Sadly, No!

From Stop The ACLU, back in March:

UN Human Rights Council: Silent, Indifferent, Criminal

Have you ever actually seen an elephant go 1000% ballistic in a china shop? Maybe you have, but it’s been a while.

Hot Air has a refresher on the proper procedure how to make the UN Human Rights Council squirm like the worms they are: make them face the truth about themselves. Hillel Neuer, the executive director of UN Watch, an organization which holds UN accredited NGO status, went utterly medieval on the bastards. Really. It’s as good as the Spartan warrior Dienekes wanting to fight in the shade when hearing that the Persians had so many arrows that their volleys could blot out the sun.

Click the link above. Watch the clip. Go to the UN watch webpage. See real truth be spoken to really rotten power. Hear the cowardly reaction of the Council president. Hear him, for that matter, confirm every point made by Hillel Neuer.

Remember it when it counts.

Okay.

Police Arrest Norwood Man For Needham Homicide

[…]

In a separate incident, Needham police received information that there was a man with a gun in downtown Needham this afternoon. Police placed all schools in Needham, as well as the public library, under lockdown.

Police approached Stone Hearth Pizza on Great Plain and Dedham avenues, with guns drawn. Chris Robbins, co-owner of Stone Hearth Pizza, said the manager told him a man came into the restaurant, “very agitated.” “He used the bathroom and actually came out dressed in something different,” Robbins said. The manager called the police and told employees and three or four customers in the pizzeria to leave, according to Robbins.

At one point, an employee was believed missing, Robbins said, but all employees have since been accounted for.

Above: UN Watch Executive Director Hillel Neuer arrested
in Needham gun scare

[Video here]

A sort of drumbeat has been sounding for a couple of days now. The Weblog Awards are on again, and a character named PJ with an anti-Democratic-Underground site called DUmmie FUnnies has been spamming the Jesus out of Free Republic trying to win the Funniest Blog category, and especially to beat the top contender, which is, you know, us.

Above: Wakka-wakka, the wakka-wakkaing.

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I need HELP here folks. Two other blogs catching up to me FAST! And one of them is the extreme leftwing Sadly No! Think I’m exaggerating? Just visit that blog and you’ll run down the street urging your neighbors to vote on their computers.

He’s been pinging mass amounts of Freepers with some kind of daily ping list, and posting updates and beg-notices literally every few minutes.

WAKE UP PEOPLE! That is a VILE leftwing sacreligious site. Am I exaggerating? You go and judge for yourself. Seriously. If you do, a lot of folks out there will RUN to their churches this Sunday and URGE fellow members of their congregations to VOTE for the DUmmie FUnnies just to stop Sadly No!

And so on. It’s working so far; he’s currently leading by over 200 votes. And our idea about the whole thing isn’t that we ought to beat him because he’s a mean-spirited, smirking wingnut who spreads crazy right-wing propaganda as his mode of self-expression — as his soul-art, as it were. That seems pretty much to be the case, but everyone has their own thing, and this is, after all, a contest for the ‘funniest’ blog, not the blog that’s the most chill and can the most righteously hang. Our idea is that he deserves to lose because his site is a slapdash pile of lazy-ass suckage that nobody wants to read, and because he doesn’t care and isn’t funny.

It’s not that this PJ guy’s humor isn’t to our taste, or that we miss the joke. It’s that he’s funny like a dial tone, like a speed bump, like a slightly sad face drawn with a Sharpie pen on a used-up light bulb. He isn’t even unfunny; he’s non-funny: He’s apparently been practicing this ‘humor’ thing since the late ’90s, when he used to write zany Clinton Conspiracy tracts (i.e. he’s not just some kid somewhere), and yet, here’s the wow on display in his current about-me thing:

I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being from the 5th dimension. Once every 6000 years I materialize in your dimension in a Las Vegas hotel suite where I chant my holiest of mantras: “RAMA DAMA, I WANNA HOT MAMMA!!!”

Other than materializing in other dimensions, my big hobby is DUmmie observation which I do by observing DUmmies from the Democratic Underground website in my personal DUmmie Ant Farm. I find the DUmmies VERY AMUSING and share my observations of those funny Leftist critters with the rest of the world via my DUmmie FUnnies Blog.

