Worst Op-Ed Page Ever

The Washington Post is really giving the Wall Street Journal a run for the country’s worst editorial section. Today, Fred Hiatt gives Kathleen Parker (yes, that Kathleen Parker) 750 or so words to stupidify our national discourse even further.

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Look upon her wanks, ye mighty, and despair:

Mother Of All Blunders

By Kathleen Parker

On any given day, one isn’t likely to find common cause with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He’s a dangerous, lying, Holocaust- denying, Jew-hating cutthroat thug — not to put too fine a point on it.

But he was dead-on when he wondered why a once-great power such as Britain sends mothers of toddlers to fight its battles.

“Yeah, so Ahmadinejad may be a reactionary fundamentalist creep, but he’s right about bitches in the army. Oooooo, I wonder if he hates fags too!”

Ahmadinejad characterized as a gift to Britain the release of 15 British sailors and marines, including one woman, seized at sea last month. In reality, the hostages were the West’s gift to Ahmadinejad.

When a pretender to sanity such as Ahmadinejad gets to lecture the West about how it treats its women, we’ve effectively handed him a free pass to the end zone and made the world his cheerleaders.

Among his cheerleaders, of course, is Kathleen Parker, who says that Ahmadinejad was “dead-on” when he ridiculed the west for allowing vagina-enhanced persons to serve in the military.

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Straight Talk

John McCain must really be getting desperate. He’s now using Drudge to deliver his spin to the wingnutosphere:

Presidential candidate Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) says he misspoke in comments he made about security in Baghdad and acknowledged that heavily armed troops and helicopter gunships accompanied him when he visited a market there.

You don’t say.

McCain tells this to Scott Pelley in his first interview since the visit for a 60 MINUTES report that will include the only video camera footage of McCain’s market visit, to be broadcast Sunday, April 8 (7:00-8:00 PM, ET/PT).

In two interviews before the Army took McCain and 60 MINUTES on the heavily guarded visit to the al-Shorja market last Sunday, the senator said security had improved in Iraq. Upon his return, he also told a news conference he had just come back from a neighborhood one could walk around in freely. The remarks made headlines and he now regrets saying them. “Of course I am going to misspeak and I’ve done it on numerous occasions and I probably will do it in the future,” says McCain. “I regret that when I divert attention to something I said from my message, but you know, that’s just life,” he tells Pelley, adding, “I’m happy, frankly, with the way I operate, otherwise it would be a lot less fun.”

I agree. McCain’s clowing has been a ton of fun to laugh at.

He continues to maintain that the president’s surge policy has improved safety in Baghdad. “I can understand why [the Army] would provide me with that security, but I can tell you that if it had been two months ago and I’d asked to do it, they would have said, ‘Under no circumstances whatsoever.’ I view that as a sign of progress,” says McCain.

“The fact that I was able to walk around for five minutes guarded by heavily-armed troops and helicopter gunships and not get blown up by insurgents is a sign of progress!” Get outta here, ya maniac!

Continuing America’s military presence in Iraq has been a key position in McCain’s presidential bid. He says he knows he is out of step with the rest of the country. “I believe we can succeed and I believe that the consequences of failure are catastrophic,” he tells Pelley. “I disagree with what the majority of the American people want. Failure [in Iraq] will lead to chaos, withdrawal will lead to chaos,” McCain says.

In other words, McCain will need 50 more troops and an extra gunship to guard him if we withdraw from Iraq.

It’s still early in the 2008 race, but I’m pretty ready to declare St. McCain’s candidacy dead on arrival.

 

Moral Authority is Important

Unsurprisingly, it looks like the Iranian government treated the captured British sailors like dogshit:

ABOUT CONDITIONS IN CAPTIVITY

“…On arrival at a small Iranian naval base we were blindfolded, stripped of all our kit and led to a room where I (Lieutenant Carman) declared myself as the officer in charge and was introduced to their local commander.

…Two hours later, we were moved to a second location and throughout the night were subjected to random interrogation.

…The questions were aggressive and the handling rough, but it was no worse than that.

…The following morning, we were flown to Tehran and transported to a prison – where the atmosphere changed completely.

…We were blindfolded, our hands were bound, we were forced up against the wall. Throughout our ordeal we faced constant psychological pressure.

…Later, we were stripped and dressed in pyjamas. The next few nights were spent in stone cells approximately 8ft by 6ft, sleeping on piles of blankets.”

Memo to the pro-torture, pro-detainee abuse American Right: this sort of treatment isn’t just wrong when it’s done to British sailors. It’s wrong when it’s done to anyone, for any reason.

Consider that the next time you catch yourself wanking off during 24, you moral relativist creeps.

UPDATE: Oh. My. God (images added in between lines are my touch):

The White House on Friday condemned as “unfortunate and extremely disappointing” any mistreatment by Iran of British naval personnel held captive by Tehran for roughly two weeks.

