Sadly, No!

Thousands of kids are left staring thirstily at their juice boxes as right-wingers grab straws re: the fake-ass, titty-‘fro, not-even-trying American Center against for Voting Rights report on the suckiness of the Democrat Party voting irregularities in the 2004 elections.

Quod Roger Ailes:

The Lunde Hop

Mr. Ed goes down with the ship.

In an effort to backfill and fend off the “trolls” who have boarded his dinghy, Mister Ed [of Captain’s Quarters] cites Brian Lunde as proof that the American Center for Voting Rights isn’t the creation of Bushlicking shills. You see, Lunde once worked for the Kentucky Democratic Party (in the Carter era) and for the DNC.

But Mister Ed’s spyglass doesn’t work so well. His Google search apparently didn’t turn up “Brian Lunde, National Executive Director of ‘Democrats for Bush.'”

From comments at Captain’s Quarters:

I came to this site courtesy of a link from http://rogerailes.blogspot.com/ . It appears you have mixed up your Brian Lundes and should give your whole post a serious re-write. Let me know when your basic premise is corrected and maybe Roger Ailes will post it on his blog. You wouldn’t want to leave a very misleading post on your blog, would you? Nah.
Posted by: buma at August 4, 2005 07:46 AM

Buma. That “rogerailes” site is a FAKE!

Not that you can’t get a domain name. But your site doesn’t relate to the Ailes in Murdoch’s arena. Jerk.
Posted by: Carol_Herman at August 4, 2005 02:35 PM

By Steve Plaut:

Now the attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were among the most humane acts in human histroy. […] I believe that all Asians, especially Japanese, should celebrate the saving of those lives by having parties and picnics on Hiroshima Day.

Hiroshima pictures. Nagasaki.

Plaut:

They saved many millions of Japanese civilian lives, not to mention the hundreds of thousands of lives of Allied soldiers[.]

Hmm:

Years after the war, Secretary of State James Byrnes claimed that 500,000 American lives would have been lost – and that number has since been repeated “authoritatively”, but in the summer of 1945 US military planners projected 20,000-110,000 combat deaths from the initial November 1945 invasion, with about three to four times that number wounded. […] The conventional bombardment was killing tens of thousands each week in Japan, directly and indirectly.

As well as:

The highest-ranking officer in the Pacific Theater, General Douglas MacArthur, was not consulted beforehand, but said afterward that there was no military justification for the bombings. The same opinion was expressed by Fleet Admiral William Leahy (the Chief of Staff to the President), General Carl Spaatz (commander of the U.S. Strategic Air Forces in the Pacific), and Brigadier General Carter Clarke (the military intelligence officer who prepared intercepted Japanese cables for U.S. officials)

Well, at least Plaut didn’t suggest the Japanese hold barbecues.

I’ll be back to do a Renew America Round-Up a little later, but I think one of our readers has successfully infiltrated their ranks. Check out the opening to this column, written by a man known only as “Paul S.”:

The U.S. population must be separated into two categories: the Americans and those foreigners that have entered since 1965. Immigration policy since 1965 has not followed the democratic process of by and for the people. Rather, immigration policy has been a series anti-American decrees with the goal of making the white American people unemployed. This accounts for the tens of millions of illegal Mexicans, South Americans, Asians, Indians and Arabs, the terrorist activities and high crime rates, as well as the massive American unemployment rate.

I’m not sure how 5% could be considered “massive” by any standard, especially when you consider the unemployment rate for white people (the only ones whom Mr. S. really cares about anyway) is a paltry 4.3%.

Here’s how the column concludes:

Foreigners in America beware! Someday our patience will end, and then the despicable, lying mouths of you foreigners and corrupt politicians will be closed forever.

This is just too good to be true- veiled death threats? Only Debbie Daniel is that kooky. C’mon, folks, ‘fess up- which one of you wrote this? You can e-mail me personally if you don’t wanna put it in the comments.

