Sadly, No!

Carol Platt Liebau does us a solid and lofts a softball of wingnuttery in our general direction:

On “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila,” both straight men and lesbians vie for Tila’s affections. To do so, they engage in a variety of sexually explicit activities features lewd behavior among the contestants, encouraged and applauded by Tila herself, including group sleepovers and raunchy rounds of “Truth or Dare.” It is the most popular show in its time period among people 18-34, and no doubt has many younger viewers. [Emphasis added]

Sadly, No!

MTV’s “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” — which features the MySpace phenom choosing from among male and female suitors — wooed 1.8 million viewers in its premiere Tuesday night.

The show, which aired from 10-11 p.m., ranked No. 1 in its time period across all of cable in the network’s target demo of persons 18-34, averaging a 2.0 rating. That’s also up 36% compared with MTV’s “10 Spot” series premieres year-to-date. [Emphasis added]

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out:

In fact, recent academic research has suggested that even modest sexual experimentation increases the risk of depression for girls, so it’s worth asking: Does the widespread sexual behavior celebrated by teen culture explain in part the CDC’s latest report finding that suicide rates among preteen and young teen girls had spiked by a whopping 76%?

Given that the suicide rate for preteen and young teen girls in 2004 (0.95 per 100,000) was the same rate as that recorded in 1994, we’re gonna go with Sadly, No! on that one as well. (Leaving aside the fact that the Paris Hilton tape, unless it caused some very spontaneous suicides, seems an unlikely trigger for an increase in suicides in 2004).

From comments this evening:

Rightwingsnarkle said,
November 5, 2007 at 7:33

Snark fails me at times like these.

I’ll get it back, but I just don’t have any right now.

Bring on teh Cheetos.

Indeed, but how did he know?

We had decided that in order to beat the execrable PJ, we would need to make his powers our own. I volunteered to become as thoughtless, as single-minded as he, as lacking in self-reflection and personal honor, as feckless and as immune to shame. I would howl mindlessly, fungally in the frigid vastness of space, chanting noisome hymns to my mad, deaf idiot-king, and gibbering streams of imprecations unto the planet called Earth.

I volunteered to eat of their lotus and become a wingnut.

I could not have foreseen the soul-twisting horrors that inhabited neither the up nor down, neither the left nor right, but the spaces in-between of the right-blogosphere. But the first problem was a procedural one. Which kind do they use?

Above: The old-school-inspired, yet perhaps not totally authentic Cheez-Doodley kind

Above: What I imagined to be the ‘original’ crunchy kind.

To this end, I procured one of each.

[CONTINUED IN PART II]

‘Don’t Eat It’ concept created by Steven at The Sneeze.

The Morris dance of outrage is still clattering away, down at Free Republic — which is as good a place to begin this tale as any:

Freep This Weblog Awards Poll for FUnniest Blog (DUmmie FUnnies Being Targeted by Leftwing Websites)
Posted on 11/04/2007 10:31:56 AM PST by PJ-Comix

The DUmmie FUnnies are under a bigtime attack by an organized campaign by the Leftwing Blogosphere to keep us from winning as FUnniest Blog in the 2007 Weblog Awards. Late yesterday afternoon the DUmmie FUnnies, thanx for the most part to Freeper Power, was leading in that poll by almost 700 votes. Then the Left got desperate. They just can’t tolerate a blog, dedicated to mocking and satirizing their many foibles to win that award. Therefore, led by Sadly No! and the Democrat Underground, a host of leftwing websites is now targetting us by urging their readers to vote for Sadly No! in the FUnniest Blog category.

This is all very affirming in a way, but any reasonable person would look at our oeuvre and see a bunch of characters who couldn’t organize breakfast with a waffle iron and a box of Bisquick.

…Although truly, by about 11 AM when the Left gets desperate, we just can’t tolerate a frozen burrito mocking and satirizing our hunger, and often one is targeted.

I know that Freeper Power can counteract this attack on us. Therefore I am asking for your vote for the DUmmie FUnnies as the FUnniest Blog by clicking HERE.

The first time you click the circle next to “DUmmie FUnnies” you should see it turn dark yellow. You need to click it again. When you see the vote stats Results page, you will know your vote has been registered. You can vote once every 24 hours until the contest closes on Thursday.

