Sadly, No!

Sometimes it’s the simple things. Oh, also, yes, I’m back (from a sojourn in Oregon, in a place where they have no Internet to speak of).

If you’re going to somehow convince the guitar store to let you play the $100,000 1939 D’Angelico jazz guitar, obviously the main thing is to get some video of yourself playing a Rudimentary Peni song:

Not to be all Roy Edroso or anything, but the final chord is a tiny and perfect work of art, worth watching on loop (as so many tiny things are, if only there were enough lifetimes to contain them). And actually, I think you can get one of those pre-war D’Angelicos for only $30,000 or so — but I believe this only strengthens my point.*

We’ll be back soon with more!

* All such phrases ©1998-2008, Jonah Goldberg

As we currently live and breathe, John Batchelor, formerly the thinking-man’s right-wing radio howler at New York’s AM 770 (Mark Levin is this ABC flagship affiliate’s Uncle Miltie), is featuring the unicorn-and-rainbow-flavored ‘relationship astronomer,’ Jan Spiller, who is keying us into the star-augured secrets of the Clintons’ marriage.

Coming up in the next segment, and o-ho-ho-we’re-so-not-kidding: an astrological investigation into the hidden private life of Barack and Michelle Obama.

Which marks a foundational effort in, you know, what promises to be a long and varied series of such Obamanations.

…We’ve trademarked that new term, btw. Seems best to get in early, in advance of any blind, frothing, right-wing-foundation-fueled rush that may possibly occur.

* Q.v.

Baron Mordo over at The Darkies Are Coming has made the Pajamas Media front page once again! He’s brought to American eyes the terrible plight of British hateblogger Lionheart, who, according to himself, is facing arrest and imprisonment under the UK’s Racial and Religious Hatred Bill. Let’s let Lion-O himself explain!

I am currently out of the Country and on my return home to England I am going to be arrested by British detectives on suspicion of Stirring up Racial Hatred by displaying written material” contrary to sections 18(1) and 27(3) of the Public Order Act 1986.

ABOVE: Peter Paki steals the kids in Kensington Park

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Wow! Quite a chilling indictment of how so-called ‘hate crimes’ legislation is really designed to limit our freedom, and it’s even worse when you read all the links he provides detailing the specifics. Or at least it would be, if he did bother to include even the slightest bit of evidence that his claim were true. In fact, in the entire article, he doesn’t give us the slightest indication that he’s not making the whole thing up. [Gavin adds: Oh, it might well be true that he’s going to be arrested for suspicion-of, etc. But lest any doubts remain about the seamy alliances kept by these British ‘anti-Jihadi’ types, he’s being represented by this guy.] But hey, who needs facts? They just get in the way of a good yarn about how the dark people are destroying our freedom.

This charge if found guilty carries a lengthy prison sentence, more than what most paedophiles and rapists receive, and all for writing words of truth about the barbarity that is living in the midst of our children, which threatens the very future of our Country.

Actually, it will be Lionheart, not the charge, which will be found guilty if the case comes to trial. While a conviction does indeed carry a maximum term of seven years (or six months on a summary conviction), the maximum sentence has never been given to any of the whopping 44 people convicted under the law in its 21 years of existence. Also, the average time served for rape in the UK is 84.4 months. That, for our math-impaired readers, would be over seven years. Meaning that the maximum prison sentence Lionheart could receive, assuming he’s not making the whole thing up, would be less than what most rapists receive. But again, why let the facts interfere with trying to get people to feel sorry for you?

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s such a shame that EU countries can’t enjoy the same standard of living that we do here in….what’s that?

UK standard of living rises above that in America for the first time in a century

For the first time in more than 100 years, British living standards have risen above those of Americans, a report has declared.

Increasing incomes, longer holidays and “free” healthcare have all contributed to making Britons better off than our friends across the Atlantic, according to the respected Oxford Economics consultancy.

Oh.

Keep telling us how great this economy is doing under Republican administration, guys. And tell us again about how that evil socialized medicine is going to ruin our country.

I’m looking for the joke here, but I’m just not finding teh funny this time. Maybe some of you guys can find it for me.

The Ann Elk version of photo captions, courtesy of TownHall:

The men and woman from hope(ful).

Joe Kennedy, Hugo Chavez and That Free Heating Oil

ABOVE: Mona Charen, wingnut roasting by an open fire

• Poor people should freeze to death rather than buy discounted heating oil from a guy who called the greatest U.S. president ever “the devil.” My house, however, is nice and toasty, thank you very much.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Because, you know, we’re the ones putting up images like this:

And we’re the ones comparing people we disagree with to a bacterial infection:

Above: The Jew liberal will be identified! The same battle which Pasteur and Koch had to fight must be led by us today. Innumerable sicknesses have their origin in one bacillus: the Jew liberal! Japan would also have got it had it been remained open any longer to the Jew liberal. We will get well when we eliminate the Jews liberals.

Which, of course, is not an image with parallels in Nazi terminology at all.

Oh, hey, wait. It’s not us doing that. It’s those charming folks over at Gathering of Eagles!

Gee, I guess it’s not really fascist at all, then. Just a joke, right? And the reason I don’t find it particularly amusing is because liberals have no sense of humor, right?

I’m pretty sure that if I call Jonah Goldberg an ignorant fool, though, that would make me a fascist. But I’m okay with that. Because he really is an ignorant fool.

I can’t resist one more outburst of Schadenfreude over the Huckamentum out of Iowa. Because, you see, not every Republican party pundit is weeping tears of pure bile over the outcome.

Radio preacher James Dobson is all a-chuckle over it.

ABOVE: James Dobson
Liar, Liar . . .