Ben Shapiro, like Jonah Goldberg (Alaska) and John Tierney (Mars), has gone out of town this week and wants to tell you about his adventures.

I’m a city boy, born and bred. I’ve lived in Los Angeles and Cambridge, Mass. Even though my parents are native Midwesterners (Chicago), the closest I’ve ever come to country living is vacationing in Wisconsin. So when I was invited by the people at Supertalk 930 WKY in Oklahoma City to guest host on one of their afternoon radio programs, I was very excited.

He discovered that whereas on the one hand,

Looking down on country dwellers gives lots of city folk a sense of superiority, secure in their knowledge that they are more tolerant, broad minded and intelligent than the yokels in the boonies. […]

It’s actually the case that,

People in the country aren’t ignoramuses; they aren’t hicks; they aren’t boobs. Speaking with a drawl doesn’t connote sloth; fearing God isn’t a vice; morality and kindness aren’t mutually exclusive..

Oklahoma City, capital of the state of Oklahoma, metro area population: 1.3 million.

They could at least have arranged a heavily-escorted field trip for Ben out of the Green Zone and onto Route 66, the fabled ‘highway of death’ that leads northeast toward Tulsa.

Foiled like a leftover meatloaf, foiled like a tinfoil moonbat hat!

Because we were just online (honestly) filling out comedy dating profiles at conservativematch.com, when we ran over to look at Justin Darr’s bio — the one about being the hottest conservative writer, etc. — and found that Justin has a black-ops department of his own that we’re frankly scared to tangle with.

In honor of the left?s penchant for portraying myth as reality, I have taken the liberty of creating a fake memo of my own. This ?secret memo? was uncovered by an unnamed source and I accidentally threw the original away with a pizza box after I retyped it, but it read:

?USE THIS: Howard Dean (signature)

Hi Bill,

This is your neighbor, Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. Just a quick note to thank you for adjusting your lawn mower blades so your grass is even with mine.

Thanks,
John Roberts (Closet Fascist.)

P.S. I can?t wait to get on the Supreme Court and ban abortion! HA! HA! HA!?

So should J. Darr from Turkey, Pennsylvania be “never married,” or “annulled?” They don’t have a category for “just lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover.”

S.Z., the funniest woman on the Internets not named “Marie Jon’,” is feeling under the weather this week. To cheer her up, I called up America’s hottest mustached conservatives and asked them to say something nice about her. Here they are, starting with…

JOHN BOLTON!

“There is no ‘humorous blog alliance.’ There is only the satirical blog community, which can only be led by the only remaining superpower, which is World O’Crap.”

Read the rest of this entry »

From adjacent ‘Warning Signs!’ columns by Alan “Ay!” Caruba, at the National Anxiety Center.

And if Laura Ashley could only make a summer print dress with ammo pockets, then Alan would be right there on the front lines.

Well, let’s just see what’s more popular around here — Marie Jon’ or the enchanting and sonorous Finnish language.

[UPDATE – Finnish-language discussion shockingly cancelled for lack of interest. Official making-fun-of-Gavin-M. thread.]

Use this thread to duke it out for her affections. Here’s a PeoplePolitical Classic Thong to provide impetus:

Which part? The detonating the nuclear bomb they don’t have part or renovating the restaurant they don’t own part?

Well, let Barbara Stock enlighten you:

Reports are slowly filtering out about a plan by Islamics to detonate several nuclear bombs around the continental United States.

Slowly… like a fox!

Osama bin Laden has lovingly named this attack “America?s Hiroshima.” His logic for giving his plan this name is that the United States is the only world power to use an atomic weapon against an enemy and based on that, it is legal and within Islamic law for him to use such weapons against the American people.

It’s legal — and everyone knows what a totally law obedient dude that Osama is! He’s always bending over backwards to make sure he fills out al Qaeda’s Form 8882 for fuck’s sake!
Read the rest of this entry »