In any case, you’d think PJ would know what an ‘organized campaign’ looks like. The farther you delve into the Andy Stephenson affair, the more singularly nauseating it is — and there are some words, like ‘nauseating,’ that pretty much stand in reserve, only to be used when no other word will do.

PJ and a few other Freepers did some of that frenzied Internet research that right-blogs are so justly famous for, and decided that Stephenson had a lot of money (he didn’t), was faking pancreatic cancer (he wasn’t), and that donations toward his medical bills, via Democratic Underground, were actually a scam netting him hundreds of thousands of dollars (they were not). A narrative from From DU’s Elizabeth Ferrari:

What followed was a coordinated effort to block Andy [Stephenson]’s medical care or his benefit from the medical care we could secure for him. In specific, the Bush right had its agents make small donations so they could then call Paypal with allegations of fraud that froze Andy’s account. They also called Paypal, misrepresenting themselves as the hospital to “verify” that this effort was a scam.

And it got more vicious from there. Due to the frozen funds and the confusion it caused us all, Andy’s surgery date was cancelled by Johns Hopkins. It was with great difficulty that we were able to persuade the doctor to be put Andy back into the surgical rotation. That cost him two weeks while he suffered from the most aggressive, invasive form of cancer.

[…]

After Andy was admitted to the hospital, the rumors turned into threats. A bounty was offered by the Bush right for anyone who could sneak into his hospital room. It was said he was getting a face lift. A telegram was sent just to see if it could be successfully delivered. The harassment was nonstop. And we tried to shield Andy from it, with less success than we would have liked.

[…]

Andy left the hospital and spent two weeks recovering at a friend’s house, learning how to eat again, learning how to move, weaning himself from the morphine that he’d needed post surgery. During this time, one of his supporters in Baltimore had her car vandalized – a message was sent. Shortly after he left to return to Seattle, his second East Coast hostess was stalked to her home and watched as someone tried to open her front door. His supporters everywhere were systematically intimidated and all the while, they tried to keep it from Andy.

Andy then went back home to Seattle, looking forward to a medical course of chemotherapy and radiation. Once he arrived, he found that an anonymous tipster had managed to get his Medicaid shut down. It took us two weeks to get him back in the system. Andy had anaplastic pancreatic cancer and was again forced to wait weeks for follow up care.

By this time, Andy’s stalkers had set up a website. It purported to be concerned that the funds for his surgery were raised fraudulently. Thankfully by this time, Andy spent very time on line. But it wore on his core advocates who were repeatedly attacked, defamed and baited.

[…]

As late as week before Andy died, we couldn’t keep the poisonous campaign from him. He felt well enough to log into to his email and found a multipage denunciation, supposedly being filed with his state’s attorney general. He called me, not so much in a panic. Panic was no longer a speed Andy had. He called me in despair, because he could no longer fight the barrage of hatred being leveled at him. I don’t remember what I said to him but I hope it helped for a moment.

The attack from the Bush right never paused, not even through the agony of Andy’s last days. Not at all. Even the fact of his death is being disputed. Two days after his passing, his advocates are still being harassed, still receiving anonymous hate calls, “It was a scam.” The friend planning his service was visited by two men impersonating sheriffs on the morning after Andy passed. They were there to ask about fraud, they said.

Andy’s physical death has not stopped the attack, has not slowed the hatred, has not stemmed the steady stream of intimidation.

That’s our PJ, apparently. Also of note is that he and his Freeper cohort tried to obtain the autopsy report, for what purpose it’s difficult to imagine.

[Again, teh voting, in case you’re of a mind to vote against PJ (and for us, Jon Swift, or any of the other entrants), is here. Everyone can vote once every 24 hours.]

[Hanx! Stef]

I have gone over to the dark side. (Details forthcoming.)

In the meantime, here’s some background on our pal PJ at DUmmie FUnnies, whose most notorious Freeper campaign was stirring up a mob to harass Andy Stephenson while Stephenson was dying of pancreatic cancer:

PJ comix made Andy Stephenson’s last days on earth hell …
Cancerous Campaign

Voter activist Andy Stephenson fights charges he faked his illness—from his hospital bed.