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“What the sailors said this morning is unfortunate and extremely disappointing if they were treated inappropriately in any way,” national security spokesman Gordon Johndroe told reporters.

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“If what they described is accurate, and I have no reason to believe it is not, if what they described is accurate then that would not seem to be appropriate behavior and action,” said Johndroe.

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Have I mentioned before how much George W. Bush and his administration make me want to throw up every time I hear or see them?

 

A Browner Shade Of Brownwashing [Updated]

Princess Cupcake is angry that Littleton, Colorado still remembers those trivial school shootings, because, okay, domestic terror? [Chuh!] Like, have you ever heard of a thing called the International Muslamofascist Jihad Terror Conspiracy?

Anti-gun zealots oppose Navy SEAL memorial statue
By Michelle Malkin · April 06, 2007 10:06 AM

Read this.

***

Did you read it yet? This story is so flabbergasting, I’m going to walk you through it here to ensure you don’t miss it. There’s no clearer illustration of just how unreality-based and ignorant the Left is in this country.

Summary: Danny P. Dietz, a Navy Seal, was awarded the Navy Cross after having been killed in Afghanistan under conditions demanding enormous personal bravery.

Here is the beautiful statue memorializing Dietz that the anti-gunners in Littleton, Colorado are protesting:

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Source: Denver Post

Right, you’re laughing. It isn’t funny, ok? She’s actually that bad. She really thinks there’s no reason why this beautiful statue might present some difficulty to the unhinged moonbats in Littleton — planned as it is for a location “near three schools and two playgrounds.”

The fog of moral equivalence overtakes Littleton:

Michelle goes on to link to the contact form for Littleton, so that her gibbering orcs can express their feelings directly.

Well, moral equivalence is a bad thing. So we’re taking up a collection to erect this statue of Pancho Villa in the park across from Michelle’s house.

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Above: “La Reeeeconquista ees comeeng!!”

Let us know when the screaming stops; we’re also looking at an assemblage of crossed scimitars, and the price is getting pretty reasonable.

Update: I don’t know what everyone’s mad at us for. Henry Ford was a great American industrialist.

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I suppose we can swap it for that statue of William Tecumseh Sherman that everybody’s yelling about down in Savannah. Jeez, people: Sherman was a war veteran.

 

Gee, Who’da Fucking Thunk It?

Welly-welly-welly-well. To what to do I owe the pleasure of this surprising revelation:

Captured Iraqi documents and intelligence interrogations of Saddam Hussein and two former aides “all confirmed” that Hussein’s regime was not directly cooperating with al-Qaeda before the U.S. invasion of Iraq, according to a declassified Defense Department report released yesterday.

The declassified version of the report, by acting Inspector General Thomas F. Gimble, also contains new details about the intelligence community’s prewar consensus that the Iraqi government and al-Qaeda figures had only limited contacts, and about its judgments that reports of deeper links were based on dubious or unconfirmed information. The report had been released in summary form in February.

Why are we in Iraq again? Really, I don’t get it. It’s been explained to me using every stupid and bullshit rationale in the world (“Saddam will send predator drones to nuke Topeka!” “Saddam and bin Laden pinky-swore they’d be bestest friends in the world and then drunkenly slurred ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ together at the local karaoke bar to cement their love!” “We have to invade Iraq to make the Iraqis’ lives better!”), all of which, unsurprisingly, turn out to be stupid bullshit. This might be the very first war I have ever seen in my lifetime that has no rational explanation behind it. Hell, I’d feel better if they just came out and said, “It’s for the oil.”* Because as awful as that would be, at least it would make some kind of bloody sense.

In somewhat related news, I hope to (finally) have the results of the Glenn Reynolds Roboshop contest posted by Monday. That’s sort of a promise. Sort of.

*And no, I don’t think this war is all about the oil. If this were a classic imperial resources-grab, it would have been done a helluva lot more competently. No, there is something vastly more stupid and pathetic at work here that I simply cannot comprehend. Call me moonbatty if you must, but I think the wingers’ affinity for the film “300” has a lot to do with it. See also.

UPDATE: The good Mr. Yglesias writes:

[T]he reality is that the Iraq War was pushed by a circle of political, policy, and media elites considerably wider than the Bush family and endorsed by an even larger family. Fred Hiatt and Hillary Clinton and Richard Holbrooke and Joe Biden weren’t backing this policy in a fit of personal pique, it’s of a piece with a certain view — a mistaken one — about how America ought to conduct itself in the world.

That is certainly true. War-wanking isn’t exclusively a Republican trait, or even just a neoconservative trait. It’s something that has become deeply woven into our foreign policy establishment, and it’s something that a new anti-imperialist movement, like what William Jennings Bryan led in the 1900s, will have to fix.

