Sadly, No!

Navy Mistakenly Drops Dummy Bomb In Virginia Beach

OMG, it must have been meant for one of the interior or southern states.

Update: Four words that could change the world: “gay bomb broken arrow.”

Let me just say: It’d be a dark day around here if someone were to post something like this:

I have developed a truly amazing system of prognostication when it comes to the news. While not foolproof, it does yield results above the statistical average for the method, which means that there must be something more than chance involved here. I will definitely be contacting the Randi foundation later this week to collect my million dollar prize!

Are you ready for my supernatural discovery? It works like this: If the day of the week ends in the letter ‘Y,’ then you should expect a news story about a conservative Republican legislator having kinky gay sex. Trust me — this thing is foolproof.

It seems like the very married Richard Curtis is having a hard time living up to the manly Übermenschen standards the Republican party Volk likes to set for itself these days:

The police report contains an account of how Curtis allegedly donned women’s clothing, red stockings and a black
sequined lingerie top before engaging in a sex act at the store. He then continued to wear them throughout the night under his clothing, the report says.

Now, I don’t personally find anything particularly strange or offputting about men in women’s lingerie. Straight crossdressers and drag queens alike have been numbered amongst my friends before. But this one little bit from the linked-to police report does have me a bit weirded out:

While I was collecting evidence I saw a plastic sack which contained a light gray length of nylon rope, a plastic doctor’s stethoscope, and other items I could not immediately identify.

(Emphasis added.) Items that could not be immediately identified? The imagination runs riot.

Perrin Responds to ‘Death Threat’ Challenge: ‘Uh, I Forgot’

Above: Foolin’ some of the people some of the time since September, 2001

• Insane moonbat Dennis Perrin said that someone threatened him in my comments five years ago. As my explicit policy is to delete all death threats against diseased leftist scum, it fell to the lying smear artist Perrin to produce concrete proof of such an outrageous claim, the like of which I have never seen in all my days.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

TMT regular Cal Thomas puts on his dunce’s cap:

The NTU reports Count Rangula’s [A humorous way of referring to Charles Rangel -S,N!] claim that “91 million families” will benefit from his tax scheme, but that number includes a spending giveaway to millions receiving the Earned Income Credit, which are households that currently pay no taxes. Count Rangula is playing the familiar liberal Democratic class warfare game, which punishes the productive while subsidizing the nonproductive (but able-bodied). [Emphasis added]

The EITC, of course, goes to these folks:

The Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) sometimes called the Earned Income Credit (EIC), is a refundable federal income tax credit for low-income working individuals and families. [Emphasis added]

Thanks for being nonproductive, low-income working individuals and families! [To which we would add that not paying federal income tax is really not the same as not paying taxes.] One might have expected better of Thomas given that he plagiarized parts of his column from the National Taxpayers Union’s press release:

[TABLE=2]

So what did we learn today? Well, it turns out that metaphors aren’t really for everybody:

Like Dracula the vampire, Count Rangula is cagey about his intentions, luring his victims (us) with promises of “reforming” the tax code.

I mean, Dracula the vampire… does he really need “the vampire” in his title, as vampire? Dracula, “the” vampire? Are we going to confuse him with Dracula the district attorney? Dracula the pope? There’s no other Dracula… *

Shorter Mary Katharine Ham: It was nice to see someone ask Hillary Clinton some tough questions regarding her Presidential records.

Shorter Amanda Carpenter: Americans dread another eight years of Hillary Clinton as president.

Shorter Michael Medved: Principles and democratic ideals have no place in politics, where winning is everything.

Shorter Allison Kasic: Lady science professors??? What’ll they think of next?

Shorter Austin Bay: The State Department is going to need more diplomats who look dashing in pith helmets.

Shorter Paul Greenberg: After cocktails, metaphors!

Shorter Ed Feulner: Scientists who question whether a missile defense system could plausibly work underestimate America’s can-do spirit!

Shorter Mike S. Adams: College students should be allowed to wear their racism as a symbol of their individuality and a belief in personal freedom.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I believe the invisible hand — not courts — should mete out slaps on the corporate wrist.

Shorter John Stossel: Utah voters have a chance to take back their public schools from the so-called experts (oh, I how I despise them…).

Shorter Walter Williams: Statistics show that America’s poor are 52 percent less wretched than in yesteryear.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: The handover this week of the eighth Iraqi province in four and a half years spells certain victory for our forces, their wily commander in chief and his worthy successor, Rudy Giuliani, and … and … ah, good ol’ sock. I’ll just put you back under the bed ’til next time.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: The Laura Bush headscarf episode makes me question whether some of my Townhall colleagues are more interested in diplomacy with Muslim countries or … something else.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Liberals want to teach your child yoga instead of math.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Illegal immigrants become even scarier when you describe them as drug-dealing terrorists.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Half of the people can be part right all of the time, some of the people can be all right part of the time, but all of the people can’t be all right all of the time. I think Ronald Reagan said that. “I’ll let you have this handful of greasy candy corn if I can have your Little Debbie snack cakes.” I said that.

