Above: Donald Douglas
It’s amazing what you can learn on the Internet. You can learn that oreo cookie crumbs are a powerful aphrodisiac and a potent laxative and, apparently, you can also learn that I, Tintin, am really Carl Salonen. This amazing revelation is being bandied about by none other than the dim-witted Donald Douglas, who learned this from our favorite transvestite Amy Arnold Alkon, who revealed my, ahem, identity during an interview with Instahayseed’s Wife, Dr. Helen, which was posted on media powerhouse Pajamas Media TV. With so many high-powered wingnuts and delusionists involved in this stunning revelation, how could it be wrong? How could I, of all people, have lived for these last 34 years without realizing that I was, all along, someone else other than the person I thought I was? The saddest ravage inflicted by the disease of liberalism on its victims is, apparently, an inability to read their own drivers licenses and to think, therefore, that they are someone else entirely.
Now as you can see, the nutty perfesser, who thinks he’s stumbled upon some kind of holy grail, is intent upon not squandering it in the same way he has squandered the rest of his unremarkable life as a run-down unpublished professor and third-rate blogger, so he’s threatening more: law suits, photographs, party hats, jello shots and his own favorite herbal viagra. This should be fun. Stay tuned.
Also joining in the fun is the dull knife who blogs, oxymoronically, as ser8ted, or serr8tted, or s3rrat3d, or some such l337 nym. He apparently thinks that Carl Salonen is really Jonah Goldberg or something.
One last note: you have to “register” to view the Mrs. Dr Instahick video featuring Amy Arnold Alkon revealing my top-secret but really and actually true forever identity. Perhaps an enterprising Sadly, Naut! could register and share the login with everyone. I, for one, would love to see the entire video.
UPDATED: L337 blogger s3r88tard, or however the fuck she spells her fiendishly clever nym, brings the unintentional funny to an update where she accuses me of cowardice for, get this, anonymous blogging. Well, call me a coward, if you will, surr877ed, but at least I’m smart enough to realize that I am blogging anonymously.