The Internet saved Andy Stephenson’s life. In May 2005, the voting-rights advocate’s online community came together and raised $50,000 in 11 days to pay for surgery to treat Stephenson’s pancreatic cancer. Now, the World Wide Web has spawned a bizarre campaign that accuses the nationally renowned activist of faking his illness.
http://www.seattleweekly.com/2005-07-06/news/cancerous-campaign.php

---

But one day later Andy died, despite his surgery.

http://www.google.com/search?q=andy+stephenson+site%3Awww.freerepublic.com
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/keyword?k=andystephenson

Here’s the DU fundraiser for Andy’s surgery campaign:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=3561640
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=3622212

A post about the DUFU blog that now may be awarded Funniest Blog:
https://sadlyno.com/archives/7728.html

More background, via PJ and another commenter at the Weblog Awards page:

pjcomix
Junior Member

Nice try but then you better label the head of the Democratic Underground as well as the other big DUmmie there, William Rivers Pitt, as haters, since they were also questioning Andy’s veracity. Don’t believe me? Then here is the thread chronicling Pitt getting upset with Andy. Check it out.

http://dummiefunnies.blogspot.com/2005/05/dummie-funnies-05-17-05-im-pretty.html

stef
New Member

And I’m very glad you posted that link to your site, so folks can get a taste of what you consider “funny.” Tormenting a dying man. Hah Hah.

Since you’re here, allow me to explain how Andy’s story got distorted and led Will to question his condition. Andy went to Johns Hopkins for his surgery. Unfortunately, thanks to the harrassment by you and your pals (which caused his paypal acount to be temporarily frozen), his check from the fundraiser did not make it to the hospital in time. The surgery was rescheduled for a week later. While he was waiting he came to NYC to visit me. He was in a lot of pain and spent most of the weekend in the apt, but one night we went out to Hoboken to visit another DUer, Betty Ellen. Over dinner Andy announced that there was good news, Johns Hopkins had found that the tumor was “encapsulated” which indidcated that it had not metastisized, i.e., hadn’t spread to other organs. Betty misunderstood “not mestatastisized” to mean not cancerous, and she posted that at DU as good news. It was a simple mistake, but you and your lovely team of hatemongers seized on it and started your campaign to demonize poor Andy as lynig about his illness.

Pitt got sucked in by you guys but quickly learned the truth and apologized, and in fact gave Andy’s eulogy when he died a few months later.

I can’t imagine how pathetic your life must be that you spend so much of it hating people you’ve never met, but I pity you. And no, I don’t think you’re funny. Not at all.

[Teh voting, in case you’re of a mind to vote against PJ (and for us, Jon Swift, or any of the other entrants), is here. Everyone can vote once every 24 hours.]

The Colts put up one hell of a game tonight. They played quality, quality D, they moved the chains against us, they forced some key turnovers against the Pats’ vaunted O. They’ve proven that they’ll be one hell of a team to beat in the AFC championship game.

But shit, I’m glad the Pats pulled this one out of their asses, if for no other reason than to read Easterbrook whine for the entire week. Tuesday, mons mes amis, can’t come soon enough. El. Oh. El.

Hey Henley: I scored a 35 on RS’ Almost-Impossible Rock Quiz. This means I’m lamer and older than you are, despite being only 28.

Feel free to take the quiz yrself, kids. It’s more fun than you think.

Russert: So you’re saying we will be there [in Iraq] for several years?

Thompson: I don’t know what several years means.

Let’s see if we can help him out. ‘Several years’ could mean, at minimum:

– 24 months
– 104 weeks
– 730 days (731 if there’s a leap year in the mix!)
– 17,520 hours
– 1,051,200 minutes
– 63,072,000 seconds
– 1 trillion dollars, give or take a couple billion
– 2,000 U.S. dead, give or take a couple hundred
– 20,000 U.S. wounded, give or take a couple thousand
– 100,000 Iraqi dead, give or take a couple hundred thousand (actually, only ‘give’, not ‘take’)
– The ongoing obliteration of our credibility and moral standing in the world, give or take ‘this-has-actually-happened-already-and-now-we-are-merely-feeling-around-for-the-floor’)

Driving While Black

• Even though I’ve been pulled over by the police hundreds of times while driving, it’s not because I’m black. In fact, I’m white.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

UPDATE: Righteous Bubba‘s poetic take on Sowell is too funny to be hidden away in the comments:

Whose roads these are I think I know.
These public works they kind of blow;
Police can see me driving here.
But drive these roads with headlights? No.