We think we know which Beth this is, but there are a lot of right-wing Beths running around these days, and each is liable to turn up at about a dozen overlapping blogs, with Beths commenting on posts by different Beths, and so forth.

This particular Beth, in any case, has found a new way to oppose the International Muslim Conspiracy — i.e., to assist America’s permanent and unchanging right-wing moron demographic in blasting irrational, pinheaded anger at everyone in the world except themselves, with the prime religious target, this time, being Muslims instead of Jews (or Catholics and The Vatican).

Well, it’s not exactly a new way, but Beth shows extra brio by skipping over the actual Koran and ‘exposing’ out-of-context passages from other Islamic religious texts. For instance, here’s the latest proof of the depravity of all Muslims, yanked OMG-style from a Sunni hadith, i.e. a collection of oral commentary considered uncanonical by Shi’a:

Myth vs Fact

Myth	Fact
Islam: Religion of peace.	Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 267: Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Khosrau will be ruined, and there will be no Khosrau after him, and Caesar will surely be ruined and there will be no Caesar after him, and you will spend their treasures in Allah’s Cause.” He called, “War is deceit’.
Tafsir

Myth vs Fact

Myth	Fact
Islam: Religion of peace.	Bukhari Volume 4, Book 53, Number 392: Narrated Abu Huraira: While we were in the Mosque, the Prophet came out and said, “Let us go to the Jews” We went out till we reached Bait-ul-Midras. He said to them, ”If you embrace Islam, you will be safe.You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. So, if anyone amongst you owns some property, he is permitted to sell it, otherwise you should know that the Earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle.”
Tafsir

These are indeed bone-chilling statements, especially if you’re Khosrau (?) or a devout Jew in Arabia circa 630 AD. Of course, since 9/11 we’ve all become Khosrau (?) and/or a devout Jew in Arabia circa 630 AD, or something. Or perhaps we’re Caesar. But let’s just leave that one alone for the time being.

As with all known members of this particular interlocking axis of whoopingly-insane right-blogs (who are these people, and why are they taking up half the Internet?) there’s stunningly irrational stuff everywhere you look, such that it’s impossible to quote one thing over another without feeling like you’ve trod a diamond into the carpet. One strongly suspects, for instance, that the ’email received from a Gold Star Mother’ referenced at the above link is actually one of those mysterious Snopes-style emails that arrive with 150K of quoted text saying “OMG U WONT BELEIVE THIS 1 FORWARD IT 2 EVERY1 U KNOW!!!” and with two hundred AOL and Wal-Mart Connect addresses in the cc bar. It certainly wouldn’t be unprecedented.

And yet, one good turn deserves another. It is perhaps time the world knew the truth about so-called Christians and their global conspiracy to dominate the world, et cetera, and for our first exposé of this spawning-religion of terror-criminals and criminal terrorists, we turn to the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, a work roughly contemporaneous with the Gospel of Luke that enjoyed great popularity in the Middle Ages, despite not making the cut for the actual Bible. Here we learn that the young Jesus was a child murderer:

WTF?! Truly the essence of Christianity is here revealed, indicting all followers of this lunatic terror cult.

Here we find a true accounting of the innate depravity of Jesus’s teachings, as Thomas exhorts his bloodthirsty followers to lash out at others from blind pique, indeed to embrace evil, and to accept no responsibility for their actions.

Oh, and there are lots more of these historical Christian texts as well, including some really gay ones, as in g-a-y. From them, much is indeed to be learned about this strange religion now so often in the news.

My Increasing Support Of Waterboarding

• The counterterrorism expert Malcolm Nance wrote an informative, definitive and persuasive piece for Small Wars Journal titled Waterboarding Is Torture, Period, which nonetheless fails in that I shall keep on quibbling smugly over the definition of torture.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

OH MY GOD:

This was sent to me by a man who seemingly wants me to impale myself on the center field flagpole at Fenway Park. If I weren’t still drunk with joy that the Sox just won the World Series- or hell, if I weren’t still drunk period- this video might very well have driven me to such a grisly act.

Also, would some kind person please call the child abuse hotline and send them a link to this video? It’s all the evidence they need to prove that Pam is unfit to raise potted plants, let alone real live children.

UPDATE: Oh well, Clif beat me to it, yadda-yadda-yadda. This is what I get for not paying attention to anything related to politics for the last week.

Clif adds: A good thing bears repeating. If somebody who didn’t see the video in my post sees it in yours and, as a result, witnesses the ravages that can be inflicted by crystal meth, particularly on the children, then S,N! has done its job.

ABOVE: Would gladly wipe another country from the map
in exchange for a paid college speaking engagement

Sure, the World Series of baseball might be over, but this comment by Dennis Prager could probably outscore its opponent by 29-10 in a four-game sweep of the World Series of ridiculous comments:

It is considerably more difficult to get conservative speakers invited to most American universities — or for them to be able to speak without being harassed — than it is for a Holocaust-denying, genocide-advocating leader, such as Iran’s Ahmadinejad at Columbia University, to deliver a speech at an American university.

As usual, the essence of Prager’s complaint boils down to his belief that not enough people are paying courteous attention to him while he speaks. Perhaps he should undertake his own nuclear program or something. That always grabs my undivided attention.