You think I’m cherry-picking, right? You think it couldn’t possibly be that bad all the way through. Here, from yesterday, is his takedown of a William Rivers Pitt comment at Democratic Underground (Pitt is the managing editor of Truthout):

Pied Piper Pitt Panders To Hillary By Slamming Tim Russert

Watch Pied Piper Pitt pathetically pander politically in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, not so subtlely reminding everybody that the DUmmie FUnnies is now in the Weblog Awards contest, is in the [brackets]:

An article that just kicks the **ever-lovin’ shit** out of Tim Russert. Enjoy.

[Pied Piper Pitt Pathetically Panders Political Pathos.]

I sure as hell did. Russert is so full of shit, he squeaks going into a turn; you can smell him coming two counties away.

[Tim Russert s full of it? Remember, folks. This comes from a guy who gave out that great journalistic scoop that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12, 2006.]

Thanks for helping Cheney’s hatchet-men blow up a WMD-hunting CIA NOC agent, Timmy. Valerie Plame, remember?

[Thanx, Pitt, for the great inadvertent comedy material you have provided the DUFUs over the year.]

Thanks, also, for helping them destroy the in-country networks she assembled to gather WMD-threat intelligence data (real threats, I mean, not the bullshit ones you helped spread far and wide…do you even know the difference between “real” and “bullshit” anymore, you jackal?).

[Pitt pushing the notion of pencil pusher Plame as a Spymaster in the league of an Allen Dulles.]

Of note is that Jason Leopold, not Pitt, wrote the article claiming that Rove had been indicted. Also of note is that it’s been proven several times over that Valerie Plame was a CIA Non-Official Cover agent working on WMD counter-proliferation. But whatever. What’s of greatest note is that Pitt got off the only funny line, about Russert being so full of shit he squeaks going into a turn. Meanwhile, the DUmmie FUnnies guy sounds like he’s yelling at the radio. Oh wait, let me put it in [brackets] so you know it’s me.

[The FUNNY DUMMY from DUmmie FUnnies really rants and rails with righteous rhetoric, putting poopy panderers Pitt and Plame in a prickly pinch because they’re Red Commies like Hitler.]

Excelsior. Back to the Freeper vote-begging already in progress:

So far the DUmmie FUnnies is winning by a much wider margin in terms of percentage than any other blog in other category in this contest. However, the sleeping giant, Sadly No!, is beginning to awake.

Wha? Frnf. Arrum-num-num [yawn]. Zz.

Today I stopped by a few offices while on the road. I mean offices in office buildings where I didn’t know a soul. I went into a few offices and asked the secretary if she was connected to the internet. If the answer was in the affirmative, I asked them to go to the DUmmie FUnnies and then click thru the vote link there and vote for the DUFUs for FUnniest Blog. They usually gave me a strange look at first but then chuckled as they clicked thru. I explained to them about being in a big Web contest.

All you single guys can do the same thing this week. A great way to meet hot chicks and you have an excuse to see them again if you want to in order to encourage them to vote on future days until Thursday.

Above: Bukowski Tavern

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At a certain point, though, the self-promotion and victory-dancing became too much, I say, too much to bear:

If/WHEN the DUmmie FUnnies is published as a book (with CD-ROM insert), I am going to insist that the book party take place at Bukowski’s in Boston.

[needle scratches on record]

Now, Bukowski Tavern is a fine place in the Back Bay with an outstanding beer list. It isn’t one of those Flirtini-vending Boylston Street bars full of off-duty marketing professionals and chirpy Sex And The City wannabes — i.e., it isn’t like Lir, the site of the recent Ace of Spades party.

Above: If they renamed this delicious stuff ‘Immersion de
Fromage aux Ordures Blancs,’ jackasses would stop
craving it.

---

Bukowski is a place you’d want to hang out at if you were in Boston, and indeed, if you’ve ever lived in Boston, you’ve probably hung out there, or at the satellite Bukowski’s in Cambridge.

Knowing what we know about things and the world, there’s only one reason the DUmmie FUnnies guy would want to sully Bukowski with the presence of his blar-harring, Limbaugh-listening, homo-baiting, waitress-stiffing wingnut friends, if indeed he isn’t just planning to monomaniacally spam Free Republic for a week to generate a Freeper horde as his posse for the night. Yes, one reason alone, and it isn’t the ambiance, the jukebox, the clientele, the Mackeson’s Triple Stout, the Victory Hop Devil, or the Schneider-frickin’-Aventinus. No, the reason is illustrated to the right.