My little car must think it queer
To drive without the lights on here
Between the hills a concrete snake
The darkest evening of the year.

A cop’s lights make me hit the brake
He asks if there’s been some mistake.
“The Oakland exit’s some ways back,
“Are you some kind of drunken flake?”

The roads are public, each bump and crack,
But each cock-eyed dream must have its hack,
I’ve not been stopped because I’m black
I’ve not been stopped because I’m black

Ah, memories:

We support democracy in Pakistan. President Musharraf understands that in the long run, the way to defeat terrorists is to replace an ideology of hatred with an ideology of hope. And I thank you for your extensive briefing today on your plans to spread freedom throughout your country. President Musharraf envisions a modern state that provides an alternative to radicalism.

Like the corners of my mind:

This President is a strong defender of freedom and the people of Pakistan, and I appreciate your leadership.

Misty watercolor memories:

President Musharraf has set out on an important mission. He’s working to build a modern Pakistan that is tolerant and prosperous. Achieving this vision of moderation and progress will require movement toward democracy in Pakistan. The United States currently provides over $31 million for initiatives in Pakistan, aimed at broadening political participation and expanding educational opportunities, especially for women and girls.

Of the way we were:

President Gen. Pervez Musharraf suspended Pakistan’s constitution and deployed troops in the capital Saturday, declaring that rising Islamic extremism had forced him to take emergency measures. He also replaced the nation’s chief justice and blacked out the independent media that refused to support him.

Authorities began rounding up opposition politicians despite calls from the United States and other Western allies not to take authoritarian measures.

It’s hard work.

Incidentally, if Bush started rounding up opposition politicians, you get the feeling that the Democrats would willingly jail themselves.

A surprisingly useful op-ed in the WaPo today from retired JAG Evan Wallach:

The media usually characterize the practice as “simulated drowning.” That’s incorrect. To be effective, waterboarding is usually real drowning that simulates death. That is, the victim experiences the sensations of drowning: struggle, panic, breath-holding, swallowing, vomiting, taking water into the lungs and, eventually, the same feeling of not being able to breathe that one experiences after being punched in the gut. The main difference is that the drowning process is halted. According to those who have studied waterboarding’s effects, it can cause severe psychological trauma, such as panic attacks, for years.

The United States knows quite a bit about waterboarding. The U.S. government — whether acting alone before domestic courts, commissions and courts-martial or as part of the world community — has not only condemned the use of water torture but has severely punished those who applied it.

After World War II, we convicted several Japanese soldiers for waterboarding American and Allied prisoners of war. At the trial of his captors, then-Lt. Chase J. Nielsen, one of the 1942 Army Air Forces officers who flew in the Doolittle Raid and was captured by the Japanese, testified: “I was given several types of torture. . . . I was given what they call the water cure.” He was asked what he felt when the Japanese soldiers poured the water. “Well, I felt more or less like I was drowning,” he replied, “just gasping between life and death.”

Congratulations, America! You’ve now adopted the same set of loathsome interrogation techniques used by Japan in World War II!

This is, incidentally, why opposing the Mukasey nomination is so important. If you can’t say whether simulating death through forced drowning is really “torture,” then you have zero common moral sensibility, and are clearly unfit to hold the office of the highest law enforcement officer in the country. It would have been nice for America’s “opposition” party to set a clear standard stating that anyone who gives weaselly, evasive answers about whether waterboarding constitutes torture will be automatically tossed into the Borkian reject pile. But once again, our brave fightin’ Dems are caving.

I didn’t ever really expect great things from the Democrats, but in my worst nightmares I didn’t expect them to suck this badly. The only thing that’s stopping me from not voting in ’08 is horrifying visions of Preznit Rudy.