Sadly, No!

Take OK Cupid’s super-fun poltics quiz!

Here’s me (I’m officially a “Strong Democrat”… back in undergrad, I was a full-blown socialist… so at this rate, I’ll be writing columns for WorldNetDaily within a few years…):
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Brian Mulroney Maloney shoots his load:

In what appears just short of outright panhandling, a desperate Air America Radio is now begging listeners for cash donations. […] There’s little indication of where the money will go, whether for overpaid air talent, sparkling new studios, the Gloria Wise Boys & Girls Club repayment fund, or perhaps to settle one of the endless legal flaps that plague Air America Radio.

From Brian’s website:

Your Amazon orders help to support this site. Thanks! [Emphasis in original.]

Hey, what’s on your… [yoink!]

Crap! Someone stole our iPod!

Alright, who took the… [yoink!]

Dammit, Atrios! That’s our signature line…

[yoink!]

Andrew!!!
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Focus on the Family’s James Dobson gives us advice on raising teens:

When I was a kid, it was easier for parents to keep their children in line. They didn?t have to depend as much on closeness and communication. Parents could control and protect their kids, more or less, by the imposition of rules and the isolation of their circumstances. Farmer John could take his sassy son out to the back forty acres and get his mind straight. Just the threat of that happening was enough to keep most teens from going off the deep end.

“But then the elitist liberals came along and said that beating your children with shovels wasn’t ‘politically correct’ anymore!”

In those days, parental authority typically stood like a great shield against the evils in what was called ?the world.?

See, back in the old days, parents could use fear to shield their children from reality. Sounds like a great time to be alive.
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Because I’m still bitter about the Red Sox falling out of first place, I’ve decided to torture you all with a double shot of Renew America columns, starting with the latest piece by Michael Gaynor.

The last time we saw Michael, he was writing a long-winded rant about how Newsday was intentionally trying to undermine the Iraq war by publishing tributes to fallen soldiers. (I shit you not. That was really his argument.) Also, we learned that he’s slowly being driven insane by visions of demonic leprechauns:

“Don’t think ye’ve escaped, laddie! We’re still comin’ after ye!”
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Now, we weren’t born yesterday. Read this at Digby’s (there’s good stuff in comments too), and factor in the Nat’l Enquirer story (also see Jane H.’s analysis here) about Bush sneaking drinks.

Honestly, no tinfoil hats: What would be the signs if the old boy were, instead of drinking, flagrantly doing coke again like a big, fat huffing Snuffleupagus? Telltale sweating, funny jaw movements, odd scrapes on the face (he has another one today)… Just watch the guy in his recent TV clips. Is that spooky? You’ve seen that look before, right?

Now, pieces in the Enquirer are, as Jane says, rigorously sourced. It might be interesting to hear that the Weekly World News, as well, sources its pieces (and is staffed by real journalists, mostly dissolute Brits who choose certain career death for the sake of a Florida lifestyle and a relatively high salary). Even the Weekly World News doesn’t just make stuff up, like the WSJ editorial page and Newsmax do, but relies either on interviews and statements from actual, real-life wackos, or adapts pieces from foreign (often Latin American) tabloids. The one thing that you can always trust in these scandal sheets, for legal reasons, is their sourcing.

That means that when the Enquirer says, “According to Bush family sources,” or whatever careful appellations they use, they mean exactly that. If you read the Enquirer piece, it’s obvious that there could only be a small number of people who could claim the knowledge that two of their sources do (“family sources” and an “insider”). How long would it take for old Karl to figure out who they were?

The grapevine sez that there are supposed to be some more pieces coming out soon about the President sneaking drinks. Here’s the question: Are the Mayberry Machiavellis doing one of their classic tricks again, planting easily-countered negative stories, in this case about whiskey-drinking, in order to inoculate against the real scandal?

“Enquiring minds want to know!”

[UPDATE: We hate to mention this to everyone, but some miscreants may be tempted to RSVP who are nowhere near Minnesota and/or don’t intend to go to the screening. We pointedly ask everyone not to do that and make a nuisance of themselves, for we assume that if Mr. Hinderaker is nice enough to have made such an offer, we can be mature enough to respect it.

Achoo! (cough-cough)

PS: That address once again is: [email protected]]

…brand-new columns by David Brooks and Bob Herbert.

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The broomsticks that you stick
Up my ass
Keep me filled with
Satisfaction when we’re done
Satisfaction of what’s to come

Separated at birth? That woman from Deee Lite, and Bizarro Michelle Malkin I:

Thanks to Blair for the pictures. The lyrics thing, well, we bear responsibility for that bad idea.

Pastor Swank must be popping some kind of pills, because his latest column is… well, you can survey the damage on your own:

RUMSFELD: AFGHAN HOPE DEFIES NEGATIVE CRITICS
By J. Grant Swank, Jr.

It?s fact. Nay-sayers feed the public daily with some of the most nasty, negative so-called news that they can conjure.

It’s fact. Pastor Swank has the writing ability of a lobotomized hamster.
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