Coach Dave Update
Yes, it’s true. It’s our own Coach Dave.
A local evangelist spoke with 10TV Thursday night after his son was arrested for possessing child pornography.
Zachary Daubenmire, recently hired to teach special education at Licking Heights High School, was out on bond Thursday after admitting to downloading video of young girls having sex with adult men onto a family computer.
Daubenmire was also a volunteer assistant football coach at Heath High School. But after the charges came about, he was let go.
His father, Dave Daubenmire, says what happened with his son could happen to any family.
The elder Daubenmire is well known locally for being sued by the American Civil Liberties Union for conducting prayers with players before football games at London High School. He is also a longtime Christian leader who has worked to teach others about the dangers of pornography.
Just to get the inevitable out of the way (and this pains me): Yes, that’s ‘Licking Heights High School’; and no, there’s no information on whether the younger Daubenmire was pulling his spaghetti.
Statement and details here — although somehow, Coach Dave neglects to mention the ‘child’ thing and just goes off on pornography.
Brad, can we run, like, some Classic Swank this weekend to kinda up the yuks on the Christian Evangelist beat?
[Pandagon has more.]
UPDATE: What did Swank know, and when did he know it1!??1!
Sun Aug 20, 2006
ABUSING CHILDREN : ‘ near-naked model web sites’
J. Grant Swank, Jr.The JonBenet case reminds us that pedophiles are out there and multiplying. They are also paying big bucks per hit on web sites that display children nearly naked.
The sites skim the law, concluding they are not pornographic or taking advantage of boys and girls underage.
Jesus said that if one abused a child, it were better for him to have a rock tied around his neck, then thrown into the waters. Jesus said, “Permit the little children to come to Me.� Jesus shielded abused children of His day by teaching respect for youngsters. Jesus lifted the lot of boys and girls as well as females, all suffering abuse in the first century of His time.
Today there are those posting and others watching who degrade our youth. Obviously, more realistic laws must be put in place. With freedom of speech definite in a republic, that is difficult. We have found that out on many ethical fronts.
Further, more households have to be increasingly diligent regarding what is permitted on the computer. Of course, those adults who are pedophiles have no one policing their use of the Internet.
There hasn’t been a Swank column since. As the Pastor is often known to post as many as sixteen hundred million-billion infinity times x-to-the-23rd thousand new columns every .00002 seconds, a certain puzzlement obtains.
According to Pandagon, all of Dave’s statements make it sound like his son was, you know, still a poor, naive impresionable kid. He’s 24.
And Dave is telling other parents to “hack into their files” on the kid’s computer, because his 24-year-old had porn “right under their noses”?
Geez, Dave, maybe you should try letting your “kid”, I don’t know, grow up a little?
Brad, can we run, like, some Classic Swank this weekend to sort of up the yuks on the Christian Evangelist beat?
Yeah, I’ve got, like, less than a week before I lose my bet that he’ll twig to the horrible dangers of Snakes On A Plane!
First, sonny-boy is an idgit, which I’m sure comes as an absolute surprise to everyone. Downloading kiddie porn onto the family Pee Cee?!? OK, aside from the evident fact that boy-o didn’t have the wherewithal to get his own computer (if he were a cheapskate, that’s, what?, 3-4 hundred bucks?), why did he think Coach Mom or Coach Dave weren’t gonna stumble across it? Was it in a folder named “Don’t look in here, ‘cos there’s no child porn, that’s for sure!” And, what if the ‘rents had discovered it? “No, see, she’s giving the ‘kiss of life’… to his dick!” Yeah, that’d go over. Can’t say I’m particularly stunned by this development. Disgusted, but not stunned.
But Lee Siegel said it was liberals who dig the kiddie porn! I’m so confused…
His father, Dave Daubenmire, says what happened with his son could happen to any family.