In brief, we have had all that we can stands, and we can’t stands no more. To that degree, allow me to make a statement of foreshadowing. First, vote here, if you’re so inclined (it’s possible and encouraged to vote once per day). Nextly:

I am about to do something very bad.

ABOVE: John Fund

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John Fund just claimed in an opinion column at the Wall Street Journal, which apparently can no longer afford to hire fact-checkers, that shortly after 9/11 the Department of Justice found that eight of the nineteen 9/11 hijackers were registered to vote. Elsewhere Fund has said that the eight hijackers were registered in Virginia and Florida. Fund’s claim has, not surprisingly, moved through the bed-wetters in the blogosphere faster than a case of chickenpox at a day-care center.

Mark Finkelstain at Newsbusters, of course, is all over this story, calling it a “chilly reality.” According to Finkelstein, this “fact has been out there for some time” but, of course, it was ignored by the Muslim-stream media, which thinks it’s no big deal and would, if it had its way, register everyone in Syria and Iran to vote in the 2008 election.

And over at PoliticalMavens.com poor Arnold Ahlert calls it a “hard slap in the face” and, after he picks himself up off the floor, continues:

That’s right, my friends. Eight dedicated members of Osama Bin Laden’s mass-murdering army … were capable of casting a ballot for the candidates of their choice in an American election. And who might some of those candidates be? … Democrats, one and all, led by the Great Obfuscater [sic] herself, Hillary Clinton.

Holy shit. Just think, if the 9/11 hijackers hadn’t crashed their planes into buildings, they’d be voting for Hillary in 2008 and we’d be eight votes closer to socialized medicine, gay abortions, and unisex restrooms.

Fund’s claim, accepted at face value by Finkelstein and Ahlert, is one that should have set off any reasonable person’s BS meter. I mean, what exactly would be the reason for the hijackers to take the time to register to vote? Did they also go register china patterns at Macy’s? Or apply for farm subsidies, small-business loans, and permission to take the Foreign Service exam?

So I tried to find some evidence of this Department of Justice finding, and the Great Gazoogle just kept taking me back to the same source, time and time again, which was, not surprisingly, Mr. Fund himself. Professor Overton, at the George Washington University Law School, also tried to unearth the source of Fund’s claim and wound up saying, rather dryly, that “data has not yet been found to confirm this assertion.” You and I might say more vividly that Fund’s claim is a steaming pile of hooey.

Most entertaining is Professor Overton’s account of his efforts to determine the truth of Fund’s claim:

When my research assistant Daniel Taylor contacted John Fund and asked about the source of the fact that eight of the hijackers were registered in either Florida or Virginia, John Fund indicated that he obtained the fact from an interview with then-Assistant Attorney General Michael Cherthoff. Taylor then contacted the Department of Justice’s Criminal Division, the Counterterrorism Section, and Voting Section, and no one knew about the claim. At the suggestion of these offices, Taylor filed a FOIA request. He also repeatedly called the Department of Homeland Security (Cherthoff is now Secretary of Homeland Security), but so far no has responded to Taylor. Taylor also contacted the former Virginia Secretary of the Board of Elections, Cameron Quinn. Quinn indicated that she was unable to confirm or deny that the September 11 hijackers were registered to vote in VA. She was familiar with the claim, and indicated that they looked into it while she was Secretary of the Board of Elections. However, they had a difficult time getting from federal officials the actual names of the hijackers, their Social Security numbers (which is how they usually look up registrations), or their actual voter registration numbers. As a result, she believes that her agency was never able to prove or disprove that any of the 9/11 hijackers registered to vote in Virginia. Taylor’s calls to the Florida Secretary of State have not yet been returned.

While being interviewed by Fox News on this claim, Fund said something that casts some light on where he really came up with this idea:

Eight of the 9-11 hijackers, eight of the 19 hijackers, were registered to vote — because they’d gotten driver’s licenses.

Fund apparently thinks that driver’s license applicants in Virginia and Florida are automatically registered to vote. As we say here . . . sadly, no! Virginia requires a separate registration application which can be obtained while applying for a driver’s license. It’s the same deal in Florida.

