Sadly, No!

I’m already in an incredibly foul mood. I’ve just slugged down two Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPAs in the past five minutes, and I’m going in for a third right now…

…so I figure now would be a good time to round up right-wingers’ reactions to the Virginia Tech shooting.

Many people have said a lot of stupid things this week about this awful shooting (including, sadly, my man Obama), but as usual, it’s the leading lights of the wingnutosphere who take home the grand prize for the inanity, sloppy logic and all-around craziness in their reactions. Let’s recap:

-John Derbyshire calls the victims pussies for letting themselves get shot.

–Bryan Fisher says the shooting occurred because we don’t indoctinate our children into a Christian theocracy.

-Rod Dreher blames Grand Theft Auto and 50 Cent.

–Mark Steyn places blame for the shooting on either the kids who got shot or on Clinton’s penis. Admittedly, it’s difficult to tell.

–Dinesh D’Souza claims that atheists don’t care if people get murdered.

–Michelle Malkin also calls the victims pussies, and says that colleges are to blame for cutting off their balls.

What depresses me about this isn’t that these people have such terrible opinions. What depresses me is that they are paid money to express them.

I don’t understand it. I really don’t. You could find more informed and enlightened commentary by interviewing the guy on the 39 Bus in Boston who thinks he’s the Invisible Man. Why isn’t he being paid six figures to write weekly columns for the National Review? Hell, he wouldn’t even require all that money- just give him a cheeseburger, and he’ll gladly pen 3,000 words explaining why people who get shot by angry psychopaths deserved to die because they didn’t pack heat and/or were Muslamoatheists. What the hell.

UPDATE: See also.

So: my roomate Justin and I are moving out of our current apartment in Jamaica Plain at the end of May and are looking for people to take our place on the lease. Because we are apparently cursed, we have had THREE PEOPLE agree to take the place AND THEN BACK OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE. How in the goddamn world we could be unlucky enough to find such absurdly irresponsible people is beyond my mortal powers of comprehension.

Anyway, the point is, I’m really desperate. I don’t want to give up my security deposit. I need someone to move in by May 1. It’s a nice apartment in Jamaica Plain. Heat is free in the winter. It’s got a nice, big kitchen, and it’s right by the Forest Hills T stop. If you know anyone in the Boston area looking for housing in May, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE forward them my Craig’s List posting. It can be found here. Thanks 🙂

Also, please use this thread to discuss why irresponsible people suck.

UPDATE: Link fixed. Thanks.

Here’s a present. If you like Arcade Fire, at least.

Above: Conservative funnywoman Julia Gorin

It’s hard to know what portion of this clangingly narcissistic column by conservative funnywoman Julia Gorin is most repugnant, so let’s just skip all the way to the end:

Feminists heralded the proliferation of abortion as a tool by which to “empower” women and give them control over their lives and destinies. But power is being pregnant. Because it gives you control over other people’s lives. Embryos and fetuses get you treated like royalty. Not only do people cede the right of way to you; not only do people in line at the ladies’ room let you get in front of them; but if the man who impregnated you sticks around for just a few more months, you get to lie on the couch all day and just point to things, and they magically come to you. You just have to say, “Honey, I think I’m craving a —,” and the chocolate-banana-peanut-butter milkshake appears in your hand. What can be more powerful?

All I’m saying is, even though I don’t want kids, I still promote doing the right thing. It’s a win-win situation. Embryos give you an opportunity to act selflessly and selfishly at the same time. You can be generous and still keep it all about you.

I suppose life does imitate art for self-absorbed upper-middle class urbanites who try to land sitcom development deals, but thankfully I hang out with people who work for a living and drink beer when they’re finished. Maybe Gorin doesn’t actually believe she’s earned the right to sit on her ass and control the lives of everyone around her like some loathsome sitcom protagonist who makes her audience grateful for the woman pitching Hondas at the commercial break, but she genuinely seems to believe she’s crafted a set of circumstances so appealing that it would form the basis of a compelling argument in one of the world’s most prominent newspapers to convince women she’s never even met to get and remain pregnant, even when life scripts them a very special episode, and then give up their babies for adoption.

This is one of those times I wish I worked outside in the rain, miles away from a computer.

It’s a good thing we can count on Bryan “MC” Fisher to help answer the question “Why did this happen” at Virginia Tech:

When people ask the question, as they did on 9/11, where was God when this campus was terrorized, the proper response can only be, “Our culture has spent 40 years telling God to get lost, and defiantly declaring to him that he is no longer welcome in our high schools, [That’s why we pray (pray)] our colleges, and in our public squares. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to us that, after spending four decades telling him to go away, he’s not around when he’s needed.” [We got to pray just to make it today] [MC added]

Because as we all know, nothing bad ever happened anywhere to anyone when God was around. Since he’s been gone however, it’s just like in The Incredibles when they are forced into retirement — everything’s gone to hell. At least we know who is to blame: Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently, Chazmo Johnson has become bothered of late that Little Green Footballs is widely known as a racist hate site inhabited by the scummiest peabrains on the Internet outside of Stormfront.

Above: They only wanted to be loved

In Chazmo’s position, a sane person might stop scouring the world press every day for anything that any Muslim or ‘leftist’ might have allegedly said or done which might help encourage scummy peabrains in an enthusiasm for exterminating Muslims and ‘leftists.’ For instance, he could recapture LGF’s former glory as California’s premier weblog for ponytailed, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing jazz guitarists who ride bikes a lot and do web design.

And in fact, he’s cleaned up LGF quite a bit in the past couple of years, since the Pajamas Media scheme started ramping up, banning some of the more whoopingly homicidal commenters (a popular individual called Rayra comes to mind) and installing a comment filter to eliminate instances of overspecificity, such as the terms ‘sand nigger’ and ‘nuke Mecca.’