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Crisis Averted!

It’s that guy at RedState again. (Did we mention that they’re now a subsidiary of Eagle Publishing?)

The Cruelest Cut
By streiff

We posted a group photo below while editorializing on the sordid behavior of the British government in the recent hostage crisis with Iran.

The image in the photo is stark. Twelve of the fifteen are pulling a full-dhimmi, laughing it up, three are somber, two with hands clasped in front and one in a modified position of parade rest.

If you haven’t seen that image before it could be because Agence France Press committed an editorial fraud upon everyone who subscribes to its service.

Oh no, another photo controversy — and this time the British Navy are in traitorous dhimmi cahoots with Teh French1!!

Maybe we can help fix this burgeoning international incident. Let’s go back to the original post.

The Sun Finally Sets
first the empire and now the spirit
By streiff

British Marines and sailors provide the Iranians a photo op

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I’ve said before, you never know how you will act in a situation until you have experienced it. I’d like to think I’d be one of the three on the right.

Sure thing, Clausewitz.

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Above: Artist’s rendering of Streiff in heroic military pose

We can make you a copy for framing; just drop a line.
[Hanx! Spartikus, J— ]


Update: Oh no! That tall guy has gone over to the dhimmi side!

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Update: Hooray! Those other two tall guys and that one short guy have gone over to the angry side!

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Will civilization prevail? We think it might all be up to the chick in the scarf — she seems to be wavering.

 

Victor Davis Hanson Sick of Singing ‘MMMBomb’

Hola! Cómo es usted, Don Victor Davis Hanson? How’s the weather in Fresno, ya greaves-fondling, sabre-rattling, modern-day small-‘h’ homer? Did you know that your stilted, think tank-funded nostalgia for the butchery of yore arrives each Thursday on my doorstep like a freshly violated corpse tossed upon a cold morgue slab?

(The rigor mortis belongs to the San Francisco Chronicle, the stench is mostly yours.)

So now I’m glancing over your latest op-ed … and Holy Hot-n-Hunky Hoplites! What’s this?!? A whole column with no mention of Alexander? Nary a paean to William Tecumseh Sherman? Not even the smallest, man-crushingly creepy peep about Leonidas?!?

Well, fuck that. Here I was, so looking forward to ‘Ode to a Grecian War Crime, Part Teh MCMLDVXXQWVII!I1!Lth’ from your bloody pen. I want my quarter back.

Still, History, as we well know, is written by the Victor(Davis Hanson)s … even when he’s writing about the present. And if that doesn’t make much sense, never mind, let’s press on. As usual, the important stuff to look at in a VDH column is what he doesn’t say:

Begging for a Bombing

What should we make of the Iranians’ behavior?

By Victor Davis Hanson

It’s probably a good rule to do the opposite of anything the Iranian theocracy wants. Apparently, this government is now doing its darnedest to be bombed. So, for the time being, we should not grant them this wish.

Mark this date, PNAC signatories. For today, Victor Davis Hanson has invented the ‘I-Know-You-Are-But-What-Am-I Doctrine’. Equally as useful on the kindergarten playground as it is at the highest levels of foreign policy. As a bonus, it goes hand-in-hand with the ‘Am-So!’ theory of tax policy recently put forth by Rudy Giuliani.
Read the rest of this entry »

 

The Brownwashing Of The American Freikorps

In case you’ve missed Princess Cupcake’s latest ragegasm, she’s been sending her gabbling hordes to attack the Burlington, NJ school district for staging a terrorism readiness drill in which the ‘terrorists’ weren’t Muslim.

“Right wing fundamentalist” terrorism drills
By Michelle Malkin · April 05, 2007 10:26 AM

Here’s an update to the whitewashing of jihad at Burlington Township High School. The district has released a statement about its mock terrorism drill, arguing that it really didn’t mean Christian terrorists when it used “right wing fundamentalists” to portray the hostage-takers:

[…]

The fact that other public school districts have conducted similar mock terrorism drills, devised by emergency management officials singling out right-wing Christian fundamentalists, suggests that the district’s statement is disingeuous at best.

It’s not “insensitivity” that’s the problem. It’s willful ignorance. If the school district is truly committed to preparing its students for a terrorist attack, base it on reality, not P.C.

Follow-up stories here and here.

***

Reader Andrew G. writes: “The fact that the mock terrorists were described as “members of a right-wing fundamentalist group called the ‘New Crusaders’ who don’t believe in separation of church and state” also belies the argument that the situation was supposed to be generic. ‘Crusader’ is a historic reference … not to Muslim or Jewish or Hindu or Buddhist fighters … but specifically to Christian fighters.”

