Um, say, can someone post something that isn’t 1) football-related, and 2) sucky, like anything that I’d be liable to post this evening?
Uh [ahem], we’ll be right back after these important messages from our sponsors:
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Why, my stars and garters — it’s Jonah again:
Over at Amazon, my book’s page no longer displays its rank in “politics,” but in “parodies.” I’m sure it’s just an honest mistake. If you check the “politics” list, I’m still #2.
Above: “…So the mechanic said, ‘It looks like you blew a seal.’ And the penguin said, ‘Oh, no, it’s just ice cream.'”
Update: Yes, I realize that I’ve been exploring something of a gestural phase lately, trying toward being funny-heh-heh, rather than funny-ha-ha.
I expect to get over it by. . .um, let’s say Wednesday. Or perhaps later tonight. I am currently mysterious just like Samuel Beckett and cannot say for sure.
Above: Bleak. Landscape. (We cannot make teh funny, we will make teh funny.)
Bwahahahahhaha-haha. Hah. Hahahahahahah. Oh my. Gotta catch my breath. Hahahahah. Whew.
I’m sorry — maybe you just have to be an autodidact to appreciate the joke, but… bwahahahahaha-haha-haha…shit! Awesome.
Now, if certain Patriots fans* are true to their established pattern, they will ridicule those who made the correct prediction for yesterday’s game. Hahahahah. Then, after some passage of time, they will adopt all the arguments of those correct prognosticators while still refusing to credit said prognosticators. Bwahahaha. And, eventually (long after it requires any particular insight or indeed common sense to do so), they will write an admittedly humorous graphic novel making fun of the kind of stupid, bangwagon-jumping, rah-rah Patriots fans they used to be. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. IT’S TO FUNNY FOREVER!!!!
And they will hate hate hate those who remind them of the history which has been oh-so-conveniently robots.txted.
I luv teh internets.
*Not Brad
…as bummed as I am about the Pats’ loss, I have to admit that I was starting to get tired of rooting for a team that was intensely despised by all of my friends outside of New England. How do Yankees fans put up with it, like, every year?
Bradrocket adds: Ho hum. Brady will have to content himself with a mere three Super Bowl rings for now. Hey DA, who’s quarterbacking the 49ers, by the way? Oh yeah, Alex Smith.
Super Bowl era. Here are some contenders. You be the judge.
1966 Green Bay Packers
Final Record: 14-2 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 69-37 (two games)
1972 Dolphins
Final Record: 17-0 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 55-38 (three games)
1978 Steelers
Final Record: 17-2 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 102-46 (three games)
1984 49ers
Final Record: 18-1 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 82-26 (three games)
1985 Bears
Final Record: 18-1 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 91-10 (three games)
1989 49ers
Final Record: 17-2 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 126-23 (three games)
1992 Cowboys
Final Record: 16-3 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 116-47 (three games)
1994 49ers
Final Record: 16-3 (won Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 131-69 (three games)
2007 Patriots
Final Record: 18-1 (lost Super Bowl)
Playoff Scores: 66-49 (three games)
Couple hours to kickoff. Predict the final score in comments.
Me: Patriots 59, Giants 10.
It seems this week’s rumors that the writers’ strike is coming to an end may indeed be true. We are hearing from several sources that the WGA and the AMPTP are “very close” to a deal, which could be announced as early as later today.
According to reliable insiders who asked not to be named, the writers and producers were in talks for nine hours yesterday and made a “staggering amount of progress,” as all of the major sticking points have been settled.
“We are 99.9 percent of the way there,” one source inside the negotiations said. “As of late yesterday, just a few small issues remained.”
The stickiest issue of all, compensation for new-media projects, has been agreed upon by both sides, according to sources. Said one: “There is most certainly light at the end of the tunnel, and we are rapidly approaching it.”
Go writers. And please, as soon as that shiny new contract is finalized, write the rest of Lost and Battlestar Galactica for this season. That is all.
This 2004 “observation” by Tony Blankey was pretty nasty:
…he was a Jew who figured out a way to survive the Holocaust.
Along similar lines, Lee Culpepper at America’s Shittiest Website™ on the Republicans’ very own John McCain:
None of us know for sure what McCain experienced during his time as a POW. All we know is that he survived and came home while many other POWs did not. What was it about McCain that was different? Was it family heritage or was it his proclivity for compromising to get what he wants?
We don’t much care for McCain, but holy crap. Why not just call him The Manchurian Candidate and be done with it? Reached the bottom of the barrel yet?
Is it any wonder McCain is a poster child for Democrats and EDS [Erectile Dysfunction Syndrome]? Apparently, he has always needed a little artificial help to get the job done.
Let’s keep digging, ok?
He talks tough to compensate for his raspy little voice. But his tough “hawk” image mainly covers up his waning male virility.
So there’s a reason they call it America’s Shittiest Website™. Like Football in the groin, McCain winning his party’s nomination would be funny on so many levels.
And the Pantload is our Buffy:
Similarly, now that I drive a stake through the heart of what Tom Wolfe calls the greatest hoax of modern history, [Timothy Noah] gripes “we knew that already.” Sorry, not buying it.
Next up: ‘How Fascist Liberals’ Opposition to a Silver Standard Proves They Are Werewolves’
Sometimes a first sentence can be both preposterous and sublime as is, for example, the first sentence of Rose Macauley’s The Towers of Trebizond:
“Take my camel, dear,” said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass.
And then there’s this:
As I said to Michael Medved on a radio show today, the issue — with some exceptions — is issues.
That would be the first sentence of a blog post by the editor — the editor, I tell you — of National Review Online, Kathryn Jean Lopez.
The rest of K-Lo’s post is even worse:
This is primary season, and this is the time to debate record and temperament. I think I agree with Jonah that some perspective is in order — but what does conservative mean? What is a conservative candidate? Do we have one? Etc. Are debates to have now, before it’s too late. Which is my dear friend Mark’s bottom line, I think.
Even by K-Lo’s woefully low standards, this is quite an achievement in bad grammar, appalling syntax and blithering incoherence. (And If the primary season is the time to debate record and temperament, what is the general election season? The time to debate boxers versus briefs, Fritos versus Cheetos?)
My guess is that K-Lo is suffering a meltdown over the downward trajectory of the campaign of her beloved Mittens Romney and that this blog post was written after a tearful marathon session watching The Hallmark Channel in her jammies while tossing down Bailey’s Mud Slides.
