Sadly, No!

So I’m watching Brownie on Hardball right now, and it is not pretty.

I almost- ALMOST– feel sorry for the guy. He should be held up as an example to all other prospective Bush hacks. Because while it may feel good to accept a job you’re completely unqualified for, it could ruin the rest of your life- and the lives of many others- should disaster strike.

Gavin adds: Hey man, they’ve been telling me that since that disastrous Christmas Eve at Toys ‘R’ Us all those years ago. And yet, I feel I’m finding my level.

[UPDATED]

Good Lord. This bilge is everywhere this week.

Above: some of the bilge which
is everywhere this week

It’s almost as though these conservative fake-nonpartisan foundations and Astroturf “citizens’ groups” are all networked together, and receive mass action-alerts of some kind.

Okay. So what does the California State Senate bill in question actually say?

Section 60044 of the Education Code is amended to read: 60044. No instructional materials shall be adopted by any governing board for use in the schools that, in its determination, contains: (a) Any matter reflecting adversely upon persons because of their race or ethnicity, gender, disability, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion, as those terms are defined in Section 422.56 of the Penal Code, or occupation. (b) Any sectarian or denominational doctrine or propaganda contrary to law.

But maybe ol’ Kevin McCullough, of WorldNet Daily and various AM radio markets (see first link above), can best answer the question. After giving a fake quote from California Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez (the phrase, “the real purpose of SB 1437 is to outlaw traditional perspectives on marriage and family in the state school system,” in fact comes verbatim from a Christian Newswire press release, and was never said by Nunez), McCullough takes the actual bill that passed, SB 1437, and claims it’s really four bills by sneakily counting three draft versions, each with language crossed out that was removed before the vote. [Note: I was wrong about that. See update below.] And then he really starts making stuff up. If you feel like marveling at something this afternoon, take a look at the drafts bills and try to imagine how much lying it takes to get from what’s actually on the page to the following:

What do they say?

These four bills would require that in every classroom from kindergarten through high school perverse sexual activity be praised and highlighted in a positive light. They would require textbooks, many of which would then also be produced for other states beyond the borders of California, make positive references to the ideas of men putting on women’s under things. They would restrict school districts from being able to bar females from displaying dildos on the outerwear of their prom dress. And in functional sexuality courses from K-12, they would require positive explanation of the merits and instruction of anal intercourse.

These four bills are also dangerous in what they outlaw. No single teacher – not even in science classes – would be allowed to talk about the negative health impact of homosexual behavior. No school counselor would be allowed to confirm to a molested student that they felt wrong about continuing in a homosexual relationship that they were primarily drawn into because of earlier molestation to begin with. No mention of moral aspects of sexual behavior would be permitted unless immoral activity were praised and in fact referred to as moral.

In other words, the pushing of the sexual envelope would be unleashed with a nitro-fueled explosion the likes of which has never been seen in America’s history.

One of the bills goes a step further. Its actual purpose is to cripple any state resources such as fire or police protection for any religious institution – i.e., a Bible-based church – that would in any way demonstrate negative “doctrine” or “propaganda.” So if an arsonist (who also just happened to be a radical activist) decided to burn down a church that was in their view teaching the faithful interpretation of Scripture as it relates to sexual practice, then the local fire company could be barred from assisting in the recovery and protection of said facility.

Wow. It’s actually starting to sound pretty interesting, with the unleashing of a nitro-fueled explosion of sexual envelope-pushing, and dildos waving from prom dresses, and radical-activist arsonists burning down Fundie churches with impunity, and all that. Also, a ‘positive explanation of the merits and instruction of anal intercourse’ might help with whatever’s ailing this guy:

Above: Kevin McCullough

Just sayin’.

Update: While Kevin is making up so much wild-ass stuff, it’s difficult to tell where any of it comes from, there are in fact four bills that the fundies are freaking over. (Kevin specifies SB 1471, but SB 1441, AB 606, and AB 1056 are similar.)

Double-update: None of the stuff he claims is in any of the other bills, either: SB 1441 AB 606 AB 1056

So Bob Dylan has a new album out. The critics say it’s pretty good, but for my money, he hasn’t recorded anything truly compelling since John Wesley Harding in 1968 (and yes, I’ll hear arguments for Blood on the Tracks, which is very good but not in the same jaw-dropping way his early work was).