Reader Bob writes: “So even if not against Christians, it is still fair game to be against the ‘right wing.’ Are there any public school terrorism drills that refer to ‘left wing’ terrorists?”

Good question.

***

This was not a drill…

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Because Chechen rebels murdering children in Russia is ‘reality.’

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…But right-wing zealots murdering children in Oklahoma presents a PR challenge.

Say, Michelle, how’s your boyfriend?
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Quote Of The Day

Here’s RedState (now a subsidiary of Eagle Publishing):

A Mistake Reconsidered
once i thought i made a mistake but i found out i was wrong
By streiff

I’ve long found one of the most frustrating part of discussing the Iraq War to be the idea of mistakes. The issue is not whether or not mistakes were made, the issue is whether those mistakes could have been reasonably considered to be mistaken at the time or whether there was ever a set of correct decisions that could have been made.

I’ve often thought this point might never come, but here I am at last, reduced to staring like a clubbed trout. The issue is whether there was ever what, now? It wha…?!

We seem to have discovered a new stage in the traditional Kübler-Ross process:

1. Denial: “The media doesn’t show the good news in Iraq.”

2. Anger: “The treasonous far-left-liberals and their media lapdogs are making us lose in Iraq.”

3. Bargaining: “If we send x-thousand more troops to Iraq, victory will be ours.”

4. Depression: “Did you catch 300 yet? [munch-munch-burp] God, it made me hate liberals even more. [channels flipping] They wouldn’t last a day in ancient Sparta.”

5. Advanced Literary Theory: “The hegemonic binary of ‘success’ and ‘failure’ traumatizes the (re)interpretive possibilities of an ethos of jouissance regarding the War in Iraq.”

Not to be phallogocentric here or anything, but we have to go with the non-fancy everyday definition of ‘mistake,’ meaning when you try to do something, like for instance apply aftershave to your face while your date waits in the hallway, but perform an action which thwarts your desired ends, like for instance mixing up your bottle of aftershave with the bottle of bobcat urine you bought to keep the deer out of the herb garden.

Maybe somebody could be all like, “But nobody knew it was bobcat urine, so how is that a mistake? How was it obvious that there was ever a correct set of decisions to be made, if nobody reasonably considered the chance of covering themselves with bobcat urine?

Dude smells of cat pee. That’s all I’m saying.

I’m a Clausewitzian by training and inclination.

Maybe a Santa-Clausewitzian.

I don’t buy 99% of the Fourth Generation Warfare or Network-centric Warfare theory bandied about. I don’t believe there was a correct set of solutions. Rather every decision, like a socio-political version of Newton’s Third Law, was bound to produce a negative outcome as well as a positive outcome.

Because abject and catastrophic failure is like the rocket exhaust that comes whooshing out of breathtaking success. It’s a yin-yang thing — perhaps the concept is too advanced for your Western hierarchical worldview.

I’ve explored what I think is the cruelest myth, that disbanding the Iraqi Army was a mistake, and others, smarter than I, have explored the potential outcomes of other decisions unmade.

We’d say that a heavy contender for ‘the cruelest myth’ about Iraq is the one about having to invade Iraq because Saddam wouldn’t surrender his WMDs. Another might be the greeted-with-flowers-and-candy thing. Another might be major-combat-operations-have-ended, and so forth, et cetera et cetera, and we’re still talking 2003 at this point. There have also been some pretty cruel myths since then, let me just say.

Disbanding the Iraqi Army, sending thousands upon thousands of trained fighters into the civilian population, and then creating a new army out of whatever new guys you can scrape up in order to fight an insurgency that has…somehow arisen. Brilliance.

Now another myth is being exploded: that de-Baathification is a bad idea.

Read the rest, by all means, but please take this tumbler of vodka with you. No, take more: I’ll open another bottle.

 

Men Without Hats

My esteemed colleague, F. Brad Fitzaltrocket, takes a stab at the Grand Unifying Theory of the Ole Perfesser and jots out the following equation:

This burgeoning technodorkofascist movement doesn’t yet have an official slogan, but I think a good one would be: “iVolk, iReich, iPerfesser!�

That’s pretty good, but I suspect their slogan is something far more banal — yet somehow even more disturbing:

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y … Safety, dance!

They are Men Without Hats.

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Above middle: Popular blogger Glenn ‘Instapundit’ Reynolds

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance

We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
And surprise ’em with the victory cry
Say, we can act if want to
If we don’t nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

I say, we can dance, we can dance
Everything out of control
We can dance, we can dance
We’re doing it from pole to pole
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody takin’ the cha-a-a-ance

Safety dance
Is it safe to dance?
Is it safe to dance?

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safety, dance!

We can dance if we want to
We’ve got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything’ll work out right
I say, we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine

Is it safe to dance? oh is it safe to dance?
Is it safe to dance?