Actually, I don’t think it could happen to any family. Most families do not have a fucking trainwreck of a dumbshit as a patriarchal figure, so most people tend to develop a revulsion to things like child pornography. Coach Dave’s family, on the other hand, with its fake bullshit bullying Christianity, seems to have a bit of an issue with the kiddie porn.
Today there are those posting and others watching who degrade our youth. Obviously, more realistic laws must be put in place. With freedom of speech definite in a republic, that is difficult. We have found that out on many ethical fronts.
Worst. Paragraph. Ever.
“Licking Heights”? Licking Heights? Sweet baby jesus, come on.
I’m willing to spot him the obscene sentence structure for the time being. Also, cause it’s not like his non-stressed to hell posts are much better.
I agree with this comment from Pendragon:
“Has never been to the principal’s office� is a truly weird way to refer to an adult who’s committed a serious crime.
Somehow, it just doesn’t jel with the dickwad who who hooted in approval when an applicant for principal said “I guess I’ll ride the stallions and shoot the nags.
I guess it’s harder to cull the herd when it’s your own son. Then it’s all about forgiveness and healing, no matter that the heineous crime alleged is worse than an old teacher slacking off in his twilight years. What a hypocritical psagettii-puller.
Wasn’t there a recent study that said half of Christian fundamentalists were addicted to porn?
That was teh menfolk. Only 20% of teh ladies admitted to it (which explains a few things–“Ma wife is a good, Christian woman, so naturally we stopped having sex years ago. That’s why I am forced to watch interweb pr0n and frequent prostitutes like you, Miss Chitterling.” Presumable, most of that 50-20% isn’t viewing kiddie porn, but then they are evangelists.
His father, Dave Daubenmire, says what happened with his son could happen to any family.
Any family of spaghetti-pushers, that is.
The elder Daubenmire is well known locally for being sued…
Well-known locally for being sued? Isn’t that like being well-known locally for having an annoying laugh or bad personal hygiene?
“That’s Coach Dave. Yeah, he gets sued a lot, can’t you tell? But we tolerate him because no one in his family looks at porn.”
Thank you for that, fabbo. It was the first big laugh of my day. 🙂
He’s apparently disabled comments on the post he put up about the situation.
You know, the one where he bravely steps up and cops to the terrible thing his son did.
His son the kid, who was apparently looking at naked pictures of women.
Way to bravely step up.
The tripe he wrote doesn’t even make sense without mention of the fact that it’s CHILD pornography.
They take their computer to a repair shop, and the tech calls the police because he finds porn on it?!? If every tech who found porn on a computer called the cops, there wouldn’t be a computer left in this country anywhere.
It’s not a crime to have pornography on your computer – as long as everyone in it is over eighteen and consenting.
And here’s the other really disturbing thing to think about – the children involved must have been pretty darn young. If the tech checking out their computer felt comfortable in asserting that the girls were minors based on nothing other than *seeing* the images, it’s unlikely that we’re talking about, say, sixteen year old girls here. They had to be young enough that there was no doubt left by their appearance that they were underage. (Please don’t read this as an endorsement on my part of adults having sex with sixteen year olds – that’s still wrong).
Coach Dave also talks about “looking at a few naked women” and talks about this being a “victimless crime”.
Somebody needs to take steps to make sure this sick freak never gets near any children, either. It sounds like he’s almost as bad as his son. They aren’t WOMEN, you moron – they’re little GIRLS. Can’t you tell the difference? Maybe now we know why your son can’t, either.
And a victimless crime?!? No, asshole – adult pornography is a victimless crime. Child pornography victimizes the CHILD. It’s not all that terribly difficult to tell the difference, either.
This is what comes of that stupid puritanical mindset that this brand of Christianity encourages. Kiddie porn is apparently no worse than regular adult porn, because it’s all TEH SEX and therefore all bad.
It just seems that any sane person ought to be able to draw an ethical distinction between two adults humping each other on film and an adult having sex with a child. But when your outlook is so fucking twisted by religious gobbledeegook, you lose whatever basic sense you ought to have.