At any rate, I’ve decided that today would be a good day to honor the great Bobby D. by listing my all-time top 10 favoritest Dylan lyrics. Here they are:

“Visions of Johanna” (from Blonde on Blonde)

The peddler now speaks to the countess who’s pretending to care for him,
Sayin’, “Name me someone that’s not a parasite and I’ll go out and say a prayer for him”

Read the rest of this entry »

So This Week featured a Hurricane Katrina roundtable of Donna Brazile (the one “liberal” who wasn’t appalled by the president’s inept response to the hurriance), George Will (who spent the whole time arguing that government failures in the region were a clear indication that everything should be privatized) and a former White House shill (who took up huge amounts of the segment by praising the president’s “firm commitment” to rebuilding and comparing it to his “firm resolve” in Iraq).

Thanks for doing your job, press corps.

Serenity affinity — love of his life, fire of his groin:

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Absolutely Last Serenity Post [John Derbyshire]
Nothing, really, only… sigh
Posted at 4:10 PM

---

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Re: Confession [John Derbyshire]
I, of course, am still interested in the debates about biology (to say “evolution” is wrong—practically nobody doubts that evolution goes on at SOME level), and all other matters of public interest……

Posted at 4:55 PM

---

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The World Ceres [John Derbyshire]
In all the hullabaloo about the re-classification of Pluto, it has been quite forgotten that humble little Ceres also has a new designation. No longer an asteroid, Ceres is now a “dwarf planet.” I’ve been racking my Benadryl-fuddled brains to think of a connection with Firefly/Serenity, but so far not come up with anything.
Posted at 2:18 PM

---

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Serenity Connection [John Derbyshire]
A reader: “Derb—-It’s obvious that Ceres is short for Cerenitys.”

[Derb] That’s it! And Mars has obviously been truncated from the original Morena.
Posted at 4:14 PM

But, you know, for all his leering, dirty-old-man perversity, as well as his otherwise porcine chauvinism, he’s still smarter than idiots like Pantload and religious cornertards like K-Lo, Ponnuru, Dreher, et al.

Gavin adds: Plus, he can take a beating, as can be seen in this clip from the 1972 Bruce Lee film, ‘Return of the Dragon,’ in which a young Derb…

Huh. ‘No longer available.’ Well, never mind then. I also have this stored up for some now-forgotten purpose, so let me at least sneak out of here gracefully:

When Glenn Reynolds gets riled and writes more than one or two distracted sentences at a time, which is seldom, the effect is like dozens of clowns piling out of a Mini. Were they all crammed up in there the whole time, or is there, like, a trap door that opens from a backstage reservoir?

Exempli gratia: Whilst taking apart Mark Steyn for his hubristic gassings-off during the early days of the Iraq War, Glenn Greenwald notes in passing:

The only thing I have seen that competes with this Steyn column for its mix of pure wrongness and gloating self-celebration over being so wrong is this humiliating April, 2003 screed from Glenn Reynolds.

…Which really popped the cowlick on Reynolds’s Alfalfa-do. (The screed is worth reading in its entirety: It’s a single dense-packed paragraph of arch bwaa-ha-haaing and smug charges of disloyalty.) Reynolds sticks an update into the old post directing readers to a recent rebuttal:

Glenn Greenwald links this post in the — as usual — deluded notion that it proves his point. I’ve responded here.

Then the clowns start piling out, ransacking quotes and statistics from such liberal solons as cartoonist Ted Rall and such unbiased analysts as Gateway Pundit.

Let’s just grab one single clown out of the whooping multitude:

I should also note that despite predictions of 50,000 casualties in the initial invasion, three years later we’re at less than 5% of that.

That would be a Sadly, No! unless one is using a special, contingent definition of ‘casualties’ that’s identical with the subcategory, ‘fatalities’ — i.e., one that excludes wounded and only counts troops killed. And characteristically, the ‘50,000 casualties’ prediction comes from a reader email in which somebody says they remember hearing Gary Hart say that three years ago. A further link leads to a March ’06 Mickey Kaus column, and another there leads to a March ’06 Huffington Post piece by Hart, neither of which mentions any such prediction.

Galloping goalposts, thy name is Reynolds. (It is perhaps unfair, but nonetheless accurate, also to note that these reader emails have long drawn suspicion as to their authorship — much like Tom Friedman’s infamous chattering cab drivers and Andrew Sullivan’s frequent anonymous boosters, whom we have come to refer to, respectively, as ‘Thomasz Friedmab’ and ‘Andrev Sullivam.’)

Greenwald also adds:

Many Iraq war advocates were honest enough to admit that they were wrong, that Iraq was and is falling apart, but the most dishonest of them — the Steyns, Krauthammers and Reynolds — prefer to embrace transparent falsehoods than change their thinking about anything or admit that they were wrong about anything. Preventing individuals of this type from leading this country into more disasters is genuinely urgent.