But then, a sane person is not Charles Johnson, because his Final Solution to this problem, as with many such problems, is to jump up and down flubberingly accusing others of shamelessly, blatantly, and with incredibly lying dishonest blatant shamelessness, committing misdeeds which in reality Charles Johnson is trying to get away with — while only his own semi-retarded commenters can keep from laughing at the funny angry jumping man.

This is a near-daily thing lately, but sometimes it’s even more bizarre than other times; and here’s the latest in a series of updates on an outrageously offensive comment, the appalling like of which he has never seen in all his days, at the notorious hate site, The Washington Post:
Read the rest of this entry »

Michelle Malkin’s really grasping for straws here:

The Associated Press has decided to hound the VTech maniac’s sister. Why? Is there evidence that she knew of his plans or was aware of his murderous tendencies? No. The AP doesn’t report that. Instead, the entire article focuses on her employment in the Bush State Department. And this is relevant how?

Relevant how? Because it’s interesting.

In our effort to wrap our minds around this unthinkable tragedy, people are trying to gather as much information about this guy as we can. Who was he? What was he thinking? When did he veer so far from the path? Where did he come from? Why couldn’t anyone prevent this from happening? How could he do this?

There’s nothing in that AP report Malkin cites that suggests anything more than this: A child of struggling immigrants who’d sacrificed their own happiness for his was an English major at a state school whose passionate writings were poorly received and who had a sister just a bit older who’d graduated from a top school and got an apparently deeply satisfying job with the State Department helping poor people. That information falls well short of wrapping up my own personal investigation, but it certainly helps me to flesh out the character who inhabits my imagination. His sister’s employer bears even less responsibility for her brother’s actions than she does.

Somehow, I suspect Malkin will clear her throat and start singing a different tune if the media reveal that Cho’s letter contains disparaging sentences about the president.

Gavin adds: This is a wondrous example of Malkin’s suzerainty over language. ‘To hound’ and ‘to target’ shall today mean, ‘to write a story about someone using publicly-available information.’ These are now the official definitions according to the dictionary. Please update your files, and be aware that these and all other word-definitions are subject to change on a rolling basis.

And in the 70s there were Osmonds, lots of little Osmonds. Lots and lots of Osmonds everywhere.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Colleges should teach students to defend their beliefs. As in, physically.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: The fact that Jackie Robinson suffered institutional racism in silence while the Rutgers women’s basketball team seemed to revel in the insulting comments of one shock jock shows just how low our society has sunk.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I can appreciate a good shootout.

Shorter Walter Williams: Schoolchildren should be taught to properly appreciate the historical benefits of slavery. To do otherwise is brainwashing!

Shorter Kathleen Parker: Al Sharpton and Don Imus each represent a beleaguered minority, one real and the other perceived.

Shorter Mona Charen: I’ve been warning that something like this would happen.

Shorter Megan Basham: The United States is slouching toward socialism in order to satisfy greedy feminists who don’t want to sacrifice their families or career.

Shorter Tony Blankley: The downfall of Don Imus was brought about by a restless mob incited to near violence by mainstream liberals and their media, urp, agitators.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Everything worth saying about the Don Imus thing has been said already, so here’s an inside-voice defense of political correctness for my readers to dispute.

Shorter Brent Bozell III: I’ve compiled a list of complaints about this year’s Pulitzer Prizes.

Shorter John Stossel: I’m still intrigued by this whole flat-tax idea.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: John McCain should run on the economic policies that sunk the Bush presidency.

Shorter Austin Bay: Maybe American liberals would go for a missile shield if Europe starts building one.

Shorter Debra J. Saunders: Global warming is a conspiracy by rich people to make their cars look even cooler in comparison to yours.

Shorter Matt Lewis: Here is a list of inspiring quotes that might apply to the McCain campaign.

Shorter Bill Bennett: Perhaps you can find some words of comfort from this week’s tragic massacre in my new book, released just yesterday.

Welp, it didn’t take long for some demented freak to blame the Virginia Tech shootings on America. Yep, look at this sick America-hater placing blame for this sad massacre on the good ol’ U-S-and-A:

The Monster Among Us
By Mark Noonan at 02:20 PM

…

There is, though, no comfort to be found in this – a person who, even if foreign born, was one of ours took it upon himself to gather weapons and then deliberately and with malice aforethought take the lives of 32 people. There is a monster among us, creating these men again and again and again, and until we face up to this monster, we won’t be free of it.

The monster I refer to is the monumental depravity of our society – the combination of glorified violence, socially acceptable rudeness, a sea of pornography, seeking to assign blame rather than accept responsibility, rampant greed for the things of the world, the concept of “its ok to lie” in certain circumstances…you mix this vile brew and you will be forced to drink it to the dregs…and what happened yesterday was just another sip of the cup.

Say, that last paragraph would look better with some pictures, don’t ya think? Let’s give it a try…

Read the rest of this entry »

A.O. Spades makes a humorous remark:

Barack Obama Begins The Healing By Putting VaTech Massacre In Context With “Verbal Violence” of Don Imus
—Ace

Magical Negro.

[…]

Ace’s new logo gets a rainbow Afro wig.

Man, this is turning into the finest right-wing blog logo ever. Keep ’em coming, Ace!

*Motörhead pun equals instant 20 points. Whee!

It’s a good thing we can always count on life to imitate Seinfeld:

We all know not to feed the animals when visiting the zoo. Now the Antwerp Zoo has urged visitors to, please, stop staring at the chimpanzees.

Giddy up!

Yeah, but before I met up with her, I stopped to look at the monkeys, when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look and there is this monkey really laughing it up.