Sadly, No!

Sen. Joe Lieberman: “Here is my handle; here is my spout…”

Brad posted on this a day or two ago:

Bush’s Best Democratic Buddy
Joe Lieberman gives the president a pass on Katrina.
By Michael Isikoff and Mark Hosenball
Newsweek

Sen. Joe Lieberman, the only Democrat to endorse President Bush’s new plan for Iraq, has quietly backed away from his pre-election demands that the White House turn over potentially embarrassing documents relating to its handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster in New Orleans.

Huh. I wonder what that was all about.

[ding-ding]

Hey, what’s this coming out of the ol’ pneumatic tube?

Hypocrisy Alert: Homeland Security Undocumented!

The Department of Homeland Security underwent an audit. The audit was done by the well known firm of KPMG at the direction of Inspector General Richard Skinner.

[…]

You may want to read [this statement] twice: FEMA was unable to fully support the accuracy and completeness of certain unpaid obligations, and accounts payable, and the related effects on net position, if any, prior to the completion of DHS’s 2006 PAR. These unpaid obligations, as reported in the accompanying DHS balance sheet as of September 30, 2006, were $22.3 Billion or 46% of DHS consolidated unexpended appropriations at September 30, 2006.

[…]

So, follow me here, FEMA has lost and/or failed to account for a sum of money that is almost half of DHS’s entire budget and 130 times greater than the amount of money that the Department of Homeland Security is willing to spend to secure the homeland.

But wait, there’s more.

And where is Congress on all this? Well, the House Committee on Homeland Security has been chaired by none other than Peter (I thank God every night that George Bush is my President) King (R-NY3), so enough said there. In the Senate the committee’s ranking Democrat has been none other than our own beloved Joe Leiberman.

You’d hope that something gargantuan like this would dominate the news (22.3 billion dollars!? 46% of the entire DHS budget?1!!?). But as we’ve learned so well these past few years, it’s possible for a story to attain a threshold of awfulness such that the media simply needs to throw a blanket over it and pretend it isn’t there.

James Dobson preemptively sounds the death knell for McCain’s campaign:

A prominent Christian leader whose radio and magazine outreaches are solidly in support of biblically-based marriages – and keep in touch with millions of constituents daily – says he cannot consider Arizona Sen. John McCain a viable candidate for president.

“Speaking as a private individual, I would not vote for John McCain under any circumstances,” said James Dobson, founder of the Colorado Springs-based Focus on the Family as well as the Focus Action cultural action organization set up specifically to provide a platform for informing and rallying constituents.

A lot can change in two years’ time, but you can’t win the GOP nomination unless you have the Christian Right’s unwavering support. If they are giving McCain a “nicht-nicht” this early in the game, he’s basically screwed.

Incidentally, I hope the GOP does something completely stupid and nominates Mitt Romney. As a lifelong Masshole, I can attest first hand that I have never in my life seen a state public official who was lazier or more self-serving than the Mittster. He basically did nothing here in his four years in office, using his governorship as a platform for his presidential campaign. Were the GOP to nominate him in ’08 he would get positively slaughtered in the general election.

So the possibility or maybe even probability of Syrian and Iranian sideshows in the Bush-Cheney war-cineplex is inspiring wingnuts to queue up en masse. No, not for enlistment, silly, but in anticipation of beating off to war porn.

The first of the would-be Pee-wee Hermans is Michael Ledeen, who is closely followed by Cliff May.

Then we hear from Larry Kudlow, who is so lubed and ready he blurts his pet name for beloved Dear Leader: ‘President Backbone.’ Wow. I mean, not Peter-North or Dirk-Diggler ‘wow,’ but still, it’s a star’s name.

But these are amateur wankers; the dedicated war porn-masturbators, Hugh Hewitt and Mark Steyn, cut the line, sending many a KY tube, blow-up doll and fellow wingnut sprawling. They’re hard-core, and expect the same of their war porn; and like all such people, they confuse exactly who is the producer and who is the consumer of the product. Put another way, they eagerly anticipate beating off to the exploits of rugged Murkin sojers whom they believe they closely resemble.

Above: Mark Steyn, soulless masturbator to the spectacle and tally of carnage.

Still, something new is in the air and the excitement is palpable. Where Mark and Hugh believe they have been in the front lines all along fighting al-Qaida and Iraqis, ‘President Backbone’ has perhaps added fresh starlets, Persian and Syrian, to the cast.

MS: Well, you know, the reality is that the President has a very good line. He says, when he’s asked to justify the war in Iraq, he says we’re fighting the terrorists over there so that we don’t have to fight them over here. Well, why not extend that thought a bit farther, and say instead of fighting them in Iraq, which is perceived as home turf for the United States Military at the moment, why not actually take it to them in Syria and in Iran? I said, you know, when I met with the President a couple of months ago, I said to him well look, Iran and Syria have been subverting Iraq for three years now. Why not subvert them in return? Why not exercise the right of hot pursuit? And he said now you’re thinking, boy, and gave a big laugh, and I didn’t see what was quite such a joke about it, and I’d hope that he’s at least considering it.

