The chairman of the blue-ribbon Iraq Study Group, James Baker III, delivered an ultimatum to member Rudolph Giuliani that he either begin attending meetings or resign from the group. Giuliani, who pursues a career as a public speaker, decided that his hobby was becoming too much like a second job. Michelle Malkin and her Hot Air staff advocated for the withholding of Homeland Security funds from cities that allow police to have contact with illegal immigrants without reporting them to Federal authorities. Charles Krauthammer remarked that conservative blogs are “more analytical and restrained” while “the more liberal blogs are a lot more pungent and profane.” Ace of Spades linked to videos of men having sex with donkeys. Dick Cheney claimed that the Office of the Vice President is not a part of the Executive branch of government, spurring the publication of a Washington Post series on how Dick Cheney exceeds his authority.
A conservative justice of the Supreme Court of the United States visited Canada to inform fellow jurists that America’s laws should be changed to allow torture in order to facilitate the saving of lives by a fictional character. Thailand’s military government announced it will hold general elections in November, earlier than analysts had expected. Emperor Misha, arguing for the extermination of the world’s Muslim population, recommended that the endeavour begin with Palestinian Arabs. United States President George W. Bush vetoed stem-cell legislation. Michelle Malkin ridiculed attempts to communicate with foreign prisoners of the U.S. government who have not been granted access to a legal process nor publicly charged with a crime. Software giant Microsoft flip-flopped on plans for desktop PC virtualization. Somewhere in the world, a Muslim did something bad.
John Hinderaker, addressing the threat of global cooling, revealed that he and colleague Scott Johnson wrote a “1992 paper on global warming.” Baseball slugger Sammy Sosa clubbed his 600th home run. Music critic Patrick Luce praised the latest release from rockers The White Stripes as “a guitar thumping album that is sure to please fans of the band, and even win over some new ones.” Glenn Reynolds opted for brevity in a recent string of links to other Internet websites. The conservative front-runner for President of the United States, who is best known for portraying fictional characters, visited England to remind an aging fascist that America loves her. Pam Oshry remains insane.
Attend each coming week-end for Teh Sadly Review of News, of which the present comprises the first and a si pauvre installment. March On, Columbia!
–Teh Sadly (in collegium)
Fred Hiatt must be fired. Under no circumstances should he be allowed to remain in power and publish things like this:
Think of It This Way, Tony: At Least America Will Miss You.
By James Traub
The people of Britain will shed few tears when Tony Blair steps down as prime minister on Wednesday. But Americans will miss him deeply, the way we do the star of a beloved TV drama that the networks finally cancel. Not since Mikhail Gorbachev has the leader of a great power so utterly outlived his welcome at home while remaining the apple of the American eye.
First of all, which “Americans” did Mr. Traub survey when he wrote this editorial? I bet if he’d done traveled to Amur’ca’s heartland and done asked the local folk what they thoughta ol’ Tony Blair, the common response’d be, “Ain’t he that British feller who’s fightin’ with Dr. Evil allatime? ‘Do I make you horny, baby?’ Teh-heh-heh-heh-heh! I love that guy!” And of course, if he’d asked this American for his opinion of Mr. Blair, he woulda said, “OMG EAT IT BUSHPOODLE PWN3D LOL!!”
Why the crush? Just read Blair’s speech before Parliament on March 18, 2003, the day before the invasion of Iraq. A million Britons had marched in protest the month before; the leaders of Blair’s own Labor Party believed that he was making a terrible mistake, and in some cases had publicly said so. And Blair stood in the well of the House of Commons and warned that our equivocation was emboldening our enemies: “That is why this indulgence has to stop. Because it is dangerous. It is dangerous if such regimes disbelieve us. Dangerous if they think they can use our weakness, our hesitation, even the natural urges of our democracy towards peace, against us. Dangerous because one day they will mistake our innate revulsion against war for permanent incapacity; when in fact, pushed to the limit, we will act.”
Oh. My. God.
Blair went before Parliament and argued that war protesters were “dangerous” because they were turning Britain into a wimpy pacifist nation that Saddam would invade for the sole purpose of making Prince Harry his personal butt boy. This is a typical fascistic neocon argument: that protesting your government’s foreign policy only weakens national resolve, thus paving the way for scary brown people to take over. It can be found in every issue of the Weekly Standard dating back to… shit, actually, I think it’s just in every issue of the Weekly Standard.
As usual, when scientists tell you something, you can usually find the truth if you look in the opposite direction. What scientists label “positive”, the protons, actually- by their own theories- huddle in the center of the atom, slothful and lazy, sheltering the morally timid neutrons. The ones who go about, energizing things and spreading the Gospel, are the electrons. This leads me to believe that electrons are actually the positive moral force here, not the lazy, good-for-nothing neutrons and certainly not the vile, wicked, electron-counteracting, equivocation-enabling protons.
Electrons are the positive force in the atomic world. They are God’s servants. What, then, could they be, if not angels? Doesn’t this explain how the Lord is at work in every piece of technology we currently operate? Electrons power them all; ergo, the Lord, through the direct intercession of His servants, the angels, powers it all. It also explains smiting; thousands of angels come down from the Heavens and enter the skulls of the evildoers.
Bradrocket adds: I’m fairly certain Blogs4Brownback is parody at this point. Sadly, his basic premise about science isn’t too different from what Jeff Jacoby wrote in yesterday’s Globe:
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) – Sen. Barack Obama told a church convention Saturday that some right- wing evangelical leaders have exploited and politicized religious beliefs in an effort to sow division. “Somehow, somewhere along the way, faith stopped being used to bring us together and started being used to drive us apart. It got hijacked,” the Democratic presidential candidate said in remarks prepared for delivery before the national meeting of the United Church of Christ.
“Part of it’s because of the so-called leaders of the Christian Right, who’ve been all too eager to exploit what divides us,” the Illinois senator said.
“At every opportunity, they’ve told evangelical Christians that Democrats disrespect their values and dislike their church, while suggesting to the rest of the country that religious Americans care only about issues like abortion and gay marriage, school prayer and intelligent design,” according to an advance copy of his speech.
Given that Obama’s religion performs rituals which are supposed to unite in holy matrimony people of the same sex, I think there might be something more to our opposition to liberalism than some sort of sick desire to just divide people.
Yankee fans, please explain to me how you guys won four championships with this guy at the helm? I’ve never seen such shoddy bullpen management in my entire life.
– Dick Cheney is so secretive, he classifies documents ‘Treated As Suppository: Brown Eyes Only’.
– Dick Cheney is so secretive, squirrels and magpies worship him as a god.
– Dick Cheney is so secretive, he’s over here … no, he’s over there … no … HE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!
Have at it!
Gavin adds: And don’t forget to send (i.e., preserve in some form before they’re deleted and give to us for ecstatic promulgation) your entries in the Conservapedia contest.
