Sadly, No!

Via AgapePress, we learn about the Little Leaders Bible Series, a new set of DVDs parents can use to educate their children about the Bible:

A new DVD series is introducing the youngest children to the Bible. Little Leaders founder Brad Silvius says parents can find numerous DVDs catering to kids age in the infant to toddler range, but his company offers the only truly Bible-based developmental product for this age group currently on the market.

The Little Leaders Company produces DVDs that tell Bible stories for children from age 0 to 3, using colorful puppets, music, interactive activities, and computer animation. These entertaining features are implemented in creative ways, Silvius explains, to teach children “something about the real world around them.”

“So it’s like the Teletubbies, but with more Bible and less overt gayness,” you say.

Well, sorta. Let’s take a look at the preview for Little Noah, the first DVD in the series:

Little Noah DVD allows your little one to experience the true story of Noah as told in the Bible.

What, does it simulate drowning?
Read the rest of this entry »

Late-weekends can be lonely, snowy times with no one coming to visit us. And we tried to make it Sunday, but we got so damn depressed; so we set our sights on Monday, and thought about Amber’s breasts (etc). Although truly, we’re sort of embarrassed to be visiting Miss Pawlik again because it’s so what we’re supposed to do (so ’03). And she’s grown so much!

In any case, contest deliberations are ongoing — if it isn’t a (heh heh) trick question….

Brad’s up til next-weekistan (meaning p’raps Monday eve, although this wine buzz might definitely wear off, in which case it’s anyone’s guess what depravity, etc).

And one certainly wouldn’t get into Amber’s recipe for the ‘Mother of All Desserts.’ (That’s definitely not available on her recipe page, so don’t even look there.)

Shouldn’t you mix it in?

Well, whatever: A woman must have her secrets, but putting taco seasoning mix in ground beef to make it taste ‘Mexican’ is not one of your Mata Hari, Garbo-type deals. What are people supposed to think? “Eeyagh! This is made of Mexicans!” “No, no — it’s just ‘Mexican flavoring!’ See?” [Holds up packet of Old El Paso taco-flavoring mix.] [Guest looks puzzled but relieved.]

The ranch dressing mix is just ambient; it goes in her breakfast cereal and in the Metamucil she takes at night to help purge the impacted saturated fats from her colon.
Read the rest of this entry »

Veggie Pizza d’Amber Pawlik:

INGREDIENTS
2 cans of Crescent Rolls
2 8 oz packages softened cream cheese
1 cup Miracle Whip
1 Package of Ranch Dressing Mix (Dry)
2 cups fresh broccoli, cauliflower and carrots
4 oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese

Now, I knew something was up with James Lileks, aesthetician, after a peculiar rant in which he sneered at New York pizza and talked up his usual Friday treat of a cracker-crusted Minnesota ketchup pie.

(I’m from New Jersey. Only we are allowed to deride New York pizza — and not only that, only those of us in a particular radius from around here. You can say that we eat a slice with considerable alacrity and philosophic engagement.)

Look at this recipe! This woman is deeply sick in the soul!

Oh God, there’s more. Read the rest of this entry »

Joseph Farah, chairman and CEO of wingnut media empire WorldNetDaily, is unhappy with a recent Gallup poll that shows a majority of Americans would vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2008 presidential election.

Well, “unhappy” isn’t really the right word. More like “unhinged” and “completely fuckshit insane.” Let’s take a look:

If the latest polls are to be believed, Hillary Rodham Clinton is the leading candidate to become the next president of the United States.

And you know what that means: it’s time to stop her by making shit up.

For those of us who have real-life experience dealing with the crimes of the Clinton administration, it’s a scary thought.

It’s been seven long years, and Joe still can’t get that big white stain out of his dress…
Read the rest of this entry »

In an otherwise quite sensible post at our favorite treehouse, the comments section at Publius Pundit, ‘the english guy’ suddenly goes wild in the head and hurls accusations at our friend Retardo, of Elementropy.