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Just a few months ago, the media were busy writing an obituary for Values Voters. On Thursday night, those voters apparently came back from the dead.

In Iowa’s first-in-the-nation presidential caucuses, former Gov. Mike Huckabee finished first among Republicans, thanks in large part to evangelical voters.

“The results of the Iowa caucuses reveal that conservative Christians remain a powerful force in American politics,” said Dr. James Dobson, founder and chairman of Focus on the Family Action. “That had to be a great shock to those on the far Left! The New York Times wrote a demeaning obituary of Values Voters in an article called The Evangelical Crackup. CNN piled on, proclaiming the demise of the ‘old values,’ referring to traditional marriage and the sanctity of human life. They and other media elites turned out to be dead wrong.

Christian voters came back from the dead? Have fun figuring out what to do with your zombie Christian voting bloc, Republican party!

Even our very own J. Grant Swank is happy about this outcome – I think. With a Swank column, it can be hard to tell sometimes.

HUCKABEE: IT’S NOT JUST EVANGELICALS

Press says evangelicals gave Iowa to Mike Huckabee. No doubt

But it will be more than evangelicals throughout the Republic who must support Huckabee. America is not all-evangelical.

Then how can Huckabee make it to the White House?

He can make it only if moralists of all labels want an ethical base to the country. That includes people who don’t go to church, don’t read the Bible and maybe are not even sure if there is a God.

Right. So if atheists who think America would be better off as a Christian theocracy unite with the evangelical Republican base currently supporting Huckabee, then Huckabee’s a shoo-in for the Presidency. That’s the best news I’ve heard in weeks! Tell me more, Pastor Swank!

There is that public that has a moral underpinning to life that is pro-life, for instance, but for no known theological position except that that public regards killing womb babies as not right for their culture.

One can move to other issues than abortion with that premise.

If there is such a decent public out there, then a Huckabee could go all the way to the Oval Office.

I don’t even think that’s in English, but I’m sure I agree with it!

Go, Huck, Go! Keep inspiring the mentally flatulent end of the Republican party to come out and support you! Pick Chuck Norris as your running mate! Hell, if your campaign manages to give Bill Kristol an aneurysm, I may even have to vote for you myself – I’m in Florida, so I already know my vote doesn’t count.

I didn’t think it was possible, but I find I’m actually looking forward to the next few months of primary season.

Sadly, No! friend and email buddy David “The Lion’s Share” Frum argues — surprise, he’s the guy Frum likes the most — that the big winner of the the Republican Iowa caucuses was Rudy “Neuf Onze” Giuliani:

My man Rudy Giuliani got smoked in the Republican Iowa caucuses: 4% of the vote, nowhere.

Yet as the smoke clears, it’s going to become apparent that Rudy was the night’s big winner. Here’s why.

David has reasons — we’ve got Sadly, Nos:

Huckabee’s strong social conservatism played well in Iowa, where 60% of Republicans say they attend church every week.

Yes, there was a lot of Huckamentum because in Iowa, and really only in Iowa, 60% of Republicans say they attend church every week… Sadly, No!:

62% of Republicans [nationwide] attended church in a typical weekend compared to 47% of Democrats. (2006)

USA Today, which hates freedom and kittens, reports that 54% of conservatives say they attend church once a week.

Gavin adds: Also, unless Our Man Frum is employing the broadest possible roundy-uppy definition of the number 4, he’s inflating Giuliani’s total by 14.3%. (Giuliani actually got 3.5% of the vote.) Of course, nobody can really agree what numbers mean — especially those vague and sneaky small ones.

Now National Review is on the “WTF just happened?” bandwagon, and has highlighted several “expert opinions” on the question of “what Huckabee means for conservatism.” The one thing all the “experts” seem to have in common is the unshakable belief that Huckabee’s win is somehow good for their preferred candidate. I wish there were a catchy, easy-to-remember name for this phenomenon….

Bonus points to Daniel Casse for calling those of us snickering over this “the angry Left.” Why, Mr. Casse, I don’t think we’re angry at all. I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks, in fact.

Gavin adds: I’m still out of town on a fitful dialup connection, but I want to say, comedywise, how much I enjoyed the perfect deadpan routine by NBC’s political director, Chuck Todd, when he explained after the caucuses, on MSNBC, that Obama’s win was a harbinger of harder times for the Obama campaign, Clinton’s third-place finish was a resounding defeat for the Clinton campaign, and Edwards’s slim second-place margin was, in turn, bad for the Edwards campaign.

I didn’t watch all the coverage, so I probably missed a consummate segment where he pronounced a decisive win for Huckabee in tandem with a very strong showing by Romney and burgeoning breakout performances by McCain, Thompson, and Giuliani, the latter of whose strengths, after all, are in their refusal to pander to voters.

As an American television viewer, my prediction at this point is that the Democratic challengers will lose the Democratic primary, with the biggest losses suffered by Clinton, Obama, and Edwards (respectively), not to mention Dodd, that other guy, and Biden, who will have the biggest losses of all, except for Kucinich, who will lose the biggest except for Edwards and several other challengers. Respectively, all of the Republican challengers except Ron Paul will win both primaries, necessitating a runoff of some sort between Romney, Huckabee, McCain, Romney, Giuliani, Romney, Thompson, and Huckabee, with Duncan Hunter and that other guy pulling a strong second, and featuring a surprisingly strong run by Alan Keyes.

The general election will be between Romney and Romney, with Huckabee also strongly in the lead (taking into account a possible third-party spoiler by Ron “Dennis Kucinich” Paul). The challenger will be an eternal and abstract Hitlery KKKlinton, possibly in the physical form of Barack Obama or John Edwards.