All this means that if you want to vote for gay abortion you’re probably going to have to do it yourself and not count on a terrorist to do it for you.

The wingnut librarian (as some like to call her) joins the list of those who find new and creative ways to blame everything on the Clenis:

We know the Clinton years’ incompetencies lead up to the Iraq War[.]

If by “lead up”‘ she means “come before” — as in, the Reagan years lead up to 9/11 or the Jefferson years lead up to Hiroshima.

Two For the Price of One

Above: ‘Kiss of Death’ (1947), featuring Richard Widmark.

• Perhaps it’s not even legal for Hillary Clinton to serve another term in the White House.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Between episodes of screaming at Muslims…

I told you you had one chance left to even prove you were part of the human race. The site does open, it’s not my fault you’re totally incompetent. Click on it again, you lying sack of pork infested, goat fucking, woman hating piece of shit.

Oh, and your comments will be moderated so if you want any face time, any publicity, anything, then you better clean up your act or you’ll flat out be banned instead of just edited. You’ve run out of chances. And I won’t hesitate to report you to our FBI, even though you’re in India. Got it asswipe? Keep in mind YOU came to MY blog and started the name calling shit and it’s obvious you can dish it out but you’re nowhere near man enough to take it.

Go ahead and report me, dickwad. While you’re at it, moron, prove the violence you claim I threatened. Haha–you can’t because I didn’t. Just keep in mind you came to MY blog and started YOUR shit–and I have the entire record.

…Miss Beth informs us that Miss Beth’s Stomping Grounds isn’t actually the main blog for the purpose of making fun of her:

It’s so nice when people give me publicity…even if they can’t be bothered to 1) follow directions to go to the main blog site and 2) don’t have the balls to go to the main blog site and 3) get their panties in a wad because they can’t stand the plain unvarnished facts and 4) when the actual author goes to their place to discuss things rationally with Gavin, still go after me, personally.

And we wonder why the country is fucked up?

Well, no, we actually stopped wondering that awhile ago.

By the way, it’s not muslims I hate–it’s islam–learn the difference, morons. EDIT–neither muslim nor islam is capitalized on purpose. DUH!

Above: We love Miss Beth but hate racist lunatics!

And, while reading the sewer filth coming out of your comment lines, I have never commented on your site–even though you seem to think I did. Why don’t you show me where I allegedly commented? While you’re at it, why don’t you compare writing styles between me and Ben? It’s obvious we’re two different people, even if you aren’t able to tell the difference. Sane people can tell the difference.

Well, fair’s fair, and we stand corrected. Apparently Ben — with whom we’ve been having a perfectly nice, civil discussion in comments — is actually ‘dajjal,’ who posts with Beth at Miss Beth’s Stomping Grounds, while Beth also posts with Ben, under the name ‘Ben,’ at Miss Beth’s Victory Dance, but posts alone at Miss Beth’s Workshop, with Ben (as ‘Ben’) and others at Take Our Country Back, and with some of the same other people, but not Ben, at Wake Up America. Ben also posts at Crusader’s Armory, Moderate Muslims for Peace(!?), and Islam Exposed, while Miss Beth also posts at StopHerNow, and The Victory Caucus. And by the way, oh my God, it’s this guy again.

The weird thing is that I’m positive I’ve missed a couple, and this isn’t even the same nest of Beths we usually make fun of:

I don’t know Beth, they can’t seem to comprehend that there’s more than one Beth on the planet.

[…]

And gavin I am Beth from Blue Star Chronicles. The woman who has this blog is also Beth, but a different Beth. We are friends and we both just happen to have the same first name. That doesn’t mean we are the same person. We are two different people. Are you able to understand that or do I need to type it slower to let it sink in?

Lady, you all need to type slower!

The corrections continue. We said earlier:

As with all known members of this particular interlocking axis of whoopingly-insane right-blogs (who are these people, and why are they taking up half the Internet?) there’s stunningly irrational stuff everywhere you look…

And someone — his name, ‘Ben,’ leads us to suspect it was Ben — replied:

“half the internet” is a wild exaggeration for which I invite you to provide some substantiation.

We checked, and he’s correct:

Above: The Internet (Inset: the Miss Beth™ family of blogs)

But there are a few things we can add as well, and here’s one of them. Beth writes:

How interesting none of you idiots can read a post, feel the only thing you can quote is [Old Testament] (show me [New Testament], moron) and can’t be bothered to go to the main site.

