on imposing sharia law in the United States. Kimball’s editors — no doubt concerned that the typical Pajamas Media lip-moving reader rarely makes it past the headline — pack everything into the post title: “Why It’s OK for the U.S. Govt. to Burn Bibles But Condemn Burning the Koran.”

it was just a week or two ago that everyone from Sen. Lindsey Graham (R., sort of, SC) to Gen. David Petraeus and Sec. of State Hillary Clinton loudly condemned the Rev. Terry Jones for presiding over his Koran barbecue. Burning a holy book, you see, was hateful, intolerant, and extremely disrespectful.

…

At the same time, however, it is OK, in the Obama regime, for the U.S. government to burn Bibles. Yes, that’s right. Bibles were sent to U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan. But the U.S. government determined that the presence of Bibles in this “devoutly Muslim country” might inflame the natives. So they burned them.

Obama the Kenyan Muslim jihadist is snatching Bibles from the hands of our troops and burning those Bibles at the same time he’s condemning a good Christian pastor for burning a Koran. Better stock up on Budweiser and pork barbecue while you can, people, because Obama’s coming to take all that away and force your kids to attend a madrassa.

There is apparently no limit to the facial absurdity of the narratives that wingnuts will peddle to discredit Obama.

If you click the supporting link that Roger graciously provides to substantiate this latest Obama outrage, you’ll see that Roger — surprise, surprise — isn’t quite telling the whole story.

Missing fact #1: The Bibles weren’t sent to “U.S. soldiers” but were sent to one soldier by his church to be passed out to local Afghans.

Missing fact #2: Military regulations forbid proselytization of the locals by troops, mostly to prevent endangerment of the troops.

Missing fact #3: The Bibles were written in Pashto and Dari.

Missing fact #4: The only U.S. troops who could read the Bible in those languages are gay translators who were drummed out of the military. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.

Missing fact #5: The military actions at issue occurred in 2008 during the Bush administration.

(Note: The artificial dildo in the picture illustrating this post has written to complain about being included in a photograph with Kimball)

Shorter Chuck Kraphammer, WaPoOpEd
The Grand Compromise

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: A speculative rendering of Robin of Berkeley based on a forensic analysis
of her blog posts.

Shorter Robin of Bezerkley, A Licensed Psychotherapist, The American “Thinker”
My Five Minutes of Fame* on Facebook

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*As yet more evidence of Robin’s narcissistic personality disorder she sees her five completely uneventful minutes on Facebook as her “five minutes of fame.”

ABOVE: Kathryn “Miss Strawberry Margarita 1982” Lopez

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Good groveling grief, but the folks over at America’s Shittiest Website™ are begging their readers, yet again, to find the nickels, dimes, Funyun crumbs, and pizza crusts under their couch cushions and to send the spare change over to ASW™ to keep that old tub afloat. It’s hard to imagine why these guys are always needing more money. It is certainly not to make sure that Jo-Dough Loadberg has a full-supply of personal hygiene products or to pay K-Lo’s makeover bills and birth control expenses.

In a post touchingly titled by K-Lo as “Down But Not Out,” we have this heart-rending story of selfless sacrifice made by some hapless Corner reader to make sure that none of the poor dears who write for ASW™ miss a meal or an episode of CSI because their cable got cut off.

From a $50 contributor to our spring fundraising drive:

Recently unemployed and looking for work — but you are still worth supporting!

Our readers — God bless you! Thank you for joining those who have made the decision to support NRO.

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Pardon me for a moment while I go dab a tissue on my tear-stained cheeks. Or not. I mean, honestly, what kind of moral sludge can advocate policies that will fatten the wallets of millionaires and throw the middle class out of their jobs and then take money from some unemployed guy? How do they know they’re not taking the last peanut butter sandwich out of the mouths of his kids? Why wouldn’t they do the decent thing and return the check with a nice thank you note and a suggestion that they would love a contribution later when he had a job and could afford it? Am I wrong to think that these people would get into a fist fight with a homeless man over a quarter that someone dropped on the sidewalk?

Read the rest of this entry »

ABOVE: Clay Waters

Shorter Clay “Disco King” Waters, Newsblusterers
NYT’s Michael Shear Finds Tons of Conservatives, Almost No Liberals in Govt. Shutdown Debate

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Celebrated birther and Alzheimer’s patient Jack Cashill has uncovered on the web a shocking photo of Obama’s grandparents posing with Obama’s amputated knee so that when Obama ran for President almost three decades later they could replace the amputated knee with the rest of Obama and prove that he went to Columbia rather than the Kenyan institute for Marxist Muslims. Previously I had never realized that such photoshopperific trickery was possible. That made me suspect that maybe one could find more shenanigans going on with the family photos of other presidential candidates.

Like this highly suspicious photoshop of Mike Huckabee clearly designed to suggest that he fathered a family in Arkansas.

Obviously this is a photoshop, but I couldn’t prove it until I found the ORIGINAL photograph:

In case you are wondering, that is the Huckabees posing with their maternal grandmother, seated to the right on the bench next to her daughter and the family dog which appears to be gasping for breath as it is being crushed to death by Grandma.

Someone then crudely inserted Huckabee into the family portrait using this picture of Huckabee taken when he was visiting his real family in Botswana, where he was actually born.

Notice the similar position of Huckabee in both photographs. Case closed.

UPDATE: Pops Cashill has now scrubbed the version of his WND article on his own website to eliminate his hilarious theory that Obama was photoshopped into the Dunham photo. Apparently he finally realized that the magic repeating wall, the shifting bench leg, and the recropping of the photo so that Ms. Dunham’s left-ward shift wouldn’t make it look like her toes had been amputated allowed only the conclusion that what he thought was the real photograph was photoshopped and vice-versa.

Here is an image of his website before he scrubbed the article:

And after:

For extra funsies:

ABOVE: James Taranto

Shorter James Tarantoad, The White Street Journal
Would You Buy a New Car From This Man?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™