Totalitarian regimes tightly control their news, their internet, everything that might affect their image. That?s why a lot of countries we KNOW have human rights abuses, DON?T appear in Google. In your post, 400 for Sudan, yet how many MILLIONS of people have died there because the Government sanctions the Ganjaweed militia?

Read the rest of this entry »

From our new favorite hangout, the comments at Publius Pundit:

The moon devil worshiping, islamo-fascist, Israel and U.S. hating lunatics who don?t care who they kill as long as they kill someone. Ya, I?m really upset that they were tortured to get info from them. Only the America hating socialist left has any interest in this story. These are the same people that want to legalize fellons to vote in elections. They can?t win at the ballot box so they fight like heck to get and keep kook leftist, constitution ignoring judges on the bench. These islamo facist moon devil worshippers think that it is fine to kill their own women, children and other non-combatants to serve their moon devil. The left and the current president would even have you believe that islam is a religion of peace. On the national news right now the Persion islamo devil worshipers are chanting (Iran) death to America.

Which one of these three wingnuts is the author?

Jerry,

Leticia,

or Dylan?

Is David Ortiz the greatest clutch hitter of our time?

I’m gonna say, “Yes.”

I was going to make fun of WorldNetDaily today, but that was before Kaye Grogan’s latest column grabbed my balls and permanently lodged them in my frontal lobe.

It’s got everything we’ve come to expect from Ms. Grogan: mangled grammar, clumsy metaphors, stylistic and thematic chaos, and total incomprehension of its subject matter. Seriously, folks, this one’s got it all. It’s so amazing that my hands are trembling for fear that I won’t be able to do it justice.

OK, deep breath…

Here we go:

Slavery in America very much alive. . .through taxation

Kaye Grogan
June 2, 2005

If you thought slavery was a dead issue in the nation ? then loosen up, and I’ll tell you why we are all slaves, and will remain that way until the rapture.

Telling me that I’m a slave isn’t the best way to loosen me up, Kaye. Could you buy me a beer next time?
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Jesse at Pandagon,

You wrote: “Lord Jesus, I know we don’t talk much, but I’m just gonna flat-out ask you: the overseer of all creation, and you make dumbasses like this? What’s up with that shit?”

As experts in the field of right-wing dumbasses, we should like to say that you’re merely skimming the top of the barrel. Dig down, deep down, and it is splendid what one finds.

For instance, in the piece you linked, in which Publius Pundit (a new friend for us! yay!) does zany Google searches trying to demonstrate that the whole media in the entire world blames the US for spurious human rights abuses, while turning a blind eye to flagrant abuses elsewhere, we find the Googling of the peanut gallery.

For instance, ‘thebronze’ gives the following iron smackdown:

Last, but not least:

human rights abuses north korea – 10

That pretty much says it all?

Comment by thebronze ? 6/1/2005 @ 11:34 pm

Pwnz3r3d!

But let’s do that search again just to check.

Yup, he’s right: Out of about 397,000 pages on the Internet, only ten mention human rights abuses in North Korea.

(But now there are twelve, counting his comment and this page!)

This must be from a smaller Internet, but it comprises an astounding 50% of all total Web pages.

Anyway, this new ‘Googling’ pastime on the computer sure has a lot of bugs in it, but we think it can be worked out soon.

Best,
Dwarf Henchman #2 at S,N!

==
Update: the Apostropher notes that this, like Publius’s original searches, may have been on Google News, not Google Web. If so, we have made a mistake, and we instead get the following result:

Results 1 – 10 of about 109 for human rights abuses north korea. (0.05 seconds)

So there’s that ’10’ again, but with a funny ‘109’ after it. Was his number merely 1000% wrong, instead of nearly 4,000,000%? Our thought is that anyone unable to read a Google result would also be stymied by the confusing Google Web/Google News distinction, and would just pound out a search on the first thing that said ‘Google’ on it.

But it’s ten hits either way, although the Internet keeps expanding and contracting or something, and we say again that he’s absolutely right: This proves the treasonous menace of the liberal media.