Um, Glenn G., as Brad keeps saying, what’s genuinely urgent is finishing Reynolds’s robot body so we can blast him off into space….

Aaaaah, the Ole Perfesser. Where would we be without your insightful musings?

HITCHENS GIVES BILL MAHER’S AUDIENCE the finger. Should things go badly with the war, Maher’s audience — and, for that matter, Maher himself — will be cited by historians as evidence of the American opposition’s unseriousness.

To summarize: Christopher Hitchens gave Bill Maher’s audience the middle finger and shouted, “Fuck you, fuck you.” To the Ole Perfesser, this is evidence of the audience’s unseriousness.

And of course, the Perfesser’s update is precious:

UPDATE: Rand Simberg emails: “I suspect that historians will judge Democrats unserious regardless of the war’s outcome. In fact, if it goes badly enough, history of the era will be written in Arabic.” And even those historians won’t respect Maher and his audience, though they may be grateful for their petty Bush-hatred.

So if we lose the war in Iraq, it is solely the fault of Bill Maher and his audience, and not the fault of people who planned and executed failed policies.

Wow.

Gavin adds: What d’you suppose is in Hitchy’s water bottle?

Isn’t it still August? Yes? Then why are we already getting dispatches from the War on Christmas?

It appears the battle against what some call the politically correct title for Christmas has already begun. A pro-family group is highlighting ad on page 69 in the Sam’s Club in-house magazine, Source, that promotes “holiday” cards, ribbons and gift bags, despite all the products obviously being designed for Christmas.

If Jesus were alive today, He’d shoot any motherfucker who dared call His birthday a “holiday.” It says so in the FOX News Annotated Bible.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, it’s true. It’s our own Coach Dave.

A local evangelist spoke with 10TV Thursday night after his son was arrested for possessing child pornography.

Zachary Daubenmire, recently hired to teach special education at Licking Heights High School, was out on bond Thursday after admitting to downloading video of young girls having sex with adult men onto a family computer.

Daubenmire was also a volunteer assistant football coach at Heath High School. But after the charges came about, he was let go.

His father, Dave Daubenmire, says what happened with his son could happen to any family.

The elder Daubenmire is well known locally for being sued by the American Civil Liberties Union for conducting prayers with players before football games at London High School. He is also a longtime Christian leader who has worked to teach others about the dangers of pornography.

Just to get the inevitable out of the way (and this pains me): Yes, that’s ‘Licking Heights High School’; and no, there’s no information on whether the younger Daubenmire was pulling his spaghetti.

Statement and details here — although somehow, Coach Dave neglects to mention the ‘child’ thing and just goes off on pornography.

Brad, can we run, like, some Classic Swank this weekend to kinda up the yuks on the Christian Evangelist beat?

[Pandagon has more.]

UPDATE: What did Swank know, and when did he know it1!??1!

Sun Aug 20, 2006
ABUSING CHILDREN : ‘ near-naked model web sites’
J. Grant Swank, Jr.

The JonBenet case reminds us that pedophiles are out there and multiplying. They are also paying big bucks per hit on web sites that display children nearly naked.

The sites skim the law, concluding they are not pornographic or taking advantage of boys and girls underage.

Jesus said that if one abused a child, it were better for him to have a rock tied around his neck, then thrown into the waters. Jesus said, “Permit the little children to come to Me.� Jesus shielded abused children of His day by teaching respect for youngsters. Jesus lifted the lot of boys and girls as well as females, all suffering abuse in the first century of His time.

Today there are those posting and others watching who degrade our youth. Obviously, more realistic laws must be put in place. With freedom of speech definite in a republic, that is difficult. We have found that out on many ethical fronts.

Further, more households have to be increasingly diligent regarding what is permitted on the computer. Of course, those adults who are pedophiles have no one policing their use of the Internet.

There hasn’t been a Swank column since. As the Pastor is often known to post as many as sixteen hundred million-billion infinity times x-to-the-23rd thousand new columns every .00002 seconds, a certain puzzlement obtains.

From Protein Wisdom:

“The CITIZEN JOURNALIST Report�

…debuts today on Hot Air.

[…]

So, whaddya say. Who’s with me?
Posted by Jeff Goldstein

You done good, son.

Now I’m just eagerly waiting for Sadly, No! to post a photoshopped screenshot.

Posted by marcus | permalink
on 08/25 at 09:48 AM

Jeez, already. This is a fuckin’ finely-oiled machine here, aright?

Yo ‘Tardo, should we go with the H.R. Giger ‘Penis Landscape’ for the background, or is that too done? I’m thinking like a tile of something like this.