Sadly, No!

Jeff Jacoby shows us how to build TownHall’s Bridge to the 19th Century, Dred Scott, Fallacies in Logic Edition:

Not counting foreign immigrants, Massachusetts has been losing more people than it attracts every year since 1990[.]

Right, if we don’t count some people, then it turns out there are fewer people! And why wouldn’t you not count them, they’re not white anyway. Hooray!

For the second year in a row, the Census Bureau reports, the population of Massachusetts has shrunk. During the 12 months ending July 1, 2005, the Bay State experienced a net loss of more than 8,600 residents, or 0.1 percent of its population. It was one of only three states to end the year with fewer people than it had at the start — New York and Rhode Island were the others — and the only one to do so for the second year running.

Let’s see: MA’s population in 2000 was 6,349,097 (PDF.) From 1990 to 2000, MA’s population increased by 5.5%. From 2000 to 2005, it increased by 0.8% (xls.) So yeah — if you exclude a bunch of people, MA’s population is going down. What else, Jeff?

MassINC reported in 2003 that one-fourth of Bay State residents would leave if they had the opportunity to do so.

MassINC, MassINC… what else did MassINC find?

Seventy-one percent of Massachusetts citizens rate the quality of life in the Commonwealth as good to excellent (29% excellent/very good, 42% good), while only about three in 10 (28%) rate it fair to poor.

What a shit hole!

As for the sluggish job market that has kept, or driven, so many people away from the Bay State — there’s no denying it’s a problem.

Oh yes there is, Jeff, oh yes there is!

The Massachusetts unemployment rate in November edged up slightly to 4.9 percent in November from 4.8 percent in October. […] The national unemployment rate was unchanged over the month, holding at 5.0 percent.

Lower than the national average… now that sucks.

But focusing on the failure to create more jobs begs the real question

Why isn’t our wingnuts learning?

Since bottoming out in January 2004, payroll jobs have expanded by 35,700 and at 3,200,800 are also up 14,200 from one year ago.

A big round of Sadly, No!, Jeff. And put some extra swank on it, will you?

Is it really any wonder so many people are fleeing Massachusetts? Maybe the real mystery is why so many of us stay.

No, the real mystery is how Jeff Jacoby holds on to his job given that his entire column is based on bullshit.

* Then again.

Pastor Swank, who recently found fame over in Britain, offers us the following tidbit:

Muslim murderers global are now taking names for suicide bomber squads who have AIDS. The Islamic fanatics have refined their murder craft now to include death by AIDS splash.

That sounds like a new brand of fruit juice or something- “When you’re hot and thirsty, try cooling down with a refreshing glass of AIDS Splash!” I bet it tastes really good with Freedom Spread.

At least the AIDS suicide bomber will blow himself into Allah land where 70 fresh virgins per Muslim male will meet his pleasure. These souls will never actually come face-to-face to converse with Allah; but obviously that’s okay when spending one’s forever in the sack.

I was going to write a clever one-liner here, but nothing I came up with was as funny as the actual sentence. Well done, P-Swank! Thou hast outfoxed me yet againe!

Here are the numbers from tonight’s episode of 24 (these may not be wholly accurate- I didn’t keep an exact tally. Feel free to make corrections in the comments):

-Number of beloved characters who got knocked off: 2 (and Tony’s not lookin’ so hot)
-Number of people killed by Jack: 4
-Number of people tortured by Jack: 0 (although he came damn close with that baggage handler!)
-Number of government agents that got the crap kicked out of them by Jack: 3
-Number of suspects who committed suicide before talking: 1

All in all, a good start to the new season. I’m disappointed Jack didn’t torture more people or beat the crap out of his CTU colleagues. Also, it’s clear that Derek is the new version of Kim- i.e. the dopey adolescent that does nothing but act stupid and get himself kidnapped.
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Ahem:
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Over at USS Neverdock, Marc is getting ready to wet his pants:

US – 2006 End of the liberals?

You know things are bad for the Democrats when Canadians start attacking them.

The link leads the reader to Canada Free Press (“Canada’s fastest growing independent news source”.) Chances you haven’t heard so much about Canada Free Press, but you’ve likely heard of some of their contributors. Rachel Mardsen is a well-known liar and conservative “pundit.” (Is cuntit a word?) Henry Lamb is a conspiracy nut. Alan Caruba runs the award-winning* Anxiety Center.

Oh yeah, the Liberals have lost “Canadians.” We bet not even Adam Yoshida supports them now. Marc continues:

Even the French are tired of their leaders. […] The light grows dim.

We’d ask if Marc realizes that Chirac heads France’s conservative party and that the alternative Socialists are no friends of Bush, but frankly the answer is pretty much a given, isn’t it? Sadly, No!

* Just kidding!

Hey Ben Shapiro- I think we’ve found you a date:

I like the way he thinks as well as looks. I totally agree with Ben. I think he is very handsome. The very thought of a man being a virgin I find very sexy. The lucky woman that marries him will be delighted and titillated to know she was his only love physically. Now that’s a gift for a real woman. 🙂
Marie
The Conservative Woman

Wow! Y’hear that, Ben? Marie thinks you’d be “titillating!” Oo-la-la!

So what d’ya think, guys? Do they make a cute couple?

I personally think Marie might be a bit too wild for the dashing young Mr. Shapiro. He needs someone more traditional, like Peggy Noonan or Judie Brown:

At any rate, Ben, if you need dating tips, NewsMax has this great site where you can learn about all the secrets of attraction that the liberal media has deliberately hidden from you. I’d recommend checking it out.

(Thanks to s.z. for the color pick!)

Well, it’s been a good run. But when Vinatieri starts missing clutch field goals, you know it’s over. Congrats, Broncs. Beat the Colts next week. You deserve to be champs.

Ben Shapiro says he’ll be boycotting the Oscars this year. I’m sure Hollywood is distraught.

Why I’m skipping the Oscars this year
Jan 13, 2006
by Ben Shapiro

Every year since I was old enough to stay up late, I’ve watched the Academy Awards.

In other words, he’s been watching the Oscars since last year.
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Malkin: Body armor is bad again.

Of course the issue is not, despite the line that Malkin keeps trumpeting, one of simply loading up troops with body armor until they’re like the kid in the snowsuit in A Christmas Story. It’s one of investigating whether more, or different, or better body armor can help save troops’ lives according to a Pentagon study reported by the New York Times — one that relies on, you know, actual data and stuff like that.

That’s ‘Pentagon study.’ Like, where the big Army guys hang out. Not a ‘Pandagon study,’ or a NY Times study, or one of those 3Bulls body-armor studies that one constantly hears about. It’s the big building that Rumsfeld works in.

Alas, when Mr. Actual Data debarks his train at Malkin Junction and meets up with Mr. Facile Narrative, there’s always going to be a mugging. Just dump the ID in a trash can, Michelle — we’ll pick it up later.

“Hey man, I heard al-Zawahiri was hiding in this trash can…”
“Aw, Fat Albert, you ain’t nothin’ but an elevator operator!”
“Wha…? Why you call me ‘elevator operator?'”
“Cause you’re always bringin’ people down!”