Wow, just wow. I almost felt sorry for Coach Dave until he came out and said that ‘pornography is a victimless crime’. Not when it involves underage children you sick hypocritical bastard. And the fact that his son is involved with teaching Special Education students (an area that desperately needs more volunteers, teachers, funding, etc.) makes it that much worse.
I can laugh at these fundamentalist types as much as anyone, but this is nothing to laugh at.
Somebody shoulda given that man a sex toy so that he’d take his sexual frustration out on that rather than the child porn.
Something like…oh, I think you know what I’m talking about.
Death and destruction lay at the end of that path.
Hate to tell you this, Dave, but death and destruction lie at the end of every path.
“Something like…oh, I think you know what I’m talking about.”
A red-hot poker, used as a dildo, ON HIM?
How do we know it was the son who downloaded this trash? It’s just daddy’s word isn’t it? Or has Coach Jr. confessed?
Swank said,
“The JonBenet case reminds us that pedophiles are out there and multiplying”
Multiplying? They can’t breed, so they must recruit — through churches and high school football, no doubt.
Jesus shielded abused children of His day by teaching respect for youngsters. Jesus lifted the lot of boys and girls as well as females, all suffering abuse in the first century of His time.
Huh? Ok, he can’t write basic english, he’s pretty unclear on the meaning of many of the common words he uses, and his logic, at it’s best, is tortured. And there are people out there reading his work nodding their heads solemnly in agreement. Of course, they also move their lips when they read.
Come to think of it, these are the same clowns that read the bible over and over again. C’mon folks, it’s not going to get any better. It’s a sorry construction, with poorly told stories that need a LOT of interpretation to even begin to make any sense. I guess if that’s all you read, Swank and the Coach make perfect sense…
mikey
Bill S
No. Like this (NSFW).
Those if you who saw this in the P.S. yesterday are excused.
mikey,
That “girls as well as females” also caught my attention. Maybe, in this case, it’s not so much his poor English skills, but a unconscious revulsion for the word “women”.
sixteen hundred million-billion infinity times x-to-the-23rd thousand new columns every .00002 seconds
Hahaha. I had Ralph Wiggum’s voice in my head when I read that a second time.
Any bets on how long before Coach or Coach-Lesser posts the “Research — I only downloaded 3gigs of kiddyporn for, y’know, RESEARCH purposes, so that I could explain exactly how wrong every lovingly researched pixel of this filth was wrong, wrong, wrong?” defense?
On the one hand, you have to feel sorry for anyone who spent their formative years living with Teh Coach. On the other hand, George W. Bush.
So — thank you, Mikey, for being the voice of our better natures: along with punishment, therapy. But first, I vote we vasectomize young Zack. Because sometimes three generations of idiots ARE enough.
Eh, in my second post, it shoulda been “Presumably.” What can I say–sleep deprived. But, at least I didn’t get any tags stuck on. Oh, and Jillian? Regular porn isn’t a “victimless crime,” as it isn’t a crime at all… yet.
I think the Coach is about to learn an ugly lesson. He’s going through the shock phase, making excuses, his friends making sympathetic noises. The next phase comes when people start thinking “How did this happen? What turned this young man into a paedophile?” They’ll realise that a lot of paedophiles were themselves abused as children. They’ll start looking at the Coach a little differently, wondering. They could be wrong, of course but it’s better to be safe than sorry. The invitations to family functions will disappear, parents will make concerned noises about the Coach being in the locker room with their naked sons. Say, is this strangely satisfied feeling what they call schadenfreude?
Can we get back to the “Licking Heights” part? Is it near Heaving Hills? Thrusting Valley? Turgid Township?
I agree Coach has some ‘splaining to do concerning parenting of this sad creep. And the girls and females line comes naturally to someone who can’t see women as human, for which their default is “animal”. As in female cows, female horses, female dogs, it’s some fucked up shit.
I for one welcome our concubine masturbator overlords.