Why don’t you go get laid and relieve some of the stress off your micro brain while I go peruse some interesting cartoons by Lars. And flush another holy book.

I guess we’ll work on getting laid later, but as NickM notes, here’s Jesus from Luke 19:27:

But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them in my presence.

Better flush us a Codex Sinaiticus too, Beth. You might want to hook yourself up with of those wide, industrial toilets with the extra whoosh.

Update: Whoa Nellie, I don’t know if she can even get a toilet this big.
[Hanx! J—]

George Bush’s top lawyer vague over torture

[…]

After failing to clearly answer a question about waterboarding during his confirmation hearings two weeks ago, Mr Mukasey, a New York judge, delivered a written response to senators yesterday, saying that the practice was “repugnant to me”.

But in his written response to the 10 Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee, which decides whether to send Mr Mukasey’s nomination to the floor of the Senate for a full vote, he again refused to describe waterboarding as torture.

He said he had not been briefed on the classified techniques of waterboarding and therefore could not say if it was torture.

This seems like one of those opportunities for achieving synergy that people so often talk about.

Mukasey: "Blaghpftt! It’s torture! It’s torture!"
Interrogator: "Nice try, bub. How do we know you’re not just saying that to make us stop?"

Clif adds:

He said he had not been briefed on the classified techniques of waterboarding and therefore could not say if it was torture.

That’s because one of the classified techniques of waterboarding might be to give the person being waterboarded a secret signal that he can give to make the waterboarding stop.

Gavin adds:

“Mr. Mukasey, the secret signal is not, repeat not, “Don’t forget the gravy.”

ABOVE: Cinnamon Stillwell

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Our Sister of Perpetual Outrage, Cinnamon Stillwell, has her wimple in a wrap over San Francisco’s Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence — a bunch of men who dress up as nuns — and other perpetrators of hate crimes against upright Christians like herself. I bet you didn’t know it, but the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence even inspired a crazy man to try to burn down Grace Cathedral in San Francisco!

Anti-Christian Sentiment in San Francisco Leads to Violence, Liberals Shrug

Fresh on the heels of my SFGate column on San Francisco’s Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and their juvenile and disrespectful publicity stunt involving receiving Communion in full drag at Most Holy Redeemer Parish comes word of local anti-Christian sentiment taken to the highest degree.

It seems that San Francisco "performance artist" Paul Addis (formerly known as the arsonist who couldn’t wait to torch the Burning Man festival’s large wooden icon) decided to set his sights on San Francisco’s historic Grace Cathedral. Addis was arrested last Sunday night on the steps of the cathedral wearing an explosives belt and, according to a tip from a caller who overheard him earlier, planning to burn down the Episcopal church.

Burning down a giant stone cathedral is, of course, easier to accomplish in an overheated wingnut’s imagination than in actual practice, particularly where Mr. Addis had not an explosives belt, but an ammunition belt with small explosives which, according to the police, would not have caused substantial damage, much less burned down the whole gigantic stone edifice.

But let’s not rain on Cinnamon’s parade, because she’s just getting worked up about how no one is paying attention to this because it was a hateful Christian church and not a beloved mosque:

While one might imagine this to be a story worthy of attention, media coverage of the incident, as well as local reaction, has been muted at best.

I could only find a mere 270 news articles. Nothing much at all. Crickets, really.

Now let’s play "Religion Reversal," the game voted most popular among finger-wagging wingnuts!

Imagine for a moment if the situation were altered and Addis had attempted to burn down or blow up a mosque. … Were Islam to be the targeted religion, does anyone think for a moment that the "hate crime" label would not be affixed?

Perhaps not if it were done by a half-naked deranged man covered with paint who had an established penchant for burning down anything he could put a match to. But, hey, since we are in wild speculation mode, let’s give this one to Cinnamon.

But wait, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence aren’t finished inspiring people to commit acts of vandalism against Christian buildings:

It’s certainly possible that those inclined towards acts of violence are emboldened by the prejudicial atmosphere in this city. After all, is it any coincidence that 18-year-old Mathew Hinz was arrested last week for attempting to burn down a convent in San Francisco’s Portola District, in which six nuns were sleeping?