Mark has talked over the script with the star! He’s, like, a gonzo director or something!

HH: They rolled up another half dozen Iranians in, I believe, Mosul today, Mark Steyn. It seems to me that perhaps we are going to focus in on exposing the Iranian connection for all to see. And there were large explosions yesterday at various places in Iran. I suppose we might do things and not say anything about it.

MS: Yes, and I do believe that’s the best thing to do. I’m not…I think one of the lessons, really, of the last five years is that it’s very hard for democracies, multi-cultural democracies in a media age, to fight wars if everything has to be, you have to hold a press conference about everything. And the example I always cite is the so-called action in Indonesia that the British conducted after Malaysian independece, when the Indonesians were trying to subvert Malaysia. British and Australian and Malay troops just crossed the border and started sticking it to the guys in Indonesia causing them all trouble, and they settled that thing, and hardly a word made the papers. And I do think that that’s actually, if anything is done against Iran and Syria, that’s the way it’s going to be. I’d be very surprised, for example, if American forces took action across the border in Syria, I don’t think Bashar Assad would be keen to call a press conference and let CNN film his summer palace with a big hole in it. So I think actually doing it on the quiet is the best way to do it.

To hell with ‘gonzo’, Mark’s an auteur! See, Mark has cleverly recommended that President Backbone’s money shot be a surprise to the audience, but most importantly to those philistine producers who pay for the project! Genius!

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Joe Lieberman,

You are the biggest loser in the history of loserdom. You are a bigger loser than Kevin Federline. You are a bigger loser than the entire Italian Army. You are a bigger loser than the goddamned LA Clippers.

“Pointing out that Bush sucks only divides the nation!”

This is why:

Sen. Joe Lieberman, the only Democrat to endorse President Bush’s new plan for Iraq, has quietly backed away from his pre-election demands that the White House turn over potentially embarrassing documents relating to its handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster in New Orleans.

Lieberman’s reversal underscores the new role that he is seeking to play in the Senate as the leading apostle of bipartisanship, especially on national-security issues. On Wednesday night, Bush conspicuously cited Lieberman’s advice as being the inspiration for creating a new “bipartisan working group� on Capitol Hill that he said will “help us come together across party lines to win the war on terror.�

But the decision by Lieberman, the new chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, to back away from the committee’s Katrina probe is already dismaying public-interest groups and others who hoped the Democratic victory in November would lead to more aggressive investigations of one of the White House’s most spectacular foul-ups.

Absolutely not. Pointing out that the Bush administration is disastrously and dangerously inept at governing is a sure sign of (OOOOOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!) partisanship. And we all know how much Joe Lieberman (and Ann Althouse, and the Ole Perfesser and other noted moderates) simply deplores partisanship. Loser.

Why, oh why do these lovely, delicious, shiny, sweet and toothsome items always come blossoming out of the Internet just when I’m trying to get some sleep?

Here’s Dan Riehl. He’s mad.

Inside Blogging: How I Made Ace My Bitch!

All things considered, I’d prefer to not turn on a fellow conservative blogger. But when someone turns on you and your specialty, someone who knows next to nothing about web sleuthing and has confessed in group email to knowing nothing more about Google, than maybe that it has two O’s … well, sorry, but the freaking gloves are coming off.

Dan Riehl Has Finally Gone Frickin’ Bananas —Ace

I think this is about the 4,000th time someone has done a post with that title. It’s like you’re in a Dixieland band and Ace comes walking up with a trombone, all like, “Hey, check out this song. It’s called ‘When The Saints Go Marching In.'”

Now let me tell you all a little something about my good buddy Ace so you can peak his hole card the way I have, something you might not know if you’ve never collaborated with him on anything.

My man Ace, purveyor of the Internet’s purportedly most dangerous, if not deadly skull and cross bones Ace HQ Death Card … uh huh! Well, once you know a little something about how that particular Death Card came to be, it might not seem so menacing, after all. And Ace might just find out the jokes been on him all this time.

If you were to slip a whoopie cushion on Ace’s chair, he’d stand up and exclaim, “This chair made a sound like there was a whoopie cushion on it.” Then he’d sit on it again. I’m just saying this plan isn’t going to be as easy as it might seem.

See, I designed that death card for him. Just ask him! Assuming he tells you the truth.

Oh, that would be this one:

Above: logo displays several hallmarks of authentic Riehl design

You’ve heard about people who have a word they match in the dictionary? Well, my man Ace, he gets two – Anal and Retentive. That SOB drove me nucking futz for the better part of a month, late, every damned night designing that stupid card AND I WAS DOING THE WORK FOR FREE!!!