Sorry if I made it sound like pr0n was criminal, Marq.
Whatever two (or more) consenting adults choose to do (with or without their condiments of choice), whether on video or not (or streaming live pay-per-view), it’s all the same to me.
Now, there’s porn out there that’s bad enough that it ought to be criminal, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Swank is just off on a nice vacation… to Thailand, where he’s planning on meating poor, abused youths roped into the sex industry… and on FUCKING THEM, FUCKING THEM *REAL* HARD!!1!!! Ahem.
“female cows”
I think you mean female cattle. Cow is a female designation, as is ewe, sow, mare etc.. (a zoologist being picky)
Well, some of the more sycophantic comments have been put up.
This one is priceless:
I applaud you for being upfront about this. Your son is young and evidently straying. Perhaps this will bring him around. If the pictures were of older teens I don’t equate this with “child pornography”. Legally, it is. But if a female can be married at 13 in some states as evidently was the case with the first wife of accused murderer of Jonbenet Ramsey then I’m not clear on the definition of “child pornography”. Similarly, if anyone is familiar with the filth that is popular television these days (examples: and these are programs that are on every day – THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR (3 sluts who live with Hugh Heffner and are shown nearly naked and pawing over Heffner, in bed with Heffner, etc. and he’s 80 and they’re barely legal); THE SIMPLE LIFE (rich sluts Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie doing and saying outrageous, vile things and wearing revealing clothes); South Park, Drawn Together, and some other cartoons that are immoral, indecent and shockingly vulgar but get by with being so because they ARE cartoons; Most shows on the Comedy Channel such as The Mind of Mencia, The Daily Show, The Chappelle Show, and others like them. Even the long-running MAD TV is repulsively vile. These programs are very popular and I dare say they are viewed by most “Christians” who have cable or satellite TV. The stars of these shows are then presented on other shows to adoring fans. They appear on shows like OPRAH, MARTHA STEWART, REGIS PHILBIN, THE VIEW. Five days a week Ellen Degeneres is watched by millions. She who is a brazen lesbian. The Columbus Dispatch touts these programs and entertainers to readers every day. Do any Christians subscribe to the Dispatch? Why? The point is – viewing pornography is wrong and it is damaging. And viewing most of what is on TV is also. So I hope the people who are disappointed in your family are also disappointed in their own.
Dear God. Not only did Coach Dave not admit to the true nature of his son’s crime, but someone who does know tries to defend it.
And you heard it first, Ellen Degeneres and The Daily Show are as perverse as child pornography.
Well, since Ellen is gay, she’s just gots to be a pedophile, no?
Dear God. Not only did Coach Dave not admit to the true nature of his son’s crime, but someone who does know tries to defend it.
Why do I get the feeling he’s archiving a lot of jpegs to CDR and wiping his hard drive right now?
Zachary Daubenmire’s father said he has not seen the pictures or the evidence. But regardless of what’s next in his son’s future, he plans to stand behind him.
Too easy.
[…] In Coach Dave’s house, it’s only cool to watch deviant rear-ends when they appear on a computer screen and are under the age of 18. She sleeps with women of all things! […]
There hasn’t been a Swank column since. As the Pastor is often known to post as many as sixteen hundred million-billion infinity times x-to-the-23rd thousand new columns every .00002 seconds, a certain puzzlement obtains.
call me nutty, but isn’t this a slight exageration? I mean we all know that swankster only posts one new post every 15 minutes….
I know that this is a serious story so I will srtive to keep my remarks temperate.But what if,,,, what if it turned out that the 6 years old girls shown sexing it up on film, what if one of the little girls, girls will be girls ya know, anyway, if one of them lifted the mask off of the older guy’s face and squeeled with mirth, ” Sally, Betty, C’mon over here,, its our creppy teacher, Zachary and look ! there in the bushes,, its Zachary’s father, the crazy coach guy. ” Run for your cherries. “
[…] Holy crap, It’s Coach Dave! […]