I don’t know, Cinnamon, let’s ask the police who arrested Matthew Hinz, since they might know just a tad bit more than you do about the circumstances.

Police Deputy Chief of Investigations Morris Tabak said evidence was left at the scene of the fire that led police to search Hinz’s home, at which point he was arrested. “He just likes setting fires,” Tabak said. “This is probably not the first time he’s done something like this.”

Notice that what the police said was that Hinz just liked setting fires, not that he just liked setting nuns on fire. It’s not even clear that Hinz even knew there were nuns involved. But. of course, to The Flying CinnaNun, that’s just further proof that the San Francisco police hate nuns as well and are, in fact, secret agents of the Islamofascists in their scheme to establish the caliphate, to burn nuns to death, and to force Cinnamon to wear a burqa when she leaves the house.

How much longer ’til we’re rid of Bush, again?

President Bush today demanded that Democratic lawmakers stop pressing his attorney general nominee for his views on a harsh CIA interrogation technique and called for a prompt Senate confirmation vote in the interests of battling terrorism.

Addressing the Washington-based Heritage Foundation, Bush used a speech on "the global war on terror" to lobby for former federal judge Michael B. Mukasey and defend the nominee’s refusal to comment in his Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearings about the legality of "waterboarding," a controversial interrogation technique that simulates drowning.

[…]

Briefing reporters on his speech this morning, Bush refused to say whether waterboarding is now being used or whether he considers it legal. He insisted that whatever methods the CIA is using to extract information from suspected terrorists are "within the law" and should not be "broadcast to the enemy."

You know, there’s a very good reason to not support someone who doesn’t know whether or not simulated drowning constitutes torture. The reason is because that man is obviously:

a.) An idiot
b.) A sociopath
c.) A ridiculous, Gonzo-esque hack who will say anything to weasel out of answering inconvenient or uncomfortable questions.

These three qualities are not ones that I find desirable in a prospective attorney general candidate. Mukasey could have easily cruised to a Senate confirmation if he’d only said something any morally sane person would have, such as "Well DUH waterboarding is torture!  Have you ever drowned before? Do you think it’s an enjoyable experience?" But noes. He decided that such an obvious moral imperative might not fit in with the Commander Guy’s twisted and sick worldview. So he gave the equivalent of an "I never inhaled" answer.  Only instead of BSing the nation about smoking spliff, he BSed us about torturing people. That’s a pretty bad thing.

In a healthy democratic society, such people would be considered mentally and morally unfit to serve in public office. In Bush’s America, though, they get nominated for Attorney General. A right sad state of affairs, it is.

Miss Beth (hates Muslims, blogs with arms and legs, see below) explains that we misunderstand her project:

About Myth vs Fact

Myth vs Fact was created as a follow up to the 14 part Know Thine Enemy series. Know Thine Enemy presented too much information to be easily absorbed. Myth vs Fact intentionally runs to the other extreme.

The myth: “Islam is a religion of peace.” The fact: Islam was concocted by a brigand for the purpose of motivating his companions to engage in piracy for his enrichment & empowerment. The evidence which demonstrates the truth of that statement is distributed throughout the Myth vs Fact series.

Wokay then. Little known, I say, little known is that Catholicism was concocted by a gay Lothario for the purpose of seducing young boys — as his followers continue to do.

Let’s direct Miss Beth’s attention to the following letter, written by Clement of Alexandria (c. 150-215), which adds what seems to be a deleted passage back into the Gospel of Mark:

And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And, coming, she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, ‘Son of David, have mercy on me.’ But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered, went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway a great cry was heard from the tomb. And going near, Jesus rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And straightaway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb, they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do, and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan.

Heh-heh. ‘The mystery of the Kingdom of God’ indeed.

Someone might point out that this is non-canonical, not unlike the Islamic writings that Beth and many others are working to ‘expose.’ Then again, the ‘secret Gospel’ tradition is (in actual fact) a very old and well-established one, and we find traces of this ‘Secret Mark’ in the canonical Gospel of Mark, with the ever-mysterious naked youth who streaks through Gethsemane. [whiz!] Yow, who was that naked guy? Wait, there he is again!

Perhaps next in our series: The (actual) violent gang war between Paul and Jesus’s brother James for control of the Church.