Cry me a river, Dan. How much do you think he gave us for this?

Update: This must be a prank. I can’t believe this isn’t a prank cooked up between these two specifically to draw us in. Read the second half of Dan’s post and tell me it isn’t just too good to be real.

Double-update: As in, yeah, he’s obviously being sarcastic and so forth, but…when has Dan ever had a sense of humor before? [Stands up and exclaims:] My brain’s making a sound like there’s a whoopie cushion in it.

January 11, 2007
Did the President Declare “Secret War” Against Syria and Iran?

Washington intelligence, military and foreign policy circles are abuzz today with speculation that the President, yesterday or in recent days, sent a secret Executive Order to the Secretary of Defense and to the Director of the CIA to launch military operations against Syria and Iran.

The President may have started a new secret, informal war against Syria and Iran without the consent of Congress or any broad discussion with the country. […]

Only rumors here, but Steve Clemons is a DC journalist with good connections and quite sober politics, and if he says that relevant Washington circles are ‘abuzz,’ that’s probably a fair assessment. More on this if and when details emerge.

Update: Yes, yes, we’re always making fun of rumor-mongering right-bloggers. I’m aware of that.

Let me make an analogy. Dipping into a bag of Cheetos now and then is called ‘snacking.’ Snorkeling in a lagoon of Cheetos on Cheeto Island, whose mysterious stone Chester the Cheetah heads, built by a long-vanished race of… Ah, whatever: erupting Cheetotaua Volcano; Cheeto palms waving in the breeze; hula girls with Cheeto skirts; spelling out ‘H-E-L-P’ in giant Cheetos on the orange, pebbly beach to signal a passing Cheeto plane, et cetera — this is called ‘being Curt at Flopping Aces.’

Double-update: Okay, remember what I was saying about the Cheetos before, when I got all defensive about publishing rumors? Here’s Ace all like, “Bwaha! Teh lefty ninnies are saying teh attacking Iran is like some kind of secret1!! Der, teh President even said he was attacking Iran so LOLOOLOLOL!1”

Above: The moment before Ace’s alarm clock goes off.

From Little Green Footballs:

The Big Fish Got Away

The reports of the death of senior Al Qaeda freakazoid Fazul Abdullah Mohammed appear to have been premature: No top Al-Qaeda suspects killed in Somali air strike, says US official.

You don’t say.

Above: Chazmo Johnson apparently tried to block us again, but
the redirect page was honestly pretty hilarious (advantage: Chazmo).

This is really good.

That bright object in the sky seems to have risen again today, so there must be something silly going on over at Blogs For Bush.

Above: B4B guest-blogger Princella Smith

President Stands Firm on Mission in Iraq
By Princella Smith at 11:32 AM

Good morning all,

I hope that everyone took time out of their busy schedule to listen to our Commander-in-Chief as he announced a revised plan for rebuilding Iraq.

The hangover is like a herd of iron-shod bison, thank you. Suggestion for next speech: No more ‘drink nine times’ rule for the phrase, “on September the 11th…”

But hold on a second: George W. Bush is the President, not the Commander-in-Chief, of the United States. That is, to civilians, as opposed to military personnel, he is in no respect ‘our Commander-in-Chief.’ I wish this small distinction between the position of the military as set out in the Constitution, and what appears to be a cheerful acceptance of the notion of political autarchy — of the notion that a president ought to ‘command’ the country — could be cleared up once and for all, because its endless, seemingly reflexive recurrence in Republican discourse can make people’s headaches really throb when they have a hangover. I’m just saying.

(Conservatives: Next time you find yourself typing this, stop and slowly repeat the phrase, “President Hillary Clinton.” Imagine the theme from Psycho blaring from blue-and-white UN gunships as they drop gay paratroopers into a Focus on the Family rally. Problem solved, no?)

Read the rest of this entry »

Oh dear:

The speech, itself, gets high marks from me – it was a strong statement of principle from a man who knows that the American people want results – victorious results.

Cue poll results:

A majority of Americans oppose sending additional troops to Iraq as outlined by President Bush in his nationally televised address Wednesday night, and just one-in-three Americans said the plan for more troops and a stepped up combat efforts by Iraqi forces make victory there more likely, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

Now back to Mark:

The Democrats, fools that they are, started playing into his hands months ago on this…

…so much so, apparently, that they took back both chambers of Congress in November. The fools! When will they learn that they’re walking into a trap!

…and their absurd push now for a symbolic vote against victory (because that it what it amounts to) will pretty much finish them on national security for a generation – provided, of course, President Bush can pull the flower of victory out of the nettle of danger.

Forsooth, ’twill be a merry Occvrence when His Majesty President Bvsh vanquyshes His mortal enemies by the Might of His Codpiece!

Above: Mark Noonan saith, “Goodely King George hath
conuinced me of the Wiseness of His Righteovs Planne!”